happy ever after in the marketplace
i miss my wife so much, it makes me feel really messy inside. last night she told me that we'd probably break up ten years from now so that she could get married and live the american dream.
i laughed in uneasiness. to me, it was kind of like the song "obla-di, obla-da"...she'd become a soccer mom with her 2.5 kids, a dog and a yard with a white picket fence, and a handsome husband.
and now i just feel so dead. because i cried about it last night. just the thought of her eventually leaving me--in ten years, made me wish that i could gauge my eyes out just to have her stay with me.
she told me that she would never love anyone more than me, yet she would leave me for a man who could never love her more than i already do. she said once she left me she could never see me again because she'd always want me and would always love me.
hawkEchick14 (11:06:33 PM): i knwo i'd like 2 be with her forever.. but i think we both know deep down that won't happpen
DeaDiAmore12 (11:06:53 PM): i was thinking about that the other day when i was babysitting...
hawkEchick14 (11:07:11 PM): and?
DeaDiAmore12 (11:08:01 PM): i just was thinking that u someday maybe want to get married and have kids and a family... and thea can't really give u kids... and then i thought about how hard it would be for you two to break up... and how awful that would be.
DeaDiAmore12 (11:08:12 PM): and then i decided that i was glad it seems like far away.
hawkEchick14 (11:08:43 PM): Yea i think about that all the time
hawkEchick14 (11:08:55 PM): b/c i do wanna get married adn have a family
hawkEchick14 (11:09:30 PM): the day thea and i spilt for good half of me will die forever
DeaDiAmore12 (11:09:43 PM): i know
hawkEchick14 (11:10:01 PM): and i know i won't ever be able 2 be friends with her
hawkEchick14 (11:10:27 PM): even when i do get married i will love her for the rest of my life.... and anytime i saw her i would want her back
DeaDiAmore12 (11:11:05 PM): ...
DeaDiAmore12 (11:11:20 PM): (that's me being pensive)
hawkEchick14 (11:11:26 PM): lol
hawkEchick14 (11:11:42 PM): it hurts so bad just think'n abut it
DeaDiAmore12 (11:11:48 PM): so lets not.
DeaDiAmore12 (11:11:52 PM): think about it.
hawkEchick14 (11:11:57 PM): but i think about it all the time
hawkEchick14 (11:12:04 PM): I just never say anyhitng about it
this morning was especially bad when i woke up with the mother of headaches that made me want to cry. Savannah, a family friend who had stayed wtih us this weekend, left at around 11 this morning. She walked out the door went down the stoop to penn station, and i was left alone.
i went into the kitchen to make a bagel and i sunk to the floor and cried. i cried because i was alone. and because i know i'll never have forever with sarah because the american dream will always call to her, to ruin anything i've ever got--cause god's a lesbian.
i feel so dead. !
i laughed in uneasiness. to me, it was kind of like the song "obla-di, obla-da"...she'd become a soccer mom with her 2.5 kids, a dog and a yard with a white picket fence, and a handsome husband.
and now i just feel so dead. because i cried about it last night. just the thought of her eventually leaving me--in ten years, made me wish that i could gauge my eyes out just to have her stay with me.
she told me that she would never love anyone more than me, yet she would leave me for a man who could never love her more than i already do. she said once she left me she could never see me again because she'd always want me and would always love me.
hawkEchick14 (11:06:33 PM): i knwo i'd like 2 be with her forever.. but i think we both know deep down that won't happpen
DeaDiAmore12 (11:06:53 PM): i was thinking about that the other day when i was babysitting...
hawkEchick14 (11:07:11 PM): and?
DeaDiAmore12 (11:08:01 PM): i just was thinking that u someday maybe want to get married and have kids and a family... and thea can't really give u kids... and then i thought about how hard it would be for you two to break up... and how awful that would be.
DeaDiAmore12 (11:08:12 PM): and then i decided that i was glad it seems like far away.
hawkEchick14 (11:08:43 PM): Yea i think about that all the time
hawkEchick14 (11:08:55 PM): b/c i do wanna get married adn have a family
hawkEchick14 (11:09:30 PM): the day thea and i spilt for good half of me will die forever
DeaDiAmore12 (11:09:43 PM): i know
hawkEchick14 (11:10:01 PM): and i know i won't ever be able 2 be friends with her
hawkEchick14 (11:10:27 PM): even when i do get married i will love her for the rest of my life.... and anytime i saw her i would want her back
DeaDiAmore12 (11:11:05 PM): ...
DeaDiAmore12 (11:11:20 PM): (that's me being pensive)
hawkEchick14 (11:11:26 PM): lol
hawkEchick14 (11:11:42 PM): it hurts so bad just think'n abut it
DeaDiAmore12 (11:11:48 PM): so lets not.
DeaDiAmore12 (11:11:52 PM): think about it.
hawkEchick14 (11:11:57 PM): but i think about it all the time
hawkEchick14 (11:12:04 PM): I just never say anyhitng about it
this morning was especially bad when i woke up with the mother of headaches that made me want to cry. Savannah, a family friend who had stayed wtih us this weekend, left at around 11 this morning. She walked out the door went down the stoop to penn station, and i was left alone.
i went into the kitchen to make a bagel and i sunk to the floor and cried. i cried because i was alone. and because i know i'll never have forever with sarah because the american dream will always call to her, to ruin anything i've ever got--cause god's a lesbian.
i feel so dead. !