I will be the first to agree this has been a messy situation on all sides. One of the points maintained from the beggining however is that you are a good person and your views were perfectly valid for you. However, I was naive and took what Holly has come to describe as a miscommunication at face value. Hence, extremely disturbing quotes offered as fuel to the fire of concern.
In my defense... The one reason this wasn't brought to your face directly and immediatly was because I believed (most innacuratly) that it would be best to fully understand the situation before we spoke, and to discuss it with you in person (as that most of this situation took place during the summer when everyone was split up). Holly's decision to let you in on everything was well before we had planned to tell you. We wanted to have a well thought out discussion that now would be rather fruitless.
As I've been telling Holly, my entire goal was her happiness. While I may be wary of how you help her mature, I have learned a valuable life lesson... Well, several actually, but the primary lesson is that issues like this are best handled by those directly involved. Despite my eagernes to help a friend at the time, it is a relationship you two share together. Although I was motivated by the close friendship I had with Holly, I stuck my nose where it didn't belong and for that I apologize. My motivations were never to deface you, but to ensure that Holly wasn't suffering because of wrong actions for the right reasons.
I should take a moment to clarify everything stated and not yet stated. I never hated you, but I did fear the potential for you inflicting pain in Holly unintentionally. That fear is not a concern for me any longer. I see no reason for any continued aggrivations or hostilities to persist into our life next year in Lausanne because the original root of my worries, Holly's happiness and well being, is a matter completely in your and her hands now.
Through this I've learned to be less idealistic and more practical... and it is a hard lesson to learn, and one that I'll be adjusting to for some time. I know a man of lesser qualities and convictions would take this personally but I hope you can see that we had no issues with you as a person, merely what side effects you had on Holly. But, repeating myself again, that is an issue you two soley have responsibility on dealing with. I am sorry for rippling the pond. I appreciate your well thought out comments.
Joe, although we've been learning a lot about each other recently, I want to be very clear that above all things, I value you very greatly as Holly's friend. I also want to be very clear that I never took anything anybody said as hostile or malicious toward me. The primary sorce of aggrevation/pain/sadness was my apparent role in these events. For one thing not everybody can always tell everything to other people, and for the things that Holly can't tell me she has you. For another I am no stranger to being involved in issues that don't have a conventional place for me to be, but many find me to valuable enough as a resource and fair mind to let me be there. Sometimes I really have to push in, when I believe people need help and don't know how to ask or accept it. So far, nobody has complained about it. And further, given what I understood you to have known, I don't blame you for the decisions you made. You and Jeremy know enough to know that people in relationships don't always make the best decisions. Do what you feel and think is right at all times without regard to edicate. I know none of Willemekata group have seen a single aspect of my dark side, as it has never been relavent, and therefore could have no idea what I was capable of, but knew that their is possibility for me to be very dangerous. So, in the future, continue to do as you would do, only with a more complete view of who I am in mind.
In my defense... The one reason this wasn't brought to your face directly and immediatly was because I believed (most innacuratly) that it would be best to fully understand the situation before we spoke, and to discuss it with you in person (as that most of this situation took place during the summer when everyone was split up). Holly's decision to let you in on everything was well before we had planned to tell you. We wanted to have a well thought out discussion that now would be rather fruitless.
As I've been telling Holly, my entire goal was her happiness. While I may be wary of how you help her mature, I have learned a valuable life lesson... Well, several actually, but the primary lesson is that issues like this are best handled by those directly involved. Despite my eagernes to help a friend at the time, it is a relationship you two share together. Although I was motivated by the close friendship I had with Holly, I stuck my nose where it didn't belong and for that I apologize. My motivations were never to deface you, but to ensure that Holly wasn't suffering because of wrong actions for the right reasons.
I should take a moment to clarify everything stated and not yet stated. I never hated you, but I did fear the potential for you inflicting pain in Holly unintentionally. That fear is not a concern for me any longer. I see no reason for any continued aggrivations or hostilities to persist into our life next year in Lausanne because the original root of my worries, Holly's happiness and well being, is a matter completely in your and her hands now.
Through this I've learned to be less idealistic and more practical... and it is a hard lesson to learn, and one that I'll be adjusting to for some time. I know a man of lesser qualities and convictions would take this personally but I hope you can see that we had no issues with you as a person, merely what side effects you had on Holly. But, repeating myself again, that is an issue you two soley have responsibility on dealing with. I am sorry for rippling the pond. I appreciate your well thought out comments.
Reply
Reply
Reply
Leave a comment