Freakin' Yuck
So for the past 2 days I have been intolerably unable to get out of my bed, let alone be happy, or do anything productive. Thank god for sick days because I don't know what I'd do. I hurt my back and back of my legs terribly when I last weeded for over 3 hours on Sunday. I hobbled into work and "ouched" my way through the day Monday. Then went out shopping - specifically for upcoming wedding - and then well..two days of crap. I get these kinds of days. Very infrequently, but I hate it when I just want to lock myself up and throw away the key. I think someone is trying to tell me to take a vacation. I just don't like to spend the days when I don't go anywhere or do much...but right now sitting around in my PJs and watching crazy movies or TV shows..or going out for hikes in the middle of nowhere..sounds pretty good right about now. I'm my hardest critic. I hate myself when my body demands "me" time and I'm not really ready for it. I think this is a way my body heals before I could potentially "burn out." I have LOVED doing next to nothing. True I went out grocery shopping looking like something my cat vomited up in the afternoon yesterday and then felt awful for others having to look at me..let along be near me. But I got enough stuff to make delicious veggie pot stew thingy that was just amazing.
And today I had to go to the lady doctor. Always a pleasure. Always a curse. And damn if they don't always ask me the same question and I NEVER know the answer and I suppose that makes me a horrible woman. Screw it..maybe I am.
I'm going to go to work tomorrow. More so because I think my brain needs it more than I want to think it does. Sometimes I wonder if therapy would help, but I know what he/she'll say and that is I need time off..because of what I do and because of the intensity of what I do.
Generally speaking I'm pretty darn happy. Days like these worry me that I'm slipping into some kind of depression, but I think I just need days when I'm not happy..when I don't have to bare a smile for everyone..when I can just unwind and have a few unhealthy thoughts just for me. Just for my sanity.
Take that Freud!
And today I had to go to the lady doctor. Always a pleasure. Always a curse. And damn if they don't always ask me the same question and I NEVER know the answer and I suppose that makes me a horrible woman. Screw it..maybe I am.
I'm going to go to work tomorrow. More so because I think my brain needs it more than I want to think it does. Sometimes I wonder if therapy would help, but I know what he/she'll say and that is I need time off..because of what I do and because of the intensity of what I do.
Generally speaking I'm pretty darn happy. Days like these worry me that I'm slipping into some kind of depression, but I think I just need days when I'm not happy..when I don't have to bare a smile for everyone..when I can just unwind and have a few unhealthy thoughts just for me. Just for my sanity.
Take that Freud!