how to wrap presents at christmas....with a cat
1. clear large space on table for wrapping present
2. goto wardrobe, and collect bag in which present is contained then close wardrobe door
3. open door and remove cat from wardrobe
4. goto cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper
5. go back and remove cat from cupboard
6. goto drawer and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc
7. lay out present and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed
8. go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since the last visit, and collect string
9. remove present from bag
10. remove cat from bag
11. open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present
12. lay out paper to enable cutting to size
13. cut paper to size, trying to keep the cutting line straight
14. throw away first sheet because cat tried to chase the scissors and tore the paper
15. cut second sheet of paper to size by putting cat in the bag the present came out of
16. place present on cut-to-size paper
17. lift up edges of paper to seal in present, wonder why edges now don't reach, and find cat between present and paper. Remove cat and retry
18. Place object on paper, to hold in place, while cutting transparent sticky tape
19. spend next 20 mins carefully trying to remove sticky tape from cat with a pair of nail scissors
20. seal paper down with sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible.
21. look for roll of ribbon; chase cat down hall and retrieve ribbon
22. try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn
23. re-roll up ribbon and remove paper that is now town, due to cat's enthusiasm in chasing ribbon end
24. repeat steps 12-22 until down to last sheet of paper
25. decide to skip steps 12-16 in order to save time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that you know is right size for sheet of paper
26. put present in box, and tie down with string
27. remove string, open box and remove cat
28. put all packing materials in bag with present and head for locakble room
29. once inside room, lock door and start to re-lay out packing materials
30. remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat ourside door, close door and relock
31. lay out last sheet of paper (Admittedly this is difficult in the sall area of the toilet, but try your best!)
32. seal box, wrap with paper and start repairs by very carefully sealing down rips with sticky tape. Now tie up with ribbon and docare with bows to hide the worse affected areas
33. label, then sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulating youself on making good of a bad job
34. unlock door, and goto kitchen to make drink and feed cat
35. spend next 15 mins looking for cat, before coming to obvious conclusion.....
36. unwrap present, untie box and remove cat
37. retrieve all discarded sheets of wrapping paper, feed cat and retire to lockable room for last attempt, making certain you ARE alone and the door is locked
38. At time of handing over present, smile sweetly at receiver's face, as they try and hide their contempt at being handed such a badly wrapped present
39. swear to yourself that next year, you will get the store to wrap the darn thing for you!
2. goto wardrobe, and collect bag in which present is contained then close wardrobe door
3. open door and remove cat from wardrobe
4. goto cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper
5. go back and remove cat from cupboard
6. goto drawer and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc
7. lay out present and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed
8. go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since the last visit, and collect string
9. remove present from bag
10. remove cat from bag
11. open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present
12. lay out paper to enable cutting to size
13. cut paper to size, trying to keep the cutting line straight
14. throw away first sheet because cat tried to chase the scissors and tore the paper
15. cut second sheet of paper to size by putting cat in the bag the present came out of
16. place present on cut-to-size paper
17. lift up edges of paper to seal in present, wonder why edges now don't reach, and find cat between present and paper. Remove cat and retry
18. Place object on paper, to hold in place, while cutting transparent sticky tape
19. spend next 20 mins carefully trying to remove sticky tape from cat with a pair of nail scissors
20. seal paper down with sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible.
21. look for roll of ribbon; chase cat down hall and retrieve ribbon
22. try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn
23. re-roll up ribbon and remove paper that is now town, due to cat's enthusiasm in chasing ribbon end
24. repeat steps 12-22 until down to last sheet of paper
25. decide to skip steps 12-16 in order to save time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that you know is right size for sheet of paper
26. put present in box, and tie down with string
27. remove string, open box and remove cat
28. put all packing materials in bag with present and head for locakble room
29. once inside room, lock door and start to re-lay out packing materials
30. remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat ourside door, close door and relock
31. lay out last sheet of paper (Admittedly this is difficult in the sall area of the toilet, but try your best!)
32. seal box, wrap with paper and start repairs by very carefully sealing down rips with sticky tape. Now tie up with ribbon and docare with bows to hide the worse affected areas
33. label, then sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulating youself on making good of a bad job
34. unlock door, and goto kitchen to make drink and feed cat
35. spend next 15 mins looking for cat, before coming to obvious conclusion.....
36. unwrap present, untie box and remove cat
37. retrieve all discarded sheets of wrapping paper, feed cat and retire to lockable room for last attempt, making certain you ARE alone and the door is locked
38. At time of handing over present, smile sweetly at receiver's face, as they try and hide their contempt at being handed such a badly wrapped present
39. swear to yourself that next year, you will get the store to wrap the darn thing for you!