time to analyze my life since i never do that anymore
I basically have two weeks left of the summer. Tonight Sam and I were talking about the crazy stuff that went on last year at fordham, the fun times we've had, and just the insane ness of college life. Since I've had in my head all summer the thought that i can't wait to get back to school and that thought alone, i hadnt realized how i became used to living at home again. Living in a high school/parental controlled state of being. Telling my parents my every move, eating dinner with them, going to work and coming home. I got used to that again because I was too lazy to bother trying to keep up the college life style i began to love. When i first got home from school i thought, my parents better get used to my daily naps and my late late nights. but sooner than i realized, i just went back to living like a normal human being. So i havent really thought of how much my daily habits are going to change in just two weeks. they will, its a fact.
another thing is drinking. i really haven't drank at all this summer except for an occasional bottle of wine with sam when we visited each other. my tolerance is at an all time low, which is a GREAT way to be. but i have to ease my way back into partying and drinking if i dont want to come close to death in the first week of school. i was talking to devon about our room and saw cute shot glasses at peter andrews that i want to buy for them. that reminded me of taking shots. ew. last year gulping down and forcing ourselves to swallow something that tasted incredibly bad and actually feeling it go through our brains and make them fuzzy became so normal. poisoning ourselves was just part of the week. i'll have to get used to that again.
food. what food? that pretty much sums it up. Eating in mineola is almost like being pampered compared to school. nice cereal for breakfast with fresh milk. delicious dinner made my mommy. watever i want for lunch while im at work. SNACKS hidden in cabinets in my kitchen waiting for me when i crave them. all of that will be gone. back to my plain sandwhich wraps with nothing in them that taste like nothing rolled up like sliced balogny being shoved down my throat on my way to class just so i dont pass out on the way. that being my first "meal" of the day. granola bar for lunch if i have any left in my closet. picking at salad in the caf for dinner, not daring to try any form of meat. losing interest in my swiss cheese lettuce and tomato wrap just because, well, it really doesnt taste that good. fat free fro yo is the closest i come to snacks. i'll lose 15 pounds the first month of school without trying.
friends. oh yes, having friends again. a wonderful group of people that i love. living with my friends no less. not being an only child anymore planning my day around what i want to do and when i want to do it. instead goign with the flow of things and the people around me. i loved that about school last year, but i have once again become used to living in my only child sphere and will have to get back into the flow of not being alone. it will be nice, just different. i will have a roomate. a roomate i'm extremely good friends with. i will have company, no more only childness. will we get sick of each other? doubtful. will we get sick of each others boyfriends? hmmm. will our boyfriends get sick of each other? 97 percent sure. dealing with all of that hmmmm..
that leads into seeing my boyfriend everyday. 10 times a day. which at this point is a blessing compared to hearing his voice for an hour once a day and expressing our troubles or happiness through text messaging. distance makes the heart grow fonder, but distance also eliminates the little things that can arise. i can count on less than 5 fingers the times we have fought but we are closer now and together for almost 7 months now so i wonder if things will be a smoothy smooth as theyve always been. will tiny things tick me off? will he get ticked off? will we absolutely love seeing each others faces throughout the day like we did before or will we wonder how we did it last year? great if we cant get enough of each other (which im pretty sure will be the case) but doesnt that lead to more problems?
living situation. living in the same building as my boyfriend. freedom to sleep in each others beds. privacy i'm not used to. rediculous attraction to each other. stuff we've done before. risky risky situations. drunkeness. hmmm. more to worry/think about.
oh yes and the reason i'm going to school in the first place. (yea suprisingly its not to be with my boyfriend constantly and go to bars in the sketchy sketchy bronx.) my education! taking my first accounting class. becoming involed in the school. scoping out internships. keeping my grades up as As, putting enough time into my schoolwork. dealing with the challenges in my classes that will come and oh god yes they will come. calling my mom sobbing because i just cant quite seem to grasp something and for a very scary surreal moment i think i just might fail out of fordham. wondering WHAT oh WAHT was i thinking going to this school. its too HARD for me. i cant DO IT. my moments of irrationality are sure to come. and my poor mother is sure to get the brunt of it like she always does. and she'll worry and worry for many many hours longer than I will because pretty soon ill stop my dramatics and be over it. and ill forget to call her to tell her im okay now. oh boy.
downfalls, successes, irrationality, reality. there is a lot coming my way, i am sure. this summer has been a little bit like a bubble. i've pressed pause. i've gone to peter andrews and socialized with my coworkers for 4 months. i've gone to the gym and have found comfort in the plasma tv in front of my treadmill and the nice mat and bouncy balls i excercise on. no more peter andrews where i get complimented by old people and spanish guys who drool when i walk by. no more nice gym with the nice equipment and the nice mirrors. no more hanging out in my house with my parents entertaining them because that entertains me. no more cousins down the block and no more beach. besiddes the weekends i was away and the weekends that sam was here, that has been my summer. no stress. no learning. no sickness. no drama. just a bubble.
the bubble is about to pop. so that leads me to the whole point of writing this. i have two weeks left of summer. is there anything worthwhile that i should do with those two weeks? i can go through them the logical way. slowly drag out the packing for school/shopping for school process and make that my priority while i spend my last days at peter andrews with people who wont be there when i go back, if i ever even go back (which i probably wont.) OR i can do something smart with my last two weeks. enrich myself. i feel like i should do something interesting. i just dont know what yet. should i save my energy for school? or make SOEMTHING of my summer with the last chance i've got. because before i know it here comes stress, here comes partying, here comes boyfriend, here comes busy busy. what do i want to do before all of that occurs? i have this time now, what do i want to do? the clock is ticking.
another thing is drinking. i really haven't drank at all this summer except for an occasional bottle of wine with sam when we visited each other. my tolerance is at an all time low, which is a GREAT way to be. but i have to ease my way back into partying and drinking if i dont want to come close to death in the first week of school. i was talking to devon about our room and saw cute shot glasses at peter andrews that i want to buy for them. that reminded me of taking shots. ew. last year gulping down and forcing ourselves to swallow something that tasted incredibly bad and actually feeling it go through our brains and make them fuzzy became so normal. poisoning ourselves was just part of the week. i'll have to get used to that again.
food. what food? that pretty much sums it up. Eating in mineola is almost like being pampered compared to school. nice cereal for breakfast with fresh milk. delicious dinner made my mommy. watever i want for lunch while im at work. SNACKS hidden in cabinets in my kitchen waiting for me when i crave them. all of that will be gone. back to my plain sandwhich wraps with nothing in them that taste like nothing rolled up like sliced balogny being shoved down my throat on my way to class just so i dont pass out on the way. that being my first "meal" of the day. granola bar for lunch if i have any left in my closet. picking at salad in the caf for dinner, not daring to try any form of meat. losing interest in my swiss cheese lettuce and tomato wrap just because, well, it really doesnt taste that good. fat free fro yo is the closest i come to snacks. i'll lose 15 pounds the first month of school without trying.
friends. oh yes, having friends again. a wonderful group of people that i love. living with my friends no less. not being an only child anymore planning my day around what i want to do and when i want to do it. instead goign with the flow of things and the people around me. i loved that about school last year, but i have once again become used to living in my only child sphere and will have to get back into the flow of not being alone. it will be nice, just different. i will have a roomate. a roomate i'm extremely good friends with. i will have company, no more only childness. will we get sick of each other? doubtful. will we get sick of each others boyfriends? hmmm. will our boyfriends get sick of each other? 97 percent sure. dealing with all of that hmmmm..
that leads into seeing my boyfriend everyday. 10 times a day. which at this point is a blessing compared to hearing his voice for an hour once a day and expressing our troubles or happiness through text messaging. distance makes the heart grow fonder, but distance also eliminates the little things that can arise. i can count on less than 5 fingers the times we have fought but we are closer now and together for almost 7 months now so i wonder if things will be a smoothy smooth as theyve always been. will tiny things tick me off? will he get ticked off? will we absolutely love seeing each others faces throughout the day like we did before or will we wonder how we did it last year? great if we cant get enough of each other (which im pretty sure will be the case) but doesnt that lead to more problems?
living situation. living in the same building as my boyfriend. freedom to sleep in each others beds. privacy i'm not used to. rediculous attraction to each other. stuff we've done before. risky risky situations. drunkeness. hmmm. more to worry/think about.
oh yes and the reason i'm going to school in the first place. (yea suprisingly its not to be with my boyfriend constantly and go to bars in the sketchy sketchy bronx.) my education! taking my first accounting class. becoming involed in the school. scoping out internships. keeping my grades up as As, putting enough time into my schoolwork. dealing with the challenges in my classes that will come and oh god yes they will come. calling my mom sobbing because i just cant quite seem to grasp something and for a very scary surreal moment i think i just might fail out of fordham. wondering WHAT oh WAHT was i thinking going to this school. its too HARD for me. i cant DO IT. my moments of irrationality are sure to come. and my poor mother is sure to get the brunt of it like she always does. and she'll worry and worry for many many hours longer than I will because pretty soon ill stop my dramatics and be over it. and ill forget to call her to tell her im okay now. oh boy.
downfalls, successes, irrationality, reality. there is a lot coming my way, i am sure. this summer has been a little bit like a bubble. i've pressed pause. i've gone to peter andrews and socialized with my coworkers for 4 months. i've gone to the gym and have found comfort in the plasma tv in front of my treadmill and the nice mat and bouncy balls i excercise on. no more peter andrews where i get complimented by old people and spanish guys who drool when i walk by. no more nice gym with the nice equipment and the nice mirrors. no more hanging out in my house with my parents entertaining them because that entertains me. no more cousins down the block and no more beach. besiddes the weekends i was away and the weekends that sam was here, that has been my summer. no stress. no learning. no sickness. no drama. just a bubble.
the bubble is about to pop. so that leads me to the whole point of writing this. i have two weeks left of summer. is there anything worthwhile that i should do with those two weeks? i can go through them the logical way. slowly drag out the packing for school/shopping for school process and make that my priority while i spend my last days at peter andrews with people who wont be there when i go back, if i ever even go back (which i probably wont.) OR i can do something smart with my last two weeks. enrich myself. i feel like i should do something interesting. i just dont know what yet. should i save my energy for school? or make SOEMTHING of my summer with the last chance i've got. because before i know it here comes stress, here comes partying, here comes boyfriend, here comes busy busy. what do i want to do before all of that occurs? i have this time now, what do i want to do? the clock is ticking.