Boring Day
So today was a pretty non-productive day. I can't wait to have a better job sometime soon. Better pay and hours and I'll be so busy doing things that I won't have to be bored all the time.
But for now I'm still totally stoked on going to see Kyle. I just hope we'll have a good time since it'll be the first time we've ACTUALLY every hung out. Hope it won't be awkward or weird. I'm just glad that he'll be taking care of me the entire time I'm up there. What a gentleman. =]
Besides the fact that I'm about to be with someone that cares about me tremendously, I can't get a grip about Zack. I want to pick up the phone and call him and tell him how much I miss him, but I just can't let myself hurt myself like that. I CAN'T. It's eating me up inside. I hate all this... I just don't understand why he left me. I still ask myself every night why. Why would he ever think that he could never possibly be enough for me when he's helped me want to do so much more with my life????
I don't want him to haunt me anymore. I want to put him out of head as easily as putting out a cigarette. I wish I could get his image out of my dreams. That's a major problem because I can't even escape my reality when I go to bed every night. He's there. I try so hard not to cry. I don't cry because I was rejected or that he broke up with me. It's the simple fact that I'm terrified that I'll never ever find someone as incredible as he. I'm so scared that that was it.
Maybe I just need a break from the social highlight for awhile. Get off the computer for a few days and turn my cell off until 9 at night so at least Kyle can get in touch with me. Maybe it's for the best since every time I get on Myspace or on AIM it's so easy to see him. I just want this pain, anger, sadness, and hopelessness to exit my life. I don't want it anymore.
I'm sort of glad no one reads my live journal. They'd either think I was an emo idiotic girl that needs to get a life and get on with it or just an emotional train wreck that's looking for attention. Think what you want if you read this. I really could care less. This is my way of getting out my aggression towards my life when it's not as peachy as it can be.
Well, I'm going to try to get some more thoughts out on paper with oil pastels.
Type more sometime.
Laura
But for now I'm still totally stoked on going to see Kyle. I just hope we'll have a good time since it'll be the first time we've ACTUALLY every hung out. Hope it won't be awkward or weird. I'm just glad that he'll be taking care of me the entire time I'm up there. What a gentleman. =]
Besides the fact that I'm about to be with someone that cares about me tremendously, I can't get a grip about Zack. I want to pick up the phone and call him and tell him how much I miss him, but I just can't let myself hurt myself like that. I CAN'T. It's eating me up inside. I hate all this... I just don't understand why he left me. I still ask myself every night why. Why would he ever think that he could never possibly be enough for me when he's helped me want to do so much more with my life????
I don't want him to haunt me anymore. I want to put him out of head as easily as putting out a cigarette. I wish I could get his image out of my dreams. That's a major problem because I can't even escape my reality when I go to bed every night. He's there. I try so hard not to cry. I don't cry because I was rejected or that he broke up with me. It's the simple fact that I'm terrified that I'll never ever find someone as incredible as he. I'm so scared that that was it.
Maybe I just need a break from the social highlight for awhile. Get off the computer for a few days and turn my cell off until 9 at night so at least Kyle can get in touch with me. Maybe it's for the best since every time I get on Myspace or on AIM it's so easy to see him. I just want this pain, anger, sadness, and hopelessness to exit my life. I don't want it anymore.
I'm sort of glad no one reads my live journal. They'd either think I was an emo idiotic girl that needs to get a life and get on with it or just an emotional train wreck that's looking for attention. Think what you want if you read this. I really could care less. This is my way of getting out my aggression towards my life when it's not as peachy as it can be.
Well, I'm going to try to get some more thoughts out on paper with oil pastels.
Type more sometime.
Laura