6. Speed
You always drain me.
I only breathe, walk and speak because I ignore my thoughts of you.
Whenever I focus on you, I break.
And you hurt, so, so much.
I've lost many things...
I've lost pieces of me. Little fragments of my memory and who I used to be.
I've lost my heart, my innocence.
I've been empty at times, but none have torn me down as much as losing you.
Nothing has ever hurt like you.
No void has ever been larger.
And it wasn't something I did or didn't do.
It wasn't words from my mouth or changes in my mind.
It was you.
Because like always, everything is about you.
The sun rises and sets on your desires and decisions.
You transform the world and the people around you to your one-dimensional, one-way universe.
You had to be happy.
You had to be free and loved.
Because it was never enough.
All the love and care and devotion was yours.
But you didn't want it.
Not mine.
I cried because I wanted you so bad, even before my eyes had seen your face.
I cried because of all you didn't have and I did.
I cried because I felt our room closing in on me when you weren't there.
Not once did you hold me.
I begged you to let me dry your tears.
I built myself around you, protecting you.
I held you up, above everything, above me even.
I tried, everyday, to hold you close, to make you feel at home.
Always fearing you'd wake up one day and just walk away.
But you didnt. You ran