(no subject)
I’m reopening the journal, so in celebration here is a really long post about everything going on in my life.
The manic energy once reserved for creation has been recently reborn as a deep passion for art and those who create it. Ironically, this obsession with the work of others has finally brought me a powerful sense of self for the first time. Finally I have found my own reservoir of motivation to achieve my potential. I am no longer scared, or shy, or hesitant to go to others with my passions. I've always been so preoccupied with being sure to not bother people or interfere that my professor's surprise and delight at my genuine interest in what I'm learning was shocking and unexpected. Where I expected to be shrugged off, or to be disposed of at the first possible moment, I found people who appreciated the interest and wanted to help me out. Consider my shyness conquered. Well, mostly.
My life has changed directions. I’ve realized that I am not the type of person to be locked into academia, teaching sleeping students in a darkened room. I hate writing research papers, let’s be honest. Why did I think I wanted to do this for a living? Especially when the employment prospects in the art history world are so grim. Even in the case I was able to avoid academia, I’d be rotting in some office, endlessly selecting good art from bad art as a curator, or I’d be writing about what was good art and what was bad art as a critic. In the end the result would be the same. I would become so numbed to the whole thing that I wouldn’t be able to tell the good from the bad anymore and I would have killed my one true love.
But I have a new direction, and no you’re not going to be able to talk me out of it. I’ve decided to go to law school. I know this is the direction for me. I just know. No apologies, no reservations, no hesitations. No talk of the future would be complete without mention of Nathan. If you are curious, yes we are together as in probably forever.
Since making this decision, everything has fallen into place. My grades have gone from a 2.28 1st semester freshman year (this is the first time I have ever publically admitted how bad my grades were) to somewhere in the range of 3.9-4.0 this semester (which would be a 4 or better if the school gave out A+s- I have some). The work ethic lurking beneath the self-imposed façade of laziness has finally wormed its way out; I’m organized, motivated, smart. I’ve finally proved to myself that the only thing ever holding me back from being “that smart kid” was me, and in a way I feared my own success. I was afraid of calling attention to myself by being exception and I was very afraid of failing in the face of trying hard. To work for something and not get it is one thing I cannot deal with, and until now I was never willing to take that risk. Those days are behind me.
In general life news, I have rearranged the room I share with Anna so that I have my own space again. It is possibly the coziest little corner of the house I have ever called my own. I’ll have to post pictures when I’m done; I still need to paint stuff. I can think of nothing more pleasurable than a corner of the world to call your very own, no matter how small it may be.
I’m into lots of things lately.
Music:
* Patti Smith - Horses - download “Gloria” to get a taste
Simply put, amazing. The most powerful assertion of self that I have ever heard. Not to mention Patti Smith is possibly the biggest badass to ever live. She’s old enough to be my grandma, but is still so cool it’s almost incomprehensible. Maybe though this CD is not for everyone. Anna has dubbed her spoken word bits “highly weird,” but I think Gloria at least anyone could recognize as a great song. And I love the entire album.
* Joanna Newsom - Ys - “Only Skin”
So beautiful it could actually make you cry. The people who don't like this (I never though I would say something this snotty sounding) really truly just don’t “get it.” This might be the most perfect album ever recorded. I can’t seem to go an hour without listening to it. It’s that good. I cannot recommend it enough. Really the only potential hang-up is that it can take a song or 2 to adjust to her Lisa Simpson voice (there is no other way to describe it) for some. Worth the effort, believe you me. Susannah, if you still read lj, I am thinking you would love this.
Artists of the moment:
* Marina Abramovic (performance)
* Kiki Smith (sculpture/printmaking)
* Matthew Barney (video)
* Matisse (duh?)
* Hanna Wilke (performance/sculpture)
* Pollock/Rothko/blah blah abstract expressionism in general
* Anne Hamilton (sculpture)
Currently reading:
*Long Walk to Freedom - Nelson Mandela
*Eats, Shoots and Leaves - Lynn Truss
*A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius - Dave Eggers
I will post if they were good when I’m done. Reading is my summer project. If you have any recommendations I am more than open.
Oh, and I've lost about 30 lbs from the beginning of last semester.
The manic energy once reserved for creation has been recently reborn as a deep passion for art and those who create it. Ironically, this obsession with the work of others has finally brought me a powerful sense of self for the first time. Finally I have found my own reservoir of motivation to achieve my potential. I am no longer scared, or shy, or hesitant to go to others with my passions. I've always been so preoccupied with being sure to not bother people or interfere that my professor's surprise and delight at my genuine interest in what I'm learning was shocking and unexpected. Where I expected to be shrugged off, or to be disposed of at the first possible moment, I found people who appreciated the interest and wanted to help me out. Consider my shyness conquered. Well, mostly.
My life has changed directions. I’ve realized that I am not the type of person to be locked into academia, teaching sleeping students in a darkened room. I hate writing research papers, let’s be honest. Why did I think I wanted to do this for a living? Especially when the employment prospects in the art history world are so grim. Even in the case I was able to avoid academia, I’d be rotting in some office, endlessly selecting good art from bad art as a curator, or I’d be writing about what was good art and what was bad art as a critic. In the end the result would be the same. I would become so numbed to the whole thing that I wouldn’t be able to tell the good from the bad anymore and I would have killed my one true love.
But I have a new direction, and no you’re not going to be able to talk me out of it. I’ve decided to go to law school. I know this is the direction for me. I just know. No apologies, no reservations, no hesitations. No talk of the future would be complete without mention of Nathan. If you are curious, yes we are together as in probably forever.
Since making this decision, everything has fallen into place. My grades have gone from a 2.28 1st semester freshman year (this is the first time I have ever publically admitted how bad my grades were) to somewhere in the range of 3.9-4.0 this semester (which would be a 4 or better if the school gave out A+s- I have some). The work ethic lurking beneath the self-imposed façade of laziness has finally wormed its way out; I’m organized, motivated, smart. I’ve finally proved to myself that the only thing ever holding me back from being “that smart kid” was me, and in a way I feared my own success. I was afraid of calling attention to myself by being exception and I was very afraid of failing in the face of trying hard. To work for something and not get it is one thing I cannot deal with, and until now I was never willing to take that risk. Those days are behind me.
In general life news, I have rearranged the room I share with Anna so that I have my own space again. It is possibly the coziest little corner of the house I have ever called my own. I’ll have to post pictures when I’m done; I still need to paint stuff. I can think of nothing more pleasurable than a corner of the world to call your very own, no matter how small it may be.
I’m into lots of things lately.
Music:
* Patti Smith - Horses - download “Gloria” to get a taste
Simply put, amazing. The most powerful assertion of self that I have ever heard. Not to mention Patti Smith is possibly the biggest badass to ever live. She’s old enough to be my grandma, but is still so cool it’s almost incomprehensible. Maybe though this CD is not for everyone. Anna has dubbed her spoken word bits “highly weird,” but I think Gloria at least anyone could recognize as a great song. And I love the entire album.
* Joanna Newsom - Ys - “Only Skin”
So beautiful it could actually make you cry. The people who don't like this (I never though I would say something this snotty sounding) really truly just don’t “get it.” This might be the most perfect album ever recorded. I can’t seem to go an hour without listening to it. It’s that good. I cannot recommend it enough. Really the only potential hang-up is that it can take a song or 2 to adjust to her Lisa Simpson voice (there is no other way to describe it) for some. Worth the effort, believe you me. Susannah, if you still read lj, I am thinking you would love this.
Artists of the moment:
* Marina Abramovic (performance)
* Kiki Smith (sculpture/printmaking)
* Matthew Barney (video)
* Matisse (duh?)
* Hanna Wilke (performance/sculpture)
* Pollock/Rothko/blah blah abstract expressionism in general
* Anne Hamilton (sculpture)
Currently reading:
*Long Walk to Freedom - Nelson Mandela
*Eats, Shoots and Leaves - Lynn Truss
*A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius - Dave Eggers
I will post if they were good when I’m done. Reading is my summer project. If you have any recommendations I am more than open.
Oh, and I've lost about 30 lbs from the beginning of last semester.