(no subject)
Dear Dr. Doom,
Recently, I bought the cutest little kitten from a neighbor of mine. His name is Mr. Mister and he's the cutest little fluffball I've ever seen in my life! I adored him from the moment I saw him and except for one problem, having him has been an absolute dream. My problem is that he won't go do his business in his litterbox. When I got him, I made a point of showing him where it was in the house. When he first started going on another corner, I thought that was just his way of telling me where he wanted his litterbox to be put, but when I put it in his bathroom corner, he found somewhere else to go. Now everytime I move the box to where he goes, he just messes in another part of my house! I've tried all the tricks that books and websites have said would work and nothing does and he's too young to be going outside so he has to stay in. Can you help me?
Sincerely,
Trudy Freeman
Dear Trudy,
Mr. Mister? Bah! Doom thinks that naming your feline after a horrible 80s band with only one single to their name befouls not only your retched taste in music, but your very soul! Doom shudders to think what other musical tortures you subject your fur-coated companion to. Doom is surpised the cat has not crapped on your CD player, perhaps that should be his rightful litterbox! But Doom digresses. You are truly fortunate today Trudy Freeman to be a student of Doom's unending knowledge of animal training, knowledge that is so extensive that it surely would surpass that of the intellectually inferior Reed Richards. Training young animals can be a difficult task especially if the animal proves more stubborn than anticipated. If the most reliable method of punishing your animal for mistakes and rewarding them for good behavior fails, then there is only one other course open to you. Further punishment! Cats naturally abore water, Doom recommends purchasing a high pressure water gun capable of throwing the small creature several feet into the air should he deficate in the wrong area continually. Furthermore, who says he is too young to be staying outside? Maybe a night outside amidst the large predators will instill in the kitten a gratefulness to stay in the house, thus teaching him the importance of behaving well while he is inside. Finally, should he still insist on going where he pleases, you can always stop feeding him. Eventually, Mr. Mister will just stop going to the bathroom as he succombs to Death's final embrace.
All the best,
Doom
------------------------------------------------------
Dr. Doom is a syndicated advice columnist who holds
Ph.Ds in Engineering, Metaphysical Studies, Economics
as well as a dozen Sciences. His life goals are world
domination, puppy training and proving his vastly
superior intellect over Reed Richards and destroying
the fabled Fantastic Four. For advice on
life, love, money, religion or any other topic of your
choosing, please e-mail Dr. Doom at
questionofdoom@hotmail.com
Recently, I bought the cutest little kitten from a neighbor of mine. His name is Mr. Mister and he's the cutest little fluffball I've ever seen in my life! I adored him from the moment I saw him and except for one problem, having him has been an absolute dream. My problem is that he won't go do his business in his litterbox. When I got him, I made a point of showing him where it was in the house. When he first started going on another corner, I thought that was just his way of telling me where he wanted his litterbox to be put, but when I put it in his bathroom corner, he found somewhere else to go. Now everytime I move the box to where he goes, he just messes in another part of my house! I've tried all the tricks that books and websites have said would work and nothing does and he's too young to be going outside so he has to stay in. Can you help me?
Sincerely,
Trudy Freeman
Dear Trudy,
Mr. Mister? Bah! Doom thinks that naming your feline after a horrible 80s band with only one single to their name befouls not only your retched taste in music, but your very soul! Doom shudders to think what other musical tortures you subject your fur-coated companion to. Doom is surpised the cat has not crapped on your CD player, perhaps that should be his rightful litterbox! But Doom digresses. You are truly fortunate today Trudy Freeman to be a student of Doom's unending knowledge of animal training, knowledge that is so extensive that it surely would surpass that of the intellectually inferior Reed Richards. Training young animals can be a difficult task especially if the animal proves more stubborn than anticipated. If the most reliable method of punishing your animal for mistakes and rewarding them for good behavior fails, then there is only one other course open to you. Further punishment! Cats naturally abore water, Doom recommends purchasing a high pressure water gun capable of throwing the small creature several feet into the air should he deficate in the wrong area continually. Furthermore, who says he is too young to be staying outside? Maybe a night outside amidst the large predators will instill in the kitten a gratefulness to stay in the house, thus teaching him the importance of behaving well while he is inside. Finally, should he still insist on going where he pleases, you can always stop feeding him. Eventually, Mr. Mister will just stop going to the bathroom as he succombs to Death's final embrace.
All the best,
Doom
------------------------------------------------------
Dr. Doom is a syndicated advice columnist who holds
Ph.Ds in Engineering, Metaphysical Studies, Economics
as well as a dozen Sciences. His life goals are world
domination, puppy training and proving his vastly
superior intellect over Reed Richards and destroying
the fabled Fantastic Four. For advice on
life, love, money, religion or any other topic of your
choosing, please e-mail Dr. Doom at
questionofdoom@hotmail.com