(no subject)

[luolian]

Today I collapsed on the couch the second I got home from studio and just laid there in almost-sleep land in total bliss. The room was so warm, I didn't have to be doing anything in particular and I was so tired for some reason. It's always the best when your body doesn't want to get up and you don't have to fight it like normal. I just laid there and chewed on the newest juicy scene in one of my current daydreams of choice (you know, the ones that last for years and years, morphing with time?) and it was perfect. By the time I woke up the sun had set and I was afraid I had been out for hours, but no, it was only 40 minutes later. I'm not sure if I even really fell asleep or not, but I don't care. It was like that huge harvest moon that watched me drive home today had tucked me in and kissed me on the forehead and that made me feel safe and warm and... not upset.

Hang in there for the end, guys. I have two really scary things to deal with tomorrow and I'm not looking forward to them. I think it will be a-ok; that's the likely outcome... but still. I hatehatehate having to face this kind of thing. My face get flushed and I just want so much to run away from it and even though it's never as bad as I imagine I always experience severe anxiety. But, yeah right, like I'm going to be a baby about it. I just have to get it over with.

I really, really shouldn't stay up until one tonight. Please, self, how about something reasonable like 11?