Say Good-bye (Norah Jones)
You don't have to tell the truth, but if you do, I'll tell it too.
Told you I was digging this album.
When I lived in Austin, I had a goal to run Towne Lake. It was a huge mecca for runners and I could barely make the first mile marker. On Monday, I was late to my appointment with my boxing coach, so he locked me out. I had to go run laps instead of my regular boxing work-out. In doing so, I started thinking about my goal when I lived in Austin and couldn't help but smile when I realized, I was running Towne Lake. It just wasn't the Towne Lake I had originally intended.
Life is funny like that.
When I worked at Mega Company, I fought tooth and nail for a promotion and didn't get one. This really frustrated me, especially when people who didn't put in nearly the amount of effort and hours I did got promotions. So I stopped working so hard. I left at 3pm on Fridays. I didn't work past 6pm, or through lunch, or on the weekends. Guess what happened? After a year of slacking off and only putting in the amount of work that I felt was sufficient, I got a promotion.
The waters at work are murky right now. Part of me still wants to invest myself in fixing things, but another part of me is ready to do what I did at MegaCompany. The thing that made my day during that time in the cubicles was cardio theater. Across the street there was a gym that had movies playing while you worked out. I went through my days looking forward to that and stopped worrying about the rest of the bullshit.
Boxing is important to me. Running around Towne Lake is important to me. Going and seeing my family and friends on my days off is important to me. Fixing the situation at work because no one else has the strength or the fortitude to do it, is really not so important to me anymore. The straw that broke the camel's back was when I was denied a training request because the manager feels "I'm just going to leave," despite many assurances to the contrary. This morning my work-out buddy casually mentioned that the class I was denied for is now mandatory for all the trainers in my department. My manager didn't even know it was being offered until I asked for it.
Now, the old Lucky, the Lucky who has spent her life busting her ass in the quest for perfection only to find frustration and disappointment because being perfect is impossible, would be livid over this revelation. This morning, when my friend told me this, I started laughing. She asked me what was so funny and I couldn't even explain it. I don't know why it was so funny. I guess I find it amusing that I could inspire so much hate in someone that she'd send 7 people to a class that I was denied, just to spite me. When I left the boxing gym, I went to Towne Lake. I walked 2.4 miles and just enjoyed the fact that I could; because my legs still worked after a tough bout at the gym and because I had nowhere else that I needed to be at that moment. Everyone else is at work. On the way home, I put the top down and danced in my Jeep.
Now, I have some promising opportunities on the horizon, but I really don't think that's what has inspired the change. I think what has inspired the change is that I'm tired. I'm tired of living my life the way I have been when it hasn't gotten me anywhere. It's frustrated me. It's depressed me. Most importantly, it hasn't been anything but treading water. I've been fighting the current in an undertow instead of just swimming parallel to the shore to get out of it.
No more rushing. No more ass-busting to benefit someone who won't ever appreciate it. It's 100% selfish and I have no problem with that. I'll get to where I want to be, eventually, by doing it my way and without anyone's help or sabotage. I make my own roads. Anyone who doesn't like it can... well, I guess that's their problem now, isn't it?
Told you I was digging this album.
When I lived in Austin, I had a goal to run Towne Lake. It was a huge mecca for runners and I could barely make the first mile marker. On Monday, I was late to my appointment with my boxing coach, so he locked me out. I had to go run laps instead of my regular boxing work-out. In doing so, I started thinking about my goal when I lived in Austin and couldn't help but smile when I realized, I was running Towne Lake. It just wasn't the Towne Lake I had originally intended.
Life is funny like that.
When I worked at Mega Company, I fought tooth and nail for a promotion and didn't get one. This really frustrated me, especially when people who didn't put in nearly the amount of effort and hours I did got promotions. So I stopped working so hard. I left at 3pm on Fridays. I didn't work past 6pm, or through lunch, or on the weekends. Guess what happened? After a year of slacking off and only putting in the amount of work that I felt was sufficient, I got a promotion.
The waters at work are murky right now. Part of me still wants to invest myself in fixing things, but another part of me is ready to do what I did at MegaCompany. The thing that made my day during that time in the cubicles was cardio theater. Across the street there was a gym that had movies playing while you worked out. I went through my days looking forward to that and stopped worrying about the rest of the bullshit.
Boxing is important to me. Running around Towne Lake is important to me. Going and seeing my family and friends on my days off is important to me. Fixing the situation at work because no one else has the strength or the fortitude to do it, is really not so important to me anymore. The straw that broke the camel's back was when I was denied a training request because the manager feels "I'm just going to leave," despite many assurances to the contrary. This morning my work-out buddy casually mentioned that the class I was denied for is now mandatory for all the trainers in my department. My manager didn't even know it was being offered until I asked for it.
Now, the old Lucky, the Lucky who has spent her life busting her ass in the quest for perfection only to find frustration and disappointment because being perfect is impossible, would be livid over this revelation. This morning, when my friend told me this, I started laughing. She asked me what was so funny and I couldn't even explain it. I don't know why it was so funny. I guess I find it amusing that I could inspire so much hate in someone that she'd send 7 people to a class that I was denied, just to spite me. When I left the boxing gym, I went to Towne Lake. I walked 2.4 miles and just enjoyed the fact that I could; because my legs still worked after a tough bout at the gym and because I had nowhere else that I needed to be at that moment. Everyone else is at work. On the way home, I put the top down and danced in my Jeep.
Now, I have some promising opportunities on the horizon, but I really don't think that's what has inspired the change. I think what has inspired the change is that I'm tired. I'm tired of living my life the way I have been when it hasn't gotten me anywhere. It's frustrated me. It's depressed me. Most importantly, it hasn't been anything but treading water. I've been fighting the current in an undertow instead of just swimming parallel to the shore to get out of it.
No more rushing. No more ass-busting to benefit someone who won't ever appreciate it. It's 100% selfish and I have no problem with that. I'll get to where I want to be, eventually, by doing it my way and without anyone's help or sabotage. I make my own roads. Anyone who doesn't like it can... well, I guess that's their problem now, isn't it?