Chília - Kris/Suho
Chília
Kris/Suho, PG, 2800 words
A thousand days is what it takes, but Joonmyun never forgets. (PJO!AU)
Warnings: written in lowercase.
Written in the same verse as pjo!au. Chília means one thousand in Greek, I know it's a lame title but I still use it anyway. Thanks a ton to Nia krishoislove for being patient with me and always a great help. Without her this fic would only be a mess of my feelings
joonmyun wakes up feeling empty and confused. it feels like someone has taken away a good chunk out of his heart. he brings his hand to his chest and feels the rapid thumping of his heartbeat. he is alive, at least, and that’s a relief to know. but why does it feel like he is dying?
this is not the first time he feels this way. the hollow space he feels in his heart has always been there, never leaving him, ever since the--
there is a knock on the door, then a series of impatient ones. joonmyun narrows his eyes.from the way the sunlight slipped through the windows, it is not too late in the morning. 8, perhaps, but joonmyun is not sure. he forgot to replace the broken clock in his cabin after chanyeol accidentally threw a spear through it. he mentally plans to buy another one tomorrow. maybe he could ask kyungsoo to accompany him to the city; he could always rely the younger one for shopping matters.
the knocks come again, this time with a loud shouting of his name. joonmyun groans, finally taking up the sitting position. “yes, wait!” he shouts out, hoping it would at least calm whoever that is banging on his cabin’s door.
apparently, it does.
joonmyun gets off his bed and makes his way to the bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth. there is no way he would meet anyone without himself cleaning up first. his mother had planted this habit in him since he was a kid, and he grows up living by it. it is a good one, though. he could never complain.
cleaning his face with a dry towel he found near the bathroom door, joonmyun walks up to a small iron table with thunderbolt carvings as decoration. the table was a gift from his father when he first moved in here. it was a blessing, he had said, but joonmyun doesn’t think of the table as special at all.
on the wall above the table is a calendar full of red marks. joonmyun stares at the calendar. it only starts on the may 15th, a special gift from aphrodite as a reminder of how hopeless his love life is. joonmyun takes a deep sigh. he pulls out a red pen from his jeans’ pocket and crosses today’s date.
one thousand days.
today’s red mark had made it one thousand days since--
the knocking comes again. joonmyun quickly rushed himself to the door before the person outside gets impatient like before.
“what?” joonmyun asks once he opens the door.
it was jongin, a kid from the hermes cabin. “chiron said he needs to talk to you.”
joonmyun frowns. it’s not unusual for chiron to call him to the big house since he is the camp leader, but not this early. it must be a big emergency. “do we have another stray demigod or something?”
jongin shrugs. he looks uncomfortable in his orange camp half-blood shirt. it is too tight for him, joonmyun realizes. he remembers jongin’s first day in the camp, and how the boy had to roll off the sleeves so his arm would show. oh, how time flies, joonmyun thinks. he makes a mental note to order a re-fitting for the campers so they would have better camp shirts. he could talk to baekhyun, the head of the aphrodite cabin, about this or perhaps one of the hera kids.
“i don’t know,” jongin says honestly. “but i know that you wouldn’t miss this out.” he smirked. joonmyun hates it when a hermes kid smirks. he never knows if it means something good or bad.
“what do you mean?”
jongin chuckles. “nothing. just perhaps that you might want to know that one of the words they said before they got me to call you is: yifan.”
“don’t be stupid.” joonmyun says sternly. his shoulders become tense hearing that particular word--name. it has been a long time since he heard the name roll off someone else’s tongue, but not long enough for joonmyun to forget. he is trying to move on, even though--
one thousand days.
“i’m not kidding,” jongin huffs. “just go check it out or something. mr. d doesn’t like waiting, remember?”
“yes. thank you, jongin.” joonmyun gives a quick acknowledging nod to jongin, who replies with a two fingers salute before he makes his way towards the big house.
he couldn’t deny the mix of feelings swarming in his chest after he heard jongin’s words. he is excited but terrified at the same time; the name has affected him this much. jongin could be lying, but there is also the possibility of him telling the truth. either way, the short walk from cabin one feels like strolling along the fields of asphodel. it’s long and torturing. joonmyun feels nauseous.
chiron is already waiting for him outside the big house. he looks concerned.
“joonmyun,” the centaur calls him out.
“yeah?” he tries hard not to look nervous, but his voice gives it away.
“i have something to tell you,” chiron says. “but you have to promise me not to freak out or do anything stupid before i take you in. this is a big deal, and i don’t want to spoil it.”
joonmyun’s heart skips a couple of beats. “okay.”
he couldn’t help but let his mind wander as chiron leads them through the big house’s door. they are walking in the direction of mr. d’s office, which joonmyun could only recognize since he was pretty often summoned by the wine god to talk about camp matters. even the stairs leading to the attic where the oracle of delphi resides don’t intrigue joonmyun as it usually does.
chiron has glanced back once or twice, making sure that joonmyun is following accordingly. joonmyun doesn’t like this side of him at all. chiron is known to be wise and sure. being so fidgety doesn’t fit his image at all. and joonmyun is worried.
“here we go,” chiron says once they arrive at mr. d’s door. “remember your promise, joonmyun.”
“i will,” joonmyun nods.
chiron pushes the door open. he steps inside, allowing his four legs to get in before he makes room for joonmyun to walk. joonmyun, confused and nervous, steps behind him and looks inside.
sitting facing mr. d’s desk is a blond guy whose hair is longer than joonmyun ever remembered, shoulders are broader than joonmyun ever remembered, skin is fairer than joonmyun ever remembered, like he hadn’t seen the sun for quite a long time. but the thing is, joonmyun never forgets.
the son of hades is there.
one thousand days.
“yifan,” joonmyun breathes out, unable to control himself.
the blond guy turns around. his face shows surprise upon hearing his name called. joonmyun almost doesn’t recognize him. “joonmyun?” but he still sounds the same, only warier. he has grown taller, having grown at least another foot in the last year. his face structure became sharper, making him look even more handsome. his muscles have grown nicely, probably because of the workouts he did when he was away. joonmyun could still see the young, naive face in him, but he couldn’t deny how much yifan has matured. and joonmyun never forgets.
“oh god,” joonmyun clasps a hand to his mouth.
yifan gets up from his seat, earning a protest from mr. d who is talking to him regarding his absence. he walks up to where joonmyun is standing, his eyes never once leaving joonmyun’s. chiron looks alarmed, he puts a hand in front of joonmyun to forbid yifan to walk closer.
“i believe it is unwise to do such actions before you tell us the complete story, yifan,” chiron advises. “please sit back down.”
yifan hesitates, then nods. he walks back to mr. d’s desk and sits back on the minotaur-skin chair. mr. d smiles smugly at him. he casually waves his hand to pour his glass with dark-colored liquid.
“no wine, if you would please remember, mr. d,” chiron reminds him.
mr. d pouts, “oh, fine.” he waves his hand again, replacing the wine in his glass with diet coke. after taking a gulp of the coke, mr. d faces yifan seriously. “let’s begin again, where were you all this time?”
“i’m sorry,” yifan says, and from the tone of his voice, joonmyun knows it is sincere. “i was--”
no, joonmyun couldn’t take any of it. he doesn’t want to hear the story, he doesn’t want to hear any excuses. yifan is here, and it is enough. it is overwhelming already. joonmyun doesn’t need to hear the stories about monsters and quests and--
without him even realizing, he is dashing out of the big house.
“joonmyun!”
he thinks it is yifan calling him out, but he doesn’t stop. he runs away, bumping into a few campers in the way before he safely reaches his cabin. he needs to think. he makes sure to lock the door before he walks to his bed.
yifan is here.
as much as joonmyun wants it to be true, he doesn’t believe it. he has lost the hope long ago, when his iris message failed to reach yifan for the one hundred and sixty fifth time. he didn’t try again ever since.
one thousand days.
two years and two hundred seventy days joonmyun has been waiting, and yifan is here.
joonmyun curls up on his bed. his eyes are stinging, but no tears are shed. his head is spinning, it keeps playing the memories of yifan like a wound that refused to heal. it hurts. joonmyun squeezes his eyes, trying to close the memories off but he failed. joonmyun never forgets.
he never forgets the rainy day when they first met.
he never forgets the sparks when their skin touched for the first time.
he never forgets the way his name rolled off yifan’s tongue for the first time.
he never forgets their first kiss behind a tree in the forest.
he never forgets the first morning when they wake up entangled in each other’s arms.
he never forgets the warmth of yifan’s words ghosting on his ear.
but he also never forgets the coldness washing over him when yifan was nowhere in the camp to be found.
he also never forgets how the emptiness swallowed him when he learned that yifan was not coming back.
he never forgets.
“yifan,” he whispers out. the name sounds strange yet so familiar at the same time. he closes his eyes.
he misses out how a shadow is starting to form at the corner of his room.
“yes?” the shadow speaks.
joonmyun jumps in his bed. bewildered, he turns to look at the corner. “yifan.” of course, how could he forget that the son of hades could shadow travel? even his most secure lock wouldn’t keep him away. “why are you here?”
the shadow turns into the solid form of yifan. he looks sad. “i need to talk to you.”
“there’s nothing to talk about.” joonmyun shakes his head. “just-- go back to your cabin. it’s full of dust. no one is there to clean up, i’m afraid.”
“not even you?”
“i’m the camp leader, not the cleaner.” joonmyun crosses his hands in front of his chest.
yifan walks closer to joonmyun’s bed, making the son of zeus feels intimidated. “you used to visit my cabin often enough,” he says.
“well,” joonmyun bites lightly on his lower lip before he continues, “you used to be there.” he uses the truth card, looking for yifan’s reaction to that.
he just shakes his head. “joonmyun, we need to talk.”
“we are talking.”
yifan sighs. he pushes his hair back with his hand. he looks frustrated for a few seconds before he regains composure. “i’m sorry for disappearing without notice.”
“sorry doesn’t cut it, yifan.” joonmyun shakes his head. “you’ve been gone for more than two years, and you waltz back into the camp expecting me to forgive you when i have no idea why you disappeared in the first place. i--we couldn’t contact you. our iris messages never reached you. we thought you were--” dead.
“i know,” yifan answers. his voice is soft. he moves to sit on the edge of joonmyun’s bed, assuming that he is allowed to. if he isn’t, joonmyun makes no action to tell him to get off. “i was going to stay away forever, at first.”
“why?” joonmyun couldn’t help but ask. “why did you want to leave? didn’t you think about your friends here? did you not think about me?”
“joonmyun, believe me, it was a hard decision to make. but i have never belonged here. just like how my father doesn’t belong in olympus, i belong in the underworld.”
“i’m not buying your lame excuses.”
yifan shrugs. “it’s the truth, whether you want it or not.” his eyes meet joonmyun’s for a brief moment before he looks away. “my father built a place for me there, saying he needed my assistance. so i helped him running some errands, finishing some quests, making sure charon does his job. for once in my life, joonmyun, i felt like i was actually needed.”
“i need you, yifan,” joonmyun’s voice breaks into a whisper. “aren’t i enough?”
yifan falls silent. his hands are tangled together, hanging between his legs. he plays with his fingers nervously. joonmyun waits.
“i was terrified, at that time. i was afraid to lose whatever it was between us. i was afraid that it was just a temporary illusion. you have so many friends, and all of them could make you smile easily. and there i am, a son of hades who never actually fits anywhere. i was thinking that perhaps you are better off with me.”
“but--”
“let me finish, joonmyun. i was stupid. i was blind. i was too selfish to look around me. and my father wanted help, so i helped him. it felt great you know, to be needed by your father when you have no one else around. then i asked one condition of him, that he would block any contacts that would reach me in the underworld or whenever i go for the quests.” yifan takes a long breath before he continues. “i didn’t realize it would break you, or that it would break me. one day my father called me to his throne, and he showed me the picture of you sleeping, but you were tossing and turning. and you called my name. it had been so long, joonmyun, and i didn’t think i would still hear your voice calling out my name.”
joonmyun blushes involuntarily. he hopes he didn’t have dreams about yifan a lot: it would be embarrassing if hades himself knows about this.
“my dad said he was ready to let me go, and that perhaps my place is really up here. he said i shouldn’t make the wrong decision, and that i should fix all the damage i have done.”
“i love you. i still love you, still need you, after all this time,” joonmyun whispers. “i tried so hard to forget you, i tried to move on, but i couldn’t. you are too cruel, taking half of my heart away with you. how am i supposed to live without it?”
“joonmyun,” yifan moves. he places his hand on joonmyun’s thigh experimentally. the younger doesn’t shove it away. “will you forgive me, and have a new start with me?”
“promise me something first,” joonmyun says softly.
“i would promise you the world if that’s what it takes.”
“don’t be cheesy,” he shoves the older boy’s hand off his thigh lightly. “just promise me that you will never leave me again without notice, and without coming back.”
yifan lets out a long breath, “i swear on the styx river that i will never leave you again without notice, and i will always come back to you.”
“you’re forgiven,” joonmyun smiles. “i missed you.” he takes yifan’s hand as an apology, letting their fingers lace with each other.
“i know, you talked in your sleep.” yifan chuckles. he obviously enjoys the feeling of joonmyun’s tiny and warm hand in his.
“your father is creepy, just like you.” joonmyun shudders.
“i know. it kind of runs in the family,” yifan says. he pauses to look into joonmyun’s eyes. “can i kiss you?”
“yes.”
yifan smiles. he closes his eyes as he leans forward, tilting his head slightly. their lips meet halfway, and there is no spark nor confetti, just a warm completeness spreading in their chest. yifan’s lips are still soft as joonmyun remembered they were. he couldn’t help but chuckle lightly when yifan brought his hand to the back of his neck, pulling him closer so they could kiss better. he misses this, misses the way yifan’s fingertips graze over his nape, misses the way he could smell the faint of yifan’s cologne beneath his ears. some things just don’t change in more than two years.
one thousand days, joonmyun reminds himself. it’s one thousand marks on the calendar and joonmyun wouldn’t need to put red marks any longer. one thousand days are more than enough.
they have a lot to catch up for one thousand days, and joonmyun doesn’t intend to go slow as he opens his mouth, allowing yifan to slip his tongue inside. yes, they definitely should not go slow.
--fin.
Kris/Suho, PG, 2800 words
A thousand days is what it takes, but Joonmyun never forgets. (PJO!AU)
Warnings: written in lowercase.
Written in the same verse as pjo!au. Chília means one thousand in Greek, I know it's a lame title but I still use it anyway. Thanks a ton to Nia krishoislove for being patient with me and always a great help. Without her this fic would only be a mess of my feelings
joonmyun wakes up feeling empty and confused. it feels like someone has taken away a good chunk out of his heart. he brings his hand to his chest and feels the rapid thumping of his heartbeat. he is alive, at least, and that’s a relief to know. but why does it feel like he is dying?
this is not the first time he feels this way. the hollow space he feels in his heart has always been there, never leaving him, ever since the--
there is a knock on the door, then a series of impatient ones. joonmyun narrows his eyes.from the way the sunlight slipped through the windows, it is not too late in the morning. 8, perhaps, but joonmyun is not sure. he forgot to replace the broken clock in his cabin after chanyeol accidentally threw a spear through it. he mentally plans to buy another one tomorrow. maybe he could ask kyungsoo to accompany him to the city; he could always rely the younger one for shopping matters.
the knocks come again, this time with a loud shouting of his name. joonmyun groans, finally taking up the sitting position. “yes, wait!” he shouts out, hoping it would at least calm whoever that is banging on his cabin’s door.
apparently, it does.
joonmyun gets off his bed and makes his way to the bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth. there is no way he would meet anyone without himself cleaning up first. his mother had planted this habit in him since he was a kid, and he grows up living by it. it is a good one, though. he could never complain.
cleaning his face with a dry towel he found near the bathroom door, joonmyun walks up to a small iron table with thunderbolt carvings as decoration. the table was a gift from his father when he first moved in here. it was a blessing, he had said, but joonmyun doesn’t think of the table as special at all.
on the wall above the table is a calendar full of red marks. joonmyun stares at the calendar. it only starts on the may 15th, a special gift from aphrodite as a reminder of how hopeless his love life is. joonmyun takes a deep sigh. he pulls out a red pen from his jeans’ pocket and crosses today’s date.
one thousand days.
today’s red mark had made it one thousand days since--
the knocking comes again. joonmyun quickly rushed himself to the door before the person outside gets impatient like before.
“what?” joonmyun asks once he opens the door.
it was jongin, a kid from the hermes cabin. “chiron said he needs to talk to you.”
joonmyun frowns. it’s not unusual for chiron to call him to the big house since he is the camp leader, but not this early. it must be a big emergency. “do we have another stray demigod or something?”
jongin shrugs. he looks uncomfortable in his orange camp half-blood shirt. it is too tight for him, joonmyun realizes. he remembers jongin’s first day in the camp, and how the boy had to roll off the sleeves so his arm would show. oh, how time flies, joonmyun thinks. he makes a mental note to order a re-fitting for the campers so they would have better camp shirts. he could talk to baekhyun, the head of the aphrodite cabin, about this or perhaps one of the hera kids.
“i don’t know,” jongin says honestly. “but i know that you wouldn’t miss this out.” he smirked. joonmyun hates it when a hermes kid smirks. he never knows if it means something good or bad.
“what do you mean?”
jongin chuckles. “nothing. just perhaps that you might want to know that one of the words they said before they got me to call you is: yifan.”
“don’t be stupid.” joonmyun says sternly. his shoulders become tense hearing that particular word--name. it has been a long time since he heard the name roll off someone else’s tongue, but not long enough for joonmyun to forget. he is trying to move on, even though--
one thousand days.
“i’m not kidding,” jongin huffs. “just go check it out or something. mr. d doesn’t like waiting, remember?”
“yes. thank you, jongin.” joonmyun gives a quick acknowledging nod to jongin, who replies with a two fingers salute before he makes his way towards the big house.
he couldn’t deny the mix of feelings swarming in his chest after he heard jongin’s words. he is excited but terrified at the same time; the name has affected him this much. jongin could be lying, but there is also the possibility of him telling the truth. either way, the short walk from cabin one feels like strolling along the fields of asphodel. it’s long and torturing. joonmyun feels nauseous.
chiron is already waiting for him outside the big house. he looks concerned.
“joonmyun,” the centaur calls him out.
“yeah?” he tries hard not to look nervous, but his voice gives it away.
“i have something to tell you,” chiron says. “but you have to promise me not to freak out or do anything stupid before i take you in. this is a big deal, and i don’t want to spoil it.”
joonmyun’s heart skips a couple of beats. “okay.”
he couldn’t help but let his mind wander as chiron leads them through the big house’s door. they are walking in the direction of mr. d’s office, which joonmyun could only recognize since he was pretty often summoned by the wine god to talk about camp matters. even the stairs leading to the attic where the oracle of delphi resides don’t intrigue joonmyun as it usually does.
chiron has glanced back once or twice, making sure that joonmyun is following accordingly. joonmyun doesn’t like this side of him at all. chiron is known to be wise and sure. being so fidgety doesn’t fit his image at all. and joonmyun is worried.
“here we go,” chiron says once they arrive at mr. d’s door. “remember your promise, joonmyun.”
“i will,” joonmyun nods.
chiron pushes the door open. he steps inside, allowing his four legs to get in before he makes room for joonmyun to walk. joonmyun, confused and nervous, steps behind him and looks inside.
sitting facing mr. d’s desk is a blond guy whose hair is longer than joonmyun ever remembered, shoulders are broader than joonmyun ever remembered, skin is fairer than joonmyun ever remembered, like he hadn’t seen the sun for quite a long time. but the thing is, joonmyun never forgets.
the son of hades is there.
one thousand days.
“yifan,” joonmyun breathes out, unable to control himself.
the blond guy turns around. his face shows surprise upon hearing his name called. joonmyun almost doesn’t recognize him. “joonmyun?” but he still sounds the same, only warier. he has grown taller, having grown at least another foot in the last year. his face structure became sharper, making him look even more handsome. his muscles have grown nicely, probably because of the workouts he did when he was away. joonmyun could still see the young, naive face in him, but he couldn’t deny how much yifan has matured. and joonmyun never forgets.
“oh god,” joonmyun clasps a hand to his mouth.
yifan gets up from his seat, earning a protest from mr. d who is talking to him regarding his absence. he walks up to where joonmyun is standing, his eyes never once leaving joonmyun’s. chiron looks alarmed, he puts a hand in front of joonmyun to forbid yifan to walk closer.
“i believe it is unwise to do such actions before you tell us the complete story, yifan,” chiron advises. “please sit back down.”
yifan hesitates, then nods. he walks back to mr. d’s desk and sits back on the minotaur-skin chair. mr. d smiles smugly at him. he casually waves his hand to pour his glass with dark-colored liquid.
“no wine, if you would please remember, mr. d,” chiron reminds him.
mr. d pouts, “oh, fine.” he waves his hand again, replacing the wine in his glass with diet coke. after taking a gulp of the coke, mr. d faces yifan seriously. “let’s begin again, where were you all this time?”
“i’m sorry,” yifan says, and from the tone of his voice, joonmyun knows it is sincere. “i was--”
no, joonmyun couldn’t take any of it. he doesn’t want to hear the story, he doesn’t want to hear any excuses. yifan is here, and it is enough. it is overwhelming already. joonmyun doesn’t need to hear the stories about monsters and quests and--
without him even realizing, he is dashing out of the big house.
“joonmyun!”
he thinks it is yifan calling him out, but he doesn’t stop. he runs away, bumping into a few campers in the way before he safely reaches his cabin. he needs to think. he makes sure to lock the door before he walks to his bed.
yifan is here.
as much as joonmyun wants it to be true, he doesn’t believe it. he has lost the hope long ago, when his iris message failed to reach yifan for the one hundred and sixty fifth time. he didn’t try again ever since.
one thousand days.
two years and two hundred seventy days joonmyun has been waiting, and yifan is here.
joonmyun curls up on his bed. his eyes are stinging, but no tears are shed. his head is spinning, it keeps playing the memories of yifan like a wound that refused to heal. it hurts. joonmyun squeezes his eyes, trying to close the memories off but he failed. joonmyun never forgets.
he never forgets the rainy day when they first met.
he never forgets the sparks when their skin touched for the first time.
he never forgets the way his name rolled off yifan’s tongue for the first time.
he never forgets their first kiss behind a tree in the forest.
he never forgets the first morning when they wake up entangled in each other’s arms.
he never forgets the warmth of yifan’s words ghosting on his ear.
but he also never forgets the coldness washing over him when yifan was nowhere in the camp to be found.
he also never forgets how the emptiness swallowed him when he learned that yifan was not coming back.
he never forgets.
“yifan,” he whispers out. the name sounds strange yet so familiar at the same time. he closes his eyes.
he misses out how a shadow is starting to form at the corner of his room.
“yes?” the shadow speaks.
joonmyun jumps in his bed. bewildered, he turns to look at the corner. “yifan.” of course, how could he forget that the son of hades could shadow travel? even his most secure lock wouldn’t keep him away. “why are you here?”
the shadow turns into the solid form of yifan. he looks sad. “i need to talk to you.”
“there’s nothing to talk about.” joonmyun shakes his head. “just-- go back to your cabin. it’s full of dust. no one is there to clean up, i’m afraid.”
“not even you?”
“i’m the camp leader, not the cleaner.” joonmyun crosses his hands in front of his chest.
yifan walks closer to joonmyun’s bed, making the son of zeus feels intimidated. “you used to visit my cabin often enough,” he says.
“well,” joonmyun bites lightly on his lower lip before he continues, “you used to be there.” he uses the truth card, looking for yifan’s reaction to that.
he just shakes his head. “joonmyun, we need to talk.”
“we are talking.”
yifan sighs. he pushes his hair back with his hand. he looks frustrated for a few seconds before he regains composure. “i’m sorry for disappearing without notice.”
“sorry doesn’t cut it, yifan.” joonmyun shakes his head. “you’ve been gone for more than two years, and you waltz back into the camp expecting me to forgive you when i have no idea why you disappeared in the first place. i--we couldn’t contact you. our iris messages never reached you. we thought you were--” dead.
“i know,” yifan answers. his voice is soft. he moves to sit on the edge of joonmyun’s bed, assuming that he is allowed to. if he isn’t, joonmyun makes no action to tell him to get off. “i was going to stay away forever, at first.”
“why?” joonmyun couldn’t help but ask. “why did you want to leave? didn’t you think about your friends here? did you not think about me?”
“joonmyun, believe me, it was a hard decision to make. but i have never belonged here. just like how my father doesn’t belong in olympus, i belong in the underworld.”
“i’m not buying your lame excuses.”
yifan shrugs. “it’s the truth, whether you want it or not.” his eyes meet joonmyun’s for a brief moment before he looks away. “my father built a place for me there, saying he needed my assistance. so i helped him running some errands, finishing some quests, making sure charon does his job. for once in my life, joonmyun, i felt like i was actually needed.”
“i need you, yifan,” joonmyun’s voice breaks into a whisper. “aren’t i enough?”
yifan falls silent. his hands are tangled together, hanging between his legs. he plays with his fingers nervously. joonmyun waits.
“i was terrified, at that time. i was afraid to lose whatever it was between us. i was afraid that it was just a temporary illusion. you have so many friends, and all of them could make you smile easily. and there i am, a son of hades who never actually fits anywhere. i was thinking that perhaps you are better off with me.”
“but--”
“let me finish, joonmyun. i was stupid. i was blind. i was too selfish to look around me. and my father wanted help, so i helped him. it felt great you know, to be needed by your father when you have no one else around. then i asked one condition of him, that he would block any contacts that would reach me in the underworld or whenever i go for the quests.” yifan takes a long breath before he continues. “i didn’t realize it would break you, or that it would break me. one day my father called me to his throne, and he showed me the picture of you sleeping, but you were tossing and turning. and you called my name. it had been so long, joonmyun, and i didn’t think i would still hear your voice calling out my name.”
joonmyun blushes involuntarily. he hopes he didn’t have dreams about yifan a lot: it would be embarrassing if hades himself knows about this.
“my dad said he was ready to let me go, and that perhaps my place is really up here. he said i shouldn’t make the wrong decision, and that i should fix all the damage i have done.”
“i love you. i still love you, still need you, after all this time,” joonmyun whispers. “i tried so hard to forget you, i tried to move on, but i couldn’t. you are too cruel, taking half of my heart away with you. how am i supposed to live without it?”
“joonmyun,” yifan moves. he places his hand on joonmyun’s thigh experimentally. the younger doesn’t shove it away. “will you forgive me, and have a new start with me?”
“promise me something first,” joonmyun says softly.
“i would promise you the world if that’s what it takes.”
“don’t be cheesy,” he shoves the older boy’s hand off his thigh lightly. “just promise me that you will never leave me again without notice, and without coming back.”
yifan lets out a long breath, “i swear on the styx river that i will never leave you again without notice, and i will always come back to you.”
“you’re forgiven,” joonmyun smiles. “i missed you.” he takes yifan’s hand as an apology, letting their fingers lace with each other.
“i know, you talked in your sleep.” yifan chuckles. he obviously enjoys the feeling of joonmyun’s tiny and warm hand in his.
“your father is creepy, just like you.” joonmyun shudders.
“i know. it kind of runs in the family,” yifan says. he pauses to look into joonmyun’s eyes. “can i kiss you?”
“yes.”
yifan smiles. he closes his eyes as he leans forward, tilting his head slightly. their lips meet halfway, and there is no spark nor confetti, just a warm completeness spreading in their chest. yifan’s lips are still soft as joonmyun remembered they were. he couldn’t help but chuckle lightly when yifan brought his hand to the back of his neck, pulling him closer so they could kiss better. he misses this, misses the way yifan’s fingertips graze over his nape, misses the way he could smell the faint of yifan’s cologne beneath his ears. some things just don’t change in more than two years.
one thousand days, joonmyun reminds himself. it’s one thousand marks on the calendar and joonmyun wouldn’t need to put red marks any longer. one thousand days are more than enough.
they have a lot to catch up for one thousand days, and joonmyun doesn’t intend to go slow as he opens his mouth, allowing yifan to slip his tongue inside. yes, they definitely should not go slow.
--fin.