(no subject)
Feeling absolute crap since doing the workshop on Saturday. I was so disappointed. It felt like such a waste of my time and money. I didn't pay $200 to sit there and watch her paint all day, I paid that money to learn. I didn't learn anything from her. Picked up some little tips n hints that I will use like adding glitter to the cats muzzle and lightening under the eyes in cat designs and a couple other things, but ultimately I didn't learn anything. I had a beautiful rose design painted on me and no idea how to paint the rose. She showed us stuff but she didn't teach us stuff. Sitting there like that all day ended up giving me this massive migraine that I came home with, almost fell asleep while hubby was putting Bee to sleep so had an early night. Woke up constantly through the night cause the migraine just wasn't shifting, in fact it got progressively worse. So when I got up at 5am to readjust Bee in his cot like I do every single fucking morning at 5am I had some more mircyndol even though I thought it might make me way too drowsy in the morning to be driving... but it didn't work :/ When Bee started his usual bitching at 6am like he does every single fucking morning at 6am, my head was splitting open at the seams and I was wondering how the fuck I was ever going to do a 5 hour face painting gig starting in a few hours :( Especially after Bee got left in the bed beside me and kept moving and chattering and whinging and crying which constantly kept waking me up from what might have been some healing sleep. So boy I was in a foul mood when I finally gave up at five past seven and got up.
Then all day people just pissing me off with their expectations and complaints and whatever, even the multitude of compliments and awe over how great I am at face painting didn't really make me feel any better. Thankfully the mircyndol began to kick in about half an hour after I started painting, or perhaps I was distracted enough that I forgot about it cause it did start to pound a little again once I was in the car.
I just can't seem to get it out of my head how much of a waste Saturday was. So angry about it. So angry that even though tomorrow it's a different person teaching me I just don't want to go :/ I know she will be so much better than Saturday's teacher but still the energy is just one of stubborn lack of desire. What makes it worse is I can't bitch about this to anyone without fear of offending people in my industry. This person is beloved of many and her skill highly sought after... I feel like I'm the only one who was dissatisfied. I guess I'll get some feedback from others a little further down the track, see what they thought. Maybe it is just me, I often wonder if it's just me with a lot of things.
Anyway it's just put me in some kind of funk. Everything everyone is saying is annoying me or giving me this feeling of doom. Doesn't help that the model I lined up for Wednesday isn't responding to me so I'm feeling pissed about that cause I could end up with no model on Wednesday :/ and Wednesday is the day I'm most looking forward to cause it's body painting!
Yeah I can't seem to put my finger on it but definitely have this pervading sense of dissatisfaction lingering around me that I just can't budge and it's driving me crazy. It's right there in the pit of my stomach making me ache on a non-physical level. I feel like I'm on a hair trigger and that I'm set to just explode at a moments notice. I worry that means I'm going to lose control and just scream or hit or do something else really horrible that I will feel bad and guilty about afterwards.
Everything feels like it's just piling up on top of me, one thing after another, things I can't even see seem to be piling up and I feel like I'm suffocating under it all. I really hope I can shift this tomorrow. I want it gone!
Then all day people just pissing me off with their expectations and complaints and whatever, even the multitude of compliments and awe over how great I am at face painting didn't really make me feel any better. Thankfully the mircyndol began to kick in about half an hour after I started painting, or perhaps I was distracted enough that I forgot about it cause it did start to pound a little again once I was in the car.
I just can't seem to get it out of my head how much of a waste Saturday was. So angry about it. So angry that even though tomorrow it's a different person teaching me I just don't want to go :/ I know she will be so much better than Saturday's teacher but still the energy is just one of stubborn lack of desire. What makes it worse is I can't bitch about this to anyone without fear of offending people in my industry. This person is beloved of many and her skill highly sought after... I feel like I'm the only one who was dissatisfied. I guess I'll get some feedback from others a little further down the track, see what they thought. Maybe it is just me, I often wonder if it's just me with a lot of things.
Anyway it's just put me in some kind of funk. Everything everyone is saying is annoying me or giving me this feeling of doom. Doesn't help that the model I lined up for Wednesday isn't responding to me so I'm feeling pissed about that cause I could end up with no model on Wednesday :/ and Wednesday is the day I'm most looking forward to cause it's body painting!
Yeah I can't seem to put my finger on it but definitely have this pervading sense of dissatisfaction lingering around me that I just can't budge and it's driving me crazy. It's right there in the pit of my stomach making me ache on a non-physical level. I feel like I'm on a hair trigger and that I'm set to just explode at a moments notice. I worry that means I'm going to lose control and just scream or hit or do something else really horrible that I will feel bad and guilty about afterwards.
Everything feels like it's just piling up on top of me, one thing after another, things I can't even see seem to be piling up and I feel like I'm suffocating under it all. I really hope I can shift this tomorrow. I want it gone!