miss me?
it was this entry that did it...
Date: 2004-09-14 11:41
Subject: silent reflection
Security: Public
Mood: lethargic
Music: singing in my head
thank you erin...i miss you. i miss so many people, it's unimaginable. i wish so much that i could be a child. yes, i realize that fifteen isn't "adult" yet, but being fifteen still sets these expectations that rely on one to be 'mature'. i wish i could be three, or five. when innocence was a virtue, and pure ignorance honestly was bliss. when jumping in puddles could make your day, when finger painting meant to paint on your face instead of these ridiculous sheets called paper, and when a kiss could always make the pain go away.
i miss the days when it was so easy to be amused and not look into the deeper side of things, when little things learned would become scholarly, and when 'momma' could always be depended upon.
now it's the time of skepticism, and confusion of emotions and opinions. when goals and priorities come into a clearer focus and everything has specific qualifications to reach a formulative opinion that can remain stable.
i apologize for my generalizations in my former entry. being driven by anger and frustrations tends to not necessarily have my "writing techniques" be at the top of my mind. afterall, this is an online journal, not an essay for mouton. if that were the case, i would have spent at least two hours with my thesis statement in definite different wording. however, i will not retract anything i said expect for my generalizations. for at this time, and maybe for about the next few months, that is how i feel.
i was actually going to go waaay in depth about emotion and the comparisons of place to place and how people, though so different are really the same with the same desires, and same ideas for these desires, and etc. but honestly, i'm tired. i'm tired and i want ice cream. so farewell readers....i think i just need to pray...
-----------------------------
i attempted to reach this old livejournal of mine in hopes of it not existing anymore as i was having logging on problems earlier in the year. to my surprise, i was able to reach this website. not only that, but i was surprised by some of the things that i've written. every now and then i forget who i am or who i was or who i want to be and then i read things like this former entry of mine and i remember: i'm the dreamer. the girl who always took a book to lunch. the one who was mocked in seventh grade for using the word parsimonious when the other students used four to five letter words to describe scrooge. my, i've missed me.
i'm sixteen now and i'm glad that i'm not three or five. i'm beginning a new school year, my junior year, and i'm filled with anticipation for open house. the chance when i can meet these infamous teachers, see old favorites, and have the formal initiation proving that yes school is less than a week away.
and i remain eager.
my moments of insight have become less and less and i think it's because i've been rushing myself so much that i haven't had enough time to just sit and think.
today, on the way back from rogers, i saw the sunset. the clouds formed a horizon among themselves, the bottom half seeming like an ocean in the sky, small cross-hatches in the clouds made a fence, perhaps so the ocean wouldn't fall into the earth. a friend laughed at me and said, 'yeah, i can remember when i use to be really into the clouds.'
but i'm not. honestly. i prefer stars any day to clouds. i had an interesting thought last night. i was outside of my apartment building waiting for erin casey to pick me up so we could watch the meteor shower together. as i waiting i wondered what it would be like to walk on the sky. just walk. i would step on the stars and imagine them crunching beneath my feet like broken glass until morning breezes would sweep them away for new windows, for another night, for another stroll...
well, erin, my darling dear, i hope you are pleased with the fact that i decided to keep a livejournal instead. enjoy~
Date: 2004-09-14 11:41
Subject: silent reflection
Security: Public
Mood: lethargic
Music: singing in my head
thank you erin...i miss you. i miss so many people, it's unimaginable. i wish so much that i could be a child. yes, i realize that fifteen isn't "adult" yet, but being fifteen still sets these expectations that rely on one to be 'mature'. i wish i could be three, or five. when innocence was a virtue, and pure ignorance honestly was bliss. when jumping in puddles could make your day, when finger painting meant to paint on your face instead of these ridiculous sheets called paper, and when a kiss could always make the pain go away.
i miss the days when it was so easy to be amused and not look into the deeper side of things, when little things learned would become scholarly, and when 'momma' could always be depended upon.
now it's the time of skepticism, and confusion of emotions and opinions. when goals and priorities come into a clearer focus and everything has specific qualifications to reach a formulative opinion that can remain stable.
i apologize for my generalizations in my former entry. being driven by anger and frustrations tends to not necessarily have my "writing techniques" be at the top of my mind. afterall, this is an online journal, not an essay for mouton. if that were the case, i would have spent at least two hours with my thesis statement in definite different wording. however, i will not retract anything i said expect for my generalizations. for at this time, and maybe for about the next few months, that is how i feel.
i was actually going to go waaay in depth about emotion and the comparisons of place to place and how people, though so different are really the same with the same desires, and same ideas for these desires, and etc. but honestly, i'm tired. i'm tired and i want ice cream. so farewell readers....i think i just need to pray...
-----------------------------
i attempted to reach this old livejournal of mine in hopes of it not existing anymore as i was having logging on problems earlier in the year. to my surprise, i was able to reach this website. not only that, but i was surprised by some of the things that i've written. every now and then i forget who i am or who i was or who i want to be and then i read things like this former entry of mine and i remember: i'm the dreamer. the girl who always took a book to lunch. the one who was mocked in seventh grade for using the word parsimonious when the other students used four to five letter words to describe scrooge. my, i've missed me.
i'm sixteen now and i'm glad that i'm not three or five. i'm beginning a new school year, my junior year, and i'm filled with anticipation for open house. the chance when i can meet these infamous teachers, see old favorites, and have the formal initiation proving that yes school is less than a week away.
and i remain eager.
my moments of insight have become less and less and i think it's because i've been rushing myself so much that i haven't had enough time to just sit and think.
today, on the way back from rogers, i saw the sunset. the clouds formed a horizon among themselves, the bottom half seeming like an ocean in the sky, small cross-hatches in the clouds made a fence, perhaps so the ocean wouldn't fall into the earth. a friend laughed at me and said, 'yeah, i can remember when i use to be really into the clouds.'
but i'm not. honestly. i prefer stars any day to clouds. i had an interesting thought last night. i was outside of my apartment building waiting for erin casey to pick me up so we could watch the meteor shower together. as i waiting i wondered what it would be like to walk on the sky. just walk. i would step on the stars and imagine them crunching beneath my feet like broken glass until morning breezes would sweep them away for new windows, for another night, for another stroll...
well, erin, my darling dear, i hope you are pleased with the fact that i decided to keep a livejournal instead. enjoy~