(no subject)

[lucyintherye]

we laid there skin pressed against skin and i felt so in-love and so betrayed all at the same time .. you whispered dashboard lyrics on my lips and i think i died ... i felt you but i wasnt there ... i cried ..did you see me .. i didnt deserve that .. i didnt deserve for you to love me so close ... what will all of it matter when we're gone .. when we die no one will remember us and how you loved me .. whats it for if life is all just smoke and mirrors,why cant i write beautiful sonnets for you, i write these lines that mean nothing, but yet they mean so much to me , i have a million and one lines running through my heart and i try to write them down before they fade but in the midst off all the commotion they run together or one slips by me and what is left is only half of what it was and half is not enough ... not nearly enough for you yet all of what is in me doesnt even begin to come close to what you need or to what you deserve .. i dont think ill ever get close enough to perfection for you.. when i met you i sat you up on a pedestal high above me and way out of reach.. in hopes that no one would find you there , but i forgot i couldnt reach you either so now i sit at the bottom and i look up at you ... high above me so elegant so unintentionally gorgeous so far passed perfection, your face breaks my heart every time i look at you ... i drink to forget your face but the sauce and pills only kill the pain slightly ... so i decided to take an axe to yuor pedestal and as i hacked away i felt each cut inside me ... and blood began to gush and i realized i had torn right through my fucking heart ... but you fell so hard straight into me ... and i puked all my insides onto a silver platter and arranged them so elegantly just for you ... you said you loved it i didnt believe you , but when you slit your throat and your heart fell onto the plate i knew it was real and i knew we'd finally made to the field of white flowers wed both so desperately been searching for alone together

I apologize for the lack of "flow" in this entry ... I used ot write so much more eloquently but I seem to have lost my luster ... this is a series of incomplete thought all smushed together in the beautiful disgraceful mess