new year new start
so while i was on myspace i saw sumthin on carlys bout her lj. it really got me thinkin n i like to write my thoughts to help me feel better n rite now would be a good time to. im in michigan with nick visitin his mom n his 2 bros. i was havin a good weekend til jus a lil bit ago. nick told me that i was lame or sumthin to that effect b4 i met him. tellin me that my friends were gay n he didn't like em. well he only met a few n he only really likes two of them. jeni n brandon. i jus hate how he puts me down sumtimes. i kno his family has more money than mine n sumtimes he likes to throw it in my face. weather he likes to admit it or not he does it. he doesn't jus come out n say it but he jus acts like hes better. he has yet to tell like ne of his family that im pregnant w/his baby and that bothers me. yes im scared of what they'll think but he keeps puttin it off. yesterday his mom said she doesn't wana b a gma. so i dont want him to tell her while we're here b/c ill feel uncomphy. my whole family knows. they're all ok w/it n i was more worried about tellin my family b/c im a girl. my moms always told me not to get pregnant n stuff n i duno i guess either way if me n nick stay together or not im stuck w/this baby. i neva wanted a child. i didn't wana have ne kids. now that im pregnant im kinda excited. i think nick will b a great dad. i really think that we could share the rest of our lives together. but sum things he does jus bothers me soo much. i feel like shit rite now n i jus wana cry but i can't. if i do he'll think somethings wrong n he'll wana talk bout it n even if i tell him wuts wrong he'll prolly jus laugh in my face. sometimes hes so caring n yet other times he can b an ass. i duno how to talk to him sometimes tho b/c he jus kinda ignores wut i have to say n kinda makes me feel worse. like wen i asked him not to talk to rachele b/c i dont like her n she tried to break us up once but he still thinks its ok to talk to her b/c they r jus friends. yet they talked the one nite for an hr n he was pissed wen i left the house w/out tellin him or askin him if he wanted ne thing to eat. he knows i dont like her n dont want him talkin to her yet he still does it jus to piss me off. then he has the nerve to leave her a comment on a pic tellin her that shes beautiful n she should call him b/c he misses her. that really bothered me but i cant talk to him about it b/c he doesn't care wut i have to say about her. yet if i talk to another guy he gets mad. he doesn't like wen i talked to kris. i duno wut his prob w/kris is. i duno if its the fact that kris fucked more girls than him or b/c he fucked danielle his ex or wtf ever but it jus pisses me off that i gave up everything for him n im jus askin him to get rid of one thing n he can't do it. then since im pregnant he says hes gona stop smokin n stop drinkin as much. yet hes drank like every opportunity hes gotten. today his mom had to get him a bottle to get his hair cut. hes been drinkin all day n he drank last nite. it really bothers me that he can't stop drinkin. its like a big problem n i dont want him to become an alcoholic. plus hes smoked a couple times. altho he didn't last nite n i was proud of him for that but he wanted to n the only reason that he didn't was b/c he asked me n i said do w/e u wana do real snotty. he says hes gona do these things yet he cant stop. well hees prolly gona get mad b/c im not talkin to him n playin on the computer so i suppose i should get off of here. til next time...