sunday afternoon at work
I am incredibly bored. Work is ridiculously slow today, and it leads me to thinking about some of the shit i've been avoiding thinking about for a few days now.
Jon and I are in a very strange place these days. He's having a hard time being alone in Hawaii, and doesn't really know what he wants to come of me moving there. He tells me he still wants me to move there, but the reasons are unclear. I think i helped him get over some of his problems, or at least, started him on the path to getting over them. But that remains to be seen.
and because i am better able to communicate my thoughts and feelings in writing than i am by talking, i can't always say what i want to say to Jon about this whole situation. Relationships are hard, but i am really trying to do my best at keeping the possibilities open for the future. I want to see where things go, as Jon and i have never been in a "real" relationship. He doesn't know what he wants, i think. So i can't help but feel like i'm being taken advantage of in some way with this move to Hawaii. But no matter what comes of it, i think this path is the right one for me at this point in my life. I just dont want to start on this path under false pretenses, you know?
if that made any sense at all...my thoughts are really jumbled and disconnected over it all. I just don't know what to do beyond waiting. and so i've been trying to distract my mind with lots of video games for days on end now. Its an old coping mechanism, but it works for me.
I think i want to go to pullman/moscow for a couple days this week. I work thursday till 4, then have friday off, and dont work on saturday till 2. So if it works out with my friends, i'd like to drive down thursday evening, and stay till saturday morning. I'll make some phone calls about it later tonight i suppose.
and now i think i'll try to find something else to do in the hour and a half i have left at work today.
Jon and I are in a very strange place these days. He's having a hard time being alone in Hawaii, and doesn't really know what he wants to come of me moving there. He tells me he still wants me to move there, but the reasons are unclear. I think i helped him get over some of his problems, or at least, started him on the path to getting over them. But that remains to be seen.
and because i am better able to communicate my thoughts and feelings in writing than i am by talking, i can't always say what i want to say to Jon about this whole situation. Relationships are hard, but i am really trying to do my best at keeping the possibilities open for the future. I want to see where things go, as Jon and i have never been in a "real" relationship. He doesn't know what he wants, i think. So i can't help but feel like i'm being taken advantage of in some way with this move to Hawaii. But no matter what comes of it, i think this path is the right one for me at this point in my life. I just dont want to start on this path under false pretenses, you know?
if that made any sense at all...my thoughts are really jumbled and disconnected over it all. I just don't know what to do beyond waiting. and so i've been trying to distract my mind with lots of video games for days on end now. Its an old coping mechanism, but it works for me.
I think i want to go to pullman/moscow for a couple days this week. I work thursday till 4, then have friday off, and dont work on saturday till 2. So if it works out with my friends, i'd like to drive down thursday evening, and stay till saturday morning. I'll make some phone calls about it later tonight i suppose.
and now i think i'll try to find something else to do in the hour and a half i have left at work today.