i know that i missed you.
so i'm supposed to be writing my AP essay, but i figured i woudl take a break because its not so bad right now-i know where i'm going with it.
i feel really nostalgic right now.
everything is running through my head about sarah, and camp, and all my friends and everything.
its such a wierd moment.
firstly, how the hell did i even make it to junior year? i remember freaking out freshman year, yelling to my mother that i was going to drop out and everything.
i guess i've risen to the occasion. and hopefully i'll do the same for college.
secondly, i miss sarah so much. its really painful, i just want november to get here so it wont feel like i've been stuck in october anymore. and i do feel really stuck.
but, tomorrow is november which will hurl me into the future, closer to the end of this hectic year thats only 1/5th finished.
sometimes she doesnt make sense though. tonight she is going to see the texas chainsaw massacre with nick...and she told me she'd be good.
and its really wierd, because i don't want to her to be good with him. she said she was going to be good so that it wouldn't upset me, and that she would be physical after she'd been going out with nick for a long time.
which makes no sense. she's with a guy so she can get dick. i need to get used to it now, so that by the time he fucks her brains out in may or something [maybe june when she gradutaes] i'll be able to shrug it off as nothing.
just nothing.
i'm also worried about camp this summer.
because i was depressed a good half the time, definitely am not keen on cherokees [which really gets you brownie points with joni--ash you know that], and well, i'm just skeptical that they'll even send me an application.
sarah got in, but theres a good chance that it had a lot to do with beffa.
agh, and camp...i loathe it already for im so afraid it will drive a wedge between sarah and i.
i shiver at the thought. being at R+R and not even being able to look at her the way i want. or being able to hold her hand or put my head on her shoulder.
i'd have to pretend real good.
ugh...and whats his name which i'd like to erase from my memory...HIM getting to be with HER.
oh what an edge he'd have! i'd kill him because he's a psychotic mess and get kicked out!
its going to be the worst ever. it makes me not want to go to camp. at all.
thirdly, i miss people. i hate living here in brooklyn, where i feel really lonely and unwanted alot of the time.
i feel wierd and akward, and ousted from everything.
shit. i really have to get back to AP...theres so much goddamned stuff to do.
at least i wont be alone for halloween. im glad my sophomore is hilarious. i'm glad we can sing together.
and i'm glad that my freshmen like me. or that they pretend to like me, because i bet you $5 i wouldn't be able to tell the difference.
i feel really nostalgic right now.
everything is running through my head about sarah, and camp, and all my friends and everything.
its such a wierd moment.
firstly, how the hell did i even make it to junior year? i remember freaking out freshman year, yelling to my mother that i was going to drop out and everything.
i guess i've risen to the occasion. and hopefully i'll do the same for college.
secondly, i miss sarah so much. its really painful, i just want november to get here so it wont feel like i've been stuck in october anymore. and i do feel really stuck.
but, tomorrow is november which will hurl me into the future, closer to the end of this hectic year thats only 1/5th finished.
sometimes she doesnt make sense though. tonight she is going to see the texas chainsaw massacre with nick...and she told me she'd be good.
and its really wierd, because i don't want to her to be good with him. she said she was going to be good so that it wouldn't upset me, and that she would be physical after she'd been going out with nick for a long time.
which makes no sense. she's with a guy so she can get dick. i need to get used to it now, so that by the time he fucks her brains out in may or something [maybe june when she gradutaes] i'll be able to shrug it off as nothing.
just nothing.
i'm also worried about camp this summer.
because i was depressed a good half the time, definitely am not keen on cherokees [which really gets you brownie points with joni--ash you know that], and well, i'm just skeptical that they'll even send me an application.
sarah got in, but theres a good chance that it had a lot to do with beffa.
agh, and camp...i loathe it already for im so afraid it will drive a wedge between sarah and i.
i shiver at the thought. being at R+R and not even being able to look at her the way i want. or being able to hold her hand or put my head on her shoulder.
i'd have to pretend real good.
ugh...and whats his name which i'd like to erase from my memory...HIM getting to be with HER.
oh what an edge he'd have! i'd kill him because he's a psychotic mess and get kicked out!
its going to be the worst ever. it makes me not want to go to camp. at all.
thirdly, i miss people. i hate living here in brooklyn, where i feel really lonely and unwanted alot of the time.
i feel wierd and akward, and ousted from everything.
shit. i really have to get back to AP...theres so much goddamned stuff to do.
at least i wont be alone for halloween. im glad my sophomore is hilarious. i'm glad we can sing together.
and i'm glad that my freshmen like me. or that they pretend to like me, because i bet you $5 i wouldn't be able to tell the difference.