(no subject)
I feel... sad.
Maybe it's the fact that my life has been so stagnant for the last month or so. I think getting fired from Panera made me feel worse than I originally expected it would. I did enjoy working there... but I have such a hard time waking up that early in the morning. I have this vague feeling that I'm slipping into a depression. I really don't think my friends like me anymore either. Of course there's Maddie, Chad, and Suzette who are always there for me... but I'm talking about the other people who claim so greatly to be my friends. They just don't act like it or anything. I try to talk to them and they pretty much ignore me... or try to get out of talking to me. After this lease is up here, they're all moving to Salem, and no one ever invited me to go with. I know that I wouldn't be able to go, but I don't think they really care about me that is. I really need to do something with my life, but I can't find what I love enough to do. I'll be 21 on March 11th, and I still have hardly gone to college(a year), haven't held a job for more than eight months, I don't have any plans at all for my future, and I currently don't even have a job. I just feel worthless. What have I really done... I went to college for a year, and I moved out on my own. I don't even know what I'm going to do after this lease is up. Who am I going to live with? What am I going to do??? I feel stressed out and unhappy about almost everything. The only thing that I think has been thoroughly awesome lately was the Sonata Arctica concert I recently went to(Thursday January 26, 2006). I started smoking cigarettes about two months ago, and quit after I saw Sonata Arctica live. I realized if I really want to keep singing my opera/classical that I couldn't smoke anymore. It was pointless and unhealthy. Not to mention gross. I started teaching voice lessons as well focusing on classical repertoire. I need more students though. Test run. Ugh...
Maybe it's the fact that my life has been so stagnant for the last month or so. I think getting fired from Panera made me feel worse than I originally expected it would. I did enjoy working there... but I have such a hard time waking up that early in the morning. I have this vague feeling that I'm slipping into a depression. I really don't think my friends like me anymore either. Of course there's Maddie, Chad, and Suzette who are always there for me... but I'm talking about the other people who claim so greatly to be my friends. They just don't act like it or anything. I try to talk to them and they pretty much ignore me... or try to get out of talking to me. After this lease is up here, they're all moving to Salem, and no one ever invited me to go with. I know that I wouldn't be able to go, but I don't think they really care about me that is. I really need to do something with my life, but I can't find what I love enough to do. I'll be 21 on March 11th, and I still have hardly gone to college(a year), haven't held a job for more than eight months, I don't have any plans at all for my future, and I currently don't even have a job. I just feel worthless. What have I really done... I went to college for a year, and I moved out on my own. I don't even know what I'm going to do after this lease is up. Who am I going to live with? What am I going to do??? I feel stressed out and unhappy about almost everything. The only thing that I think has been thoroughly awesome lately was the Sonata Arctica concert I recently went to(Thursday January 26, 2006). I started smoking cigarettes about two months ago, and quit after I saw Sonata Arctica live. I realized if I really want to keep singing my opera/classical that I couldn't smoke anymore. It was pointless and unhealthy. Not to mention gross. I started teaching voice lessons as well focusing on classical repertoire. I need more students though. Test run. Ugh...