i hate living at home
well. im done with my first year at college. it was ok. couldve been better but thats ok. its over. cant do anything to change it. so yea. i finally have a computer in my room AND the internet!!! haha. i spent the day downtown yesterday with jeff. i missed chicago oh so much. um and for eastern ive decided im gonna take out my own loans and not be indebted to my parents cuz they cant run my life anymore hold the whole "im paying for you college" thing over my head. cuz thats all i hear. im thinkin if i do get my own loans do i really have to go to eastern??? ya i do since we got the apartment. but thatll be the best part ever. YAY! but if i could change where i went to school....i would. i really would. and move out. and pay for college myself and just make mistakes myself. oh and i failed a class. i just didnt get it and didnt mean to. i tried but as far as my parents are concerned i didnt. so theres no point in argueing with them. oh and there are gonna be consequences. oooohhhhh soooo scared. big fuckin deal. seriously...can they treat me anymore like a child...punishing me for doin a bad grade!!! i mean i know its bad. im beating myself up as it is. but if they really thinkg giving me "consequences" is gonna "change" me or "motivate" me is just fuckin ridiculous. let me live my life. fuckin get out of my life and things would be great. and they wonder why i want to get out of the house. im being suffocated. privacy not being respected. not listening to anything i say and just people completely one minded. ok im done talkin about it cuz its just makin me angry. but yea. ive been reading a lot and trying to relax. thats all i want to do. is just chill and relax and have a good summer. and not have a curfew....oh but WAIT....i do!!! of course i do. duh. im 19 year old college student who has a fuckin curfew. i need to get out of here. hate hate hate. sa;lfjasd;lfkjas;ldkfjas;ldkjf;aslkjdf;laskjdf. ok im done ranting. i need to stop thinkin about it so i can actually sleep tonight. so im gonna watch greys on the computer. talk to jeff. read my book and hopefully fall asleep. tomorrow is full of cleaning and finishing my project. grrrrrand. lata. oh and im goin lactose free for 10 days. bleh. damn doctors. haha.