the universe hates me
*e* For any of you who think that sort of thing's funny? This isn't a fucking April Fools joke. Nor were the rejection letters I've gotten.
I hate april first.
fuck
just
fuck.
why. I just. I don't even. Fuck everything.
I got rejected from the Wolf Trap internship. Jesus fucking christ, the one internship I was sure I had a chance at and, no. No, I don't get in. The woman even calls me to let me know that hey, I like your writing but someone else got in. Second time someone's said that my writing is fantastic but I'm just not what they're looking for.
Fuck you, universe.
And I tell myself over and over that I should have applied for more but honestly that's all I was able to find that were summer-only internships for editors. I know for a fact that Marvel will never call me back, nor will Mother Jones, those were reaches anyway.
This was my last summer to try to get on my feet. I've been dicking around all through my college career, not thinking about the future, not being the crazed Type-A moron and when I came back from Japan I said no, I wasn't going to be a loser anymore, I was going to follow my feet and get out in the world. This was my last summer to do that, the last time I'm going to be able to take advantage of undergrad internships. I was good, I got on top of this stuff back in January, I got my applications in on time, I worked hard.
And the universe, as usual, spits in my face.
I just. I'm so fucking tired of it, I couldn't even get jobs at fucking Starbucks last year and now...
I want to fly. I want to soar and I want to burn with wings of fire and thunder; I want to show the world who I am and I want my voice to sing to the heavens and now...
I find myself with nothing left to even say.
Sometimes it feels like the fucking story of my life. Every time I want something the gears of the universe see fit to crush me into powder. When I was nine, I wanted friends and I was called a freak and ostracized, so that I STILL have emotional problems; when I was thirteen I wanted to get into a magnet school for mathematics and science so that I could get away from the people who persecuted me, I ended up in a high school with those same people; when I was seventeen I wanted to go to a top, Ivy-league school like my CTY friends, I got into the school where my mother works; and now...
Just. FUCK YOU UNIVERSE. FUCK YOU. I TRY TO DO SOMETHING WITH MY LIFE, I FINALLY FIGURE OUT WHAT I WANT AFTER YEARS OF NOT KNOWING AND YOU JUST. AAAAAAAAAUGH. I had a PLAN, god damn you.
It's too late to apply for any more summer internships and fall internships are out of the question; my school is too far away for me to commute anywhere.
Auuuuuuuuuuuugh I just. I just. Fuck everything.
This is, pleasantly enough, on top of the library forgetting that I am doing senior seminar and deciding that oh, those 20 books I have out so that I don't fail? they want them back. Or else I get to pay a massive fee. And don't get to graduate anyway just AUGH.
I'm so frustrated I can't even think.
I hate april first.
fuck
just
fuck.
why. I just. I don't even. Fuck everything.
I got rejected from the Wolf Trap internship. Jesus fucking christ, the one internship I was sure I had a chance at and, no. No, I don't get in. The woman even calls me to let me know that hey, I like your writing but someone else got in. Second time someone's said that my writing is fantastic but I'm just not what they're looking for.
Fuck you, universe.
And I tell myself over and over that I should have applied for more but honestly that's all I was able to find that were summer-only internships for editors. I know for a fact that Marvel will never call me back, nor will Mother Jones, those were reaches anyway.
This was my last summer to try to get on my feet. I've been dicking around all through my college career, not thinking about the future, not being the crazed Type-A moron and when I came back from Japan I said no, I wasn't going to be a loser anymore, I was going to follow my feet and get out in the world. This was my last summer to do that, the last time I'm going to be able to take advantage of undergrad internships. I was good, I got on top of this stuff back in January, I got my applications in on time, I worked hard.
And the universe, as usual, spits in my face.
I just. I'm so fucking tired of it, I couldn't even get jobs at fucking Starbucks last year and now...
I want to fly. I want to soar and I want to burn with wings of fire and thunder; I want to show the world who I am and I want my voice to sing to the heavens and now...
I find myself with nothing left to even say.
Sometimes it feels like the fucking story of my life. Every time I want something the gears of the universe see fit to crush me into powder. When I was nine, I wanted friends and I was called a freak and ostracized, so that I STILL have emotional problems; when I was thirteen I wanted to get into a magnet school for mathematics and science so that I could get away from the people who persecuted me, I ended up in a high school with those same people; when I was seventeen I wanted to go to a top, Ivy-league school like my CTY friends, I got into the school where my mother works; and now...
Just. FUCK YOU UNIVERSE. FUCK YOU. I TRY TO DO SOMETHING WITH MY LIFE, I FINALLY FIGURE OUT WHAT I WANT AFTER YEARS OF NOT KNOWING AND YOU JUST. AAAAAAAAAUGH. I had a PLAN, god damn you.
It's too late to apply for any more summer internships and fall internships are out of the question; my school is too far away for me to commute anywhere.
Auuuuuuuuuuuugh I just. I just. Fuck everything.
This is, pleasantly enough, on top of the library forgetting that I am doing senior seminar and deciding that oh, those 20 books I have out so that I don't fail? they want them back. Or else I get to pay a massive fee. And don't get to graduate anyway just AUGH.
I'm so frustrated I can't even think.