What is this strange feeling?

Mar 17, 2012 23:19

I've been feeling rather odd recently, like I've not felt for quite a while.

There is a distinct possibility, and I want to be absolutely clear that this is not in any way a sure thing, that I might, possibly, in some way, be... happy.

Is that the right word?  Is that a word at all?

Let me go back a bit.

I was in Sydney last weekend where I helped Klytemestra put together a new bed and generally helping her put her life together.  She's been really out of sorts for a while and I've heard plenty of complaining on this front, but this was the first time she let me in to help.  The two of us spent a lot of time together at an extended party we were both going to where we both wound up crashing.

I also saw Ma Cherie Zoologiste who was having drinks before the party (where a lot of my friends were going.)  It was the first time seeing her in a long time.  We've not had much contact since we split, despite the fact that we have quite a few overlapping circles.  It was REALLY good to see her again.  There was no acrimony at all.  Both of us were legitimately happy to see each other.  At the same time, I still fell like I got jerked around a fair bit, but that doesn't matter to me anymore.  I can now be happy to see her, and not feel as though I've given in on the getting jerked around front.

I also had lunch with Italian Sushi and helped her out with a couple things before driving Minou home and seeing what Dora looks like in one of her wigs.  (For one brief moment, hilarious.)

On Tuesday I gave a training session where I taught a group of girls about the fun you can have with an AMRAP workout.  I led another session on Thursday morning.  I'm pretty sure Tony Abbott rode by on his bike as I was setting up.  Three of my expanding list of clients had their first tire workout.

It looks like I will be doing regular morning workouts when Parliament sits in addition to Tuesday evenings.  Also, people have been promoting on my behalf, and there are currently 19 staff on my e-mail list which is a lot nmore than I expected.  Next week it is possible that a Member of Parliament (an ex Australian football player and former cop who hasn't exercised for a while) might come along.  People seem really pleased with the work that I do on this front, and as I was loading the tire into the back of my car afterwards, I looked out at the grass in front of Parliament and asked myself out loud "why am I not doing this all the time?"

I hosted two trivia nights again this week.  Some of my old trivia friends came along to one, I told an annoying guy who had been shouting out stupid things and heckling all night to "shut it you" and was told by a number of people that I am a lot better than the usual trivia guy whom I had been filling in for.  (Apparently he didn't know how to pronounce Sean Connery.)  Also, apparently I am not a mumbler like another trivia host that my friends frequent.  I've always loved trivia, and it looks like I'm good at the hosting side of it.

The market has been doing better. AKK got some good flow rates from a well they drilled and while there is up and down, the stock looks like it's on it's way up.  I also sold a stake in AUT (after which it continued to climb another 15%) which means I have enough cash for the time being so I don't have to sell anything else in a hurry.  I've gotten less attached to other stocks, and I currently have sell orders on the market for RUL, JRL, VMGO.  People have advised me to start trading professionally, and while I don't have anywhere near the funds to do that, the fact remains that in 2012, the VAST majority of my income so far has been from trading.

The career situation is also a lot better (or is bothering me a lot less.)  I had an interview for a job in Belconnen that would be good for the short term, and am currently being considered for a job for six weeks that is way down in Tuggeranong but would get me in the door of the APS.  I had another interview with another agency on Friday who made the same statements as most other agencies, but I find that in all my interactions I am being a lot more frank since my last bout of frustration with looking for work.  It could be because I have other irons in the fire with fitness and trivia, and it could be that I am learning to unlearn the old scripts about what constitutes real work.  If I trade and host trivia and start work in fitness on a more serious basis, could that be enough for me?  At the moment I don't see why not.  I will probably go back to an office job at some point, but it's not the only option.

I also bought a bicycle.  It was $80 and isn't the newest or flashest, but it gets me places quicker than walking and is easier to park in the city than a car.

This morning I was up to head to the fire brigade HQ where a group of us took one of our trucks to a local primary school fete.  The kids loved the truck, and I only had to kick one kid out for repeatedly switching on the lights and siren and thought it was hiarious to turn in on again and again right after I had turned it off.  When he went to switch it on again, I grabbed his wrist and said "you've done that enough. It's time for you to get out" with an air of great moral authority.  Wearing the uniform gives you a certain authority.  The thought crossed my mind that a lot of the dads there might be jealous of me because I am now doing something that plenty of kids want to do but most never do.  (Perhaps I am overthinking that, or perhaps I'm a bit vain.)  There was a lot of demonstrating firefighting skills and equipment.  A four year old boy saw me and said "Mummy! Mummy! I want to wear the fire suit!"  As far as he's concerned, I'm doing his dream job.

I spent the rest of the day dozing as a lot of fatigue had built up.  But tired or not, I think I might actually be happy in a consistent way for the first time in a long time.

Things have been going quite well recently, and I know that I can't always count on that being the case.  Circumstance won't always be my friend, and I think the gloom is still around and may return in force in the future, but for now it doesn't matter.  The trick will be figuring out how to ensure that remains the case.

italian sushi, ma cherie zoologiste, investing, trivia, i have a happy, klydemestra, fire, career, gloom, training, minou

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