(no subject)
still strung out on kasey.
i use most of my free time these days to think about him. it feels unhealthy but i guess i havent learned how to not let people get to me, goddamned emotional ascetics. i feel myself growing, perhaps.
i don't know, today should've been a good day...i got a 95 and a 96 on 2 biology tests, and a 97 on a math test...but theres a little bit of emptiness just lingering around in the air. its probably english which makes me feel worthless.
i should get over it. not everyone can be good at everything. last night was amazing. the heat was coming up, my room was comfortable and dimly lit with candles, and i sat and read east of eden [406 pages down, 372 to go!]. the chapter was just amazing, discussing the different versions of the bible [turns out the hebrew version was the most amazing version...which i wont take credit for], and how these chinese scholars took 2 years to learn hebrew so that they could translate the cain and able story to discuss 2 words, how the King James bible and the American Standard Bible all give a different message that was given to Cain about sin. so now i know that Timshel is hebrew for thou mayest.i <3 John Steinbeck.
And i was listening to a quiet cd mix that i made. the circle game came on and i had gotten my LC acceptance letter in the mail yesterday which means i get to return to camp for another year, which means i was thinking about camp. I don't know why, i ended up crying and it was great. i loved every second of the song. and the crying wasn't self pity, it wasn't sadness...it was elation in its purest form. i just felt really happy that i get to grow and learn in such a great fucking place. :
sixteen springs and sixteen summers gone now
cartwheels turn to carwheels through the town
and they tell him take your time
it won't be long now,
before you drag your feet to slow the circles down.
i'll be sixteen in less than a month, which i suppose brings emotion around. i liked being fifteen, it was perhaps the best year of my life. i dont think i've grown so much in one year as i have this one.
oh life...
i use most of my free time these days to think about him. it feels unhealthy but i guess i havent learned how to not let people get to me, goddamned emotional ascetics. i feel myself growing, perhaps.
i don't know, today should've been a good day...i got a 95 and a 96 on 2 biology tests, and a 97 on a math test...but theres a little bit of emptiness just lingering around in the air. its probably english which makes me feel worthless.
i should get over it. not everyone can be good at everything. last night was amazing. the heat was coming up, my room was comfortable and dimly lit with candles, and i sat and read east of eden [406 pages down, 372 to go!]. the chapter was just amazing, discussing the different versions of the bible [turns out the hebrew version was the most amazing version...which i wont take credit for], and how these chinese scholars took 2 years to learn hebrew so that they could translate the cain and able story to discuss 2 words, how the King James bible and the American Standard Bible all give a different message that was given to Cain about sin. so now i know that Timshel is hebrew for thou mayest.i <3 John Steinbeck.
And i was listening to a quiet cd mix that i made. the circle game came on and i had gotten my LC acceptance letter in the mail yesterday which means i get to return to camp for another year, which means i was thinking about camp. I don't know why, i ended up crying and it was great. i loved every second of the song. and the crying wasn't self pity, it wasn't sadness...it was elation in its purest form. i just felt really happy that i get to grow and learn in such a great fucking place. :
sixteen springs and sixteen summers gone now
cartwheels turn to carwheels through the town
and they tell him take your time
it won't be long now,
before you drag your feet to slow the circles down.
i'll be sixteen in less than a month, which i suppose brings emotion around. i liked being fifteen, it was perhaps the best year of my life. i dont think i've grown so much in one year as i have this one.
oh life...