Meme'ries...light the corners of my mind...
Here is that interview meme. Although I can't get enough of talking about myself, I forgot to request questions from a lot of y'all, so I just substituted a few from God's queries in the book of Job, even though I'm pretty sure they were rhetorical.
First, from ezrael:
How do you get so much Freelance work?
A combination of luck, the right contacts, really hard work, a willingness to write about anything, and not having a life to get in the way.
Is there a particular editor you think would be receptive to my ideas?
It depends. The majority of the work I do is either music and film writing or stuff for trade publications, and I'm not sure if you have any interest in either of those fields; if so, I could probably throw you a few names to pitch to. When one of my editors is looking to expand their freelance stable, though, I usually get the word to any friends who I think are qualified.
Why are you still in Texas?
A one-two punch of needing to save a lot of money (Chic is expensive, and it's the only place I wanna go) and having stumbled half-ass into a hell of a good job. I'm torn between my desire to get home ASAP and my desire to not walk away from the best gig I've ever had.
What firearm would you most like to own, if money were no object?
That's an interesting question. It wouldn't be a handgun; the one I have now (a Smith & Wesson 4053 Tactical .40-cal) is perfectly fine and didn't cost very much, and you don't see a massive improvement in quality the more you pay unless you get crazy gee-gaws like laser sights or target grips or whatever. I'm not particularly interested in shotguns or SMGs, so I'm tempted to say a fancy-ass sniper rifle, but in the end, I'd probably say a nice, solid, reliable rifle with a heavy load and a good rate of fire, like an AKM assault rifle or a Springfield Arms M1 Tanker carbine.
Dumbest far-right blowhard commentator currently working: who and why?
I used to call Bill O'Reilly "the world's dumbest man" (although I actually think it's fiberpunk who coined the phrase. Sadly, though, events have passed ol' Bill by, and he's now not even the dumbest man on FOX News, having been surpassed by Grade-A morons like Sean Hannity and Michael Savage. In fact, in terms of pure know-nothing blowhardery, of pure ideological blindness with absolutely no thought or knowledge behind it, I may have to go with Hannity, even with competition like Debbie Schlussel and Doug Giles out there. (Giles, by the way, may be the dumbest man who pretends to be smart, with Dennis Prager being a close second.)
Next, rjwhite:
What is the one single thing that you miss most about Chicago?
It's hard to pick out just one single thing. I guess, above all, I miss my friends, but that's not a function of the city itself; so let's say the general cultural and historical feel of the place, the sense of living history, of being somewhere with an actual life and character rather than an agglomeration of strip malls that happened to congeal around a central location. Also, the food.
If everything aligned, what would your dream writing gig be- being able to work on your own book, or working for some publication you respect?
It'd definitely be having a regular column with a magazine or newspaper I liked. I know I've said this before, but landing a permanent job with the Onion -- either the comedy or AV Club side - would be pretty great, because there's no other pub that so perfectly matches my comedic and cultural tastes, but I feel odd saying it because I know a lot of the AV Club folks and it always feels like sucking up. But it would definitely be something like that. (I'd also love to have James Wolcott's job, though not with Vanity Fair.) It wouldn't really be working on a book; I still really want to write one, but I'm not very confident in my abilities as a fiction writer anymore, so publishing a novel, while still something I'd like to do, isn't as big a dream as it once was.
What's better? To have your work respected but only known by a few, or to have boatloads of cash and not so much of the respect?
Ugh, I hate these artificial either-ors; I'd much rather have the money AND the respect. And, of course, I don't have either, so there's really no basis for comparison. But I guess it would be the latter. I'd rather make a marginal living writing stuff I'm proud of than get rich writing a bunch of bullshit. Which is easy for me to say, of course.
Who is the one conservative pundit with whom you'd like to have a daily show in which you'd yell at each other?
Man, I dunno! I wouldn't really want it to be someone I actually hated, because then it would be no fun and would just make me angry and enervated. But I wouldn't wanna be too chummy with them either, lest the whole thing turn into theatre. I might have to go with Jonah Goldberg, because I don't loathe him completely and he's smart enough to have a genuine conversation with, but his politics are total bullshit and he's a big geek, so he'd be easy to make fun of.
What is the one thing about yourself in which you have complete confidence, regardless of the self-deprecating lip service you give to it?
You know what? There isn't one. And I wish I could say this is me being jokey self-deprecating, but it's not. I have huge amounts of doubt about everything I do. I mean, I obviously think I have strengths - I think I'm kinda funny, and I think I'm an okay writer, and I think I can be smart and a decent conversationalist. But I don't have a lot of confidence in any of those things, and am totally willing to accept that I might be 100% full of shit about any of them. This is probably a huge psychological problem, but it ain't my only one. Still, it doesn't paralyze me - I'm not terrified of failure the way I used to be, and I press on with various projects with confidence regardless of whether or not I think they're any good; one thing I've learned is to go ahead and do your shit as if you believe in it, even if deep down you don't. But I can't really answer that question with any one thing, because I honestly don't know. I think I'm probably a better writer than I am anything else, but I also don't think I'm a great writer or anything like that, so I don't have complete confidence in it. Just enough to keep doing it anyway.
And, because I forgot to ask anyone else to ask me questions, here's some stuff that god asked job once:
Hast thou entered into the springs of the sea? or hast thou walked in the search of the depth? Have the gates of death been opened to thee? or hast thou seen the doors of the shadow of death? Hast thou perceived the breadth of the earth? declare if thou knowest it all.
Man, you got me there, God, I haven't done ANY of those things.
Hath the rain a father? or who hath begotten the drops of dew? Out of whose womb came the ice? and the hoary frost of heaven, who hath gendered it?
I 'unno. Jesus?
Hast thou given the horse strength? has thou clothed his neck with thunder? Canst thou make him afraid as a grasshopper? Doth the hawk fly by thy wisdom, and stretch her wings toward the south? Doth the eagle mount up at thy command, and make her nest on high?
I meant to, but I got really busy.
Hast thou an arm like God? or canst thou thunder with a voice like him? Wilt thou also disannul my judgment? wilt thou condemn me, that thou mayest be righteous?
Maybe I will, maybe I won't. I haven't decided yet.
Canst thou fill Leviathan's skin with barbed iron? or his head with fish spears? Shall not one be cast down even at the sight of him? None is so fierce that dare stir him up: who then is able to stand before me?
Batman.
Now you:
1. Leave me a comment saying, "I too am an egomaniac."
2. I respond by asking you five question. You will answer them, because you like talking about yourself.
3. You will update your LJ with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
First, from ezrael:
How do you get so much Freelance work?
A combination of luck, the right contacts, really hard work, a willingness to write about anything, and not having a life to get in the way.
Is there a particular editor you think would be receptive to my ideas?
It depends. The majority of the work I do is either music and film writing or stuff for trade publications, and I'm not sure if you have any interest in either of those fields; if so, I could probably throw you a few names to pitch to. When one of my editors is looking to expand their freelance stable, though, I usually get the word to any friends who I think are qualified.
Why are you still in Texas?
A one-two punch of needing to save a lot of money (Chic is expensive, and it's the only place I wanna go) and having stumbled half-ass into a hell of a good job. I'm torn between my desire to get home ASAP and my desire to not walk away from the best gig I've ever had.
What firearm would you most like to own, if money were no object?
That's an interesting question. It wouldn't be a handgun; the one I have now (a Smith & Wesson 4053 Tactical .40-cal) is perfectly fine and didn't cost very much, and you don't see a massive improvement in quality the more you pay unless you get crazy gee-gaws like laser sights or target grips or whatever. I'm not particularly interested in shotguns or SMGs, so I'm tempted to say a fancy-ass sniper rifle, but in the end, I'd probably say a nice, solid, reliable rifle with a heavy load and a good rate of fire, like an AKM assault rifle or a Springfield Arms M1 Tanker carbine.
Dumbest far-right blowhard commentator currently working: who and why?
I used to call Bill O'Reilly "the world's dumbest man" (although I actually think it's fiberpunk who coined the phrase. Sadly, though, events have passed ol' Bill by, and he's now not even the dumbest man on FOX News, having been surpassed by Grade-A morons like Sean Hannity and Michael Savage. In fact, in terms of pure know-nothing blowhardery, of pure ideological blindness with absolutely no thought or knowledge behind it, I may have to go with Hannity, even with competition like Debbie Schlussel and Doug Giles out there. (Giles, by the way, may be the dumbest man who pretends to be smart, with Dennis Prager being a close second.)
Next, rjwhite:
What is the one single thing that you miss most about Chicago?
It's hard to pick out just one single thing. I guess, above all, I miss my friends, but that's not a function of the city itself; so let's say the general cultural and historical feel of the place, the sense of living history, of being somewhere with an actual life and character rather than an agglomeration of strip malls that happened to congeal around a central location. Also, the food.
If everything aligned, what would your dream writing gig be- being able to work on your own book, or working for some publication you respect?
It'd definitely be having a regular column with a magazine or newspaper I liked. I know I've said this before, but landing a permanent job with the Onion -- either the comedy or AV Club side - would be pretty great, because there's no other pub that so perfectly matches my comedic and cultural tastes, but I feel odd saying it because I know a lot of the AV Club folks and it always feels like sucking up. But it would definitely be something like that. (I'd also love to have James Wolcott's job, though not with Vanity Fair.) It wouldn't really be working on a book; I still really want to write one, but I'm not very confident in my abilities as a fiction writer anymore, so publishing a novel, while still something I'd like to do, isn't as big a dream as it once was.
What's better? To have your work respected but only known by a few, or to have boatloads of cash and not so much of the respect?
Ugh, I hate these artificial either-ors; I'd much rather have the money AND the respect. And, of course, I don't have either, so there's really no basis for comparison. But I guess it would be the latter. I'd rather make a marginal living writing stuff I'm proud of than get rich writing a bunch of bullshit. Which is easy for me to say, of course.
Who is the one conservative pundit with whom you'd like to have a daily show in which you'd yell at each other?
Man, I dunno! I wouldn't really want it to be someone I actually hated, because then it would be no fun and would just make me angry and enervated. But I wouldn't wanna be too chummy with them either, lest the whole thing turn into theatre. I might have to go with Jonah Goldberg, because I don't loathe him completely and he's smart enough to have a genuine conversation with, but his politics are total bullshit and he's a big geek, so he'd be easy to make fun of.
What is the one thing about yourself in which you have complete confidence, regardless of the self-deprecating lip service you give to it?
You know what? There isn't one. And I wish I could say this is me being jokey self-deprecating, but it's not. I have huge amounts of doubt about everything I do. I mean, I obviously think I have strengths - I think I'm kinda funny, and I think I'm an okay writer, and I think I can be smart and a decent conversationalist. But I don't have a lot of confidence in any of those things, and am totally willing to accept that I might be 100% full of shit about any of them. This is probably a huge psychological problem, but it ain't my only one. Still, it doesn't paralyze me - I'm not terrified of failure the way I used to be, and I press on with various projects with confidence regardless of whether or not I think they're any good; one thing I've learned is to go ahead and do your shit as if you believe in it, even if deep down you don't. But I can't really answer that question with any one thing, because I honestly don't know. I think I'm probably a better writer than I am anything else, but I also don't think I'm a great writer or anything like that, so I don't have complete confidence in it. Just enough to keep doing it anyway.
And, because I forgot to ask anyone else to ask me questions, here's some stuff that god asked job once:
Hast thou entered into the springs of the sea? or hast thou walked in the search of the depth? Have the gates of death been opened to thee? or hast thou seen the doors of the shadow of death? Hast thou perceived the breadth of the earth? declare if thou knowest it all.
Man, you got me there, God, I haven't done ANY of those things.
Hath the rain a father? or who hath begotten the drops of dew? Out of whose womb came the ice? and the hoary frost of heaven, who hath gendered it?
I 'unno. Jesus?
Hast thou given the horse strength? has thou clothed his neck with thunder? Canst thou make him afraid as a grasshopper? Doth the hawk fly by thy wisdom, and stretch her wings toward the south? Doth the eagle mount up at thy command, and make her nest on high?
I meant to, but I got really busy.
Hast thou an arm like God? or canst thou thunder with a voice like him? Wilt thou also disannul my judgment? wilt thou condemn me, that thou mayest be righteous?
Maybe I will, maybe I won't. I haven't decided yet.
Canst thou fill Leviathan's skin with barbed iron? or his head with fish spears? Shall not one be cast down even at the sight of him? None is so fierce that dare stir him up: who then is able to stand before me?
Batman.
Now you:
1. Leave me a comment saying, "I too am an egomaniac."
2. I respond by asking you five question. You will answer them, because you like talking about yourself.
3. You will update your LJ with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.