I wan't my life back. I want to be fixed.
YOU GOT MY ATTENTION, GOD!!
now why does it keep all crashing down?! i don't understand! i feel so broken.. i miss my dad so much and all i want to do is tell him that i'm sorry that i ever doubted loving him, but i'n not even aloud to contact him and i feel so... useless. i can't stop thinking about it. and my grades are reflecting that.. i have a D in calculus. a D. i've never gotten anything below a B.. i feel so dumb. and then i took the wrong medication today and almost passed out. that helped a lot. oh yeah, did i mention that i have to get surgery because of this gay tumorous thing in my jaw?! probly not. or that i also need to get a second surgery on my gum because of a root of a tooth that my dentist mistreated? and on top of everything, the amount of sleep i am getting is decreasing every day. yeah, lets not forget the car "accident" i got into in which my whole bumper tore off because i was tired and hadn't slept in 48 hours. and on top of everything, now the one person that i feel like has been there since day 1 and has been one of the few things not to fall down when everything else is- has her feelings hurt because of my actions. and i can't even seem to see where i went wrong. i love her so much.. i can't let how screwed up my life is right now get in the way of us.. but it all just hurts so bad.. and i just don't want to hurt anymore.
yeah, i did just LJ vent. & somehow.. it didn't help as much as it usually does.
now why does it keep all crashing down?! i don't understand! i feel so broken.. i miss my dad so much and all i want to do is tell him that i'm sorry that i ever doubted loving him, but i'n not even aloud to contact him and i feel so... useless. i can't stop thinking about it. and my grades are reflecting that.. i have a D in calculus. a D. i've never gotten anything below a B.. i feel so dumb. and then i took the wrong medication today and almost passed out. that helped a lot. oh yeah, did i mention that i have to get surgery because of this gay tumorous thing in my jaw?! probly not. or that i also need to get a second surgery on my gum because of a root of a tooth that my dentist mistreated? and on top of everything, the amount of sleep i am getting is decreasing every day. yeah, lets not forget the car "accident" i got into in which my whole bumper tore off because i was tired and hadn't slept in 48 hours. and on top of everything, now the one person that i feel like has been there since day 1 and has been one of the few things not to fall down when everything else is- has her feelings hurt because of my actions. and i can't even seem to see where i went wrong. i love her so much.. i can't let how screwed up my life is right now get in the way of us.. but it all just hurts so bad.. and i just don't want to hurt anymore.
yeah, i did just LJ vent. & somehow.. it didn't help as much as it usually does.