"Baby if you want to get high" (from FF)
Writing not thinking, f you're gonna get hurt by me writing something or if you're going to get offended by potential TMIs don't read on. You've been warned... and I put in spaces now........
So last night I was feeling like crap, but I just thought I was reacting bad to the enchiladas. Got woke up at 6 AM. Got woke up again at 9 AM... not good for my nocturnal ways. Woke up from one those (heartwrenching-ly) vivid dreams. Didn't bother me as much as usual, and definately not for the same reasons. Bout 6 hours later, oh hey looky, it's my monthly friend. Grreeeatt. I tease my roomie about that a lot, because I haven't cycled without some heavy drugs since Sephie was born... till he moved in lol. Now all the sudden hey I have schedule! And the fun thing is I don't get the angry PMS I get the weepy depressed kind. *yay*
Now my roomie... my roomie is my tranquilizer. Every time I get around this one I just... I dunno stop fucking stressing out all the time and worrying about everything. The Xanax ceases to be needed. Why? I don't know. I tell him a lot of things that I don't even know why I say it. It's like this odd complusion. This mixing with the PMS is bad. Because the stuff on my mind then is not shit that needs to be voiced. He takes it in stride, as usual these days, but I still have these really deep fears that I'm going to wake up to "cya!" It's irrational, it's unlikely and I know that. Hell, if I really thought it was gonna happen I sure as hell wouldn't say half the shit that I say. Still in my current moodyness it'll make me worry. And hopefully tomorrow everything will be back to normal. Hell, tomorrow is FRIDAY! Fridays are awesome here now.
Let's see where was I going with this... err breaktime.
Alright thoughts back. I told roomie earlier... that I cannot stay mad him. I told him how dangerous that is. That everyone else who's ever held that status has used it and abused it. He says he won't. And I know it. Not intentionally. But my hormone charged self at the moment knows it will happen...no, not by malice, just reality. Shit happens and all that jazz. It happened earlier by a simple comment. One that, in reality, should not bother me nearly as much as it does. My dumbass said as much. Really hoping that doesn't bite me in the ass later. By either of us. Hell, I even said WHY it bothers me, in patented Luci language that is way harsher than anything he'd ever say, but I call 'em as I see 'em. And now I feel like crap for even saying that (yes, I can be an idiot) so I'm doing the guy's laundry. And yeah I was fighting back tears when I told him it bothered me... but now I'm writing and completely mellow. Life goes on. Time goes on. We'll see where things go. Heh...yeah that's it.
Arg here comes the cramps again. My ex says I should be happy that this stuff is back (as I was facing total infertility all of a month ago) but I did not miss this emo owwie crap. And dammit I miss my mother's hottub. It's PERFECT for this shit.
Lost my thoughts again. Thanks South Park. Oh well. That's probably not a bad thing. Till I feel the need to write again...cya folks.
From: NiteMyste
10/06/2008 19:20:31
*TAKES A MIDOL.....
So last night I was feeling like crap, but I just thought I was reacting bad to the enchiladas. Got woke up at 6 AM. Got woke up again at 9 AM... not good for my nocturnal ways. Woke up from one those (heartwrenching-ly) vivid dreams. Didn't bother me as much as usual, and definately not for the same reasons. Bout 6 hours later, oh hey looky, it's my monthly friend. Grreeeatt. I tease my roomie about that a lot, because I haven't cycled without some heavy drugs since Sephie was born... till he moved in lol. Now all the sudden hey I have schedule! And the fun thing is I don't get the angry PMS I get the weepy depressed kind. *yay*
Now my roomie... my roomie is my tranquilizer. Every time I get around this one I just... I dunno stop fucking stressing out all the time and worrying about everything. The Xanax ceases to be needed. Why? I don't know. I tell him a lot of things that I don't even know why I say it. It's like this odd complusion. This mixing with the PMS is bad. Because the stuff on my mind then is not shit that needs to be voiced. He takes it in stride, as usual these days, but I still have these really deep fears that I'm going to wake up to "cya!" It's irrational, it's unlikely and I know that. Hell, if I really thought it was gonna happen I sure as hell wouldn't say half the shit that I say. Still in my current moodyness it'll make me worry. And hopefully tomorrow everything will be back to normal. Hell, tomorrow is FRIDAY! Fridays are awesome here now.
Let's see where was I going with this... err breaktime.
Alright thoughts back. I told roomie earlier... that I cannot stay mad him. I told him how dangerous that is. That everyone else who's ever held that status has used it and abused it. He says he won't. And I know it. Not intentionally. But my hormone charged self at the moment knows it will happen...no, not by malice, just reality. Shit happens and all that jazz. It happened earlier by a simple comment. One that, in reality, should not bother me nearly as much as it does. My dumbass said as much. Really hoping that doesn't bite me in the ass later. By either of us. Hell, I even said WHY it bothers me, in patented Luci language that is way harsher than anything he'd ever say, but I call 'em as I see 'em. And now I feel like crap for even saying that (yes, I can be an idiot) so I'm doing the guy's laundry. And yeah I was fighting back tears when I told him it bothered me... but now I'm writing and completely mellow. Life goes on. Time goes on. We'll see where things go. Heh...yeah that's it.
Arg here comes the cramps again. My ex says I should be happy that this stuff is back (as I was facing total infertility all of a month ago) but I did not miss this emo owwie crap. And dammit I miss my mother's hottub. It's PERFECT for this shit.
Lost my thoughts again. Thanks South Park. Oh well. That's probably not a bad thing. Till I feel the need to write again...cya folks.
From: NiteMyste
10/06/2008 19:20:31
*TAKES A MIDOL.....