(Untitled)

[lutz49er]

I am a selfish, unmotivated, arrogant person. I have given myself chances to correct these things. But i never follow through.motivation. I cant even motivate myself to get to the Air force in a decent time. I fucked school up and i just partied and hung out with friends.arrogance. I have consistently lied to my parents about my grades in school

Comments

[beatriz_bauer]

I am just as hard on myself. Motivation is one of my biggest issues. There are so many things I could be doing that would make my life much better, yet for whatever dumb reason, I usually choose not to do them, and a lot of times I just really hate myself for it. I feel like an undisciplined loser, and I also totally understand the negative thoughts and feeling like a lost cause. I don't have any advice for you, but people's advice never seems to make a difference anyway right?

a question: what is selfish about writing this entry?

[1day1llfliaway]

Yeah I have the same issues of beating myself up. But you can always change. And I'd hate to see you going into the air force for the wrong reasons... there are other things you can do to change. and I don't think that people's advice never seems to make a difference. but yes, the changes do have to come from you, not other people.

fawk. let's talk about this. gotta let it out

[lutz49er]

im afraid my trips to livermore will be severely limited. Oh and on another note this is basically what my dad said to me.

[1day1llfliaway]

that blows :c how does your dad feel about you going into the air force? It's not too late for you to earn their trust once again. Don't worry. And I really want to come up there soon and visit you.

[ladyofthefae]

You're 20 years old and healthy, there's plenty of time to fix everything. Sounds to me like you need a break from being at home. Why not move out, get a job even if it's a dull one, and live on your own for a bit? Or take a roadtrip visiting friends? You'd be welcome to visit me in Sacramento and I bet Gregory and others would jump at the chance to see you. Sometimes the best way to get out of a rut is to make plans. This airforce one may be a great opportunity to find yourself and grow. Focus on it and make it happen.

I'm happy to see from your more recent entry that you're running and focusing... keep it up! At the end of the day you're a good person Luke, so give yourself a break.

[lutz49er]

Thanks for the positive input Nicola. I have been planning on getting some job applications for target, safeway, and other coffee shops(Peets, Starbucks) in Livermore and hopefully share an apartment or a small house in town. Atleast until I get into the service. Make some extra cash as well.