Admission
It's been nearly a month since I posted anything here, which blows my 'once a week' schedule out of the water. I guess I should talk about why.
I am severely depressed. I have been for a long time. This bout seems to have started three months or so ago, when all this junk at work started to kick off, but if I am being honest with myself, I've been in and out of depression since I was six or seven. If the stress from work wasn't enough to set it off, there were a number of things on my trip to America that were less than ideal for someone trying to relax (unexpected bills, family illness, housing problems). The big clue was finding out that Hurricane Joaquin might disrupt my flight coming back; hurricanes in your flight path should inspire some sort of concern, or some sort of feeling whatsoever, but instead there was just a kind of empty realisation that I *should* be feeling something and I wasn't. Now I'm back I'm facing all the same problems that I left behind and nothing has changed. And I need something to change, because I'm running out of resources to be able to cope with the things that keep getting thrown at me.
Since being back, I've been all over the place. I thought the first week of tiredness was the jet lag. When I slept eleven hours on Saturday night and then four-and-a-half on Sunday night, that was more worrying. When I've had a full week of sleeping decent hours at night but waking up still feeling exhausted as though I hadn't slept at all, that means something's wrong. When I nearly quit and walk out because I've felt miserable for weeks and the boss wants to pile more responsibilities onto me and I can't think of anything but lying down and turning myself off for an indeterminate length of time, then it's time to seek help.
Today I spoke with my GP, and he put me on a course of Sertraline (if you're reading this in America, the brand name there is Zoloft). I have a number to phone to make an appointment with a psychologist, which I'll ring Monday morning.
I need something to change. Soon.
D.F.
I am severely depressed. I have been for a long time. This bout seems to have started three months or so ago, when all this junk at work started to kick off, but if I am being honest with myself, I've been in and out of depression since I was six or seven. If the stress from work wasn't enough to set it off, there were a number of things on my trip to America that were less than ideal for someone trying to relax (unexpected bills, family illness, housing problems). The big clue was finding out that Hurricane Joaquin might disrupt my flight coming back; hurricanes in your flight path should inspire some sort of concern, or some sort of feeling whatsoever, but instead there was just a kind of empty realisation that I *should* be feeling something and I wasn't. Now I'm back I'm facing all the same problems that I left behind and nothing has changed. And I need something to change, because I'm running out of resources to be able to cope with the things that keep getting thrown at me.
Since being back, I've been all over the place. I thought the first week of tiredness was the jet lag. When I slept eleven hours on Saturday night and then four-and-a-half on Sunday night, that was more worrying. When I've had a full week of sleeping decent hours at night but waking up still feeling exhausted as though I hadn't slept at all, that means something's wrong. When I nearly quit and walk out because I've felt miserable for weeks and the boss wants to pile more responsibilities onto me and I can't think of anything but lying down and turning myself off for an indeterminate length of time, then it's time to seek help.
Today I spoke with my GP, and he put me on a course of Sertraline (if you're reading this in America, the brand name there is Zoloft). I have a number to phone to make an appointment with a psychologist, which I'll ring Monday morning.
I need something to change. Soon.
D.F.