Things Back to Normal with Amara
In the last 3 weeks since Amara returned after disappearing for 3 weeks, things seem to have gone back to normal with my pagan student. Which is a relief! She took care of "finishing" the eclipse spell that went awry because she neglected it and accidentally cursed herself (and her roommate!) and she picked up her belongings that got left with Reese & Sleep. I didn't even know that until they told me this last Thanksgiving weekend!
She's back in regular contact with me and her depression is lifting, we've been emailing one another again, and texting a little-- but also sending voice messages to one another, which is something I've never really done before-- but it's rather cool, like reading a letter out loud so you get to catch the nuances of speech that writing doesn't capture so well.
All well and good!
However...
... once we have a chance to see one another in person again and I know I have an hour to spare, I'm going to be having a serious talk with her. I've made it abundantly clear that I will support her setting boundaries with me, but she has to clearly communicate them to me, not expect me to pick up a passive aggressive HINT. I've also demonstrated that I won't aggressively punish her if she rebels against me or something. Nothing quite like putting that to the test, eh? I've been adamantly respectful and civil to her all along, staying above board at all times. And I'm proud of that!
But on the other side of that respect equation is what is due to me. I'll have to explain to her that if she pulls something like this again, just disappearing because she's pissed at me (which is essentially what happened) I'm going to sever ties with her. She can tell me she's pissed at me. She can say she needs space. I will work with her on just about anything so long as it is communicated. If she's just fucking pissed and disappears again? I'm DONE. She has no idea how very close she got to losing me forever over her little temper tantrum!!
And that is what it was, depression my ass! She was mourning the death of her friendship with her shallow, supposed "best friend" Jasmine, of course-- but that is not depression, that's sadness from a definite cause. Depression is sadness that defies a cause for the most part, and doesn't last a couple of weeks like a viral infection!
No, she was PISSED at me, because she knew I was right, and she wished that I was wrong, but time proved my case perfectly. She's going through a very hard time, legitimately, no question. But she dropped out of communication with me, using the Silent Treatment as a punishment. She eventually fessed up to that. She didn't stop talking to anyone else except me, and by extension-- Cat. Which is complete bullshit.
And... I have to tell her so and make it clear that playing dramatic games with me is not cool. She can be honest with me, even if she's angry or disgusted or anything-- but she can't shut me out to hurt me. For one, it doesn't work. I'm not hurt, not even a little, and I'm going to make sure to tell her that. All it does is worry me and piss me off by turns. And no matter how angry with me she is-- I don't deserve that, and I'm not going to allow it a second time and forgive her again. I owned my part of it, and then some, actually, but I won't respond the same way a second time.
No more bullshit. I'm so fucking done with bullshit. From ANYONE.
She's back in regular contact with me and her depression is lifting, we've been emailing one another again, and texting a little-- but also sending voice messages to one another, which is something I've never really done before-- but it's rather cool, like reading a letter out loud so you get to catch the nuances of speech that writing doesn't capture so well.
All well and good!
However...
... once we have a chance to see one another in person again and I know I have an hour to spare, I'm going to be having a serious talk with her. I've made it abundantly clear that I will support her setting boundaries with me, but she has to clearly communicate them to me, not expect me to pick up a passive aggressive HINT. I've also demonstrated that I won't aggressively punish her if she rebels against me or something. Nothing quite like putting that to the test, eh? I've been adamantly respectful and civil to her all along, staying above board at all times. And I'm proud of that!
But on the other side of that respect equation is what is due to me. I'll have to explain to her that if she pulls something like this again, just disappearing because she's pissed at me (which is essentially what happened) I'm going to sever ties with her. She can tell me she's pissed at me. She can say she needs space. I will work with her on just about anything so long as it is communicated. If she's just fucking pissed and disappears again? I'm DONE. She has no idea how very close she got to losing me forever over her little temper tantrum!!
And that is what it was, depression my ass! She was mourning the death of her friendship with her shallow, supposed "best friend" Jasmine, of course-- but that is not depression, that's sadness from a definite cause. Depression is sadness that defies a cause for the most part, and doesn't last a couple of weeks like a viral infection!
No, she was PISSED at me, because she knew I was right, and she wished that I was wrong, but time proved my case perfectly. She's going through a very hard time, legitimately, no question. But she dropped out of communication with me, using the Silent Treatment as a punishment. She eventually fessed up to that. She didn't stop talking to anyone else except me, and by extension-- Cat. Which is complete bullshit.
And... I have to tell her so and make it clear that playing dramatic games with me is not cool. She can be honest with me, even if she's angry or disgusted or anything-- but she can't shut me out to hurt me. For one, it doesn't work. I'm not hurt, not even a little, and I'm going to make sure to tell her that. All it does is worry me and piss me off by turns. And no matter how angry with me she is-- I don't deserve that, and I'm not going to allow it a second time and forgive her again. I owned my part of it, and then some, actually, but I won't respond the same way a second time.
No more bullshit. I'm so fucking done with bullshit. From ANYONE.