Bleed, Chapter 4
Something is very wrong with Yamato, and Taichi's determined to get to the bottom of it. But is the cost of friendship worth it? Taito.
Digimon - R - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 8 - Words: 37396 - Reviews: 33 - Updated: 4-16-04 - Published: 1-11-04
chapter three
Disclaimer: Digimon belongs to Toei Animation. It’s not mine. Pity.
Author’s Notes: Same warnings as the last chapter apply. Plenty more angst abound in this chapter! But to even it out a bit, there’s a bit of fluffiness near the middle. Also, thanks to all those who reviewed last time, your kind words and encouragement mean a lot to me ^^ Hopefully I’ll have this wrapped up in a couple of weeks, though I’ll certainly miss writing it.
Bleed
by: butterflie
Chapter 4:Split
“Oh Taichi, Yamato called for you early. He sounded pretty upset.”
“What?” Dammit, how could I have missed that call... I hoped he was okay. “Did he say anything, leave a message?” Like a phone number, so I could call him?
She shook her head. “No, he just said he’d see you in school tomorrow.”
“Damn,” I moaned. I told him I’d always be there when he needed me, and now he needed me and I was out having a good time with Koushiro. “What time did he call, okaasan?” Maybe I could still go over to his uncle’s house. Oh God, I hope his uncle hadn’t hurt him or anything, I really hoped he was okay. I’m sorry, Yamato, please don’t be mad at me, I didn’t mean to lie to you...
“About three hours ago, I believe,” she told me, watching my face carefully.
“Right after school... but he was fine when I left him...”
“Everything is alright with Yamato, isn’t it, Taichi?”
I shrugged and sighed. “I honestly don’t know, okaasan. For his sake, I hope so...”
+-+-+-+
Wednesday morning
School... who needs school? Who really needs anything... not I... I want to die. I want to be wiped out from this world, my existence erased, my life forgotten, unknown. I don’t want to be alive anymore. I don’t want this pain, I don’t want to feel.
“Boy, you get out here this instant! You’ll be late!”
Whimpering, licking away the salty tears staining my cheeks, I gently got out of bed and proceeded to pull on some clothes. I had to move slowly, every time I moved or even touched a part of my body, my battered skin cried out in protest.
‘Stop that!’ it was saying. ‘You shouldn’t be moving! You should be lying still. You’re hurt. Why do you put us through this torture?’ I wished I had a good answer for that.
Carefully I made my way into the kitchen, trying to hide my limp from my uncle. “Mornin’, oji,” I croaked out. Oh God, it was worse than morning voice. How was I going to get through school like this? I didn’t have to look in a mirror to know just how awful I looked.
But if my uncle took any notice of my condition, he didn’t say anything. “Get going. You’ll be late.”
I nodded ever so slightly and picked up my bookbag from where it was sitting on a chair, then left the house, still walking slowly. Damned if I cared about being late. I certainly wasn’t running to school, not with the way I felt.
But miracle of miracles, I wasn’t late. My uncle lived closer to the school than I did, so it took less time to get there. Taichi was even still in front of the school, waiting to see if I’d actually show up on time or not. His eyes widened as he caught sight of me, but before he could ask what had happened, I offered him a tired smile. “I know, I must look really awful, don’t I?”
He nodded, eyes still huge, full of worry.
“Yeah, I figured. I stayed up all night, studying for this major test I have in second. I didn’t get much sleep.” It wasn’t true of course, but what the hell. Taichi didn’t need to know the truth, for his sake and Takeru’s. Although it certainly would have been nice to tell him...
He raised his eyebrows in disbelief. “You, study? Come on, Yamato, you haven’t studied for weeks, not ever since...” he trailed off. I frowned.
“Since?” I was curious to know what he thought.
“Well, don’t get mad, but ever since you started getting weird.”
I got mad.
“Weird? How the hell am I weird, Taichi?”
He sighed. “I just mean you got all spaced out and stuff, and you stopped doing your homework or studying or being on time...”
Wow. I’d had no idea that it had become so obvious. I’d have to be more careful from now on.
I shrugged. “Well, the test is a major part of our grade. Now come on, let’s go to homeroom before we’re late.” I started heading into the building, but stopped as I noticed he wasn’t following. I turned back around. “What?”
He narrowed his eyes at me. “You’re limping.”
Oh fuck, he’d noticed. “No I’m not,” I said, trying to stay collected. “What gave you that idea?”
His eyes stayed fixated on me. “Take a few steps.”
I did so, trying to walk as normal as possible.
“See, you are. You’re limping. Why are you limping, Yamato?” He sounded suspicious, and I was beginning to wonder just how much Taichi was figuring out on his own. How much did he know about my uncle? Had he guessed what was going on? It was possible, Taichi was a lot smarter than both he and others gave him credit for. And he was pretty perceptive, too.
“I’m not limping, Taichi,” I insisted, taking a few more limping steps. “Come on, you’re making us late.”
He didn’t seem to care if he made us late, he still didn’t move. “Why did you call me last night?”
Dammit. I should have figured Mrs. Yagami would tell him. “How do you know if I called you last night?” I asked, trying to stall for time.
“Okaasan told me. She said you sounded upset. Were you?”
I winced, half hoping he hadn’t noticed. Half hoping he had. Split down the middle. Torn. “No, not really. I just needed to know the homework, and was kind of frustrated.”
He sighed, and suddenly all the anger and suspicion was gone. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?” I asked warily, confused. What was he going on about now?
“I told you I’d always be there when you needed me, and I wasn’t last night. I’m sorry.”
“Uhh... it was just homework, Taichi.”
He merely gave me a look as if to say, ‘Yeah right.’
“Taichi...”
“Why can’t you tell me what’s wrong?” he asked softly. I didn’t say anything. “I know I shouldn’t push you, and Koushiro said I was probably only making you more closed off with all this prying, but I’m only doing it because I care about you, Yamato. I care about you a lot, and seeing you unhappy and hurt makes me unhappy. I want to help you, but I don’t know how when you keep shoving me away.”
Despite trying to pretend everything was cool, I felt myself begin to cry again.
“I want to tell you,” I whispered, finally giving up the denial that nothing was wrong. There was no point in keeping the charade, after all, Taichi wasn’t stupid, as I said before. “But...”
“Then tell me, Yamato. Please.”
“I can’t, Taichi. I’m sorry, I just can’t.”
Then I turned and fled into the building, trying to escape the hurt look of betrayal of Taichi’s face, wishing I just could tell him, knowing I couldn’t and despising myself for it all.
I ignored him all during homeroom, thwarting any attempts to talk to me. I was never more thankful when the bell rang. I jumped up and raced out of the room, ignoring the pain in my leg as I forced it to run, heading not for my class but instead dashing down the corridor and ducking into a little used bathroom in our school. Not that there was anything wrong with it, really, just most people either didn’t know or forgot it was here. It was so rarely used that even the staff barely cleaned it up. There wasn’t really a need to.
This was the bathroom I hid in now, locking myself in one of the stalls, thankful the locks on these doors actually still working. I sat there on the floor, back pressed against the wall, letting the tears I denied during homeroom fall freely.
It’s not fair. Why do I have to deal with this? I wish I could tell someone, wish I could make it all stop. I don’t understand why oji does this to me, what did I ever do to him to deserve this? I want to tell Taichi... I really do. I wish I could. But if I do, oji will... oji’ll.. he’ll kill Takeru. He says he will, and I believe him. I don’t want that to happen. Takeru doesn’t deserve death. I’m the one that should die.
After awhile, my tears finally dried up, and slowly I stood, stifling back a scream as my body argued against my standing. If only it hadn’t been necessary to run from Taichi.
I let myself out of the stall and went over to the mirror, flinching back from the sight I saw. The bruise from yesterday had turned a sickly yellow color and had spread out over my cheek. My nose was slightly swollen from where my uncle had punched it. My eyes were red-rimmed and puffy from crying, and they also had huge black marks under them from lack of sleep. Geez, if just my face looked this bad, what did the rest of me look like? I hadn’t actually looked, I hadn’t really wanted to. It was enough just to feel the pain and know the hurt was there. But now I slowly raised my shirt and looked at my chest, turning my head almost immediately at the sight. There wasn’t really any unmarred skin visible anywhere. Tentatively, I took one of my fingers and poked a particularly nasty looking bruise on my ribs. I had to stifle back another scream at the pain it caused. Slowly I lowered my shirt back down, choking back a sob that rose unbidden to my throat.
I want to tell someone... I want someone to find out... please, someone help me. Taichi, help me please... I need you... You said you’d be there if I ever wanted you. Well, I want you and you’re not here for me! Taichi...
+-+-+-+
I’d seen Yamato dash down the corridor directly after the bell, and I knew immediately he was heading for that little-used bathroom down that way. I thought briefly about going after him; however, I figured he needed the time alone, and I couldn’t really afford to miss class.
But when Yamato didn’t show up for third, I begin to worry. He hadn’t gone in that bathroom to do something stupid, had he? Before, I would have said Yamato wasn’t capable of anything like suicide, but that was before whatever happened had happened to him.
“Ano... Sensei?” I spoke up hesitantly, interrupting him in the middle of calling roll.
He sighed and looked down at me over his glasses. “Yes, Yagami-kun?”
“Ishida Yamato is here today, and I think I might know where he is. Can I go after him?”
Sensei stared at me for a long moment, not sure whether to believe me, but I guess he saw how worried I truly was, because he finally nodded and motioned for me to leave.
“Thank you, Sensei,” I said thankfully as I ran out of the room. I headed directly for the bathroom, and stopped before entering. Inside I heard what sounded like someone sobbing, though muffled, as if a shirt was pressed against the face or something. Making up my mind, I went in.
Like I’d thought, it was Yamato. He was sitting down against the wall opposite a mirror, his face buried in his knees, sobbing. “It’s not fair...” I heard him whisper.
“Yama?” I ventured.
He raised his tear-streaked face to me. “Taichi,” he sobbed.
I went over to him and dropped down next to him, pulling him against me in a hug. He winced slightly, but didn’t move away. I wondered once again if what I thought about his uncle was true, but I knew now wasn’t the time to bring it up.
“What’s wrong?” I asked him quietly. “Why are you crying?”
“I need you, Taichi,” he mumbled. “I need you, I need you...”
“Hey, hey, I’m here,” I said, trying to soothe him. I ran my hand through his hair gently a few times, hoping it would help calm him.
“I want to tell you, I really do,” he sniffed. “But you don’t understand... I can’t. I can’t. But I need you so bad, and I’m sorry. I wish I could tell you, and not have to worry. It’s not right, you deserve to know.”
“Yamato...” I was a bit confused, to tell the truth.
“I wish I was dead,” he whispered then. I froze.
“D-dead?” I choked out.
He nodded. “It’s awful, isn’t it? I really do wish I was dead. Everything would be so much easier. I tried, once...”
That one took my breath away. “What?” I gasped. “What do you mean, ‘you tried’?”
“I tried making me dead,” he said, still whispering. “But I got scared, and changed my mind...” He raised his head and looked up into my face. “Don’t tell anyone, please? It was a stupid mistake I regretted instantly.”
“So why are you telling me now?”
“Because I need you,” he said simply, and then, without any warning whatsoever, and before I even really understood what was happening, his lips were on mine, touching softly. Not really aware I was doing it, I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him closer to me, kissing him back, totally caught up in the bliss of the moment.
Finally I let him go, and sat back, stunned, grinning stupidly. “Wow,” I said softly.
He looked at me and blushed. So damn cute. I laughed. “Wow,” I said again. “That was.. unexpected, to say the least.”
He blushed again. “Sorry...”
I smiled. “Nothin’ to be sorry for. We’re going to talk about this later, okay?”
He nodded. “Okay.”
“Good.” I stood. “Think you can face class? Sensei only let me leave to come find you.”
He nodded again, a small smile forming on his face. “Yeah.”
I grinned all the way down the hall and back to class. Yamato kissed me! He kissed me! That must mean he likes me, right? Now more than ever I was determined to help him with whatever was wrong.
“How long?”
“Huh?”
“How long have you liked me?”
He shrugged, a little uneasy. “Err... about... three years, he replied, face turning an interesting crimson colour.
“That long? Wow...” I hadn’t started liking him until about two years ago, some months after the Digital World junk. “So, uh, what do we do now?” I asked, unsure of myself and the situation. What would happen with us now? Would things stay the same, or would we start “going out”? How different was our relationship going to be?
“Dunno,” he said, not looking me in the eye. “I’ve never really been in this situation before...”
“Why’d you kiss me?” I asked. That question had been foremost at my mind all day. Why had he kissed me? What had brought it on?
“I... well, it just seemed like a good idea. I’m not really sure...”
“Are you sorry you did it?” I asked fearfully. Maybe he was regretting it and didn’t want anything to do with me! That would be awful.
“NO!”
A load off my mind...
“No,” he repeated. “Definitely not. I don’t regret it. I just.. Well, I need some time to think things over, really. Is that okay? I mean, you’re not mad at me or anything for it, are you?”
I shook my head. “No! Of course not. I.. I like you. A lot. I’m just not sure where we go next.. I guess I probably need some time too.”
“Can we talk about this tomorrow then? After we’ve had a night to think?”
I assented. “Yeah... that’d be good. And anyways, this is your turn-off.”
He blinked. “Wow, I didn’t realize..” He looked at me then, smiling softly. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”
I smiled back. “Okay. Be well, Yamato.”
He just sort of waved and turned off. I watched him go until he was out of my sight, then turned on the street that would take me to Koushiro’s. I needed to talk to him.
“Well, that’s certainly an unexpected development,” he remarked, taking a sip from his glass of water. He sat the glass back on the table and looked at me.
I grinned at him. “Yeah, but a good one, I think.” I laughed. “Gosh, I never would have imagined that Yamato liked me back! He always had so many girls around, I just thought he was straight, and there was no way I ever had a chance with him. But he kissed me!” I laughed again, completely giddy at the thought of me and Yamato together.
“So it’s a dream come true. The love of your life kissed you, and you’ll spend the rest of your life happily entwined together for eternity. Now come back to reality, Taichi. Have you forgotten the love of your life also has some serious problems right now?”
I sobered at that, remembering Yamato’s words this morning before he’d kissed me. “I wish I were dead.”
“No,” I frowned. I took a long swallow out of my coke can. “I hadn’t forgotten, Kou. I’ve made some progress with him, actually.”
“How so? He still looked pretty awful at lunch.”
“Yeah, but he’s opened up some.”
“He told you what was wrong?”
“No. But he stopped denying that nothing was wrong. He said he wanted to tell me, actually, but that he couldn’t. I don’t know why he can’t, but I’m beginning to seriously believe his uncle is behind this.”
“We’ve been over this before, Taichi,” Koushiro pointed out. “What proof do you have? One bruise does not an abuser make.”
“More than I had before. I don’t know if he even noticed himself, but his nose was a little swollen today, the same way yours is.”
“That’s where you punched me.”
“I know. But I didn’t punch Yamato, and I dare say he didn’t punch himself. But his nose is swollen. So who’s left? His uncle?"
“That’s still not enough.”
“I’m not done. There’s more. When he was going into the building for homeroom, he was limping. I asked him, and he denied it. But I had him walk for me, and the limp was definitely there. And when I came upon him crying in the bathroom and sat down and hugged him, I felt him wince beneath me, as if he were in pain. His uncle is hurting him, Kou, I’m sure of it. Why are you so reluctant to believe it?”
“I’m not,” he said. “I just don’t want you going off half-cocked on an idea that, while it has a good chance of being true, also has a good chance of being not true. But just for the record, I actually agree with you.”
“Then why do you keep arguing against it?!”
“I just want to make sure you realize the seriousness of the situation here. If his uncle really is hurting him, you’re not going to be able to approach him about it, and you certainly can’t approach his uncle about it. You said that Yamato said he can’t tell you. Not won’t. That he wants to tell you. Right?”
I nodded.
“Then there has to be a very good reason why he can’t tell you. If his uncle is hurting him, and doesn’t want him to tell anyone, what’s the most effective way you can think of to make him not tell?”
“I don’t know.”
We sat there for a moment thinking of how Yamato could be silenced. It was sort of hard. Yamato was very stubborn, and he didn’t take being used lightly. If someone was doing something he hated, or that was wrong, he would surely speak up against the person. But he said he can’t...
My eyes widened as I suddenly realized the one way to completely silence Yamato; I looked at Koushiro. As one, we said, “Takeru!”
“Of course.” I felt stupid. “Yamato cares about Takeru more than anything in this world. If his uncle was threatening to hurt Takeru in some kind of way-"
“-he’d never say a word about whatever was going on,” Koushiro finished up.
We stared at each other in stunned shock. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t seen it sooner. Without a doubt, I knew that this was what was going on. Yamato’s uncle was hitting him, and was threatening him with Takeru to keep him silent.
“Maybe if we sent Takeru somewhere..?”
“Don’t think that’d work, Tai. His uncle would probably get suspicious, or angry, and maybe hurt Yamato worse.”
“But at least then Yamato could tell us about it without worrying about what might happen to Takeru.”
“Not if his uncle ended up killing him.”
“Dammit!” I banged my fist down on the table in frustration, tipping both my empty coke can and Kou’s half-empty glass of water over. I didn’t care, and Koushiro just silently righted his cup and went to get a towel in which to wipe the water up with. “Isn’t there anything we can do?”
He looked pained. “Like I said before, we’re just going to have to be patient and wait for Yamato to come to you.”
“That’s not fair...” I whispered.
“No one ever said life was fair, Taichi.”
“I hate that damn cliche,” I grumbled.
“Sorry.”
+-+-+-+
“Why are you so happy?” he asked, glaring at me.
“I-I’m not oji,” I said fearfully. “Really, I’m not.” Whatever happened, he absolutely could not find out about Taichi. I didn’t want to have to worry about him and Takeru both.
He reached out and slapped me across the face, sending me sprawling to the floor from the force of the blow. “Don’t even give me that shit, boy. I know a happy person when I see one. Now, I’ll ask you again. What are you so happy about?”
“I’m not happy!” I cried. “I’m not happy one bit! How can I be, with you hitting me and raping me all the time!” I winced as soon as the words left my mouth. Major mistake there.
“Rape?” he hissed. “You think that what I do to you is rape? Boy, you don’t even know the meaning of the word ‘rape’! But, since you’ve brought it up, I’ll be happy to enlighten you as to the meaning...”
“No!” I cried. “Please,” I pleaded. “I’m sorry! Don’t hurt me, oji, please don’t hurt me!”
He wasn’t listening, and I felt myself being lifted and carried to my bedroom, where I was roughly thrown on the bed. He begin removing my clothes, not caring when he ripped them. His own clothes were next.
“No!” I screamed in terror, convinced he was going to hurt me worse than he ever had before. “No! I’m sorry Oji! Don’t! Please don’t!” I was crying and screaming, drowning in my own terrified emotions. “Oh God, please..”
And then he was in me in one quick thrust, and I screamed again, screamed at the intense pain of it all. Never in my life had I felt such pain as this. Every time he’d used me before, he’d at least taken the care to be gentle and slow. He begin thrusting in and out, rough and fast, and I felt like a knife was up there in me, tearing my insides to pieces. It hurt bad, hurt so much it took my breath away. I couldn’t even scream anymore, or cry, or talk.
“I’ll show you what rape really is, you little bastard,” he grunted as he continued to thrust. “You asked for it. Now you’ll know the difference between rape and non-consensual sex. How does it feel, huh? Don’t like it, do you?” He hit me in the back. “Answer me!”
“N-no..” I wheezed out. “Hurts.. bad.. please stop..”
He merely ignored my plea and continued to have his fun. Then he gave a sort of shuddering jerk, and I felt his body relax against mine, and I knew he’d just came inside me. He’d never actually done that before. He’d always worn a condom.
He pulled out of me then, and, after redressing, left me alone in the room. A few moments later I heard the front door slam and his car starting up.
And then I did allow myself to cry, trying not to focus on the intense pain I was currently feeling. For Taichi, it’s for Taichi, to protect him, I thought. Just remember that. Somehow it was a little hard to do.
Oh God, he raped me, he really raped me bad, it hurts, Taichi I need you...
I didn’t stop to consider the consequences. I suppose I should have, but I just couldn’t. Fumbling for the phone, my hand managed to find it and lift it up. Slowly, painstakingly, I dialed Taichi’s number, getting it right on the first try.
It was picked up by Hikari on the first ring. “Hello?”
“Taichi...” I croaked out, trying to form coherent words through the haze of pain. “Wanna talk..”
“Who is this?” she asked, sounding concerned.
“Yamato. Please...”
“Sure, right away,” she said. Some moments later I heard what sounded like a door being pushed open, and then she said in this worried tone, “Taichi, Yamato’s on the phone.”
“Thanks. Hello? Yamato?”
“Taichi,” I said in that same horrible voice.
“Jesus Yamato, are you okay?! You sound awful. Are you sick?”
“Sick of living.. Come and get me, please. And hurry.”
“Sure, sure, I’ll be right over. I’ll get my mom to drive me. What’s the address?”
I told him, and he repeated it.
“Okay, I got it. You sit tight, okay?”
I didn’t respond , just hung up the phone and waited for him. I tried to get cleaned up, and get some clothes on, but I couldn’t seem to move my legs. So I just lay there for I don’t know how long, until I heard Taichi’s voice.
“Oh my God...” he breathed in horror. “Yamato...”
I felt myself start to tear up. “Taichi... I need you...”
He nodded, putting his hand over his mouth, trying not to cry. “I’m here Yamato.” He came over and patted my head gently. “I’m here for you.”
I passed out.
Chapter 4 finale
Author’s Notes: Oh Gosh, I know, that’s such a torturous place to stop, isn’t it? *grins* This actually isn't what I originally had planned... I wasn’t going to have Taichi find out this way.. but I find it works out quite nicely like this, so I don’t mind that this story took an unscheduled turn ^^ I’m certainly loving it. Angst owns. Anyways, if you’d like, leave me a review, mmkay? It’s fun to read them and see what you guys think! And heh, I actually remembered to run my spell checker this time. Sorry about all the mistakes before!
chapter five
Digimon - R - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 8 - Words: 37396 - Reviews: 33 - Updated: 4-16-04 - Published: 1-11-04
chapter three
Disclaimer: Digimon belongs to Toei Animation. It’s not mine. Pity.
Author’s Notes: Same warnings as the last chapter apply. Plenty more angst abound in this chapter! But to even it out a bit, there’s a bit of fluffiness near the middle. Also, thanks to all those who reviewed last time, your kind words and encouragement mean a lot to me ^^ Hopefully I’ll have this wrapped up in a couple of weeks, though I’ll certainly miss writing it.
Bleed
by: butterflie
Chapter 4:Split
“Oh Taichi, Yamato called for you early. He sounded pretty upset.”
“What?” Dammit, how could I have missed that call... I hoped he was okay. “Did he say anything, leave a message?” Like a phone number, so I could call him?
She shook her head. “No, he just said he’d see you in school tomorrow.”
“Damn,” I moaned. I told him I’d always be there when he needed me, and now he needed me and I was out having a good time with Koushiro. “What time did he call, okaasan?” Maybe I could still go over to his uncle’s house. Oh God, I hope his uncle hadn’t hurt him or anything, I really hoped he was okay. I’m sorry, Yamato, please don’t be mad at me, I didn’t mean to lie to you...
“About three hours ago, I believe,” she told me, watching my face carefully.
“Right after school... but he was fine when I left him...”
“Everything is alright with Yamato, isn’t it, Taichi?”
I shrugged and sighed. “I honestly don’t know, okaasan. For his sake, I hope so...”
+-+-+-+
Wednesday morning
School... who needs school? Who really needs anything... not I... I want to die. I want to be wiped out from this world, my existence erased, my life forgotten, unknown. I don’t want to be alive anymore. I don’t want this pain, I don’t want to feel.
“Boy, you get out here this instant! You’ll be late!”
Whimpering, licking away the salty tears staining my cheeks, I gently got out of bed and proceeded to pull on some clothes. I had to move slowly, every time I moved or even touched a part of my body, my battered skin cried out in protest.
‘Stop that!’ it was saying. ‘You shouldn’t be moving! You should be lying still. You’re hurt. Why do you put us through this torture?’ I wished I had a good answer for that.
Carefully I made my way into the kitchen, trying to hide my limp from my uncle. “Mornin’, oji,” I croaked out. Oh God, it was worse than morning voice. How was I going to get through school like this? I didn’t have to look in a mirror to know just how awful I looked.
But if my uncle took any notice of my condition, he didn’t say anything. “Get going. You’ll be late.”
I nodded ever so slightly and picked up my bookbag from where it was sitting on a chair, then left the house, still walking slowly. Damned if I cared about being late. I certainly wasn’t running to school, not with the way I felt.
But miracle of miracles, I wasn’t late. My uncle lived closer to the school than I did, so it took less time to get there. Taichi was even still in front of the school, waiting to see if I’d actually show up on time or not. His eyes widened as he caught sight of me, but before he could ask what had happened, I offered him a tired smile. “I know, I must look really awful, don’t I?”
He nodded, eyes still huge, full of worry.
“Yeah, I figured. I stayed up all night, studying for this major test I have in second. I didn’t get much sleep.” It wasn’t true of course, but what the hell. Taichi didn’t need to know the truth, for his sake and Takeru’s. Although it certainly would have been nice to tell him...
He raised his eyebrows in disbelief. “You, study? Come on, Yamato, you haven’t studied for weeks, not ever since...” he trailed off. I frowned.
“Since?” I was curious to know what he thought.
“Well, don’t get mad, but ever since you started getting weird.”
I got mad.
“Weird? How the hell am I weird, Taichi?”
He sighed. “I just mean you got all spaced out and stuff, and you stopped doing your homework or studying or being on time...”
Wow. I’d had no idea that it had become so obvious. I’d have to be more careful from now on.
I shrugged. “Well, the test is a major part of our grade. Now come on, let’s go to homeroom before we’re late.” I started heading into the building, but stopped as I noticed he wasn’t following. I turned back around. “What?”
He narrowed his eyes at me. “You’re limping.”
Oh fuck, he’d noticed. “No I’m not,” I said, trying to stay collected. “What gave you that idea?”
His eyes stayed fixated on me. “Take a few steps.”
I did so, trying to walk as normal as possible.
“See, you are. You’re limping. Why are you limping, Yamato?” He sounded suspicious, and I was beginning to wonder just how much Taichi was figuring out on his own. How much did he know about my uncle? Had he guessed what was going on? It was possible, Taichi was a lot smarter than both he and others gave him credit for. And he was pretty perceptive, too.
“I’m not limping, Taichi,” I insisted, taking a few more limping steps. “Come on, you’re making us late.”
He didn’t seem to care if he made us late, he still didn’t move. “Why did you call me last night?”
Dammit. I should have figured Mrs. Yagami would tell him. “How do you know if I called you last night?” I asked, trying to stall for time.
“Okaasan told me. She said you sounded upset. Were you?”
I winced, half hoping he hadn’t noticed. Half hoping he had. Split down the middle. Torn. “No, not really. I just needed to know the homework, and was kind of frustrated.”
He sighed, and suddenly all the anger and suspicion was gone. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?” I asked warily, confused. What was he going on about now?
“I told you I’d always be there when you needed me, and I wasn’t last night. I’m sorry.”
“Uhh... it was just homework, Taichi.”
He merely gave me a look as if to say, ‘Yeah right.’
“Taichi...”
“Why can’t you tell me what’s wrong?” he asked softly. I didn’t say anything. “I know I shouldn’t push you, and Koushiro said I was probably only making you more closed off with all this prying, but I’m only doing it because I care about you, Yamato. I care about you a lot, and seeing you unhappy and hurt makes me unhappy. I want to help you, but I don’t know how when you keep shoving me away.”
Despite trying to pretend everything was cool, I felt myself begin to cry again.
“I want to tell you,” I whispered, finally giving up the denial that nothing was wrong. There was no point in keeping the charade, after all, Taichi wasn’t stupid, as I said before. “But...”
“Then tell me, Yamato. Please.”
“I can’t, Taichi. I’m sorry, I just can’t.”
Then I turned and fled into the building, trying to escape the hurt look of betrayal of Taichi’s face, wishing I just could tell him, knowing I couldn’t and despising myself for it all.
I ignored him all during homeroom, thwarting any attempts to talk to me. I was never more thankful when the bell rang. I jumped up and raced out of the room, ignoring the pain in my leg as I forced it to run, heading not for my class but instead dashing down the corridor and ducking into a little used bathroom in our school. Not that there was anything wrong with it, really, just most people either didn’t know or forgot it was here. It was so rarely used that even the staff barely cleaned it up. There wasn’t really a need to.
This was the bathroom I hid in now, locking myself in one of the stalls, thankful the locks on these doors actually still working. I sat there on the floor, back pressed against the wall, letting the tears I denied during homeroom fall freely.
It’s not fair. Why do I have to deal with this? I wish I could tell someone, wish I could make it all stop. I don’t understand why oji does this to me, what did I ever do to him to deserve this? I want to tell Taichi... I really do. I wish I could. But if I do, oji will... oji’ll.. he’ll kill Takeru. He says he will, and I believe him. I don’t want that to happen. Takeru doesn’t deserve death. I’m the one that should die.
After awhile, my tears finally dried up, and slowly I stood, stifling back a scream as my body argued against my standing. If only it hadn’t been necessary to run from Taichi.
I let myself out of the stall and went over to the mirror, flinching back from the sight I saw. The bruise from yesterday had turned a sickly yellow color and had spread out over my cheek. My nose was slightly swollen from where my uncle had punched it. My eyes were red-rimmed and puffy from crying, and they also had huge black marks under them from lack of sleep. Geez, if just my face looked this bad, what did the rest of me look like? I hadn’t actually looked, I hadn’t really wanted to. It was enough just to feel the pain and know the hurt was there. But now I slowly raised my shirt and looked at my chest, turning my head almost immediately at the sight. There wasn’t really any unmarred skin visible anywhere. Tentatively, I took one of my fingers and poked a particularly nasty looking bruise on my ribs. I had to stifle back another scream at the pain it caused. Slowly I lowered my shirt back down, choking back a sob that rose unbidden to my throat.
I want to tell someone... I want someone to find out... please, someone help me. Taichi, help me please... I need you... You said you’d be there if I ever wanted you. Well, I want you and you’re not here for me! Taichi...
+-+-+-+
I’d seen Yamato dash down the corridor directly after the bell, and I knew immediately he was heading for that little-used bathroom down that way. I thought briefly about going after him; however, I figured he needed the time alone, and I couldn’t really afford to miss class.
But when Yamato didn’t show up for third, I begin to worry. He hadn’t gone in that bathroom to do something stupid, had he? Before, I would have said Yamato wasn’t capable of anything like suicide, but that was before whatever happened had happened to him.
“Ano... Sensei?” I spoke up hesitantly, interrupting him in the middle of calling roll.
He sighed and looked down at me over his glasses. “Yes, Yagami-kun?”
“Ishida Yamato is here today, and I think I might know where he is. Can I go after him?”
Sensei stared at me for a long moment, not sure whether to believe me, but I guess he saw how worried I truly was, because he finally nodded and motioned for me to leave.
“Thank you, Sensei,” I said thankfully as I ran out of the room. I headed directly for the bathroom, and stopped before entering. Inside I heard what sounded like someone sobbing, though muffled, as if a shirt was pressed against the face or something. Making up my mind, I went in.
Like I’d thought, it was Yamato. He was sitting down against the wall opposite a mirror, his face buried in his knees, sobbing. “It’s not fair...” I heard him whisper.
“Yama?” I ventured.
He raised his tear-streaked face to me. “Taichi,” he sobbed.
I went over to him and dropped down next to him, pulling him against me in a hug. He winced slightly, but didn’t move away. I wondered once again if what I thought about his uncle was true, but I knew now wasn’t the time to bring it up.
“What’s wrong?” I asked him quietly. “Why are you crying?”
“I need you, Taichi,” he mumbled. “I need you, I need you...”
“Hey, hey, I’m here,” I said, trying to soothe him. I ran my hand through his hair gently a few times, hoping it would help calm him.
“I want to tell you, I really do,” he sniffed. “But you don’t understand... I can’t. I can’t. But I need you so bad, and I’m sorry. I wish I could tell you, and not have to worry. It’s not right, you deserve to know.”
“Yamato...” I was a bit confused, to tell the truth.
“I wish I was dead,” he whispered then. I froze.
“D-dead?” I choked out.
He nodded. “It’s awful, isn’t it? I really do wish I was dead. Everything would be so much easier. I tried, once...”
That one took my breath away. “What?” I gasped. “What do you mean, ‘you tried’?”
“I tried making me dead,” he said, still whispering. “But I got scared, and changed my mind...” He raised his head and looked up into my face. “Don’t tell anyone, please? It was a stupid mistake I regretted instantly.”
“So why are you telling me now?”
“Because I need you,” he said simply, and then, without any warning whatsoever, and before I even really understood what was happening, his lips were on mine, touching softly. Not really aware I was doing it, I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him closer to me, kissing him back, totally caught up in the bliss of the moment.
Finally I let him go, and sat back, stunned, grinning stupidly. “Wow,” I said softly.
He looked at me and blushed. So damn cute. I laughed. “Wow,” I said again. “That was.. unexpected, to say the least.”
He blushed again. “Sorry...”
I smiled. “Nothin’ to be sorry for. We’re going to talk about this later, okay?”
He nodded. “Okay.”
“Good.” I stood. “Think you can face class? Sensei only let me leave to come find you.”
He nodded again, a small smile forming on his face. “Yeah.”
I grinned all the way down the hall and back to class. Yamato kissed me! He kissed me! That must mean he likes me, right? Now more than ever I was determined to help him with whatever was wrong.
“How long?”
“Huh?”
“How long have you liked me?”
He shrugged, a little uneasy. “Err... about... three years, he replied, face turning an interesting crimson colour.
“That long? Wow...” I hadn’t started liking him until about two years ago, some months after the Digital World junk. “So, uh, what do we do now?” I asked, unsure of myself and the situation. What would happen with us now? Would things stay the same, or would we start “going out”? How different was our relationship going to be?
“Dunno,” he said, not looking me in the eye. “I’ve never really been in this situation before...”
“Why’d you kiss me?” I asked. That question had been foremost at my mind all day. Why had he kissed me? What had brought it on?
“I... well, it just seemed like a good idea. I’m not really sure...”
“Are you sorry you did it?” I asked fearfully. Maybe he was regretting it and didn’t want anything to do with me! That would be awful.
“NO!”
A load off my mind...
“No,” he repeated. “Definitely not. I don’t regret it. I just.. Well, I need some time to think things over, really. Is that okay? I mean, you’re not mad at me or anything for it, are you?”
I shook my head. “No! Of course not. I.. I like you. A lot. I’m just not sure where we go next.. I guess I probably need some time too.”
“Can we talk about this tomorrow then? After we’ve had a night to think?”
I assented. “Yeah... that’d be good. And anyways, this is your turn-off.”
He blinked. “Wow, I didn’t realize..” He looked at me then, smiling softly. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”
I smiled back. “Okay. Be well, Yamato.”
He just sort of waved and turned off. I watched him go until he was out of my sight, then turned on the street that would take me to Koushiro’s. I needed to talk to him.
“Well, that’s certainly an unexpected development,” he remarked, taking a sip from his glass of water. He sat the glass back on the table and looked at me.
I grinned at him. “Yeah, but a good one, I think.” I laughed. “Gosh, I never would have imagined that Yamato liked me back! He always had so many girls around, I just thought he was straight, and there was no way I ever had a chance with him. But he kissed me!” I laughed again, completely giddy at the thought of me and Yamato together.
“So it’s a dream come true. The love of your life kissed you, and you’ll spend the rest of your life happily entwined together for eternity. Now come back to reality, Taichi. Have you forgotten the love of your life also has some serious problems right now?”
I sobered at that, remembering Yamato’s words this morning before he’d kissed me. “I wish I were dead.”
“No,” I frowned. I took a long swallow out of my coke can. “I hadn’t forgotten, Kou. I’ve made some progress with him, actually.”
“How so? He still looked pretty awful at lunch.”
“Yeah, but he’s opened up some.”
“He told you what was wrong?”
“No. But he stopped denying that nothing was wrong. He said he wanted to tell me, actually, but that he couldn’t. I don’t know why he can’t, but I’m beginning to seriously believe his uncle is behind this.”
“We’ve been over this before, Taichi,” Koushiro pointed out. “What proof do you have? One bruise does not an abuser make.”
“More than I had before. I don’t know if he even noticed himself, but his nose was a little swollen today, the same way yours is.”
“That’s where you punched me.”
“I know. But I didn’t punch Yamato, and I dare say he didn’t punch himself. But his nose is swollen. So who’s left? His uncle?"
“That’s still not enough.”
“I’m not done. There’s more. When he was going into the building for homeroom, he was limping. I asked him, and he denied it. But I had him walk for me, and the limp was definitely there. And when I came upon him crying in the bathroom and sat down and hugged him, I felt him wince beneath me, as if he were in pain. His uncle is hurting him, Kou, I’m sure of it. Why are you so reluctant to believe it?”
“I’m not,” he said. “I just don’t want you going off half-cocked on an idea that, while it has a good chance of being true, also has a good chance of being not true. But just for the record, I actually agree with you.”
“Then why do you keep arguing against it?!”
“I just want to make sure you realize the seriousness of the situation here. If his uncle really is hurting him, you’re not going to be able to approach him about it, and you certainly can’t approach his uncle about it. You said that Yamato said he can’t tell you. Not won’t. That he wants to tell you. Right?”
I nodded.
“Then there has to be a very good reason why he can’t tell you. If his uncle is hurting him, and doesn’t want him to tell anyone, what’s the most effective way you can think of to make him not tell?”
“I don’t know.”
We sat there for a moment thinking of how Yamato could be silenced. It was sort of hard. Yamato was very stubborn, and he didn’t take being used lightly. If someone was doing something he hated, or that was wrong, he would surely speak up against the person. But he said he can’t...
My eyes widened as I suddenly realized the one way to completely silence Yamato; I looked at Koushiro. As one, we said, “Takeru!”
“Of course.” I felt stupid. “Yamato cares about Takeru more than anything in this world. If his uncle was threatening to hurt Takeru in some kind of way-"
“-he’d never say a word about whatever was going on,” Koushiro finished up.
We stared at each other in stunned shock. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t seen it sooner. Without a doubt, I knew that this was what was going on. Yamato’s uncle was hitting him, and was threatening him with Takeru to keep him silent.
“Maybe if we sent Takeru somewhere..?”
“Don’t think that’d work, Tai. His uncle would probably get suspicious, or angry, and maybe hurt Yamato worse.”
“But at least then Yamato could tell us about it without worrying about what might happen to Takeru.”
“Not if his uncle ended up killing him.”
“Dammit!” I banged my fist down on the table in frustration, tipping both my empty coke can and Kou’s half-empty glass of water over. I didn’t care, and Koushiro just silently righted his cup and went to get a towel in which to wipe the water up with. “Isn’t there anything we can do?”
He looked pained. “Like I said before, we’re just going to have to be patient and wait for Yamato to come to you.”
“That’s not fair...” I whispered.
“No one ever said life was fair, Taichi.”
“I hate that damn cliche,” I grumbled.
“Sorry.”
+-+-+-+
“Why are you so happy?” he asked, glaring at me.
“I-I’m not oji,” I said fearfully. “Really, I’m not.” Whatever happened, he absolutely could not find out about Taichi. I didn’t want to have to worry about him and Takeru both.
He reached out and slapped me across the face, sending me sprawling to the floor from the force of the blow. “Don’t even give me that shit, boy. I know a happy person when I see one. Now, I’ll ask you again. What are you so happy about?”
“I’m not happy!” I cried. “I’m not happy one bit! How can I be, with you hitting me and raping me all the time!” I winced as soon as the words left my mouth. Major mistake there.
“Rape?” he hissed. “You think that what I do to you is rape? Boy, you don’t even know the meaning of the word ‘rape’! But, since you’ve brought it up, I’ll be happy to enlighten you as to the meaning...”
“No!” I cried. “Please,” I pleaded. “I’m sorry! Don’t hurt me, oji, please don’t hurt me!”
He wasn’t listening, and I felt myself being lifted and carried to my bedroom, where I was roughly thrown on the bed. He begin removing my clothes, not caring when he ripped them. His own clothes were next.
“No!” I screamed in terror, convinced he was going to hurt me worse than he ever had before. “No! I’m sorry Oji! Don’t! Please don’t!” I was crying and screaming, drowning in my own terrified emotions. “Oh God, please..”
And then he was in me in one quick thrust, and I screamed again, screamed at the intense pain of it all. Never in my life had I felt such pain as this. Every time he’d used me before, he’d at least taken the care to be gentle and slow. He begin thrusting in and out, rough and fast, and I felt like a knife was up there in me, tearing my insides to pieces. It hurt bad, hurt so much it took my breath away. I couldn’t even scream anymore, or cry, or talk.
“I’ll show you what rape really is, you little bastard,” he grunted as he continued to thrust. “You asked for it. Now you’ll know the difference between rape and non-consensual sex. How does it feel, huh? Don’t like it, do you?” He hit me in the back. “Answer me!”
“N-no..” I wheezed out. “Hurts.. bad.. please stop..”
He merely ignored my plea and continued to have his fun. Then he gave a sort of shuddering jerk, and I felt his body relax against mine, and I knew he’d just came inside me. He’d never actually done that before. He’d always worn a condom.
He pulled out of me then, and, after redressing, left me alone in the room. A few moments later I heard the front door slam and his car starting up.
And then I did allow myself to cry, trying not to focus on the intense pain I was currently feeling. For Taichi, it’s for Taichi, to protect him, I thought. Just remember that. Somehow it was a little hard to do.
Oh God, he raped me, he really raped me bad, it hurts, Taichi I need you...
I didn’t stop to consider the consequences. I suppose I should have, but I just couldn’t. Fumbling for the phone, my hand managed to find it and lift it up. Slowly, painstakingly, I dialed Taichi’s number, getting it right on the first try.
It was picked up by Hikari on the first ring. “Hello?”
“Taichi...” I croaked out, trying to form coherent words through the haze of pain. “Wanna talk..”
“Who is this?” she asked, sounding concerned.
“Yamato. Please...”
“Sure, right away,” she said. Some moments later I heard what sounded like a door being pushed open, and then she said in this worried tone, “Taichi, Yamato’s on the phone.”
“Thanks. Hello? Yamato?”
“Taichi,” I said in that same horrible voice.
“Jesus Yamato, are you okay?! You sound awful. Are you sick?”
“Sick of living.. Come and get me, please. And hurry.”
“Sure, sure, I’ll be right over. I’ll get my mom to drive me. What’s the address?”
I told him, and he repeated it.
“Okay, I got it. You sit tight, okay?”
I didn’t respond , just hung up the phone and waited for him. I tried to get cleaned up, and get some clothes on, but I couldn’t seem to move my legs. So I just lay there for I don’t know how long, until I heard Taichi’s voice.
“Oh my God...” he breathed in horror. “Yamato...”
I felt myself start to tear up. “Taichi... I need you...”
He nodded, putting his hand over his mouth, trying not to cry. “I’m here Yamato.” He came over and patted my head gently. “I’m here for you.”
I passed out.
Chapter 4 finale
Author’s Notes: Oh Gosh, I know, that’s such a torturous place to stop, isn’t it? *grins* This actually isn't what I originally had planned... I wasn’t going to have Taichi find out this way.. but I find it works out quite nicely like this, so I don’t mind that this story took an unscheduled turn ^^ I’m certainly loving it. Angst owns. Anyways, if you’d like, leave me a review, mmkay? It’s fun to read them and see what you guys think! And heh, I actually remembered to run my spell checker this time. Sorry about all the mistakes before!
chapter five