unser 50-jahres-plan
it's not everyday that you happen to stumble over old emails, pictures, memories. it does not catch you off guard so much as leaves you a bit hollow inside. startled regret washing over you, snippets of old conversations drifting to the mind like cold mist and you're not entirely sure what possessed you to keep reading and looking despite the sense of estrangement.
although stumbling is too much linked to coincidence. perhaps, deep down, you've sought it out willingly.
it is quite astonishing, to see the past in such stark colours, everything starts to make sense. it's all so very obvious now, the veil has been lifted. i see the mindlessness, the unconscious callousness in words and actions. and i've been terrible.
i know i've grown but not enough, not nearly enough to deal with this in a proper way that does not consist of shocked wonderment. ah, the audacity. but i keep thinking, once, when all of this has morphed into something which can be called "long ago", i might be able to turn around finally and face me.
face you.
should you ever read this, know that i am sorry. for more things than just so called surface problems. the time will come where i will reach out, one way or another, and have the closure i denied us both.
although stumbling is too much linked to coincidence. perhaps, deep down, you've sought it out willingly.
it is quite astonishing, to see the past in such stark colours, everything starts to make sense. it's all so very obvious now, the veil has been lifted. i see the mindlessness, the unconscious callousness in words and actions. and i've been terrible.
i know i've grown but not enough, not nearly enough to deal with this in a proper way that does not consist of shocked wonderment. ah, the audacity. but i keep thinking, once, when all of this has morphed into something which can be called "long ago", i might be able to turn around finally and face me.
face you.
should you ever read this, know that i am sorry. for more things than just so called surface problems. the time will come where i will reach out, one way or another, and have the closure i denied us both.