Crashing Ashore - 11/11
[Title] Crashing Ashore - Final
[Pairing] Haehyuk and all the other couples I’m too lazy to name.
[Genre] Romance/Fluff/Slight Angst
[Rating] PG-13
[Disclaimer] I own them all! I barely own myself.
[Summary] Forced to spend his summer working at his uncle’s beach shop, Eunhyuk finds himself getting swept up in the in the current that is Donghae. Will he be able to swim out or will he let himself drown? (Oh Shisus, this wordplay is killing me)
[A/N] This chapter will be in the 3rd p.o.v.
*~*~*~*~*~*
Eunhyuk sat on the floor folding his clothes while Kyuhyun was sprawled out on his bed. He was nursing his bruised knuckles in ice, wining every now and then when it got too cold.
“You shouldn’t have done it in the first place, Kyu,” Eunhyuk said, noticing his discomfort.
“So, I should’ve just let that asshole suck someone’s face off right in front of you?” Kyuhyun cocked an eyebrow, watching Eunhyuk fidget uncomfortably at the mention of it.
“No… but, you should have just let me handle it,” Eunhyuk finally said.
“Your idea of handling it would have been exactly what you’re doing now, only more tears would have been involved, and I wouldn’t have the satisfaction of knowing that he won’t be able to chew right for a week.”
“Still, this is my problem, Kyu. You shouldn’t have gotten involved,” Eunhyuk insisted.
“Look,” Kyuhyun started, sitting up on the bed. “As much as I try to deny it, we are brothers. So your problems are automatically mine to share and solve, whether I like it or not.”
“But, I’m the hyung. I’m supposed to be the one to take care of you and solve your problems, not the other way around.”
“Well, it’s a good thing I’ve never seen you as my hyung then, huh?” Kyuhyun said, not even moving away from the sock that was thrown in his face. He just threw it back on the pile of clothes that were piled up neatly in a suitcase. “You know, you really shouldn’t leave. It’ll look like he won.”
Eunhyuk just stared at the shirt he was trying to fold, running his fingers over the soft material. “I don’t know what else to do Kyu. I just… I can’t be here and risk seeing him, with or without someone else. I don’t think I can handle any more,” he said, crumpling the shirt as the tears ran down his face.
Kyuhyun sighed; the only thing bigger than his soft spot for Sungmin was the soft spot for his crying brother. He moved to sit on the floor next to him, offering him a shoulder that Eunhyuk quickly attached himself to. He knew he couldn’t force him to stay; he wouldn’t be able to see Eunhyuk in tears too many more times before he seriously tried to kill Donghae.
“You know everyone will miss you,” Kyuhyun said after his cries quieted.
“I know. I’ll miss them too,” Eunhyuk said between sniffles, trying not to tear up again thinking of the friends he had just made that he was going to have to leave behind. “But you can’t tell any of them I’m leaving okay? They’ll just try to talk me out of it, and I don’t need any more reasons to change my mind.”
“If you say so hyung,” Kyuhyun said, frowning at the thought of Leeteuk and Sungmin finding out about Eunhyuk departure after he’s gone. If he thought he was seeing waterworks now…
“When are you leaving?”
“The train leaves at seven tomorrow night. Uncle’s going to pick me up from the station when I get there.”
“That soon?”
“Well, I wanted to make sure I didn’t have enough time to think about it so I wouldn’t change my mind,” Eunhyuk said, wiping his face and moving from Kyuhyun’s shoulder to resume packing.
“I just hope you know what you’re doing hyung.” Kyuhyun said, standing up to leave.
“I hope so too,” Eunhyuk added, too quietly for Kyuhyun to hear.
Eunhyuk laid spread out on the floor in the living room with the windows wide open, letting the late afternoon sun warm his skin, and occasionally glancing at his packed bags by the door. He had managed to hide them from view long enough for Kyuhyun to get Sunny and Sungmin out of the house without suspicion, and their shifts didn’t end until 7:30 tonight. He would be well on his way back by then. He sighed heavily, not liking all this sneaking around he had to do, but he was barely hanging onto his decision now, he didn’t need anything else to crack at his already chipped resolution.
He knew that he had to leave, it was the only way he could have any hope of getting over Donghae. If he had to be subjected to seeing him acting so unaffected by what happened between them, and finding someone else so easily, he’d never get past it.
He had to distance himself from Donghae so that he could get over seeing those eyes that were always so warm and open to him, or that playful smile, that always seemed so gentle and bright, or the sweet words that always seemed to come so effortlessly. Looking back on it, maybe he should’ve realized that the actions that were so important to him, was probably worth less than a grain of salt to Donghae. Eunhyuk could only laugh bitterly thinking about it. He was probably just one of many in a list that would just go on and on without him.
He crossed his arm over his face when he felt the hot tears stream down his face. No matter how much he wanted to, he just couldn’t forget the way his heart would thump at the sight of his face, only now it was accompanied by painful tightening in his chest, one he hoped would dull once he was gone.
He was pulled out of his thoughts by the sound of the door unlocking and opening.
“Hyuk?” Eunhyuk abruptly sat up at the sound of the familiar voice, quickly wiping away the evidence of his misery.
“What are you doing here? How'd you get in?” Eunhyuk questioned, startled.
“Sungmin lent me his key so that we could talk.”
“About what?” Eunhyuk asked warily.
“Your uncle called me and told me you were leaving,” Leeteuk said, taking a seat next to him on the floor.
“Hyung, please, don’t try to talk me out of it,” Eunhyuk pleaded, eyes closed shut so that Leeteuk couldn’t see the look of sadness in his eyes. “I have to… no, I need to do this. I can’t stay here.”
Leeteuk only sighed before placing a comforting hand on Eunhyuk’s shoulder. “I won’t. Even though I really, really want to,” he gave a half-hearted smile. “I can tell this is hard on you,” he said, eyes on the tears tracks that lingered on the other’s face. “It would be selfish of me to ask you stay and suffer just because I’ll miss you. A lot. A whole-”
“Hyung,” Eunhyuk whined.
“Okay, okay. I’m done. I just hope that everything works out Hyuk. I hate to see you like this. We all do,” he said, opening his arms for a hug.
“I’ll miss you too hyung,” Eunhyuk said accepting the hug and letting Leeteuk console him.
“Just promise me you’ll forget all about him, so that you can come back and visit us soon, okay?”
“I’ll try, hyung. I’ll try.”
“I thought you’d be here.” Donghae looked up at the intruding voice and sighed when he saw Kibum walking towards him.
“What do you want Kibum?” he asked exasperatedly, still moving over to make room for the other to sit down. He suddenly regretted letting Kibum know where this place was. Kibum didn’t answer immediately and took the seat that was offered and looked out at the water. They sat in silence for a while before it finally got to be too much for Donghae.
“Just say it, okay,” he said irritably.
“Say what?” Kibum asked innocently.
“Don’t give me that Kibum. Go on and just say it. Tell me!” Donghae stood up abruptly and began to pace in front of Kibum.
“Tell me how bad I screwed things up. Tell me what a big mistake I made and how I probably ruined the best thing o ever had! Tell me what an idiot I am! Tell me… tell me,” he stopped and sunk to his knees on the sand, hanging his head in despair. “Tell me how to fix this Kibum,” he whispered desperately, looking at him pleadingly.
Kibum sighed, feeling sympathy for his friend and got up to pat Donghae on the back.
“Donghae, why did you even break it off in the first place?”
“I don’t even know!” Donghae ran a hand through his hair. “He… he was asking me what he were or something like thae and then before I could even say anything he just told me that he was leaving and I… I just panicked and told him… we weren’t really serious.”
“What the hell Donghae, why would you say that?” Kibum pinched the bridge of his nose and barely resisted the urge to smack Donghae.
“I mean, what was I supposed to say?”
“Anything but that,” Kibum shook his head.
“Ugh, I know. I know,” Donghae said as he fisted his hair, falling back to lie in the sand. “What am I supposed to do?”
“What do you want to do?”
“I… want him. I want him back, but I’m sure he hates me know.”
“I’m positive he does,” Kibum offered helpfully.
“Thanks Kibum. Thanks a lot.”
“Well, after what you just told me and that little display you put on at the beach, what do you expect?” Donghae groaned at the memory and suddenly the throbbing in his jaw increased.
“But that wasn’t even my fault. She kissed me!”
“After you flirted with her,” Kibum reminded him.
“I wasn’t flirting with her… Well, I wasn’t trying to… Okay, I shouldn’t have been.”
“Donghae, you’re an idiot.”
“I know,” Donghae quickly agreed. “But it’s all his fault! He does this to me. I’ve never felt anything like this before, and just when everything was going great, he drops that bomb on me.
“I mean how was I supposed to respond to the person I love telling me they were leaving me in a few weeks? What’s the point?”
“Donghae, when has love ever had a point?”
“God, Kibum I really cannot deal with your philosophical crap right now,” Donghae sighed.
“I’m serious Donghae. Do you love Eunhyuk?”
“.…Yeah. More than I think I’ve ever loved anyone before.”
“Well, then maybe you should let him know that. I mean, being together and happy while he’s here now is better than being apart and miserable until he leaves, right? And who said after he leaves, you can’t be together?” Kibum asked.
“But, I don’t know if a long distance relationship will work.”
“Will it really hurt to try?”
“It might, Kibum. That’s what I’m afraid of.”
“Are you telling me Eunhyuk’s not worth the chance?”
“But it’s because it’s Eunhyuk that I don’t want to try. I… I don’t want to lose him,” Donghae whispered.
“It’s a little too late for that now,” Kibum pointed out and Donghae could only sigh.
“You should at least tell him how you feel, Hae. He at least deserves an explanation. It’s not fair to him to let him leave thinking he’s meant nothing to you,” Kibum said, giving Donghae one last pat on the shoulder before getting up to leave. Donghae watched his figure walking off of the beach, his last words echoing loudly in his mind.
“He… means everything to me,” he finally admitted, turning to look at the same rushing waters where he had first realized his feeling for Eunhyuk, right after their first lesson.
Something stirred in him every time he looked into those wide brown eyes. He could see everything he every wanted and anything he could possibly need. And the way Eunhyuk would light up whenever he walked into a room or pretend to be angry with him only to whine when he tried to leave had the other feeling like he might’ve meant the same to him. At least, it used to. When he looked into his eyes for the first time since that night he knew that he could never hate himself more than he did at that moment, knowing that he was responsible for the look on the other’s face.
Kibum was right. He couldn’t let this end without Eunhyuk knowing what he was-what is to him. He stood up quickly, heart and mind set as he marched the familiar path to the shop, the face that was permanently etched into his mind from the first time he saw it burning hot in his mind.
Not thirty minutes later he was pacing back and forth in front of Eunhyuk’s door, trying to get the jumbled vocabulary in his mind organized so that he could form a proper speech for Eunhyuk, if the other even wanted to see him. And even if he did manage to figure out what to say, what would he do if Kyuhyun opened the door? The thought made him shrink back, confidence falling with every passing second.
Maybe he shouldn’t do this. He had no experience in apologizing to anyone anyway; he would probably just make things worse. He could live without talking to Eunhyuk. He didn’t need to hear his voice calling out to him, or seeing that beautiful gummy smile directed only at him. He could survive without the warmth that he felt whenever he was near the other that always left him feeling cold whenever they were apart. He didn’t need the quiet whispers or the sweet touches. He could… be without…
“Eunhyuk! Open the door!” he yelled, pounding on the door so hard the knob rattled. “Eunhyuk!” He kept up a furious pace, until the door wrenched open.
“What the hell are you doing here?” Kyuhyun growled, fist already balled up tightly.
“Kyuhyun, please, can I speak to Eunhyuk?” Donghae asked, keeping a safe enough distance in case Kyuhyun decided he wanted to take a shot at the unmarked side of his face. Kyuhyun only gave Donghae a look of anger and disgust.
“Fuck you,” Kyuhyun said before slamming the door in his face. Donghae was only slightly disheartened before he was pounding on the door again.
“Kyuhyun please, I need to talk to him!” He kept banging on the door until he saw the doorknob jiggle. He stopped his knocking and waited for the door to open, but all he heard was arguing. Straining his ear to distinguish the voices, he could tell it was Sungmin arguing with Kyuhyun.
He continued to listen, trying to figure out what direction the argument was going in. After what seemed like hours, the door opened quietly and Sungmin stepped out and Donghae had to fight the urge to burst in and find Eunhyuk himself. Sungmin just closed the door behind him and looked up at Donghae, his eyes noticeably puffy.
“What do you want, Hae?” he asked quietly.
“You know what I want hyung. I want to talk to Eunhyuk.”
“I’m sorry Donghae, but you’re too late.”
“Hyung, please. I need to see him. I know I messed up before, but please, I need to explain myself. I just want to talk to him. After that, if he still hates me, I’ll leave-I’ll never bother him again. But I have to talk to him, please. Just please,” Donghae begged.
“Donghae, I’m sorry but you can’t. He’s not here. He… he left,” Sungmin said, letting out a small sigh. Donghae froze, having trouble comprehending what Sungmin was trying to tell him.
“W… what?”
“He went back home. He didn’t want to wait until the end of the summer so he left… today.”
“What? But… he can’t- he just left? Without telling anyone!?” Sungmin only nodded somberly.
“I’m sorry Donghae. But he’s gone.”
“It’s… He…," Donghae broke off, completely at a loss for words. He clenched his fists in frustration. "Whatever,” he said, turning away walking swiftly, ignoring Sungmin calling out his name.
Donghae wandered aimlessly, mind still hazy as his feet stumbled and carried him somewhere with no direction from his conscious mind. He wasn’t thinking, his mind a warped blank slate, where only the painful feeling lingered at the edges, but no thoughts were attached to them. Most of his attention was divided between remembering to blink and breathe. He barely noticed the change from concrete to sand as his legs carried him closer and closer to his refuge.
He reached the shore, unsure of what to do now, as he watched the push and pull of the water at his feet. He searched the sea looking for an answer, a solution, to this inexplicable, but somehow familiar pain in his chest. He looked out at the empty horizon, feeling a loneliness he hadn’t felt in years overtaking him as the source of his tortured mind flashed before him.
Eunhyuk, he thought as he sunk to his knees.
“Donghae?” Donghae’s head turned sharply to the source of the voice, reeling a bit from the fast movement, and his eyes widened upon seeing the face he had been longing for not a few feet from where he was.
“Eunhyuk,” he breathed out, not able to repress the immense feeling of relief he felt at seeing the other’s face. Eunhyuk’s mouth opened to speak but closed again, he closed his eyes as he shook his head, whether it was directed to Donghae or not he wasn’t sure, but before Donghae could say anything Eunhyuk had turned on his heels and started to stalk off the beach.
“Wait!” Donghae called, scrambled up to his feet and throwing his arms around Eunhyuk, refusing to let go even when he felt the other pulling at his arms.
“Donghae, let go,” Eunhyuk said in a strained voice, still futilely trying to free himself from Donghae’s grip. “Donghae,” Eunhyuk called out impatiently, but Donghae still didn’t move.
“Let me go!”
“I can’t,” Donghae said, his voice coming out muffled from his face being buried in Eunhyuk’s neck.
“What? Donghae, cut it out. Just let me go.”
“I won’t Eunhyuk. I won’t let go. Not again.” Eunhyuk just sighed, dropping his hands to his side and shaking his head.
“Why are you doing this?” Eunhyuk said tiredly. He knew he should’ve just gotten on the train. The sudden urge to come here one more time was supposed to be a way for him to find closure, and move on, but now when he was trying to Donghae comes along and tries to hold him back.
“Because...”
“Because, what?”
“I don’t want you to go.” Eunhyuk tried, he tried with every fiber of his being not to let the little spark of hope he felt get any bigger. Hope was just a distraction, one he didn’t need.
“Donghae, why should I give a damn about what you want? Not even a week ago, you wanted nothing to do with me, then you wanted what’s-her-face on the beach, and now since I’m leaving you suddenly want me back?” Eunhyuk asked incredulously. “Are you kidding me? Are you seriously kidding me?!” Eunhyuk scoffed.
“No! Eunhyuk I’m not. I’m serious; I’ve wanted only you this whole time. That hasn’t changed, I swear.”
“Why should I believe anything you have to say after everything you’ve put me through?”
“Because I mean it. I… I love you Eunhyuk.” Eunhyuk stiffened when he heard that and Donghae took it as a chance to go on, ignoring the tremendous thundering of his heart as the words flew from his lips.
“I do. I love you and I was an idiot for ever telling you otherwise, but I… I didn’t know what else to do. I lied. I lied and I’m sorry, but that night was the only thing I’ve ever lied to you about. Everything else was true. I’ve never pretended anything I’ve felt then I was with you.”
“Stop.” Donghae immediately quieted, stunned into silence by the cold tone the other had taken. “Just stop it Donghae. I mean, is this your idea of a joke!?”
“What? No, I-“
“Donghae, just do me a favor and stop screwing with me. I don’t know why you seem to get some kind of sick pleasure from this, but enough is enough. Let. Me. Go.” Eunhyuk said forcefully, taking advantage of a stunned Donghae and throwing his arms off him, turning throw a glare at Donghae.
Donghae flinched back from the look, pain seeping through his system knowing that even though he had put his heart on the line, he was rejected. But he knew he had deserved it. He saw the hurt that the other was trying to conceal under the anger.
Donghae reached for his arm, determined to erase that look off of his face, permanently.
“Donghae, just stop-“ Eunhyuk was prepared to yell, but was silenced as Donghae smashed their lips together.
Eunhyuk tried to fight it, pressing his hands against Donghae’s chest in an attempt to keep his off, but halted his movement when he felt moisture on his face. His eyes widened, doubtful that it could be what he thought it was. Donghae was not-could not- be crying over him.
He was still as Donghae applied more pressure, unsure of what to do and opted to wait until Donghae was done, needing confirmation. He could feel the urgency and desperation in the kiss, from the way that Donghae moved against him. Donghae had never kissed him like this before.
Donghae slowly disengaged himself, but didn’t move too far away. Eunhyuk could feel the warm breaths that escaped his lips and looked at the others eyes, noting the way his eyelashes clung together from the drops of moisture that escaped from those closed eyes.
“Donghae,” Eunhyuk called quietly, and even he could he the care in his voice. He had only seen Donghae cry once, and the effect it had on him seemed to have doubled.
“I love you,” Donghae said, and Eunhyuk could the movement on his lips, he repressed the shudder, but he couldn’t stop the goose bumps from rising when Donghae finally opened his eyes, looking into his own with such an intense look his knees felt weak. Eunhyuk could only blink, wondering how Donghae had the ability to pull his shattered heart back together and make it beat harder than it ever has before.
“I love you so much, I can’t stand it. I… I don’t know what to do with myself, and the thought of you leaving me, kills me Eunhyuk,” Donghae said, his hands tightening their grip on where he held Eunhyuk by the arms. Eunhyuk breath caught in his chest as he heard the quite but desperate tone of Donghae’s voice.
“Why… why didn’t you just tell me?”
“I thought it would be easier, that it wouldn’t hurt so much if I just dismissed it and treated you like everyone else, but… I was wrong,” Donghae answered, leaning forward to press his forehead against Eunhyuk’s. “You were never like anyone else. I knew that from the first moment I saw you.” Donghae smiled softly at the memory of their first encounter.
“I tried to go down a different road, one that would lead me down a path different from the one we were going on that would only lead to pain and heartbreak when we reached the end, but… my little detour had me reaching that point faster and harder than I could’ve ever imagined.”
“Who ever said it would end like that, Hae?” Eunhyuk questioned quietly.
“The same idiot who thought it would be a good idea to break up with you, and look how great that turned out,” Donghae smiled wryly as Eunhyuk chuckled softly.
“I think… I’d rather take the chance this time. That is, if you’ll take me back,” Donghae said, looking into Eunhyuk’s eyes.
“I don’t know,” Eunhyuk trailed off.
He watched the conflicting emotions playing out as Eunhyuk battled within himself, trying to figure out if he was ready to just accept what he had been told as the truth. His eyes flashed from the ground to the sky back to Donghae’s face.
“Hyukkie,” Donghae called softly, trailing his hands down to grab Eunhyuk’s hand and cradled them in his. He then placed a soft kiss on them before placing them on his chest. “You don't have to accept me, or my apology, but please, never doubt my feelings for you. Every single beat, is for you.”
Eunhyuk could feel the flush crawling up his skin, being overwhelmed by the gentle hold Donghae had on his hands, and the prominent thudding he felt underneath his palms. The look in Donghae’s eyes had his mind reeling and he knew that his body had agreed long before his mind did.
“I’ll try you out on a trial basis. Then, we’ll see how it goes,” he said, letting out a small smile in response to the brilliant grin that stretched out on Donghae’s face.
He chuckled in response to the faster thudding he felt under his hands and just when Donghae was about to lean in he pulled back, a serious look on his face as he let out a “But…” Donghae stopped, eyeing him warily.
“You have to tell Kyuhyun,” he said, gently prodding at the bruise decorating Donghae’s jaw and laughing at the groan Donghae let out. He placed a soft but lingering kiss on the mark before quickly pressing his lips against the other, cutting off all protest or thoughts about anything that wasn’t Eunhyuk.
He relished in the feeling of Eunhyuk treading his fingers through his hair and pulling him close, fitting them together so perfectly, he knew that they were made for each other.
The soft press of the other’s lips against his sent little shocks all through his system that turned into full-blown volts running rampant as they began to move against each other with a more pressing need, wanting to feel everything the other has to offer and eager to convey just how much the feeling was shared.
Previous .:|:. Next
A/N 2: Well, this is the end of my first chaptered fic. My baby! /brb sobbing in a corner.
But at least I’ve finally completed a chapter fic! *throws own little self-congratulating party* I hope the ending will suffice and I really hope I didn’t disappoint too many of you with it (but I always seem to be lacking with my ending -.-‘). And I think I may do an epilogue for it. We’ll see.
Anyways, I want to thank all of my wonderful readers and everyone who commented and enjoyed this. You guys are the steam in my engine that gets me through all those hard times of no inspiration, writer’s block, sore backs and cramped hands, and insufferable computer troubles. I would love to hug all of you, but I’ll just have to hug this broken computer screen instead. But the love is definitely there!!
[Pairing] Haehyuk and all the other couples I’m too lazy to name.
[Genre] Romance/Fluff/Slight Angst
[Rating] PG-13
[Disclaimer] I own them all! I barely own myself.
[Summary] Forced to spend his summer working at his uncle’s beach shop, Eunhyuk finds himself getting swept up in the in the current that is Donghae. Will he be able to swim out or will he let himself drown? (Oh Shisus, this wordplay is killing me)
[A/N] This chapter will be in the 3rd p.o.v.
*~*~*~*~*~*
Eunhyuk sat on the floor folding his clothes while Kyuhyun was sprawled out on his bed. He was nursing his bruised knuckles in ice, wining every now and then when it got too cold.
“You shouldn’t have done it in the first place, Kyu,” Eunhyuk said, noticing his discomfort.
“So, I should’ve just let that asshole suck someone’s face off right in front of you?” Kyuhyun cocked an eyebrow, watching Eunhyuk fidget uncomfortably at the mention of it.
“No… but, you should have just let me handle it,” Eunhyuk finally said.
“Your idea of handling it would have been exactly what you’re doing now, only more tears would have been involved, and I wouldn’t have the satisfaction of knowing that he won’t be able to chew right for a week.”
“Still, this is my problem, Kyu. You shouldn’t have gotten involved,” Eunhyuk insisted.
“Look,” Kyuhyun started, sitting up on the bed. “As much as I try to deny it, we are brothers. So your problems are automatically mine to share and solve, whether I like it or not.”
“But, I’m the hyung. I’m supposed to be the one to take care of you and solve your problems, not the other way around.”
“Well, it’s a good thing I’ve never seen you as my hyung then, huh?” Kyuhyun said, not even moving away from the sock that was thrown in his face. He just threw it back on the pile of clothes that were piled up neatly in a suitcase. “You know, you really shouldn’t leave. It’ll look like he won.”
Eunhyuk just stared at the shirt he was trying to fold, running his fingers over the soft material. “I don’t know what else to do Kyu. I just… I can’t be here and risk seeing him, with or without someone else. I don’t think I can handle any more,” he said, crumpling the shirt as the tears ran down his face.
Kyuhyun sighed; the only thing bigger than his soft spot for Sungmin was the soft spot for his crying brother. He moved to sit on the floor next to him, offering him a shoulder that Eunhyuk quickly attached himself to. He knew he couldn’t force him to stay; he wouldn’t be able to see Eunhyuk in tears too many more times before he seriously tried to kill Donghae.
“You know everyone will miss you,” Kyuhyun said after his cries quieted.
“I know. I’ll miss them too,” Eunhyuk said between sniffles, trying not to tear up again thinking of the friends he had just made that he was going to have to leave behind. “But you can’t tell any of them I’m leaving okay? They’ll just try to talk me out of it, and I don’t need any more reasons to change my mind.”
“If you say so hyung,” Kyuhyun said, frowning at the thought of Leeteuk and Sungmin finding out about Eunhyuk departure after he’s gone. If he thought he was seeing waterworks now…
“When are you leaving?”
“The train leaves at seven tomorrow night. Uncle’s going to pick me up from the station when I get there.”
“That soon?”
“Well, I wanted to make sure I didn’t have enough time to think about it so I wouldn’t change my mind,” Eunhyuk said, wiping his face and moving from Kyuhyun’s shoulder to resume packing.
“I just hope you know what you’re doing hyung.” Kyuhyun said, standing up to leave.
“I hope so too,” Eunhyuk added, too quietly for Kyuhyun to hear.
Eunhyuk laid spread out on the floor in the living room with the windows wide open, letting the late afternoon sun warm his skin, and occasionally glancing at his packed bags by the door. He had managed to hide them from view long enough for Kyuhyun to get Sunny and Sungmin out of the house without suspicion, and their shifts didn’t end until 7:30 tonight. He would be well on his way back by then. He sighed heavily, not liking all this sneaking around he had to do, but he was barely hanging onto his decision now, he didn’t need anything else to crack at his already chipped resolution.
He knew that he had to leave, it was the only way he could have any hope of getting over Donghae. If he had to be subjected to seeing him acting so unaffected by what happened between them, and finding someone else so easily, he’d never get past it.
He had to distance himself from Donghae so that he could get over seeing those eyes that were always so warm and open to him, or that playful smile, that always seemed so gentle and bright, or the sweet words that always seemed to come so effortlessly. Looking back on it, maybe he should’ve realized that the actions that were so important to him, was probably worth less than a grain of salt to Donghae. Eunhyuk could only laugh bitterly thinking about it. He was probably just one of many in a list that would just go on and on without him.
He crossed his arm over his face when he felt the hot tears stream down his face. No matter how much he wanted to, he just couldn’t forget the way his heart would thump at the sight of his face, only now it was accompanied by painful tightening in his chest, one he hoped would dull once he was gone.
He was pulled out of his thoughts by the sound of the door unlocking and opening.
“Hyuk?” Eunhyuk abruptly sat up at the sound of the familiar voice, quickly wiping away the evidence of his misery.
“What are you doing here? How'd you get in?” Eunhyuk questioned, startled.
“Sungmin lent me his key so that we could talk.”
“About what?” Eunhyuk asked warily.
“Your uncle called me and told me you were leaving,” Leeteuk said, taking a seat next to him on the floor.
“Hyung, please, don’t try to talk me out of it,” Eunhyuk pleaded, eyes closed shut so that Leeteuk couldn’t see the look of sadness in his eyes. “I have to… no, I need to do this. I can’t stay here.”
Leeteuk only sighed before placing a comforting hand on Eunhyuk’s shoulder. “I won’t. Even though I really, really want to,” he gave a half-hearted smile. “I can tell this is hard on you,” he said, eyes on the tears tracks that lingered on the other’s face. “It would be selfish of me to ask you stay and suffer just because I’ll miss you. A lot. A whole-”
“Hyung,” Eunhyuk whined.
“Okay, okay. I’m done. I just hope that everything works out Hyuk. I hate to see you like this. We all do,” he said, opening his arms for a hug.
“I’ll miss you too hyung,” Eunhyuk said accepting the hug and letting Leeteuk console him.
“Just promise me you’ll forget all about him, so that you can come back and visit us soon, okay?”
“I’ll try, hyung. I’ll try.”
“I thought you’d be here.” Donghae looked up at the intruding voice and sighed when he saw Kibum walking towards him.
“What do you want Kibum?” he asked exasperatedly, still moving over to make room for the other to sit down. He suddenly regretted letting Kibum know where this place was. Kibum didn’t answer immediately and took the seat that was offered and looked out at the water. They sat in silence for a while before it finally got to be too much for Donghae.
“Just say it, okay,” he said irritably.
“Say what?” Kibum asked innocently.
“Don’t give me that Kibum. Go on and just say it. Tell me!” Donghae stood up abruptly and began to pace in front of Kibum.
“Tell me how bad I screwed things up. Tell me what a big mistake I made and how I probably ruined the best thing o ever had! Tell me what an idiot I am! Tell me… tell me,” he stopped and sunk to his knees on the sand, hanging his head in despair. “Tell me how to fix this Kibum,” he whispered desperately, looking at him pleadingly.
Kibum sighed, feeling sympathy for his friend and got up to pat Donghae on the back.
“Donghae, why did you even break it off in the first place?”
“I don’t even know!” Donghae ran a hand through his hair. “He… he was asking me what he were or something like thae and then before I could even say anything he just told me that he was leaving and I… I just panicked and told him… we weren’t really serious.”
“What the hell Donghae, why would you say that?” Kibum pinched the bridge of his nose and barely resisted the urge to smack Donghae.
“I mean, what was I supposed to say?”
“Anything but that,” Kibum shook his head.
“Ugh, I know. I know,” Donghae said as he fisted his hair, falling back to lie in the sand. “What am I supposed to do?”
“What do you want to do?”
“I… want him. I want him back, but I’m sure he hates me know.”
“I’m positive he does,” Kibum offered helpfully.
“Thanks Kibum. Thanks a lot.”
“Well, after what you just told me and that little display you put on at the beach, what do you expect?” Donghae groaned at the memory and suddenly the throbbing in his jaw increased.
“But that wasn’t even my fault. She kissed me!”
“After you flirted with her,” Kibum reminded him.
“I wasn’t flirting with her… Well, I wasn’t trying to… Okay, I shouldn’t have been.”
“Donghae, you’re an idiot.”
“I know,” Donghae quickly agreed. “But it’s all his fault! He does this to me. I’ve never felt anything like this before, and just when everything was going great, he drops that bomb on me.
“I mean how was I supposed to respond to the person I love telling me they were leaving me in a few weeks? What’s the point?”
“Donghae, when has love ever had a point?”
“God, Kibum I really cannot deal with your philosophical crap right now,” Donghae sighed.
“I’m serious Donghae. Do you love Eunhyuk?”
“.…Yeah. More than I think I’ve ever loved anyone before.”
“Well, then maybe you should let him know that. I mean, being together and happy while he’s here now is better than being apart and miserable until he leaves, right? And who said after he leaves, you can’t be together?” Kibum asked.
“But, I don’t know if a long distance relationship will work.”
“Will it really hurt to try?”
“It might, Kibum. That’s what I’m afraid of.”
“Are you telling me Eunhyuk’s not worth the chance?”
“But it’s because it’s Eunhyuk that I don’t want to try. I… I don’t want to lose him,” Donghae whispered.
“It’s a little too late for that now,” Kibum pointed out and Donghae could only sigh.
“You should at least tell him how you feel, Hae. He at least deserves an explanation. It’s not fair to him to let him leave thinking he’s meant nothing to you,” Kibum said, giving Donghae one last pat on the shoulder before getting up to leave. Donghae watched his figure walking off of the beach, his last words echoing loudly in his mind.
“He… means everything to me,” he finally admitted, turning to look at the same rushing waters where he had first realized his feeling for Eunhyuk, right after their first lesson.
Something stirred in him every time he looked into those wide brown eyes. He could see everything he every wanted and anything he could possibly need. And the way Eunhyuk would light up whenever he walked into a room or pretend to be angry with him only to whine when he tried to leave had the other feeling like he might’ve meant the same to him. At least, it used to. When he looked into his eyes for the first time since that night he knew that he could never hate himself more than he did at that moment, knowing that he was responsible for the look on the other’s face.
Kibum was right. He couldn’t let this end without Eunhyuk knowing what he was-what is to him. He stood up quickly, heart and mind set as he marched the familiar path to the shop, the face that was permanently etched into his mind from the first time he saw it burning hot in his mind.
Not thirty minutes later he was pacing back and forth in front of Eunhyuk’s door, trying to get the jumbled vocabulary in his mind organized so that he could form a proper speech for Eunhyuk, if the other even wanted to see him. And even if he did manage to figure out what to say, what would he do if Kyuhyun opened the door? The thought made him shrink back, confidence falling with every passing second.
Maybe he shouldn’t do this. He had no experience in apologizing to anyone anyway; he would probably just make things worse. He could live without talking to Eunhyuk. He didn’t need to hear his voice calling out to him, or seeing that beautiful gummy smile directed only at him. He could survive without the warmth that he felt whenever he was near the other that always left him feeling cold whenever they were apart. He didn’t need the quiet whispers or the sweet touches. He could… be without…
“Eunhyuk! Open the door!” he yelled, pounding on the door so hard the knob rattled. “Eunhyuk!” He kept up a furious pace, until the door wrenched open.
“What the hell are you doing here?” Kyuhyun growled, fist already balled up tightly.
“Kyuhyun, please, can I speak to Eunhyuk?” Donghae asked, keeping a safe enough distance in case Kyuhyun decided he wanted to take a shot at the unmarked side of his face. Kyuhyun only gave Donghae a look of anger and disgust.
“Fuck you,” Kyuhyun said before slamming the door in his face. Donghae was only slightly disheartened before he was pounding on the door again.
“Kyuhyun please, I need to talk to him!” He kept banging on the door until he saw the doorknob jiggle. He stopped his knocking and waited for the door to open, but all he heard was arguing. Straining his ear to distinguish the voices, he could tell it was Sungmin arguing with Kyuhyun.
He continued to listen, trying to figure out what direction the argument was going in. After what seemed like hours, the door opened quietly and Sungmin stepped out and Donghae had to fight the urge to burst in and find Eunhyuk himself. Sungmin just closed the door behind him and looked up at Donghae, his eyes noticeably puffy.
“What do you want, Hae?” he asked quietly.
“You know what I want hyung. I want to talk to Eunhyuk.”
“I’m sorry Donghae, but you’re too late.”
“Hyung, please. I need to see him. I know I messed up before, but please, I need to explain myself. I just want to talk to him. After that, if he still hates me, I’ll leave-I’ll never bother him again. But I have to talk to him, please. Just please,” Donghae begged.
“Donghae, I’m sorry but you can’t. He’s not here. He… he left,” Sungmin said, letting out a small sigh. Donghae froze, having trouble comprehending what Sungmin was trying to tell him.
“W… what?”
“He went back home. He didn’t want to wait until the end of the summer so he left… today.”
“What? But… he can’t- he just left? Without telling anyone!?” Sungmin only nodded somberly.
“I’m sorry Donghae. But he’s gone.”
“It’s… He…," Donghae broke off, completely at a loss for words. He clenched his fists in frustration. "Whatever,” he said, turning away walking swiftly, ignoring Sungmin calling out his name.
Donghae wandered aimlessly, mind still hazy as his feet stumbled and carried him somewhere with no direction from his conscious mind. He wasn’t thinking, his mind a warped blank slate, where only the painful feeling lingered at the edges, but no thoughts were attached to them. Most of his attention was divided between remembering to blink and breathe. He barely noticed the change from concrete to sand as his legs carried him closer and closer to his refuge.
He reached the shore, unsure of what to do now, as he watched the push and pull of the water at his feet. He searched the sea looking for an answer, a solution, to this inexplicable, but somehow familiar pain in his chest. He looked out at the empty horizon, feeling a loneliness he hadn’t felt in years overtaking him as the source of his tortured mind flashed before him.
Eunhyuk, he thought as he sunk to his knees.
“Donghae?” Donghae’s head turned sharply to the source of the voice, reeling a bit from the fast movement, and his eyes widened upon seeing the face he had been longing for not a few feet from where he was.
“Eunhyuk,” he breathed out, not able to repress the immense feeling of relief he felt at seeing the other’s face. Eunhyuk’s mouth opened to speak but closed again, he closed his eyes as he shook his head, whether it was directed to Donghae or not he wasn’t sure, but before Donghae could say anything Eunhyuk had turned on his heels and started to stalk off the beach.
“Wait!” Donghae called, scrambled up to his feet and throwing his arms around Eunhyuk, refusing to let go even when he felt the other pulling at his arms.
“Donghae, let go,” Eunhyuk said in a strained voice, still futilely trying to free himself from Donghae’s grip. “Donghae,” Eunhyuk called out impatiently, but Donghae still didn’t move.
“Let me go!”
“I can’t,” Donghae said, his voice coming out muffled from his face being buried in Eunhyuk’s neck.
“What? Donghae, cut it out. Just let me go.”
“I won’t Eunhyuk. I won’t let go. Not again.” Eunhyuk just sighed, dropping his hands to his side and shaking his head.
“Why are you doing this?” Eunhyuk said tiredly. He knew he should’ve just gotten on the train. The sudden urge to come here one more time was supposed to be a way for him to find closure, and move on, but now when he was trying to Donghae comes along and tries to hold him back.
“Because...”
“Because, what?”
“I don’t want you to go.” Eunhyuk tried, he tried with every fiber of his being not to let the little spark of hope he felt get any bigger. Hope was just a distraction, one he didn’t need.
“Donghae, why should I give a damn about what you want? Not even a week ago, you wanted nothing to do with me, then you wanted what’s-her-face on the beach, and now since I’m leaving you suddenly want me back?” Eunhyuk asked incredulously. “Are you kidding me? Are you seriously kidding me?!” Eunhyuk scoffed.
“No! Eunhyuk I’m not. I’m serious; I’ve wanted only you this whole time. That hasn’t changed, I swear.”
“Why should I believe anything you have to say after everything you’ve put me through?”
“Because I mean it. I… I love you Eunhyuk.” Eunhyuk stiffened when he heard that and Donghae took it as a chance to go on, ignoring the tremendous thundering of his heart as the words flew from his lips.
“I do. I love you and I was an idiot for ever telling you otherwise, but I… I didn’t know what else to do. I lied. I lied and I’m sorry, but that night was the only thing I’ve ever lied to you about. Everything else was true. I’ve never pretended anything I’ve felt then I was with you.”
“Stop.” Donghae immediately quieted, stunned into silence by the cold tone the other had taken. “Just stop it Donghae. I mean, is this your idea of a joke!?”
“What? No, I-“
“Donghae, just do me a favor and stop screwing with me. I don’t know why you seem to get some kind of sick pleasure from this, but enough is enough. Let. Me. Go.” Eunhyuk said forcefully, taking advantage of a stunned Donghae and throwing his arms off him, turning throw a glare at Donghae.
Donghae flinched back from the look, pain seeping through his system knowing that even though he had put his heart on the line, he was rejected. But he knew he had deserved it. He saw the hurt that the other was trying to conceal under the anger.
Donghae reached for his arm, determined to erase that look off of his face, permanently.
“Donghae, just stop-“ Eunhyuk was prepared to yell, but was silenced as Donghae smashed their lips together.
Eunhyuk tried to fight it, pressing his hands against Donghae’s chest in an attempt to keep his off, but halted his movement when he felt moisture on his face. His eyes widened, doubtful that it could be what he thought it was. Donghae was not-could not- be crying over him.
He was still as Donghae applied more pressure, unsure of what to do and opted to wait until Donghae was done, needing confirmation. He could feel the urgency and desperation in the kiss, from the way that Donghae moved against him. Donghae had never kissed him like this before.
Donghae slowly disengaged himself, but didn’t move too far away. Eunhyuk could feel the warm breaths that escaped his lips and looked at the others eyes, noting the way his eyelashes clung together from the drops of moisture that escaped from those closed eyes.
“Donghae,” Eunhyuk called quietly, and even he could he the care in his voice. He had only seen Donghae cry once, and the effect it had on him seemed to have doubled.
“I love you,” Donghae said, and Eunhyuk could the movement on his lips, he repressed the shudder, but he couldn’t stop the goose bumps from rising when Donghae finally opened his eyes, looking into his own with such an intense look his knees felt weak. Eunhyuk could only blink, wondering how Donghae had the ability to pull his shattered heart back together and make it beat harder than it ever has before.
“I love you so much, I can’t stand it. I… I don’t know what to do with myself, and the thought of you leaving me, kills me Eunhyuk,” Donghae said, his hands tightening their grip on where he held Eunhyuk by the arms. Eunhyuk breath caught in his chest as he heard the quite but desperate tone of Donghae’s voice.
“Why… why didn’t you just tell me?”
“I thought it would be easier, that it wouldn’t hurt so much if I just dismissed it and treated you like everyone else, but… I was wrong,” Donghae answered, leaning forward to press his forehead against Eunhyuk’s. “You were never like anyone else. I knew that from the first moment I saw you.” Donghae smiled softly at the memory of their first encounter.
“I tried to go down a different road, one that would lead me down a path different from the one we were going on that would only lead to pain and heartbreak when we reached the end, but… my little detour had me reaching that point faster and harder than I could’ve ever imagined.”
“Who ever said it would end like that, Hae?” Eunhyuk questioned quietly.
“The same idiot who thought it would be a good idea to break up with you, and look how great that turned out,” Donghae smiled wryly as Eunhyuk chuckled softly.
“I think… I’d rather take the chance this time. That is, if you’ll take me back,” Donghae said, looking into Eunhyuk’s eyes.
“I don’t know,” Eunhyuk trailed off.
He watched the conflicting emotions playing out as Eunhyuk battled within himself, trying to figure out if he was ready to just accept what he had been told as the truth. His eyes flashed from the ground to the sky back to Donghae’s face.
“Hyukkie,” Donghae called softly, trailing his hands down to grab Eunhyuk’s hand and cradled them in his. He then placed a soft kiss on them before placing them on his chest. “You don't have to accept me, or my apology, but please, never doubt my feelings for you. Every single beat, is for you.”
Eunhyuk could feel the flush crawling up his skin, being overwhelmed by the gentle hold Donghae had on his hands, and the prominent thudding he felt underneath his palms. The look in Donghae’s eyes had his mind reeling and he knew that his body had agreed long before his mind did.
“I’ll try you out on a trial basis. Then, we’ll see how it goes,” he said, letting out a small smile in response to the brilliant grin that stretched out on Donghae’s face.
He chuckled in response to the faster thudding he felt under his hands and just when Donghae was about to lean in he pulled back, a serious look on his face as he let out a “But…” Donghae stopped, eyeing him warily.
“You have to tell Kyuhyun,” he said, gently prodding at the bruise decorating Donghae’s jaw and laughing at the groan Donghae let out. He placed a soft but lingering kiss on the mark before quickly pressing his lips against the other, cutting off all protest or thoughts about anything that wasn’t Eunhyuk.
He relished in the feeling of Eunhyuk treading his fingers through his hair and pulling him close, fitting them together so perfectly, he knew that they were made for each other.
The soft press of the other’s lips against his sent little shocks all through his system that turned into full-blown volts running rampant as they began to move against each other with a more pressing need, wanting to feel everything the other has to offer and eager to convey just how much the feeling was shared.
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A/N 2: Well, this is the end of my first chaptered fic. My baby! /brb sobbing in a corner.
But at least I’ve finally completed a chapter fic! *throws own little self-congratulating party* I hope the ending will suffice and I really hope I didn’t disappoint too many of you with it (but I always seem to be lacking with my ending -.-‘). And I think I may do an epilogue for it. We’ll see.
Anyways, I want to thank all of my wonderful readers and everyone who commented and enjoyed this. You guys are the steam in my engine that gets me through all those hard times of no inspiration, writer’s block, sore backs and cramped hands, and insufferable computer troubles. I would love to hug all of you, but I’ll just have to hug this broken computer screen instead. But the love is definitely there!!