i can totally relate to your dunkin donuts story--and just shrinking and being embarssed for not being a girl and not being a boy. embaressed for being "ugly" and "wrong" and a "freak" embbarassed that i had tits. just embarrassed for even trying to exist in public in this ugly body i carry around that has no place.
it wasn't untill college when someone told me i was "beautiful" and i belived it for the first time. i think thats really fucked cuz we're not ugly at all....but i understand what you mean when you say you feel it.
Totally, and just because one person thinks you're beautiful, its easy to forget that the rest of the world might think you're totally ugly. And if you get reminded, its like a super shock.
ok, first of all--i am SO SORRY. that fucking sucks, man. what a dickhead. what dunkin donuts was this? was it the one in noho (the one on king street)? or was it the one on route 9 (the drive up)? or was it in amherst? i've had bad experiences at a few of those. it's hard when you're in the valley and you're mostly safe from that kind of horrible shit, and then it suddenly smacks you in the face when you're not expecting it. i know what you're talking about and it has made me want to crawl away in shame and hide and it just fucking sucks and i'm sorry, man. hope that register really does hit him in the nuts. BOO.
Yeah I am calling that DD (the one in south hadley, on the strip) and trying to get his ass fired. Once I got out of insulted shock, I wanted to go back there and shoot it up, or at least dump scalding coffee on him.
>Not just because I wasn't feminine enough, but because my gender was indeterminate. Now that is embarrassing. To a lot of people, its the most scary and unattractive thing ever.
I think to a LOT of people its the fucking hottest thing ever. Take a look around. Don't you think you're with the ones with good taste?
yes, I have had experiences where people found my androgeny very attractive, but it still perplexes me. I just can't fathom what is hot about that, partially because I am into very feminine women and very masculine men, and partially because I have so much left-over loathing about it that I can't concieve of how it isn't ugly to others, too.
Since you're sexually not attracted to other androgynous people I can understand that its harder for yourself to feel sexy all the time. Well you have these kinds of communities to tell yourself that queerness is in fact sexy. The dynamics here are in fact very complex and interesting. Straight men could say the same thing about themselves in comparance to feminine women but percieve their bodies with the self asteem society holds for them. I don't know its really complex and a little hard to express in english for me but it makes me think of Lacan, you know the way he says we desire in others what has been lost for ourselves. But what in our cases? For us nothing has been lost. Yet we seem to struggle with being carryier of symptoms of both desires sexes as if we couldn't bear this fact. What does it mean? Oh well Lacan is some kind of idiot...don't bother about him...
hey, luke, that fucking sucks and it's too bad you couldn't tell that guy to go fuck himself, but of course i understand how/ why you couldn't. it sucks to feel so embarassed and invalidated about this really fragile thig and... on top of that... what kind of dickweed tells people how to present gender.
"hey, buddy, at first there i thought you were a big fucking asshole, because of your shittalk and your attitude and all. so maybe that's a sign YOU should try something. except maybe you ARE a big fucking asshole."
I wonder what would happen if you or I tried to stand up for ourselves in this situation, you know? We were born this way and have every right to get donuts, so why should he get away with saying that shit about my one and only body?
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it wasn't untill college when someone told me i was "beautiful" and i belived it for the first time. i think thats really fucked cuz we're not ugly at all....but i understand what you mean when you say you feel it.
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Yeah I am calling that DD (the one in south hadley, on the strip) and trying to get his ass fired. Once I got out of insulted shock, I wanted to go back there and shoot it up, or at least dump scalding coffee on him.
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I think to a LOT of people its the fucking hottest thing ever.
Take a look around. Don't you think you're with the ones with good taste?
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The dynamics here are in fact very complex and interesting. Straight men could say the same thing about themselves in comparance to feminine women but percieve their bodies with the self asteem society holds for them. I don't know its really complex and a little hard to express in english for me but it makes me think of Lacan, you know the way he says we desire in others what has been lost for ourselves. But what in our cases? For us nothing has been lost. Yet we seem to struggle with being carryier of symptoms of both desires sexes as if we couldn't bear this fact. What does it mean?
Oh well Lacan is some kind of idiot...don't bother about him...
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"hey, buddy, at first there i thought you were a big fucking asshole, because of your shittalk and your attitude and all. so maybe that's a sign YOU should try something. except maybe you ARE a big fucking asshole."
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it's just a wee present, but i think you may like it.
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