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FFFFFFFFF I COME BACK FROM VACATION AND I HAVE LIKE FORTY-SIX EMAILS OF FRIEND ADDING-NESS WHAT IS THIS MADNESS
I will be so glad when this this app period is over but not really because Daisychain will be ending. :'<
OKAY SO LAST WEEK WE WENT TO THE WHARF IN ORANGE BEACH and basically I just went on the lazy river (FUCK YEAH LAZY RIVERS) all the time and got sunburnt. It's a really nice area -- the condos are gorgeous, and there are tons of tourist-y stores all over the place but they're generally okay. They had a giant Ferris wheel we did not go on because Mom is terrified of heights, and they had a zipline that we also did not go on, mainly because I am really light and I didn't want to get stuck halfway across.
I was at the Clarko State Park Monday through today and I really don't have to explain how boring it was, seriously. I do not do well with the heat and the nature and the outside. At least, not during summer. I just overheat so easily I really can't enjoy myself. I would love to go during the fall, but there's really not much opportunity for that.
Dad and Josh went fishing, but Dad was the only one who caught anything. We called the first fish Barney (I wasn't around to hear the conversation leading up to the naming so I can't explain), and I posthumously named the second fish Ted. I do not yet know if they are delicious but I think we're going to find out tonight.
I. Uh. Also read New Moon while at Clarko.
Shut up okay.
I figure I'm going to see the movie anyway, and I might as well know just what the fuck is going on, and I always feel guilty when I go see book movies when I haven't seen the source material and --
SHUT UP OKAY
But anyway. Basically what happens is BAWWW BELLA IS GETTING OLDER THAN HER SPARKLY BOYFRIEND BAWWW SHE HATES BIRTHDAYS BAWWW SHE DOESN'T WANT A PARTY but TOO FUCKING BAD you crazy female. Edward breaks up with Bella to protect her because Jasper went nuts when she got a papercut, and he managed to convince Bella that he doesn't love her anymore. Bella has a spectacular meltdown that lasts several months until she realizes she hallucinates Edward's voice whenever she does something stupid and dangerous.
She HALLUCINATES Edward's VOICE whenever she does something STUPID and DANGEROUS.
Contrary to what you might think, this is where it actually starts getting good, because she realizes the best way to do this is to go motorcycle riding. Fuck yeah, motorcycles. So she goes to her friend Jacob, who is totally a werewolf and if you didn't see that coming at all you should just get out right now, and they get a motorcycle fixed up and she hallucinates some more. Whatever. Bella BAWWWs and whines about Edward for approximately fifty billion pages while angsting over the fact that she's starting to like Jacob, and then the werewolf not-secret comes out and REALLY, JACOB, YOU WERE WORRIED ABOUT BELLA NOT LIKING YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE A "MONSTER" WHEN SHE'S THE ONE HEAD OVER HEELS FOR A VAMPIRE JUST GET OVER YOURSELF
So Jacob and the rest of the Quileute werewolves are hunting Victoria, the vampire chick from the first book, because she's pissed about Edward killing James or some shit, but what is basically boils down to is that Bella is in danger again. What's interesting is that it keeps gearing up for this vampire vs. werewolf showdown, and fuck yeah action sequences even if it's in this terrible book (and I know Meyer is at least somewhat capable of tiny bits of badassery because I read that bit in Midnight Sun where Edward plans out how to kill an entire classroom full of people when Bella walks in for the first time and later he rips a vampire's head off, so yeah), but what actually happens is a cockblock of gigantic proportions when suddenly it switches from vampire hunting to "oh fuck now Edward thinks Bella's dead because Alice saw her jumping off a cliff for the hallucinations and now he's going to commit suicide so let's drop everything and go save him."
What.
The only good thing about all that is the fact that Alice is back in the story, and holy jesus christ on a cracker I love Alice. SHE SNAPS JAMES' NECK. SHE STEALS CARS. I LOVE ALICE.
She also doesn't put up Bella's BAWWW I WANT TO BE A VAMPIRE bullshit and seriously considers changing her to make her shut up. Have I mentioned that I love Alice?
Blah blah blah, Alice uses her prescience to see what's going on in Italy where Edward is going to commit suicide, and when the Volturi, the head vampire clan, refuses to kill him, Edward decides to provoke their ire by doing something conspicuous in the city in which their headquarters is situated. He ranges from some pretty kickass plans, such as picking up a car and chucking it through a wall to killing someone, but in the end he decides to just walk out into the sun at noon in a really public place.
Let's put this into perspective: he decides to commit suicide by sparkling.
SUICIDE BY SPARKLING.
This, of course, doesn't work, AND THIS ENTIRE SEQUENCE IS DUMB, I JUST FUCKING GIVE UP. HE LEAVES HER FOR FUCKING EVER AND I HAD TO PUT UP WITH HER BAWWWING ABOUT HOW MUCH SHE MISSES HIM AND HOW NOW SHE CAN'T LIVE THE LIFE SHE WANTED AND WHEN SHE FINALLY STARTS GETTING OVER IT SOMEWHAT WE GET HIT IN THE FACE WITH THIS BULLSHIT AND I CAN'T STOP CAPSLOCKING BECAUSE OF HOW ANGRY THIS MAKES ME. MAYBE IF THE WHOLE "GOING BACK FOR EDWARD" THING HAD BEEN FORESHADOWED SOMEWHAT I WOULDN'T BE THIS MAD BUT THE EXACT SAME THING HAPPENED IN TWILIGHT, WHAT WITH THE WHOLE "OH SHIT WE'VE GOT A HUNDRED PAGES LEFT IN THE BOOK AND I HAVEN'T STARTED THE PLOT, OH SHIT OH FUCK GET GOING," EXCEPT WE DID HAVE A PLOT, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN SOMEWHAT INTERESTING, AND GODDAMMIT I WANTED TO SEE THE WEREWOLF PACK TEAR VICTORIA'S SHIT UP BUT NOOOOO, BELLA AND EDWARD'S LOVE IS TRUE AND ETERNAL AND FUCK YOUR EXPECTATIONS, WE'RE DOING THIS MEYER'S WAY.
So basically Bella gets there in time, Edward realizes oh shit, Alice's visions aren't infallible, something we've known since Alice was introduced, their reunion is spectacularly unemotional, they get dragged down to the Volturi's headquarters, shit happens, they want to make Bella a vampire, Edward says no, stuff happens and really, I don't even want to talk about how stupid this whole thing is because what happens next is even stupider. But before I get on to that, I just want to say Aro is actually a pretty cool guy for a sparkly vampire.
There's this bit when they're leaving that just completely blows my mind with just how poorly written this whole thing is. From day one Bella's been positively nuts about wanting to become a vampire, and that's one of the reasons why she freaks out the way she does when Edward leaves. Without him, she can't change. Anyway, after listening to the Volturi rip apart a bunch of tourists, they pass by this desk lady who apparently works for the clan in the hopes that they'll change her one day. Bella's reaction, upon being told this, is this: "How can she want that? How can she watch those people file through to that hideous room and want to be a part of that?"
EXCUSE ME, WHAT.
I suppose she means "how could anyone want to be part of that bloodbath," seeing as how the Volturi obviously don't abstain from feeding on humans, and Bella would most likely take the Cullen route and feed on animals, but seriously, what the christ.
I'm going to admit right now that I came very, very close to screaming in rage and tearing this book up. It's so stupid to get worked up over this, I know, but I couldn't help it. After returning from Italy and going back to Forks, Bella gets woken up by Edward in her bed, who starts explaining just what's been going on. He apologizes for leaving her in so much danger (he thought Victoria wasn't going to go after her and feels guilty for not being around to protect her), and Bella is confused because she thinks he was committing suicide due to the not-safe Bella guilt. Edward corrects her: he was committing suicide because he thought she was dead. Bella is even more confused, because before he left he told her he didn't want her anymore. He didn't say anything about Jasper and danger and lack of self-control. He then talks about how much it was killing him to lie to her like that, and then we get this:
"But how could you believe me? After the thousand times I've told you I love you, how could you let one word break your faith in me?"
I didn't answer. I was too shocked to form a rational response.
"I could see it in your eyes, that you had honestly believed that I didn't want you anymore. The most absurd, ridiculous concept--as if there were any way I could exist without needing you!"
He shook my shoulder again, not hard, but enough that my teeth rattled a little.
"Bella," he sighed. "Really, what were you thinking!"
I don't even have the words to properly articulate how many things are wrong with what just happened here. Edward just turned everything that Bella had gone through in the months while he was gone and pinned the the blame on her. Yes, she was being a whiny, melodramatic idiot. Yes, she really should have actually tried to get over him. However, he was the one who made the decision to leave in the first place, the one who convinced her he didn't love her anymore, the one who went so far as to take everything she ever had of him and hide it under the floorboards so "it would be like he'd never existed." She went nuts just trying to find the meadow where they had the SKIN OF A KILLERRRR conversation. Charlie, her dad, talks to Alice about how depressed and practically catatonic she was in the months following his absence. She has horrible nightmares practically every night and she wakes up screaming.
And now Edward is saying that was all her fault?
I don't care how much I dislike Bella, you just get the fuck out right now, Edward. Get the fuck out and never come back.
Charlie is of the same mindset, if the way he yells at Edward and pretty much bans him from their property is any indication, but what kills me here is that Bella gets upset with him for being mad at Edward and tells her dad to be mad at her when they come back from Italy.
AAAAAAAAAAAA
I can't even talk about the fucktastically ridiculous ending this book has (Bella: "I wanna be a vampire!" Edward: "FFFFFF OKAY WHATEVER but only if you marry me." Bella: "FFFFFF WHAT. OH SHIT WHAT." And then it gets more complicated in the next book because he won't turn her into a vampire until they get married, and Bella doesn't want to turn into a vampire until they've had sex, and Edward won't have sex until they get married and OH JESUS CHRIST I THINK MY HEAD IS GOING TO EXPLODE) but it's basically the werewolves declaring WARRRR HAS CHANGED on the Cullens because they're not supposed to bite people or the peace treaty is off but I think that gets thrown out the window shortly into Eclipse. Stephanie Meyer can't even keep her (nonexistant) plots straight.
Fuck this shit, I'm done.
I will be so glad when this this app period is over but not really because Daisychain will be ending. :'<
OKAY SO LAST WEEK WE WENT TO THE WHARF IN ORANGE BEACH and basically I just went on the lazy river (FUCK YEAH LAZY RIVERS) all the time and got sunburnt. It's a really nice area -- the condos are gorgeous, and there are tons of tourist-y stores all over the place but they're generally okay. They had a giant Ferris wheel we did not go on because Mom is terrified of heights, and they had a zipline that we also did not go on, mainly because I am really light and I didn't want to get stuck halfway across.
I was at the Clarko State Park Monday through today and I really don't have to explain how boring it was, seriously. I do not do well with the heat and the nature and the outside. At least, not during summer. I just overheat so easily I really can't enjoy myself. I would love to go during the fall, but there's really not much opportunity for that.
Dad and Josh went fishing, but Dad was the only one who caught anything. We called the first fish Barney (I wasn't around to hear the conversation leading up to the naming so I can't explain), and I posthumously named the second fish Ted. I do not yet know if they are delicious but I think we're going to find out tonight.
I. Uh. Also read New Moon while at Clarko.
Shut up okay.
I figure I'm going to see the movie anyway, and I might as well know just what the fuck is going on, and I always feel guilty when I go see book movies when I haven't seen the source material and --
SHUT UP OKAY
But anyway. Basically what happens is BAWWW BELLA IS GETTING OLDER THAN HER SPARKLY BOYFRIEND BAWWW SHE HATES BIRTHDAYS BAWWW SHE DOESN'T WANT A PARTY but TOO FUCKING BAD you crazy female. Edward breaks up with Bella to protect her because Jasper went nuts when she got a papercut, and he managed to convince Bella that he doesn't love her anymore. Bella has a spectacular meltdown that lasts several months until she realizes she hallucinates Edward's voice whenever she does something stupid and dangerous.
She HALLUCINATES Edward's VOICE whenever she does something STUPID and DANGEROUS.
Contrary to what you might think, this is where it actually starts getting good, because she realizes the best way to do this is to go motorcycle riding. Fuck yeah, motorcycles. So she goes to her friend Jacob, who is totally a werewolf and if you didn't see that coming at all you should just get out right now, and they get a motorcycle fixed up and she hallucinates some more. Whatever. Bella BAWWWs and whines about Edward for approximately fifty billion pages while angsting over the fact that she's starting to like Jacob, and then the werewolf not-secret comes out and REALLY, JACOB, YOU WERE WORRIED ABOUT BELLA NOT LIKING YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE A "MONSTER" WHEN SHE'S THE ONE HEAD OVER HEELS FOR A VAMPIRE JUST GET OVER YOURSELF
So Jacob and the rest of the Quileute werewolves are hunting Victoria, the vampire chick from the first book, because she's pissed about Edward killing James or some shit, but what is basically boils down to is that Bella is in danger again. What's interesting is that it keeps gearing up for this vampire vs. werewolf showdown, and fuck yeah action sequences even if it's in this terrible book (and I know Meyer is at least somewhat capable of tiny bits of badassery because I read that bit in Midnight Sun where Edward plans out how to kill an entire classroom full of people when Bella walks in for the first time and later he rips a vampire's head off, so yeah), but what actually happens is a cockblock of gigantic proportions when suddenly it switches from vampire hunting to "oh fuck now Edward thinks Bella's dead because Alice saw her jumping off a cliff for the hallucinations and now he's going to commit suicide so let's drop everything and go save him."
What.
The only good thing about all that is the fact that Alice is back in the story, and holy jesus christ on a cracker I love Alice. SHE SNAPS JAMES' NECK. SHE STEALS CARS. I LOVE ALICE.
She also doesn't put up Bella's BAWWW I WANT TO BE A VAMPIRE bullshit and seriously considers changing her to make her shut up. Have I mentioned that I love Alice?
Blah blah blah, Alice uses her prescience to see what's going on in Italy where Edward is going to commit suicide, and when the Volturi, the head vampire clan, refuses to kill him, Edward decides to provoke their ire by doing something conspicuous in the city in which their headquarters is situated. He ranges from some pretty kickass plans, such as picking up a car and chucking it through a wall to killing someone, but in the end he decides to just walk out into the sun at noon in a really public place.
Let's put this into perspective: he decides to commit suicide by sparkling.
SUICIDE BY SPARKLING.
This, of course, doesn't work, AND THIS ENTIRE SEQUENCE IS DUMB, I JUST FUCKING GIVE UP. HE LEAVES HER FOR FUCKING EVER AND I HAD TO PUT UP WITH HER BAWWWING ABOUT HOW MUCH SHE MISSES HIM AND HOW NOW SHE CAN'T LIVE THE LIFE SHE WANTED AND WHEN SHE FINALLY STARTS GETTING OVER IT SOMEWHAT WE GET HIT IN THE FACE WITH THIS BULLSHIT AND I CAN'T STOP CAPSLOCKING BECAUSE OF HOW ANGRY THIS MAKES ME. MAYBE IF THE WHOLE "GOING BACK FOR EDWARD" THING HAD BEEN FORESHADOWED SOMEWHAT I WOULDN'T BE THIS MAD BUT THE EXACT SAME THING HAPPENED IN TWILIGHT, WHAT WITH THE WHOLE "OH SHIT WE'VE GOT A HUNDRED PAGES LEFT IN THE BOOK AND I HAVEN'T STARTED THE PLOT, OH SHIT OH FUCK GET GOING," EXCEPT WE DID HAVE A PLOT, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN SOMEWHAT INTERESTING, AND GODDAMMIT I WANTED TO SEE THE WEREWOLF PACK TEAR VICTORIA'S SHIT UP BUT NOOOOO, BELLA AND EDWARD'S LOVE IS TRUE AND ETERNAL AND FUCK YOUR EXPECTATIONS, WE'RE DOING THIS MEYER'S WAY.
So basically Bella gets there in time, Edward realizes oh shit, Alice's visions aren't infallible, something we've known since Alice was introduced, their reunion is spectacularly unemotional, they get dragged down to the Volturi's headquarters, shit happens, they want to make Bella a vampire, Edward says no, stuff happens and really, I don't even want to talk about how stupid this whole thing is because what happens next is even stupider. But before I get on to that, I just want to say Aro is actually a pretty cool guy for a sparkly vampire.
There's this bit when they're leaving that just completely blows my mind with just how poorly written this whole thing is. From day one Bella's been positively nuts about wanting to become a vampire, and that's one of the reasons why she freaks out the way she does when Edward leaves. Without him, she can't change. Anyway, after listening to the Volturi rip apart a bunch of tourists, they pass by this desk lady who apparently works for the clan in the hopes that they'll change her one day. Bella's reaction, upon being told this, is this: "How can she want that? How can she watch those people file through to that hideous room and want to be a part of that?"
EXCUSE ME, WHAT.
I suppose she means "how could anyone want to be part of that bloodbath," seeing as how the Volturi obviously don't abstain from feeding on humans, and Bella would most likely take the Cullen route and feed on animals, but seriously, what the christ.
I'm going to admit right now that I came very, very close to screaming in rage and tearing this book up. It's so stupid to get worked up over this, I know, but I couldn't help it. After returning from Italy and going back to Forks, Bella gets woken up by Edward in her bed, who starts explaining just what's been going on. He apologizes for leaving her in so much danger (he thought Victoria wasn't going to go after her and feels guilty for not being around to protect her), and Bella is confused because she thinks he was committing suicide due to the not-safe Bella guilt. Edward corrects her: he was committing suicide because he thought she was dead. Bella is even more confused, because before he left he told her he didn't want her anymore. He didn't say anything about Jasper and danger and lack of self-control. He then talks about how much it was killing him to lie to her like that, and then we get this:
"But how could you believe me? After the thousand times I've told you I love you, how could you let one word break your faith in me?"
I didn't answer. I was too shocked to form a rational response.
"I could see it in your eyes, that you had honestly believed that I didn't want you anymore. The most absurd, ridiculous concept--as if there were any way I could exist without needing you!"
He shook my shoulder again, not hard, but enough that my teeth rattled a little.
"Bella," he sighed. "Really, what were you thinking!"
I don't even have the words to properly articulate how many things are wrong with what just happened here. Edward just turned everything that Bella had gone through in the months while he was gone and pinned the the blame on her. Yes, she was being a whiny, melodramatic idiot. Yes, she really should have actually tried to get over him. However, he was the one who made the decision to leave in the first place, the one who convinced her he didn't love her anymore, the one who went so far as to take everything she ever had of him and hide it under the floorboards so "it would be like he'd never existed." She went nuts just trying to find the meadow where they had the SKIN OF A KILLERRRR conversation. Charlie, her dad, talks to Alice about how depressed and practically catatonic she was in the months following his absence. She has horrible nightmares practically every night and she wakes up screaming.
And now Edward is saying that was all her fault?
I don't care how much I dislike Bella, you just get the fuck out right now, Edward. Get the fuck out and never come back.
Charlie is of the same mindset, if the way he yells at Edward and pretty much bans him from their property is any indication, but what kills me here is that Bella gets upset with him for being mad at Edward and tells her dad to be mad at her when they come back from Italy.
AAAAAAAAAAAA
I can't even talk about the fucktastically ridiculous ending this book has (Bella: "I wanna be a vampire!" Edward: "FFFFFF OKAY WHATEVER but only if you marry me." Bella: "FFFFFF WHAT. OH SHIT WHAT." And then it gets more complicated in the next book because he won't turn her into a vampire until they get married, and Bella doesn't want to turn into a vampire until they've had sex, and Edward won't have sex until they get married and OH JESUS CHRIST I THINK MY HEAD IS GOING TO EXPLODE) but it's basically the werewolves declaring WARRRR HAS CHANGED on the Cullens because they're not supposed to bite people or the peace treaty is off but I think that gets thrown out the window shortly into Eclipse. Stephanie Meyer can't even keep her (nonexistant) plots straight.
Fuck this shit, I'm done.