The Early Bird Gets the Worm
I cannot believe it is already August. Time is going so fast. I suppose it always does when you want it to go slowly.
Rich has a field problem from the 8th to the 17th (I think its the 17th). He said that the commander told him if they got done in enough time they could come home every night. Would be nice. Autumn's doctor appointment is the 8th and I have my WIC appointment like on the 17th, and I wanted him to go too.
I guess his company is having a BBQ the weekend of the 20th or something. To celebrate before they go to NTC in California on the 23rd. I'm not thrilled. I don't have a reason to celebrate either. I hate when he goes, and the fact that NTC is already here scares me. They told us to be prepared for them to leave from Iraq anytime after NTC until December. I am putting all of my faith and hope in the fact that they will wait until at least December. If we're lucky, we can at least spend our second anniversary together which is November 22nd. We're missing all of our birthdays for the next two years or so as it is, so the anniversary would be a nice touch. I don't know.
This whole Iraq thing has taken over our lives and it's still (hopefully) 4 months away. We both can't stop thinking about it and out of no where one of us says "I don't want you to go" (that would be me) or "I don't want to go to Iraq" (that obviously would be Rich). I've cried so many times already just thinking of saying goodbye. That is going to be the part I don't know if I can handle. I know I can be alone and take care of Autumn. I have been alone before. I lasted a month just fine, and I can do it again for 12 of them. It's no different than when he is at work every day and I am alone taking care of her. But only he won't be coming home at the end of the day which is when it gets very lonely. Anyway, I'll suck it up because I don't have a choice. But what I cannot get myself to be strong about is saying goodbye to him. We've talked and neither one of us knows how to go about it. How do you say goodbye to your soulmate knowing it may be the last time you see them, and knowing what hell they are about to be going through. I hate what he is going to have to see and do over there. I hate this war. I don't want my husband over there sleeping with a gun and eating crappy MREs every day and living in that insane heat. Just the conditions over there that he is going to be enduring make me hate it. I feel guilty that I get to stay here with our daughter and he is going over there to protect us. He has to leave everything and live in hell for a year and miss out on everything all so we can have a paycheck and food on the table. I know it's a part of his job and I know that we knew this when he got back in the Army. It does not make this any easier. I don't know how to do it. And once we do get the goodbye over with and I have to leave him there and go back home to nothing, we wait it out six or seven months and he gets to come home for his R&R, the mid-tour break. For like 15 days. That's awesome. Except for the part where I will be counting down the days knowing that the end of each one is just closer to the day I will have to say that fucking goodbye all over again and have him leave us for another six or seven months. I'm going to be such a mess the day he leaves. We both will. I feel sick to my stomach now just thinking about it. I don't even want to think of how I will be the week before or the day before or the morning of. I'll probably throw up a hundred times and it will be worse because I won't be able to eat so there's nothing to throw up. Just feel neasous all the time. I know that's what I'll do. It's how I am. He's said the same thing about him. Which I can only imagine is a million times worse. I mean how do you prepare yourself and your mindset to go over there to a place you know is going to make you miserable.
Niki said she is going to try and visit during the time. I'm praying she can. I really need someone to be here with me. Especially to help with Autumn that day. She is going to be old enough to know what bye-bye means, and she'll understand he's leaving but she won't understand for how long. I'm glad for that though. If she knew it would make her more sad. Ah, the innocence of a child.
Speaking of Autumn, her two bottom teeth have come in. I think her top ones might be starting to come soon, she's begun to chew on her hands a lot more recently which is what she did before when her bottom two were coming in. She's also trying to crawl. It's so cute, she gets on all fours and rocks back and forth like she's revving her little engine. She's getting better at it and has even moved her legs forward a few times now. Before I know it she'll be zipping all over the place. She's sitting up pretty well too. She can't get to sitting position from the ground by herself yet, but if she's propped half way up she can pull herself to sit and she stays pretty well balanced until she decides to go roll around the living room.
I am so sad I'm awake right now. Autumn was up earlier so I got all of her food ready and when I went to get her out of her crib she was asleep again. She never does that this late in the morning. It's already almost 9:30 and she's still sleeping. Now I'm bored lol. This is not our routine. I probably should take a shower and get ready now, but I don't feel like it. I may as well wait until she takes one of her afternoon naps because she is probably just going to spit up on me or throw food on me. She threw her whole bowl of carrots down yesterday. They landed all over me and all over the floor. She's quick, that one. I didn't even see it coming. I was holding the bowl with one hand and wiping her mouth with the other and before I knew it, it was on the floor. Then she just looks at me with the cutest damn look like "I didn't do anything mom" and I couldn't help but to laugh, so then she laughed, which of course is bad parenting because now she thinks it's funny. It isn't. Just like she did when she figured out that she can pull the dvds off the shelves the other day. She pulled one off and threw it on the floor and just gave me this look like she was completely innocent and I just died laughing. She's going to be so hard to discipline! If she wasn't so damn cute, it would be much easier.
We have an FRG (Family Readiness Group, the group for spouses of soldiers they help out and provide info when the soldiers deploy and the do stuff like bbq's or bake sales etc.) meeting tonight. I guess it is at the bowling alley on base and they're having pizza. Rich and I are going to go with Autumn. What the heck, it's a dinner I don't have to cook or pay for lol. At any rate it's pretty much mandatory so we should really go. Though Rich said that he didn't know how many people would actually show up, and I wouldn't blame them. They only gave the detailed info like a day ago, so people with jobs and stuff would have no way to make it. Oh well. Should be interesting to see what goes on and if I learn anything.
Well since she's still sleeping, I think I'll upload the new pictures and email them to everyone.
Peace-Love-Monkeys
xoxo
Rich has a field problem from the 8th to the 17th (I think its the 17th). He said that the commander told him if they got done in enough time they could come home every night. Would be nice. Autumn's doctor appointment is the 8th and I have my WIC appointment like on the 17th, and I wanted him to go too.
I guess his company is having a BBQ the weekend of the 20th or something. To celebrate before they go to NTC in California on the 23rd. I'm not thrilled. I don't have a reason to celebrate either. I hate when he goes, and the fact that NTC is already here scares me. They told us to be prepared for them to leave from Iraq anytime after NTC until December. I am putting all of my faith and hope in the fact that they will wait until at least December. If we're lucky, we can at least spend our second anniversary together which is November 22nd. We're missing all of our birthdays for the next two years or so as it is, so the anniversary would be a nice touch. I don't know.
This whole Iraq thing has taken over our lives and it's still (hopefully) 4 months away. We both can't stop thinking about it and out of no where one of us says "I don't want you to go" (that would be me) or "I don't want to go to Iraq" (that obviously would be Rich). I've cried so many times already just thinking of saying goodbye. That is going to be the part I don't know if I can handle. I know I can be alone and take care of Autumn. I have been alone before. I lasted a month just fine, and I can do it again for 12 of them. It's no different than when he is at work every day and I am alone taking care of her. But only he won't be coming home at the end of the day which is when it gets very lonely. Anyway, I'll suck it up because I don't have a choice. But what I cannot get myself to be strong about is saying goodbye to him. We've talked and neither one of us knows how to go about it. How do you say goodbye to your soulmate knowing it may be the last time you see them, and knowing what hell they are about to be going through. I hate what he is going to have to see and do over there. I hate this war. I don't want my husband over there sleeping with a gun and eating crappy MREs every day and living in that insane heat. Just the conditions over there that he is going to be enduring make me hate it. I feel guilty that I get to stay here with our daughter and he is going over there to protect us. He has to leave everything and live in hell for a year and miss out on everything all so we can have a paycheck and food on the table. I know it's a part of his job and I know that we knew this when he got back in the Army. It does not make this any easier. I don't know how to do it. And once we do get the goodbye over with and I have to leave him there and go back home to nothing, we wait it out six or seven months and he gets to come home for his R&R, the mid-tour break. For like 15 days. That's awesome. Except for the part where I will be counting down the days knowing that the end of each one is just closer to the day I will have to say that fucking goodbye all over again and have him leave us for another six or seven months. I'm going to be such a mess the day he leaves. We both will. I feel sick to my stomach now just thinking about it. I don't even want to think of how I will be the week before or the day before or the morning of. I'll probably throw up a hundred times and it will be worse because I won't be able to eat so there's nothing to throw up. Just feel neasous all the time. I know that's what I'll do. It's how I am. He's said the same thing about him. Which I can only imagine is a million times worse. I mean how do you prepare yourself and your mindset to go over there to a place you know is going to make you miserable.
Niki said she is going to try and visit during the time. I'm praying she can. I really need someone to be here with me. Especially to help with Autumn that day. She is going to be old enough to know what bye-bye means, and she'll understand he's leaving but she won't understand for how long. I'm glad for that though. If she knew it would make her more sad. Ah, the innocence of a child.
Speaking of Autumn, her two bottom teeth have come in. I think her top ones might be starting to come soon, she's begun to chew on her hands a lot more recently which is what she did before when her bottom two were coming in. She's also trying to crawl. It's so cute, she gets on all fours and rocks back and forth like she's revving her little engine. She's getting better at it and has even moved her legs forward a few times now. Before I know it she'll be zipping all over the place. She's sitting up pretty well too. She can't get to sitting position from the ground by herself yet, but if she's propped half way up she can pull herself to sit and she stays pretty well balanced until she decides to go roll around the living room.
I am so sad I'm awake right now. Autumn was up earlier so I got all of her food ready and when I went to get her out of her crib she was asleep again. She never does that this late in the morning. It's already almost 9:30 and she's still sleeping. Now I'm bored lol. This is not our routine. I probably should take a shower and get ready now, but I don't feel like it. I may as well wait until she takes one of her afternoon naps because she is probably just going to spit up on me or throw food on me. She threw her whole bowl of carrots down yesterday. They landed all over me and all over the floor. She's quick, that one. I didn't even see it coming. I was holding the bowl with one hand and wiping her mouth with the other and before I knew it, it was on the floor. Then she just looks at me with the cutest damn look like "I didn't do anything mom" and I couldn't help but to laugh, so then she laughed, which of course is bad parenting because now she thinks it's funny. It isn't. Just like she did when she figured out that she can pull the dvds off the shelves the other day. She pulled one off and threw it on the floor and just gave me this look like she was completely innocent and I just died laughing. She's going to be so hard to discipline! If she wasn't so damn cute, it would be much easier.
We have an FRG (Family Readiness Group, the group for spouses of soldiers they help out and provide info when the soldiers deploy and the do stuff like bbq's or bake sales etc.) meeting tonight. I guess it is at the bowling alley on base and they're having pizza. Rich and I are going to go with Autumn. What the heck, it's a dinner I don't have to cook or pay for lol. At any rate it's pretty much mandatory so we should really go. Though Rich said that he didn't know how many people would actually show up, and I wouldn't blame them. They only gave the detailed info like a day ago, so people with jobs and stuff would have no way to make it. Oh well. Should be interesting to see what goes on and if I learn anything.
Well since she's still sleeping, I think I'll upload the new pictures and email them to everyone.
Peace-Love-Monkeys
xoxo