Apple scruffs....
Well Hello Clarice
I am not feeling quite as wretched although that is merely because I am being as avoidant of serious grown up things as its possible to be....saw a few clerical jobs I thought about going for but what is a girl to do when she has no absolutely NO relevant experience....??? little help - how can I lie and claim that working in a supermarket or shops is anything similar to working in a office....?? any ideas how I could blag it cos I need to get a better job!!1
When I get paid - which is not for two weeks - I am unhappy but I have to buy a router for the laptop so it can acess the internet straight from the broadband connection because my brother isn't going to remove the thing from his computer which he speuclates might be interrupting the laptops internet connection through my network card so there will be no internet on the laptop until I can get one - which fucking sucks as I have been writing loads of slash and well that Manc vs Cancer review is getting more and more streamlined....:(
so anyway while he is at work and I can use the net on his comp I have been to this site OH DARLING far too much for my own questionable sanity... as its the biggest stache of Beatles slash evah and some of the stories in fact most of them are rather good - so now that I have read and reread Morrissey slash several hundered and one time it is nice to find out that there are perverts like me out in the world willing to provide a lonely girl with entertainment
at work I was peculiarly happy last night and the security guard who calls me Johnny (because I hilariously swopped name badges with someone a while back - remember? called that so as to be closer to both Johnny Marr and my questionable sense of humour) was there. Anyway this security guard is renowed by most sense seeing and speaking people as a bit of a twat (hating on him has become like the fashionable thing to do at work) but as he always does he made me really laff like a drain and he's actually quite sweet - I felt myself really flirting with him and being quite bold but I dunno where it came from cos I don't really fancy him....or do I??? am I being swayed by everyone elses opinion of him....
However this morning whilst not so happy because I was up at an ungodly hour to get in the shithole I then had to speak to my manager about why I received a fail on my colleague evaluation :( - (they watch you serve the customers at a distance so you don't know you're being watched and score you on many customer service things like eye contact - attnetion to customers did you offer to pack....all sorts) they tested me when I was too tired to talk inane bubbly nonsense to complete strangers - I mean who wants the cashier to provide fake conversation anyway - I will talk and have a chat with my customers where there is something to have a geunine chat about I will not fake one about the weather for the sake of 'customer service' - I indulge in these merely when they come to me and start such a conversation because I hate talking about the weather its wasted breath anyway I didn't do well and was marked down for amongst other things not providing an enthusiastic enough souding Hello - I mean HELLO what is an enthusiastic hello???? apparently I usually give them (so my assesor said) but when I was asessed I was too monotone??????? so she forgave me kind of because she thinks it was an unchareteristic score - I normally pass them with flying colours so she must be right....
but anyway once we had discussed the evaluation how fair I thought it was etc this morning with my manager far from threaten me with disciplinary if I don't improve (like she should do) the store manager then asked me how I would like being a supervisor saturdays officially instead of being on checkouts because my friend Holly who used to do it has left now (and I miss her already) I thinking god they are gluttons for punishment/stupid of course jumped at the chance and although it doesn't mean extra money it fucking beats sitting on checkouts slowly feeling my mind trickle out of my ear - more varied and challenging and I feel all important and all that good stuff!!! YAY!!!! I would say it was coming up Millhouse but then I fear that being made supervisor will make me stay there and its really not enough pay - and is imporantly working in a sodding supermarket so I have mixed feelings...
anyway I am realising I am a hermit by choice - seriously I don't want to speak to people outside my house - I could because I know so many lovely witty clever worthwhile people but I can't be bothered with them - its not that they don't like me its that I can never be bothered to make an effort I think so often of calling someone or texting them but then think ah I can't be bothered - I am the source of my own misery - but then we all knew that didn't we - I want people around when I want them and at no other time and that need for others fluctuatues mostly I am a loner because I like being alone the majority of the time but hanging out with people is so cool in small doses that I get upset at not doing it more!! but the truth is people's company I don't need most of the time....I think??
Anyway I am falling in love (proper) with George Harrison - downloaded All things must pass eventually after the rows with my brother about it and almost every track is in the words of my brother "...a banger" - that means good in youf speak peoples!!! especially a banger is "I would have you anytime" - I wrote moz and marr slash on the basis of the lyrics alone - "all i have is yours all you see is mine i am glad to hold you in my arms I'd have you anytime." before I had heard the song and its so swoony and romantic that I am thinking of writing more because its sexy bedroom music and lovely too!!!
also I like "Apple scruffs" cos its unbeat and very harmonica led and cool since its about beatles fans who used to hang around outside the apple headquarters in london so its kind of a love song to his fans.....a sweet banger that one he really sounds as though he loved his fans.... I might upload it for you all since I downloaded it onto bros compy???
anyway is it au fait (hmm rhymes) to fall in love with someone who is dead??? I have been dreaming about him too whatta a man he was and he had a really cool old house a Gothic mansion called Friar Park...which had underground tunnels ffull of water that he used to take people on boat trips through - how cool was the guy - v cool.....
speaking of dreams I also had a hilarious dream about Morrisey t'other night where my friend Sarah and I met him in a pub and although she hates him and I love him I was trying to be cool and ignore him but she was being all amourous and he responded and all that - thats right the well known celibate???? hardly suprising though if they did meet I'm sure they would get it on cos everyone loves Sarah -
...I see where its come from kind of cos I have been a bit worried about Sarah cos she's in South America and keps emailing about nearly getting killed every tew seconds.....eek - I hope she comes back home soon anyway Take care of her God or fate or whatever....
anyway enough ramble fof heavens sake....