thoughts
God I am totally lagging it today. I just feel so unsettled inside. I cant even concentrate. I hate the feeling I always get when I feel something is unresolved. I have to really get over that. Its just when something is very important to me. I suck. I wish I could just put it away for a while.
Im in the Puter lab now. I can't focus on anything but music. I hate being me sometimes seriously. I am just in this mood. You know the feeling where you wish you were doing something else, but you are forced to do something else. I fuckin hate that. Inside I feel empty sometimes.
Anyways I cant wait for this semester to end just for a little break that is all I need. I really cant wait to go home. I have been really home sick lately. I feel like I don't have anything here. I just feel like I don't want to be a quitter for some reason, but i really wouldn't be quitting anything. I would go back to school in EP. I just thought I would get all of my shit together here, but I am not sure like where I am going to end up. Well things were a little simpler before.I had a reason and direction. A reason I was sure of and I had hope and faith. Now I have direction, but not sure which way to go. Does that make sense? My aunt keeps telling me to go home, and my brother does too. I want to be close to Cryss so bad too. I miss her a lot. I have my family too. I just keep going back and forth with myself inside. My really big problem is I hold onto too many good memories, and I push out the bad. I always try to push out the bad. That always fucks me up.
Then I hold on to the good and wont let it go. Its like the good memories keep me goin, but it makes me sad that they aren't there anymore. Its like a double edged sword.
I know that nothing is easy and I don't mind working for the things that I want in life. Its just the inbetween time that kills. Well I am out for now. I need to write my papers. I have been slackin today.
Im in the Puter lab now. I can't focus on anything but music. I hate being me sometimes seriously. I am just in this mood. You know the feeling where you wish you were doing something else, but you are forced to do something else. I fuckin hate that. Inside I feel empty sometimes.
Anyways I cant wait for this semester to end just for a little break that is all I need. I really cant wait to go home. I have been really home sick lately. I feel like I don't have anything here. I just feel like I don't want to be a quitter for some reason, but i really wouldn't be quitting anything. I would go back to school in EP. I just thought I would get all of my shit together here, but I am not sure like where I am going to end up. Well things were a little simpler before.I had a reason and direction. A reason I was sure of and I had hope and faith. Now I have direction, but not sure which way to go. Does that make sense? My aunt keeps telling me to go home, and my brother does too. I want to be close to Cryss so bad too. I miss her a lot. I have my family too. I just keep going back and forth with myself inside. My really big problem is I hold onto too many good memories, and I push out the bad. I always try to push out the bad. That always fucks me up.
Then I hold on to the good and wont let it go. Its like the good memories keep me goin, but it makes me sad that they aren't there anymore. Its like a double edged sword.
I know that nothing is easy and I don't mind working for the things that I want in life. Its just the inbetween time that kills. Well I am out for now. I need to write my papers. I have been slackin today.