Bleed, Chapter 5
Something is very wrong with Yamato, and Taichi's determined to get to the bottom of it. But is the cost of friendship worth it? Taito.
Digimon - R - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 8 - Words: 37396 - Reviews: 33 - Updated: 4-16-04 - Published: 1-11-04
chapter four
Disclaimer: Oh come on, do I really have to say it? Okay.. *big sigh* Digimon is not mine. You’d think we’d have all gotten that by now..
Author’s Notes: I’m on a roll! Whee! Once again, angst galore! Enjoy!
Bleed
by: butterflie, formerly known as Crimson Goddess
Chapter 5:Need
When I woke, I was in the Yagami’s apartment, lying in Taichi’s bed. Taichi was sitting on a chair next to me, holding my hand and looking quite relieved to see me blink open my eyes.
“There you are,” he said. “I was beginning to think you’d sleep all night.”
I smiled softly. “Thanks. I didn’t mean to worry you.”
He returned the smile. “It’s okay,” he reassured me. “You’re forgiven.”
There was a knock at the door. “Taichi?”
“Come in, okaasan! Yamato’s awake!”
“Did she... see me...” like that, my mind wanted to finish.
He nodded quietly as his mother entered. I closed my eyes, the embarrassment momentarily overriding the fear that I was finally found out.
“Hello Yamato,” she greeted me gently. “Good to see you back among the land of the living.”
“Sorry to be such a bother,” I murmured.
“Oh, it’s no bother. Just glad you’re safe.”
I acknowledged that, then looked at Taichi. “My uncle... I don’t have to go back tonight, do I?” I could make up an excuse for him later. I’d pay for it dearly, but I was hurting way too much to handle another night of his ‘fun.’
Taichi shook his head, wiping away a few tears gathering in his eyes. “No, you don’t have to go back tonight,” he said huskily. “You can stay here. It will be okay.”
“Is there some way to reach your father, Yamato?” Mrs. Yagami asked.
“What?” I gave her a panicked look. “You can’t call him!”
“I think he needs to know,” she said firmly. “Whatever was going on needs to stop, and your father needs to know.”
“No, I’ll be okay, really. I only have a little over a week... You can’t tell him.”
“Yamato, I know that if it were Taichi in your place, as a parent, I’d want to know. I’m sure your father doesn’t want you getting hurt. Why don’t you want to tell him?”
“Because of Takeru,” I sniffed.
“Oh God,” Taichi moaned. “I was right...”
I looked at him. “What do you mean?”
“I... I was talking with Koushiro earlier today. I told him I thought maybe your uncle was hitting you, that that was why you had the bruise, and why you were limping... We figured the only reason you said you couldn’t tell was because he was threatening you with Takeru in some way.”
“He said he’d kill Takeru if I told,” I whispered. “I wanted to tell you so bad, Taichi, but I was so afraid for Takeru... I still am. He can’t find out you know. I’ll just have to go back tomorrow and make some excuse.”
“Regardless, your father still needs to be called,” Mrs. Yagami said to me. She was so persistent. “If you don’t want to do anything about your uncle, your father can always tell him he just got back early. Your uncle never has to know you told. Now, what’s the number?”
Resigned, I rattled off the number my father had given me and told me to use only in the case of extreme emergencies. But if this didn’t constitute as an emergency, I don’t know what did.
Mrs. Yagami thanked me, then went out to the phone in the hall and dialed the number. After some minutes, she began talking, and I could hear her explaining to my father the little she knew.
Taichi leaned down and kissed my forehead softly, smoothing back my hair. “Everything will work out okay, don’t worry. I love you, Yamato.”
I smiled at hearing that. We hadn’t really had a chance to talk more about that, but I suppose now there wasn’t really a need to. We both knew how we felt. “I love you too, Taichi,” I said softly. “I’m just so scared... I don’t want anything to happen to Takeru...”
Mrs. Yagami came back into the room, holding the phone in her hand. “Your father wants to talk to you,” she said gently, carefully helping me sit up and handing me the phone. She motioned for Taichi to leave the room, and he did so reluctantly. They shut the door, giving me privacy, for which I was thankful.
“Otousan?” I asked shakily into the phone. He knew now... there was no turning back. No matter what, there was nothing I could do to change the fact that he knew.
“Yamato?” he said. I could tell from the sound of his voice he’d been crying. “Yamato. are you alright?”
“No,” I sniffed, starting to cry again. I’d been doing that a lot lately. “It hurts ‘tousan...”
“I’m sorry,” he choked. “I’m so sorry. If I had known, I wouldn’t have left you with him. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“He said... said he’d kill Takeru...”
I heard his sharp intake of breath. Apparently Mrs. Yagami hadn’t told him that little bit. “I’m sorry, Otousan. Come home, please...”
“I will. I can be home Friday morning. I wish I could get there earlier... but the planes don’t fly here on Thursdays...”
“I don’t care. Just come home. It hurts so much... He hurt me a lot, Otousan.”
“I’m so sorry,” he murmured. “We’ll talk about this when I get there, okay?”
I nodded, even though I knew he couldn’t see me. “Okay. I’m sorry I didn’t say...”
“It’s alright. What’s done is done,” he sounded a bit calmer now, “we’ll figure everything out Friday. Just stay at Taichi’s until I get there Friday.”
“I can’t...” I said. “He’ll suspect something. I have to go back tomorrow...”
“Jesus,” he whispered. “Be careful then. I love you Yamato.”
“Love you too Otousan,” I managed to get out, surprised. I couldn’t recall the last time dad had said that to me. I was real little, I knew.
“I need to talk to Mrs. Yagami some more, will you give her the phone?”
“‘k. Taichi!” I called.
He appeared almost right away. I handed him the phone. “Give this to your mother. ‘tousan wants to talk to her again.”
He disappeared and came back a few moments later, sans phone. He sat down on the bed next to me. “Are you alright?” he asked. “With your dad knowing, I mean?”
I studied the blanket, curling my fingers tightly around it. “I don’t know... on one hand, I’m relieved I don’t have to keep it secret anymore, but on the other hand, I’m afraid Oji will find out I told on him..” I laughed bitterly. “Mou! I make it sound like I’m tattling.”
He laughed with me. “Well I suppose you are in a way.”
He grew quiet; for awhile neither of us spoke. The only sounds to be heard were his mother on the phone in the hallway, and somewhere in the apartment his dad was laughing, presumably at some television show. That made me think.
“Does your dad know?”
“No. He knows you’re here, and that something’s wrong, but he doesn’t know what.”
“Oh.”
Silence again.
Then Taichi spoke, sounded uncertain. “Today... what your uncle did... was that a first time thing?”
I sighed, I knew it would have come sooner or later. All the questions. “Yes and no.”
“I don’t get it.”
“It was the first time... it ever hurt so much... the first time he was intetntionally hurting me. He said, well, he said that what he was doing today was rape, and what he’d done before was just non-consensual sex.”
“Why? Why did he do that today?”
I looked away. “I sort of.. provoked him accidentally. Said something about him always hitting me and raping me... He lost it, said he’d ‘show me what rape really is’... it hurt a lot. I could barely breathe. That’s why I sounded so funny when I called.”
“Why did you call?”
I looked him straight in the eye. “Because I was thinking about what you said, that night in the park, and I knew how much I really needed you. I was sick of keeping the secret. I didn’t really stop to think about it, I just picked up the phone and did it. Called you.”
“I’m glad you did,” he replied. “So then, all those bruises on your body, he did that?”
A nod. “Yeah. When he didn’t like what I was saying, or when he got mad, or if I tried to avoid him at night when he came into my room... he’d hit me. I was limping because yesterday he kicked me around a lot.”
“And... the first time? That week you stayed there before? He hurt you then too?”
“The third night I was there, he came into my room and used me... he did it every night until I went back home. I felt so dirty, so impure after it happened... I stayed home because I didn’t want to taint anyone at school. But it just didn’t go away... The feeling’s still there, actually,” I said, rubbing at my skin.
Taichi watched me, seemingly impassionately. “I’m sorry,” he said at last.
“Are you... mad at me?”
“Mad at you?” Taichi’s eyebrows knitted in confusion. “Why should I be mad at you?”
“Don’ know...” I said vaguely. “For... for... I don’t know... not sayin’ an’ stuff...”
“Of course not! I’m just glad I finally know. Maybe now I can help you...”
“I don’t know if I can be helped,” I sniffed. “I’ve been ruined... broken... tainted. I’m full of sin now. In fact, I don’t even know why you’d want to be with me...” I said in despair. But really, I was “damaged goods” now. Why would Taichi want someone like me when he could have someone who was still innocent, still pure?
“Don’t even start that crap, Yamato,” he said, sounding slightly angry. “I don’t care if you’re “ruined” or not. I love you, and want to spend the rest of my life with you, and that’s enough for me. Okay?”
“Okay...”
He stood up, and helped me lay back down. “Look, you must be exhausted, and I’m sure you probably don’t feel well. Why don’t you try to get some more sleep?”
I nodded; I had been feeling kind of tired, really. And all the fear and worry was starting to catch up with me; I could barely keep my eyes open now that Taichi had said that. “‘k...”
As my eyes fluttered closed, I heard him open the door and then shut it back behind him. And then I was aware of nothing but darkness.
+-+-+-+
After making sure that Yamato was sleeping soundly, I went into the kitchen, where mom was currently cooking something. I think she finds it therapuetic. “How is he?” she asked me.
“He’s sleeping right now. He’s still pretty upset...”
“He’ll start improving some once he knows he and his brother are safe.”
“Yeah, but he’ll still have to live with what happened for the rest of his life...”
She smiled reassurance at me. “I’m sure his father will get him all the help he’ll need to go on with his life.”
“I wish his father was here right now, he’d probably know what to do better than I do. I feel so helpless.”
“I’m sure you’ve helped him a lot, baby. His father is getting here as fast as he can.”
“When is that?” Incidentally, I had no idea when Yama’s dad was supposed to show up. Yamato hadn’t said.
“He’s supposed to be here Friday morning.”
“What?!” I screeched. “Friday! Why so late?”
“Apparently planes don’t fly where he’s at on Thursdays.”
“You mean Yamato has to go back to his uncle?”
“Unfortunately, yes. It’s just one night, though.”
“Yeah, one night for his uncle to abuse him as much as possible,” I said bitterly. “Can’t he just stay here?" Then I remembered. “Oh wait, Takeru...” I felt my eyes gather with tears. “It’s just not fair, okaasan...”
She put down whatever food she was messing and came over to hug me. “It’ll be okay, Taichi, really it will...”
I’d said the same thing to Yamato, but somehow, it just didn’t seem true when my mom said it. “I really hope so.”
About midnight, I was woken by the sound of Yamato’s shrill scream. I sat bolt upright in bed. Terrified at what might be wrong with him, I tried to climb down but ended up getting tangled in the covers and falling. I landed with a loud thud, and scrambled up quickly, going over to him.
“Yamato, Yamato, wake up!” I shook him a few times, trying to wake him.
“Taichi?” he said as he opened his eyes.
I sighed in relief. “It’s okay, Yama, it’s okay now, I’m here...”
He burst out crying. I pulled him close in a tight hug and began to rub his back gently. “Shh... it’s okay now, you’re safe, you’re alright...”
“Taichi,” he sobbed again. “‘m sorry...”
“Shh, don’t apologize, it’s okay.”
Just then my mother stuck her head in the door. “Is everything okay, boys?” she questioned worriedly.
I looked towards her voice, barely able to see her in the dark. “It’s okay, okaasan. Just a nightmare, go back to sleep.”
“Okay,” she said, still sounding worried. “Your father and I will be down the hall if you need us.”
“Thanks,” I replied as she left. I turned my attention back to the crying blond in my arms. “So what was it?” I asked.
“I dreamed... dreamed that he knew I told, and that he had Takeru... and that he, he...” he stopped, unable to go on for crying too hard.
“Oh Yama,” I sighed softly. “I’m sorry. It was just a dream... it will be alright...”
I held him until long after his sobs had subsided and he was calm; he started to fall asleep in my arms.
"Taichi," he mumbled sleepily.
"Hmm?"
"You say everything's going to be alright..."
"It will be, Yama, you'll see..."
"But what if it isn't? What if you're wrong?"
I didn't have an answer for that, and eventually the steady sound of his even breathing told me he'd fallen asleep. Gently, I lay down on the bed, him still in my arms. I fell asleep like that some time later.
Some hours later, I was woken by the gentle click of my bedroom door.
"Taichi?" mom said softly.
"Yeah?"
"Were you boys planning on going to school today?"
"Well..." I hesitated for a moment. Was she asking because she wanted me to go, or because she didn't want me to go? "I don't think it's a good idea, 'kaasan," I said at last. "Yamato's not really in any shape to go, and he doesn't have his school uniform with him anyways."
"Good," she replied, and the relief was evident in her voice. "I didn't want you boys going either. Sorry to disturb you, then. Go back to sleep."
"Okay," I said as she shut the door. I snuggled up closer to Yamato, who'd slept through the little exchange, and closed my eyes in sleep once more.
+-+-+-+
Thursday afternoon
When I woke up, feeling more rested than I'd felt in a long time, I was somewhat surprised to find Taichi's arms wrapped around me and him pressed up close next to me. I blinked, confused. Why was Taichi down here with me? I know he was up top last night... And then a small part of last night floated back to me. Oh yeah... that nightmare...
Carefully, I disentangled myself from Taichi (who was still sleeping--how does he do that?!) and left the room. I shuffled into the bathroom and locked the door behind me. Then I stripped, inspecting my body gently. My eyes filled with tears at what I saw, but determindedly I wiped them away. I can't believe just one man could do all this to me...
Though, at least I only have one more night to live through. Cos Friday Otousan will be here... and he knows.
I still had mixed feelings about that. Hell, I had mixed feelings about anyone knowing, really. I had planned to keep it secret until the day I died, if only for Takeru. I hope Taichi's right about things being okay... if he got killed, I'd never be able to forgive myself.
Sighing, I turned on the shower and climbed in. The water stung against my skin, and I winced and turned it down. It still hurt. Guess it was going to hurt no matter what.
I showered quickly, and then when I got out, felt a brief momemnt of stupidity. What am I going to wear, I didn't bring anything...
Shrugging, I pulled on the clothes I'd worn in, and then set about fixing my hair just so, something I hadn't done in a long time. It was comforting, in an odd sort of way.
I left the bathroom when I was finished, and headed back to Taichi's room. He still was sleeping when I got in, and I decided not to wake him. He'd had just as hard a night as me. I went through his clothes silently, looking for something that might fit me. I was a bit taller than Taichi, but I managed to find an oversized t-shirt and a pair of shorts that looked to be too big for him. I pulled those on, and then left Tai alone, heading into his kitchen, suddenly finding myself starving.
Mrs. Yagami was there at the stove, frying some bacon, and the smell of it made my mouth water.
She must have heard me come in, she turned around and smiled at me. "Good afternoon Yamato, Taichi up yet?"
"I shook my head. "No, still sleeping." Afternoon? "Uhh.. Mrs. Yagami? What time is it?"
She smiled again. "It's about one. If that was you I heard in the shower, you've been up about thirty minutes."
I blinked. "Wow," I said in surprise. She laughed and turned back to the bacon. "I don't usually sleep that late..." I went and sat down at the table.
"You probably needed it."
I didn't respond, just sat quietly for a few moments as she continued her cooking that was, for once, completely normal.
"Mrs. Yagami?" I spoke up again at length.
"Yes?"
"You talked to my father last night. Is.. is he mad at me?"
"No dear, of course not. Why should he be?"
"Oh," I said, only somewhat relieved. "I thought he might be, for never saying anything..."
"Are you still going on about that?"
Mrs. Yagami and I turned towards the doorway as one.
"Afternoon, Taichi," she greeted her son.
I looked at him him briefly, then looked away again. He walked over to me and pulled up a chair. "Yama, I told you before, no one's mad that you didn't say anything. We understand why, okay? We're not mad."
I shrugged, a few helpless tears making their trek down the sides of my face. "Feels like you should be."
He reached out and hugged me, just for a moment. "Well, we're not. Okay?"
I nodded. "Okay."
"Good. Now, I'm starved. Is that ready yet, okaasan?"
I laughed, shocking myself.
Mrs. Yagami looked at us, smiling warmly. She was such a cheerful person, I never realized it before. "Just finished," she said happily as she brought us plates of bacon and waffles. She set them down in front us. "Here you go boys, an all-American breakfast!"
"Thanks," we said, and dug in.
"I'll have to to go back soon," I said softly.
"I know," he replied, just as softly.
We were sitting in his room, having just finished breakfast some time before. We were on his bed, backs against the wall. Well, actually, his back was against the wall, my back was against his chest. His arms were wrapped around me as tightly as he dared, and I took comfort in his presence.
"I don't want to go back," I told him.
"I don't want you to either."
"But I have to. Oji will supsect something if I don't.. Hell, he probably already does.. I should have just went back last night, not called 'touan..."
"Do you regret telling us, Yama? Do you regret that phone call?"
"I don't know," I answered truthfully, sighing. "I'm just so mixed up right now.."
"Don't regret it," he begged me. "Whatever you do, or feel, and whatever happens between now and Friday, please, just... it was worth it, okay?"
"How can you decide that? It's for me to decide, Taichi..."
"If it saves you from being abused by your uncle, it's definitely worth it, Yama. No matter what."
"Even if I or Takeru die?" I ask him steadily.
That shut him up for a bit. "No one's going to be doing any dying," he said at last.
"You can't promise that. You don't know what will happen. And tell me--if I die, would it have been worth it? To have told? When I could have kept quiet, endured for another week, and lived?"
"It would have been worth it."
"Why? Why, Taichi?"
"Because at least I'd know I did everything in my power to help you, and that your death wouldn't have been my fault, that it wasn't all for nothing. But you're not going to die."
I ignored the last part. "And Takeru?"
"Takeru's not dying either. Why are you being so morbid?"
"Because I have to know, Taichi! Because I just have this feeling that one of us isn't going to come out of this alive!"
His arms tightened around me a bit.
"If Takeru died, it'd still be worth it," he said, his voice sounding husky. "It will always be worth it, no matter what." I felt something wet hit the back of my neck as I spoke, and when I turned around, I saw he was crying.
"Taichi!" I think it was actually the first time I'd seen him cry throughout this whole ordeal.
"Sorry.." He wiped his eyes, momentarily letting go of me. "Sorry," he said again, sniffing. "Don't know what came over me.."
"It's okay," I assured him. "Nothing I haven't been doing anyways.."
He laughed shakily, putting his arms back around me. "That's true."
We stayed there that way for awhile, not speaking, not needing to. What we really needed to be doing was heading to my apartment so I could pick up a uniform so Oji would think I'd went to school. But going meant acknowledging that soon I'd be going back to Oji's, and neither of us was ready to do that yet. So we sat there, putting it off, taking solace in each other's presence.
Eventually Mrs. Yagami knocked at Taichi's door. "Boys? Shouldn't you be going now?"
She didn't sound particularly anxious for us to go, either, but all three of us knew it had to be done if there was ever any chance of Takeru and I coming out of this alive. And if I had my way, Takeru would never know about this. Though he may be a Takaishi in name, he still has the famous Ishida temper, and I don't want him getting wind of what happened and going off half-cocked, intent on making our uncle pay for what he did to me. And it's something that Takeru would totally be apt to do, too.
I pulled away from Taichi and looked at him. "Guess we'd better going, huh?"
He nodded. "Guess so."
The walk to my apartment was spent in silence. I felt like a death-row prisoner walking my final mile. From the look on his face, I'd say Taichi's feelings weren't far off from my own.
"You okay?" I asked as I fumbled in my pockets for my key while we stood in front of the door.
"Yeah. Just a little scared," he conceded.
I smiled, just a bit. "Yeah, me too. A lot scared."
I managed to get the door open, and we went in, not even bothering to kick off our shoes. Time was precious, and short. Why bother with formalities now?
We headed back to my room, and I got out my shirt and blazer, exchanging Taichi's oversized T-shirt for them. I got my pants on next, and when I was done looked at Taichi. He handed me my school bag, which thankfully they'd remembered yesterday when they brought me to their apartment. I took a deep breath.
"Guess we'd better go."
"Un." He didn't say anything else, and didn't even focus his eyes on me. I touched his arm, held my gaze on him until he looked up.
"You said it yourself, Taichi. You promised me. Things will be okay." I tried to give him a big smile.
"Maybe I shouldn't have made that promise," he whispered, frowning.
"Well it's too late now. You can't back out. You promised me, okay? And now I'm promising you. Things will be okay, hear?"
He nodded, and suddenly tears were rolling out of his eyes at an amazing speed. I sighed and pulled him close in a tight hug, holdin him against me tightly for a few moments. I felt his tears wetting my blazer, but I didn't care. "I love you," he whispered.
"I love you too," I returned.
"Come back, okay? I couldn't bear it if I had to live without you."
"That sentence is enough to make me come back," I told him grinning, but still totally honest in my feelings.
He laughed through his tears. "Baka," he said affectionately. He straightened and wiped away the tears. "Come on, let's go."
+-+-+-+
The walk to his uncle's house was spent the same way as the walk to his apartment: in silence. I didn't know about him, but I was way too worried to bother with talking right now.
I know I promised him things would turn out alright, but what if they didn't? What if his uncle somehow found out that he told me and my mother? And his father? What if he got Takeru, and hurt him the same way he hurt Yamato, or even worse? What if he killed one of them? I know I said it'd would have been worth Yamato telling even if one of them died, but would it really? I'd blame myself for it, no matter what. Even knowing I'd done everything I could wouldn't make it better. And speaking of which, was it really wise to send Yamato back to his uncle's? He said it'd be better so as not to rouse his uncle's suspicion, but I hate the idea of sending him back into the enemy's lair, so to say. Maybe it'd be better if we got Takeru and just ran like hell until father got in. We could run to Ken's place in Tamachi or something. But no, then his uncle would definitely know, and even when their father came home, they still wouldn't be safe... I guess what we were doing was the best course of action. Still didn't feel like it.
"You're awfully silent."
"Just thinking." I offered a half-smile.
"Does it hurt?" he teased. "You do it so little, I don't want you to over-exert yourself.."
"Shut-up," I replied good-naturedly, thankful he was doin his best to maintain some normalcy.
Suddenly he stopped and tensed. I knew it could only mean one thing. "We're here?"
He nodded. "Yeah," his voice was barely audible.
He looked at me. "Whatever happens... I love you. And I'll do my damnedest to make sure everything comes out okay."
I leaned over and kissed him lightly, teasingly, on the lips. His hands clutched at my shirt and pulled me in closer as he kissed me back, passionately. I responded, and for a moment we stayed like that, lips interlocked. I moaned as his tongue sought entrance, trying to pull him even closer than he already was, closer than humanly possible.
At last we broke apart, slightly flushed, gasping for breath. "I love you back," I choked out. "More than anything else. Be safe."
He didn't bother gracing me with a reply, just gave me a last quick hug and turned and began walking down the street.
I stood there watching him, still feelings his lips on mine, trying to shake that persistent feeling that I was making a big, big mistake here.
+-+-+-+
Somewhere in the Yagami household, about 4:30 pm.
ri-n, ri-n
"Hello, Yagami residence, Hikari speaking."
"Hikari? This is Ms. Takaishi. Is Takeru still there with you?"
"No, I'm sorry Ms. Takaishi, he left about an hour ago. He's not home?"
"No. Though he did say something about seeing Daisuke today.. That's most likely where he is. Sorry to worry you, dear."
"No problem. And when he gets in, will you have him call me? He left a school book here, and he'll probably need it."
"Sure thing. Goodbye, Hikari."
"Goodbye, Ms. Takaishi."
Click.
Chapter 5 finale
Author's Notes: Isn't it nice how I threw in that last little bit? =^.^= *devious grin* Oh, and ri-n is the sound of a telephone ringing. the equivalent of ring. just what the Japanese say instead ^^;; So yeah.. things are drawing towards an end. They'll definitely be wrapped up in the next chapter. Lots of angsty, violent, dramatic things in store. Poor Yama. So, was this chapter okay? I hope you guys liked it? I try to provide enough balance between angst and light fluff/sap so that's it's not too dark, but angst still definitely prevails in this. Anyways, review and let me know what you thought of this, mmkay? And once again, thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapters, particularly my regular readers! I love reading your reviews and seeing what you guys think ^^;;
chapter six
Digimon - R - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 8 - Words: 37396 - Reviews: 33 - Updated: 4-16-04 - Published: 1-11-04
chapter four
Disclaimer: Oh come on, do I really have to say it? Okay.. *big sigh* Digimon is not mine. You’d think we’d have all gotten that by now..
Author’s Notes: I’m on a roll! Whee! Once again, angst galore! Enjoy!
Bleed
by: butterflie, formerly known as Crimson Goddess
Chapter 5:Need
When I woke, I was in the Yagami’s apartment, lying in Taichi’s bed. Taichi was sitting on a chair next to me, holding my hand and looking quite relieved to see me blink open my eyes.
“There you are,” he said. “I was beginning to think you’d sleep all night.”
I smiled softly. “Thanks. I didn’t mean to worry you.”
He returned the smile. “It’s okay,” he reassured me. “You’re forgiven.”
There was a knock at the door. “Taichi?”
“Come in, okaasan! Yamato’s awake!”
“Did she... see me...” like that, my mind wanted to finish.
He nodded quietly as his mother entered. I closed my eyes, the embarrassment momentarily overriding the fear that I was finally found out.
“Hello Yamato,” she greeted me gently. “Good to see you back among the land of the living.”
“Sorry to be such a bother,” I murmured.
“Oh, it’s no bother. Just glad you’re safe.”
I acknowledged that, then looked at Taichi. “My uncle... I don’t have to go back tonight, do I?” I could make up an excuse for him later. I’d pay for it dearly, but I was hurting way too much to handle another night of his ‘fun.’
Taichi shook his head, wiping away a few tears gathering in his eyes. “No, you don’t have to go back tonight,” he said huskily. “You can stay here. It will be okay.”
“Is there some way to reach your father, Yamato?” Mrs. Yagami asked.
“What?” I gave her a panicked look. “You can’t call him!”
“I think he needs to know,” she said firmly. “Whatever was going on needs to stop, and your father needs to know.”
“No, I’ll be okay, really. I only have a little over a week... You can’t tell him.”
“Yamato, I know that if it were Taichi in your place, as a parent, I’d want to know. I’m sure your father doesn’t want you getting hurt. Why don’t you want to tell him?”
“Because of Takeru,” I sniffed.
“Oh God,” Taichi moaned. “I was right...”
I looked at him. “What do you mean?”
“I... I was talking with Koushiro earlier today. I told him I thought maybe your uncle was hitting you, that that was why you had the bruise, and why you were limping... We figured the only reason you said you couldn’t tell was because he was threatening you with Takeru in some way.”
“He said he’d kill Takeru if I told,” I whispered. “I wanted to tell you so bad, Taichi, but I was so afraid for Takeru... I still am. He can’t find out you know. I’ll just have to go back tomorrow and make some excuse.”
“Regardless, your father still needs to be called,” Mrs. Yagami said to me. She was so persistent. “If you don’t want to do anything about your uncle, your father can always tell him he just got back early. Your uncle never has to know you told. Now, what’s the number?”
Resigned, I rattled off the number my father had given me and told me to use only in the case of extreme emergencies. But if this didn’t constitute as an emergency, I don’t know what did.
Mrs. Yagami thanked me, then went out to the phone in the hall and dialed the number. After some minutes, she began talking, and I could hear her explaining to my father the little she knew.
Taichi leaned down and kissed my forehead softly, smoothing back my hair. “Everything will work out okay, don’t worry. I love you, Yamato.”
I smiled at hearing that. We hadn’t really had a chance to talk more about that, but I suppose now there wasn’t really a need to. We both knew how we felt. “I love you too, Taichi,” I said softly. “I’m just so scared... I don’t want anything to happen to Takeru...”
Mrs. Yagami came back into the room, holding the phone in her hand. “Your father wants to talk to you,” she said gently, carefully helping me sit up and handing me the phone. She motioned for Taichi to leave the room, and he did so reluctantly. They shut the door, giving me privacy, for which I was thankful.
“Otousan?” I asked shakily into the phone. He knew now... there was no turning back. No matter what, there was nothing I could do to change the fact that he knew.
“Yamato?” he said. I could tell from the sound of his voice he’d been crying. “Yamato. are you alright?”
“No,” I sniffed, starting to cry again. I’d been doing that a lot lately. “It hurts ‘tousan...”
“I’m sorry,” he choked. “I’m so sorry. If I had known, I wouldn’t have left you with him. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“He said... said he’d kill Takeru...”
I heard his sharp intake of breath. Apparently Mrs. Yagami hadn’t told him that little bit. “I’m sorry, Otousan. Come home, please...”
“I will. I can be home Friday morning. I wish I could get there earlier... but the planes don’t fly here on Thursdays...”
“I don’t care. Just come home. It hurts so much... He hurt me a lot, Otousan.”
“I’m so sorry,” he murmured. “We’ll talk about this when I get there, okay?”
I nodded, even though I knew he couldn’t see me. “Okay. I’m sorry I didn’t say...”
“It’s alright. What’s done is done,” he sounded a bit calmer now, “we’ll figure everything out Friday. Just stay at Taichi’s until I get there Friday.”
“I can’t...” I said. “He’ll suspect something. I have to go back tomorrow...”
“Jesus,” he whispered. “Be careful then. I love you Yamato.”
“Love you too Otousan,” I managed to get out, surprised. I couldn’t recall the last time dad had said that to me. I was real little, I knew.
“I need to talk to Mrs. Yagami some more, will you give her the phone?”
“‘k. Taichi!” I called.
He appeared almost right away. I handed him the phone. “Give this to your mother. ‘tousan wants to talk to her again.”
He disappeared and came back a few moments later, sans phone. He sat down on the bed next to me. “Are you alright?” he asked. “With your dad knowing, I mean?”
I studied the blanket, curling my fingers tightly around it. “I don’t know... on one hand, I’m relieved I don’t have to keep it secret anymore, but on the other hand, I’m afraid Oji will find out I told on him..” I laughed bitterly. “Mou! I make it sound like I’m tattling.”
He laughed with me. “Well I suppose you are in a way.”
He grew quiet; for awhile neither of us spoke. The only sounds to be heard were his mother on the phone in the hallway, and somewhere in the apartment his dad was laughing, presumably at some television show. That made me think.
“Does your dad know?”
“No. He knows you’re here, and that something’s wrong, but he doesn’t know what.”
“Oh.”
Silence again.
Then Taichi spoke, sounded uncertain. “Today... what your uncle did... was that a first time thing?”
I sighed, I knew it would have come sooner or later. All the questions. “Yes and no.”
“I don’t get it.”
“It was the first time... it ever hurt so much... the first time he was intetntionally hurting me. He said, well, he said that what he was doing today was rape, and what he’d done before was just non-consensual sex.”
“Why? Why did he do that today?”
I looked away. “I sort of.. provoked him accidentally. Said something about him always hitting me and raping me... He lost it, said he’d ‘show me what rape really is’... it hurt a lot. I could barely breathe. That’s why I sounded so funny when I called.”
“Why did you call?”
I looked him straight in the eye. “Because I was thinking about what you said, that night in the park, and I knew how much I really needed you. I was sick of keeping the secret. I didn’t really stop to think about it, I just picked up the phone and did it. Called you.”
“I’m glad you did,” he replied. “So then, all those bruises on your body, he did that?”
A nod. “Yeah. When he didn’t like what I was saying, or when he got mad, or if I tried to avoid him at night when he came into my room... he’d hit me. I was limping because yesterday he kicked me around a lot.”
“And... the first time? That week you stayed there before? He hurt you then too?”
“The third night I was there, he came into my room and used me... he did it every night until I went back home. I felt so dirty, so impure after it happened... I stayed home because I didn’t want to taint anyone at school. But it just didn’t go away... The feeling’s still there, actually,” I said, rubbing at my skin.
Taichi watched me, seemingly impassionately. “I’m sorry,” he said at last.
“Are you... mad at me?”
“Mad at you?” Taichi’s eyebrows knitted in confusion. “Why should I be mad at you?”
“Don’ know...” I said vaguely. “For... for... I don’t know... not sayin’ an’ stuff...”
“Of course not! I’m just glad I finally know. Maybe now I can help you...”
“I don’t know if I can be helped,” I sniffed. “I’ve been ruined... broken... tainted. I’m full of sin now. In fact, I don’t even know why you’d want to be with me...” I said in despair. But really, I was “damaged goods” now. Why would Taichi want someone like me when he could have someone who was still innocent, still pure?
“Don’t even start that crap, Yamato,” he said, sounding slightly angry. “I don’t care if you’re “ruined” or not. I love you, and want to spend the rest of my life with you, and that’s enough for me. Okay?”
“Okay...”
He stood up, and helped me lay back down. “Look, you must be exhausted, and I’m sure you probably don’t feel well. Why don’t you try to get some more sleep?”
I nodded; I had been feeling kind of tired, really. And all the fear and worry was starting to catch up with me; I could barely keep my eyes open now that Taichi had said that. “‘k...”
As my eyes fluttered closed, I heard him open the door and then shut it back behind him. And then I was aware of nothing but darkness.
+-+-+-+
After making sure that Yamato was sleeping soundly, I went into the kitchen, where mom was currently cooking something. I think she finds it therapuetic. “How is he?” she asked me.
“He’s sleeping right now. He’s still pretty upset...”
“He’ll start improving some once he knows he and his brother are safe.”
“Yeah, but he’ll still have to live with what happened for the rest of his life...”
She smiled reassurance at me. “I’m sure his father will get him all the help he’ll need to go on with his life.”
“I wish his father was here right now, he’d probably know what to do better than I do. I feel so helpless.”
“I’m sure you’ve helped him a lot, baby. His father is getting here as fast as he can.”
“When is that?” Incidentally, I had no idea when Yama’s dad was supposed to show up. Yamato hadn’t said.
“He’s supposed to be here Friday morning.”
“What?!” I screeched. “Friday! Why so late?”
“Apparently planes don’t fly where he’s at on Thursdays.”
“You mean Yamato has to go back to his uncle?”
“Unfortunately, yes. It’s just one night, though.”
“Yeah, one night for his uncle to abuse him as much as possible,” I said bitterly. “Can’t he just stay here?" Then I remembered. “Oh wait, Takeru...” I felt my eyes gather with tears. “It’s just not fair, okaasan...”
She put down whatever food she was messing and came over to hug me. “It’ll be okay, Taichi, really it will...”
I’d said the same thing to Yamato, but somehow, it just didn’t seem true when my mom said it. “I really hope so.”
About midnight, I was woken by the sound of Yamato’s shrill scream. I sat bolt upright in bed. Terrified at what might be wrong with him, I tried to climb down but ended up getting tangled in the covers and falling. I landed with a loud thud, and scrambled up quickly, going over to him.
“Yamato, Yamato, wake up!” I shook him a few times, trying to wake him.
“Taichi?” he said as he opened his eyes.
I sighed in relief. “It’s okay, Yama, it’s okay now, I’m here...”
He burst out crying. I pulled him close in a tight hug and began to rub his back gently. “Shh... it’s okay now, you’re safe, you’re alright...”
“Taichi,” he sobbed again. “‘m sorry...”
“Shh, don’t apologize, it’s okay.”
Just then my mother stuck her head in the door. “Is everything okay, boys?” she questioned worriedly.
I looked towards her voice, barely able to see her in the dark. “It’s okay, okaasan. Just a nightmare, go back to sleep.”
“Okay,” she said, still sounding worried. “Your father and I will be down the hall if you need us.”
“Thanks,” I replied as she left. I turned my attention back to the crying blond in my arms. “So what was it?” I asked.
“I dreamed... dreamed that he knew I told, and that he had Takeru... and that he, he...” he stopped, unable to go on for crying too hard.
“Oh Yama,” I sighed softly. “I’m sorry. It was just a dream... it will be alright...”
I held him until long after his sobs had subsided and he was calm; he started to fall asleep in my arms.
"Taichi," he mumbled sleepily.
"Hmm?"
"You say everything's going to be alright..."
"It will be, Yama, you'll see..."
"But what if it isn't? What if you're wrong?"
I didn't have an answer for that, and eventually the steady sound of his even breathing told me he'd fallen asleep. Gently, I lay down on the bed, him still in my arms. I fell asleep like that some time later.
Some hours later, I was woken by the gentle click of my bedroom door.
"Taichi?" mom said softly.
"Yeah?"
"Were you boys planning on going to school today?"
"Well..." I hesitated for a moment. Was she asking because she wanted me to go, or because she didn't want me to go? "I don't think it's a good idea, 'kaasan," I said at last. "Yamato's not really in any shape to go, and he doesn't have his school uniform with him anyways."
"Good," she replied, and the relief was evident in her voice. "I didn't want you boys going either. Sorry to disturb you, then. Go back to sleep."
"Okay," I said as she shut the door. I snuggled up closer to Yamato, who'd slept through the little exchange, and closed my eyes in sleep once more.
+-+-+-+
Thursday afternoon
When I woke up, feeling more rested than I'd felt in a long time, I was somewhat surprised to find Taichi's arms wrapped around me and him pressed up close next to me. I blinked, confused. Why was Taichi down here with me? I know he was up top last night... And then a small part of last night floated back to me. Oh yeah... that nightmare...
Carefully, I disentangled myself from Taichi (who was still sleeping--how does he do that?!) and left the room. I shuffled into the bathroom and locked the door behind me. Then I stripped, inspecting my body gently. My eyes filled with tears at what I saw, but determindedly I wiped them away. I can't believe just one man could do all this to me...
Though, at least I only have one more night to live through. Cos Friday Otousan will be here... and he knows.
I still had mixed feelings about that. Hell, I had mixed feelings about anyone knowing, really. I had planned to keep it secret until the day I died, if only for Takeru. I hope Taichi's right about things being okay... if he got killed, I'd never be able to forgive myself.
Sighing, I turned on the shower and climbed in. The water stung against my skin, and I winced and turned it down. It still hurt. Guess it was going to hurt no matter what.
I showered quickly, and then when I got out, felt a brief momemnt of stupidity. What am I going to wear, I didn't bring anything...
Shrugging, I pulled on the clothes I'd worn in, and then set about fixing my hair just so, something I hadn't done in a long time. It was comforting, in an odd sort of way.
I left the bathroom when I was finished, and headed back to Taichi's room. He still was sleeping when I got in, and I decided not to wake him. He'd had just as hard a night as me. I went through his clothes silently, looking for something that might fit me. I was a bit taller than Taichi, but I managed to find an oversized t-shirt and a pair of shorts that looked to be too big for him. I pulled those on, and then left Tai alone, heading into his kitchen, suddenly finding myself starving.
Mrs. Yagami was there at the stove, frying some bacon, and the smell of it made my mouth water.
She must have heard me come in, she turned around and smiled at me. "Good afternoon Yamato, Taichi up yet?"
"I shook my head. "No, still sleeping." Afternoon? "Uhh.. Mrs. Yagami? What time is it?"
She smiled again. "It's about one. If that was you I heard in the shower, you've been up about thirty minutes."
I blinked. "Wow," I said in surprise. She laughed and turned back to the bacon. "I don't usually sleep that late..." I went and sat down at the table.
"You probably needed it."
I didn't respond, just sat quietly for a few moments as she continued her cooking that was, for once, completely normal.
"Mrs. Yagami?" I spoke up again at length.
"Yes?"
"You talked to my father last night. Is.. is he mad at me?"
"No dear, of course not. Why should he be?"
"Oh," I said, only somewhat relieved. "I thought he might be, for never saying anything..."
"Are you still going on about that?"
Mrs. Yagami and I turned towards the doorway as one.
"Afternoon, Taichi," she greeted her son.
I looked at him him briefly, then looked away again. He walked over to me and pulled up a chair. "Yama, I told you before, no one's mad that you didn't say anything. We understand why, okay? We're not mad."
I shrugged, a few helpless tears making their trek down the sides of my face. "Feels like you should be."
He reached out and hugged me, just for a moment. "Well, we're not. Okay?"
I nodded. "Okay."
"Good. Now, I'm starved. Is that ready yet, okaasan?"
I laughed, shocking myself.
Mrs. Yagami looked at us, smiling warmly. She was such a cheerful person, I never realized it before. "Just finished," she said happily as she brought us plates of bacon and waffles. She set them down in front us. "Here you go boys, an all-American breakfast!"
"Thanks," we said, and dug in.
"I'll have to to go back soon," I said softly.
"I know," he replied, just as softly.
We were sitting in his room, having just finished breakfast some time before. We were on his bed, backs against the wall. Well, actually, his back was against the wall, my back was against his chest. His arms were wrapped around me as tightly as he dared, and I took comfort in his presence.
"I don't want to go back," I told him.
"I don't want you to either."
"But I have to. Oji will supsect something if I don't.. Hell, he probably already does.. I should have just went back last night, not called 'touan..."
"Do you regret telling us, Yama? Do you regret that phone call?"
"I don't know," I answered truthfully, sighing. "I'm just so mixed up right now.."
"Don't regret it," he begged me. "Whatever you do, or feel, and whatever happens between now and Friday, please, just... it was worth it, okay?"
"How can you decide that? It's for me to decide, Taichi..."
"If it saves you from being abused by your uncle, it's definitely worth it, Yama. No matter what."
"Even if I or Takeru die?" I ask him steadily.
That shut him up for a bit. "No one's going to be doing any dying," he said at last.
"You can't promise that. You don't know what will happen. And tell me--if I die, would it have been worth it? To have told? When I could have kept quiet, endured for another week, and lived?"
"It would have been worth it."
"Why? Why, Taichi?"
"Because at least I'd know I did everything in my power to help you, and that your death wouldn't have been my fault, that it wasn't all for nothing. But you're not going to die."
I ignored the last part. "And Takeru?"
"Takeru's not dying either. Why are you being so morbid?"
"Because I have to know, Taichi! Because I just have this feeling that one of us isn't going to come out of this alive!"
His arms tightened around me a bit.
"If Takeru died, it'd still be worth it," he said, his voice sounding husky. "It will always be worth it, no matter what." I felt something wet hit the back of my neck as I spoke, and when I turned around, I saw he was crying.
"Taichi!" I think it was actually the first time I'd seen him cry throughout this whole ordeal.
"Sorry.." He wiped his eyes, momentarily letting go of me. "Sorry," he said again, sniffing. "Don't know what came over me.."
"It's okay," I assured him. "Nothing I haven't been doing anyways.."
He laughed shakily, putting his arms back around me. "That's true."
We stayed there that way for awhile, not speaking, not needing to. What we really needed to be doing was heading to my apartment so I could pick up a uniform so Oji would think I'd went to school. But going meant acknowledging that soon I'd be going back to Oji's, and neither of us was ready to do that yet. So we sat there, putting it off, taking solace in each other's presence.
Eventually Mrs. Yagami knocked at Taichi's door. "Boys? Shouldn't you be going now?"
She didn't sound particularly anxious for us to go, either, but all three of us knew it had to be done if there was ever any chance of Takeru and I coming out of this alive. And if I had my way, Takeru would never know about this. Though he may be a Takaishi in name, he still has the famous Ishida temper, and I don't want him getting wind of what happened and going off half-cocked, intent on making our uncle pay for what he did to me. And it's something that Takeru would totally be apt to do, too.
I pulled away from Taichi and looked at him. "Guess we'd better going, huh?"
He nodded. "Guess so."
The walk to my apartment was spent in silence. I felt like a death-row prisoner walking my final mile. From the look on his face, I'd say Taichi's feelings weren't far off from my own.
"You okay?" I asked as I fumbled in my pockets for my key while we stood in front of the door.
"Yeah. Just a little scared," he conceded.
I smiled, just a bit. "Yeah, me too. A lot scared."
I managed to get the door open, and we went in, not even bothering to kick off our shoes. Time was precious, and short. Why bother with formalities now?
We headed back to my room, and I got out my shirt and blazer, exchanging Taichi's oversized T-shirt for them. I got my pants on next, and when I was done looked at Taichi. He handed me my school bag, which thankfully they'd remembered yesterday when they brought me to their apartment. I took a deep breath.
"Guess we'd better go."
"Un." He didn't say anything else, and didn't even focus his eyes on me. I touched his arm, held my gaze on him until he looked up.
"You said it yourself, Taichi. You promised me. Things will be okay." I tried to give him a big smile.
"Maybe I shouldn't have made that promise," he whispered, frowning.
"Well it's too late now. You can't back out. You promised me, okay? And now I'm promising you. Things will be okay, hear?"
He nodded, and suddenly tears were rolling out of his eyes at an amazing speed. I sighed and pulled him close in a tight hug, holdin him against me tightly for a few moments. I felt his tears wetting my blazer, but I didn't care. "I love you," he whispered.
"I love you too," I returned.
"Come back, okay? I couldn't bear it if I had to live without you."
"That sentence is enough to make me come back," I told him grinning, but still totally honest in my feelings.
He laughed through his tears. "Baka," he said affectionately. He straightened and wiped away the tears. "Come on, let's go."
+-+-+-+
The walk to his uncle's house was spent the same way as the walk to his apartment: in silence. I didn't know about him, but I was way too worried to bother with talking right now.
I know I promised him things would turn out alright, but what if they didn't? What if his uncle somehow found out that he told me and my mother? And his father? What if he got Takeru, and hurt him the same way he hurt Yamato, or even worse? What if he killed one of them? I know I said it'd would have been worth Yamato telling even if one of them died, but would it really? I'd blame myself for it, no matter what. Even knowing I'd done everything I could wouldn't make it better. And speaking of which, was it really wise to send Yamato back to his uncle's? He said it'd be better so as not to rouse his uncle's suspicion, but I hate the idea of sending him back into the enemy's lair, so to say. Maybe it'd be better if we got Takeru and just ran like hell until father got in. We could run to Ken's place in Tamachi or something. But no, then his uncle would definitely know, and even when their father came home, they still wouldn't be safe... I guess what we were doing was the best course of action. Still didn't feel like it.
"You're awfully silent."
"Just thinking." I offered a half-smile.
"Does it hurt?" he teased. "You do it so little, I don't want you to over-exert yourself.."
"Shut-up," I replied good-naturedly, thankful he was doin his best to maintain some normalcy.
Suddenly he stopped and tensed. I knew it could only mean one thing. "We're here?"
He nodded. "Yeah," his voice was barely audible.
He looked at me. "Whatever happens... I love you. And I'll do my damnedest to make sure everything comes out okay."
I leaned over and kissed him lightly, teasingly, on the lips. His hands clutched at my shirt and pulled me in closer as he kissed me back, passionately. I responded, and for a moment we stayed like that, lips interlocked. I moaned as his tongue sought entrance, trying to pull him even closer than he already was, closer than humanly possible.
At last we broke apart, slightly flushed, gasping for breath. "I love you back," I choked out. "More than anything else. Be safe."
He didn't bother gracing me with a reply, just gave me a last quick hug and turned and began walking down the street.
I stood there watching him, still feelings his lips on mine, trying to shake that persistent feeling that I was making a big, big mistake here.
+-+-+-+
Somewhere in the Yagami household, about 4:30 pm.
ri-n, ri-n
"Hello, Yagami residence, Hikari speaking."
"Hikari? This is Ms. Takaishi. Is Takeru still there with you?"
"No, I'm sorry Ms. Takaishi, he left about an hour ago. He's not home?"
"No. Though he did say something about seeing Daisuke today.. That's most likely where he is. Sorry to worry you, dear."
"No problem. And when he gets in, will you have him call me? He left a school book here, and he'll probably need it."
"Sure thing. Goodbye, Hikari."
"Goodbye, Ms. Takaishi."
Click.
Chapter 5 finale
Author's Notes: Isn't it nice how I threw in that last little bit? =^.^= *devious grin* Oh, and ri-n is the sound of a telephone ringing. the equivalent of ring. just what the Japanese say instead ^^;; So yeah.. things are drawing towards an end. They'll definitely be wrapped up in the next chapter. Lots of angsty, violent, dramatic things in store. Poor Yama. So, was this chapter okay? I hope you guys liked it? I try to provide enough balance between angst and light fluff/sap so that's it's not too dark, but angst still definitely prevails in this. Anyways, review and let me know what you thought of this, mmkay? And once again, thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapters, particularly my regular readers! I love reading your reviews and seeing what you guys think ^^;;
chapter six