Never Alone Chapter 4: Snyder Pond
September 25, 2011
My Dearest Luke,
I know I haven’t written in a couple of days. That doesn’t mean I don’t care. I care more than you will ever know. The last few days have been really busy for me at work.
When I’m not at work I am either sleeping or at a therapy session with Dr. Elridge. I know what you are thinking, and no I don’t think I am working too much. Luke you must understand that right now working keeps the pain of losing you at bay. When I am not working I find that my mind slips into a deep depression. You are my whole life, so I hope you can understand why this is so hard for me.
The other day at therapy I opened up. I told Dr. Elridge about our kidnapping and its repercussions. She sat there quietly listening and writing notes about what I was saying. She never judged me nor did she offer suggestions on how to deal.
I am going to tell her about us in the next therapy session. I figure that talking about you to her is more helpful than just spending my sessions not talking at all. I am starting to trust her more and more with each session.
Luke as I begin to move on I want you to understand that I am not getting rid of you. I am merely trying to come to a point where I can think about you and not feel sad. I am trying to be happy again without you.
Until next time my love.
Love,
Noah
Noah closes the word document and gets up from his desk. He strides to the door and opens it. His secretary, Julie, looks up as he passes her.
“Mr. Mayer, should I hold all your calls?” Julie asks Noah’s back.
“No, just take messages. I don’t know when or if I’ll be back,” Noah mutters not turning around.
“Okay, will do Mr. Mayer.” Julie responds.
“You can call me Noah.” Noah says as he turns to look at Julie.
“Sorry, Mr. May-err- Noah” Julie stammers.
Noah leaves the station and climbs into his truck. He drives to Dr. Elridge’s office. At her office Noah pauses before going inside.
Dr. Elridge looks up when she sees Noah standing in her doorway.
“Come on in Noah,” Dr. Elridge motions her patient forward.
“I was wondering if I could take you somewhere today. It’s beneficial to my therapy.” Noah rushes out in one breath.
Dr. Elridge merely nods and grabs her coat and purse.
“Can we take my vehicle,” Dr. Elridge asks.
Noah shrugs and shoves his hands into his pockets. The two walk outside and get inside Dr. Elridge’s blue Toyota Hybrid car. Noah silently glances around wondering how he got the nerve to suggest this.
“Where do you want to go, Noah,” Dr. Elridge prompts.
“Snyder Pond, it’s at Emma Snyder’s Farm.” Noah mumbles, gazing at his hands.
“Is it okay for us to go there?” Dr. Elridge asks as she pulls out of the parking lot.
“Yes, I called Emma this morning and explained everything. She told me that it was fine.” Noah sighs still not raising his eyes from his hands.
The rest of the ride to Snyder is silent. Noah spends the entire ridge fiddling his thumbs and thinking. Noah thinks about how hard visiting Snyder Pond is going to be. He hasn’t been there since before Luke’s death. Before Luke died Noah would go there all the time with Luke and one or more of his siblings. Sometimes they went there alone.
“Here we are, Snyder Farm. Where’s the pond?” Dr. Elridge puts the car in park and cuts the engine.
Noah silently climbs out and walks across the yard. Dr. Elridge tries to catch up to Noah, but she doesn’t until she reaches the bank of the pond.
Noah’s back is to her and the rest of the farm. Dr. Elridge stops just short of being right behind Noah. She silently waits for Noah to speak.
“Luke and I loved to come here all the time.” Noah says in a ragged breath.
“Why here?” Dr. Elridge responds automatically.
“Luke loved the peacefulness that surrounds this pond. He grew up on the banks of the pond. This was his place to go when he needed to think or unwind.” Noah mumbles as he closes his eyes.
“You said that you and Luke would come out here.” Dr. Elridge reminds Noah.
“Yes Luke first brought me here to swim with him one hot summer day. It was the first time I had really been alone with him. That was the first time I remember having feelings for Luke. After that first evening out here, I loved to come and swim with Luke and sometimes his family. Luke always looked so at home when he was here at the pond. I remember that it was right here when Luke told Faith that we were together. Other times we came here it was just to sit on the banks and relax or talk. The happiest memory here is when we came here back in June. It was a hot summer day and Luke was in such a great mood. I ended up asking him to be my partner for life. Luke had been so happy to oblige me. So I gave him a ring to signify my promise. We then planned to get married someday.” Noah tells Dr. Elridge as he begins to softly sob.
Dr. Elridge doesn’t say anything. She steps forward and gently places a hand on her patient’s sobbing shoulder. Noah turns slightly to look at Dr. Elridge.
“Sorry, it’s just really hard to talk about this,” Noah blubbers.
“Noah, you don’t have to continue.” Dr. Elridge consoles, all professionalism abandoned.
“No, I need to talk about him. I need to learn to move on.” Noah explains.
“Well our session is done for today. We can continue tomorrow,” Dr. Elridge states as she steps away from Noah, “Let’s get back to the office.”
“You go ahead; I need more time out here. I’ll get a ride back from one of the Snyder’s.” Noah sighs as he turns back to face the pond.
Dr. Elridge walks back to her car and drives away. Noah continues to stare sightlessly at the pond, tear tracks staining his face.
He slips into his memories. Noah is taken back to a hot summer day in June.
He was feeling nervous because he wanted to ask Luke something major. Luke looks back at him with a small grin and a look of childish mischievousness.
Noah is caught off guard by Luke’s look. Luke takes advantage of that by shoving Noah into the pond. Noah goes under, weighted down by his clothing, then struggles to stay above the water. Noah splutters and gasps for breath as he gains his barings.
“Luke, what was that for?” Noah gasps angrily.
“You’re way too serious all the time. You need to learn to ease up a bit.” Luke chides Noah as he jumps in the pond.
“You need to grow up, Luke Snyder” Noah says with a grin.
“Why would I want to do that? Life is short, Mayer, why not live it up?” Luke grins and grabs Noah by the arm, pulling him closer.
“Okay whatever you say, Snyder. Can you do something for me?” Noah gazes into Luke’s milky brown eyes.
“Sure, you know I’d do anything for you.” Luke mutters softly.
“Will you promise to be mine for the rest of your life?” Noah asks tentatively.
“Do you even have to ask?” Luke mutters as he pulls Noah into a kiss.