*is chewing keyboard*
So… I went to see Wanted yesterday. It has a lot in common with Fight Club. Pathetic antagonist escapes his boring cubical-working life with the aid of much violence. The main difference between the two films is that one is a huge stinking pile of turds and the other is Fight Club.
I’d say it’s main mistake is that it can’t tell the difference between the workaday Joe who’s being slapped down by the man and whom all the audience will want to see succeed, and the whiney bitch who complains because he’s not made any effort to pull himself out of the rut he’s living in. Your boss is a fascist who gives you panic attacks? Then get a new job you tosser! Don’t just sit there complaining because the world hasn’t been handed to you on a silver platter (yet).
And then we’re supposed to be happy that he turns out to be omgspeshul! It wouldn’t be so bad, if we weren’t so obviously supposed to watch this film and think ‘Oh noes! I’m pathetic! I’ve been wasting my life! I should try to be as cool as Mark Millar Gary-Sue…’ In fact, he even addresses the audience, calling our lives pathetic and asking what we’ve done lately. Well I haven’t killed a whole load of possibly blameless people because a piece of material told me to, if that’s what you’re asking.
We’re supposed to think he’s really pathetic at the beginning of the film and strive to achieve the heights of coolness he’s climbing to at the end. But I’m inclined to think that he’s actually rather more pathetic once he’s been essentially tortured, killed his own father because he’s a gullible sap and then lost all of his shiny new killer friends.
My favourite part of this film was when Marc Warren was punching James MacAvoy repeatedly in the head. Seriously, that’s how bad this film is. It made me hate Mr. Tumnas. Actually, that brings up my one reason I’m glad I went to see this film. Look guys! Marc Warren is in ur holywud beetin up ur starz. PICTURE! Also, Konstantin Khabensky from Nightwatch is in it, which is kind of awesome. Give these guys their own film! I lie, that wasn’t my one reason. Morgan Freeman is brilliant, as always.
Phew, I feel better now I’ve got all that off my chest. I shall think of films I like less than Wanted. Aeon Flux, The Da Vinci Code, Disturbia, X-Men 3… I honestly can’t think of any more. That means the films that I prefer to Wanted include such dross as Van Helsing (which makes me want to hurt something every time I see it), Doom and Hitman. Hitman is better than this, for Christ’s sake! Surely the universe should now explode!
Anyhoo, have Wanted in 15 Minutes. If only they'd cut the actual film to that length.
And now, to make me feel better about the world, a loving parody of a film that I actually enjoyed. Prince Caspian (the dreamy).