A Perfectly Insane Solution to His Life Problems

[needsnosanity]

Who: Vincent and Gilbert Nightray; [needsnosanity ] and [gunnedraven ]
What: The Distortion finally gets to Vincent and he attempts to relieve himself of his stigma once and for all... by force.
When: August 27th, evening
Where: Vincent's room

Comments

[needsnosanity]

Oh he could see something was wrong with his brother. There was a deep sense of sorrow in his voice, and his expression was one of guilt and sadness so strong that even Vincent could not miss it nor mistake it for something else. It was painfully clear, and yet Vincent could not understand why his brother looked so upset. Shouldn't he be happy? This wasn't the same young man who didn't remember anything. This was the Gilbert who had been there with him and had lived and suffered through each and every painful day - who had sacrificed himself time and time again for his brother, only to be hurt time and time again without reward. The very same Gilbert who had found great happiness and then lost it all because of Vincent. Vincent destroyed everything. He was a walking disaster waiting to happen.

So Gilbert should be happy. Things could be different. Once he did this, things would change. Things would be better. So why was Gilbert looking at him like that? The other was now within reach. Letting the hand fall completely from his face, he reached out gently to rest his hand gently against the side of Gilbert's face, caressing him lightly for a moment. A soft, gentle look replaces the former and he smiles.

"What are you talking about Gilbert? Nothing's wrong." For so long, Vincent had always been there, trying to convince Gilbert just that. That there was nothing wrong and that everything had always been okay. It was now a bit of a habit, honestly. Then again, he really saw nothing wrong with his calculations. His plan was perfect. And yet he still had to stop and worry about Gilbert. It wouldn't do for the other to feel otherwise. Of course, he couldn't wait too long for Gilbert to realize this. If he needed to, he would do it, and show Gilbert that way.

Releasing Gilbert's face he smiled and looked down at his hands.

These hands had done numerous things. They'd seen their share of blood of blood and tears. And they'd used and manipulated more people than he could recall. Numerous horrors had resulted from the work of his own too hands. Sometimes it was hard to look at them without seeing those things pass before his eyes.

"...you know."

Only two words. But they carried great meaning. Those two words spoke volumes. He knew that Gilbert knew everything. And now... he was letting Gilbert know that he knew. It was his small way of admitting the truth and finally unveiling the truth about the dark existence of the past he denied for so long. Now it was out in the open. He'd decided he had to do it, before he went any further with this.

[gunnedraven]

Instinctively, Gilbert couldn't help but tense that very slight bit when his brother's hand came down to rest against the side of his face like that, though he didn't shy away from it for the time being. It almost felt...necessary at this point in time and he didn't want to think more on why.

Words formed quick on his lips when Vincent told him 'nothing' was wrong, his expression changing to one of worry and mild annoyance as he tried to get those words all together in his head before speaking them. There was everything wrong with what his brother had been trying to do, even if it was something that was so painful. One couldn't just... get rid of what they bothered them as it wasn't so easy or the right thing to do. That tightness in his chest came back and his head spun when he thought back to Sabrie and everything involving Oz and the brief thoughts he'd had about getting rid of Alice who essentially was partially the reason for a lot of things he preferred not to think about.

"...That's a lie and we both know it..." He put a hand to his temple for a second before lowering it, pausing when his brother let go of his face and had that sort of look on his face when he looked down at those hands of his. He nearly asked why before he got his answer, gold eyes widening a fraction before softening a little as he looked away from Vincent.

Of course. Now was the best time to come and say it. If they didn't talk about it, it would only hang above their heads forever so he may as well speak now despite his hesitance.

"I do."

[needsnosanity]

No. For once, Vincent wasn't lying. What could be wrong with wanting to get rid of this wretched thing? It had plagued him long enough. And it caused Gilbert more than enough suffering as well. If he could stop bad things, such as what had happened to them time and time again in the past, from happening to them again, he didn't care what he had to do, he'd do it with a smile on his face. No amount of pain was too great a price for him to pay if it made his demons go away and stop tormenting him and everyone he loved, even if that was only one or two people. And then of course, Gilbert said it as well. Finally, Gilbert admitted to him that he remembered his past now. The talk that Vincent had feared might come sooner than he expected. But he couldn't be afraid anymore. The thing that frightened him most might now be the one thing that could bring them close together again.

He'd always known that he had a great debt to pay Gilbert, for all the things the older boy had done for him on the streets. He'd be dead if it hadn't been for Gilbert. So this was a small price to pay for his life. And he would do anything for Gilbert. Now, it just snapped into place. He knew how he could do it. And it seemed so simple and right.

For a moment, he realized how difficult it seemed to start. There were so many things that needed to be said. It was a complex mess. But just getting started seemed so hard. All of the things he wanted to say; things he needed to say, were floating around in his head. Soon he realized that reasoning and rationalizing wouldn't help him here. Thinking only made it more complicated. Then what? He knew the answer, but he found it so hard to admit. When logic doesn't work, you should speak from the heart. Or something like that. At least, that's what he'd always heard. Did he even have one of those anymore? He'd practically sold his heart and soul in order to get the power and position that would allow him to be of use to Gilbert.

Even if he didn't, he tried to remember what it was like when he knew he had one, and remembered how it felt. And he used that to try.

"I've always known. I couldn't live with my own karma. So when I finally found you, and you said you had forgotten, I realized that it was my way out. That way, I'd never have to face it. You helped me avoid coming to terms with all of the horrible things I'd done. But now... it seems I can't run forever."

The blonde smiles sadly. "Bad things happen to the people around me Gilbert, whether I do it on purpose or not. Our days on the streets... the Tragedy of Sabrie... and even the Head Hunter targeting the Nightray family... all the worst things to happen... they all happened to people near or dear to me. Or even... because of me."

"I thought I could design a change, and that... if I could at least protect you, that would be good enough. But Gilbert... I don't want this curse anymore. I might hurt you again, and I'm terrified of that. I... I have to do this. I want to do this."

[gunnedraven]

Such a thing was a little awkward to talk about but he knew it had to be said for both their sakes. So that was why he listened patiently to his brother's words, despite a few of them made him almost dizzy when he thought about them. Though it didn't matter. Vincent doing all of this over these years, merely to protect him and to run from all these things that had happened and he hadn't even been in the slightest bit aware of it.

Before he knew it, Gilbert was shaking his head with his jaw set firmly, dark hair coming to obscure his golden hued eyes. "...None of it was your fault, Vincent. I know you were there for me those years I didn't know anything and where I'm mad that you lied to me, I don't blame you because I know I would have done the same thing." A pause and he swallowed deeply, his throat feeling tight and the recent memories of Sabrie and their childhood flashing across the surface of his mind.

"...But running from it like this isn't the damn answer. You would... only hurt me more because you would only make things worse by doing it. I couldn't live with it or myself if I let it happen... why do you think I showed up to stop you?" Gilbert's voice trembled and he couldn't stop it, lips curling to match the pained look on his face just then. His hand came up to rest against his chest briefly as he tried to regain his thoughts that seemed to be in a jumble again.

It almost hurt to keep thinking about it but he pressed on.

"Stop blaming yourself... it isn't.. going to do anything..." He was such a hypocrite but he had to help somehow. Afterall, he knew that if this place had drove it to be this bad, that it wasn't just gonna go away so easily with his words but he could try. Even if he still had his own demons to face deep down, Oz being here only came with his arrival here in Lucerne.

[needsnosanity]

Vincent got lost in his brothers words. They hurt his head. Because none of it made sense, and it clashed with the ideas he'd always had in his head of the truth. But Gilbert was serious. His golden eyes shown with pain and concern, and it almost hurt just to see those eyes and hear that voice. It went against everything he'd decided; everything he'd believed for years - but he couldn't ignore his brother's words. It was almost hypnotic the effect those words had on him. Never had he imagined forgiveness. Never had he imagined his brother going so far to save him. This closeness... his brother really cared for him. It left a hard lump in his throat, as a hand came up to lightly touch his cheek under his right eye.

"......Gilbert..."

What was he to say? What could he say? What could he do? After all, he'd said on numerous occasions that what he did, he was doing for Gilbert. Could he really knowingly go against his brother's wishes, after hearing him like this? No. He already knew that he couldn't.

"How can you say that? It is... It was..." Vincent shook his head. If anyone could heal him, it was Gilbert. However, to do so wouldn't be easy, if Gilbert so chose to pursue that goal. Part of Vincent really hoped that the older would. He was tired, and he was afraid of being alone. But still, he couldn't say that he could expect anything from the older after everything that had happened. Only wanted it with all his heart... if, indeed, he still had one of those.

[gunnedraven]

That caused Gilbert's expression to change from pained to angry in a heartbeat, the pain just behind his eyes. "No. It wasn't..." he hissed out, shaking his head several times as he felt his body tremble. Gilbert looked down and he drew in some slow breaths as his eyes became hidden. He finally moved to where he could sit next to his younger sibling so he wasn't before him, resting his head on the blonde's shoulder as he sighed heavily.

"...So just stop. I... you... it nearly killed me knowing you... almost did that, Vincent..." His voice was quiet and his fatigue from mental and physical exhaustion was more than a little evident in this instance. Everything hurt, he couldn't sleep and sometimes his own thoughts were enough to drive him mad but he barely came back from them with his thoughts on Oz and his brother on some level now that he knew everything of their childhood.

So to know this.. and what had almost happened... again. Almost scared him more than he'd admit.

[needsnosanity]

His brother's anger silenced him quickly. Vincent's eyes were frozen in place, but he could feel each of Gilbert's footsteps and motions as he moved from the space in front of him, to the spot beside him. Instinctively, his body tensed at the closeness he hadn't initiated, but he quickly eased up again, realizing that it was his brother, and no one else, that was there next to him - his brother whom he could trust with his life or any secret. It was his brother, who needed him now; needed him to pull it together. There was nothing he wouldn't do for Gilbert. It was only a matter of whether he could or not. He would surely try though.

"Oh Gilbert..." The blonde sighed painfully, his brother's pain hurting him more than his own. He hadn't meant to hurt him. Hadn't even wanted to scare him. Vincent had only wanted to make things better. Only, he didn't know how. If not this, then... could he ever fix it? The idea that he couldn't change this terrified him. He was so scared that things would be like this forever. Would he continue to hurt people? What was he to believe?

His brother looked so tired. Dropping all thoughts for now, he tilted his head gently to look at his brother.

"...I never realized..." He sighed softly. "I'm sorry... I must have caused you a lot of distress..."

[gunnedraven]

Only a small moment lingered before he exhaled a sigh and closed his eyes shortly, aware of his younger brother's gaze on him entirely. "...A little. Just... don't do it again. I don't want to go through this again later.." There was a soft tone of mild anger and worry that lined his voice.

Gilbert wanted things to change, too. Though he knew damn well that it was not so easy.

A comfortable silence fell over the room for a few minutes before he re-opened his eyes, knowing he had to before he fell asleep. When he slept, he was reminded of the horrid things that plagued his thoughts; the things he didn't want to worry about and left him feeling sick, angry and even hurt. Memories were among those things as well and being at this place had amplified them enough to leave it to why he had not been sleeping well at all.

He'd avoid it if he could but sometimes it was rather inevitable on most times. Though this with all the other things on his mind were things he'd never admit to openly despite the stress it slowly put onto his mental state.

[needsnosanity]

Things were slowly clearing up. Slowly, the haze started to dissipate. His mind, which had been clouded with thoughts of insanity, was beginning to come back down to the realm of reality. As this happened, his eyes, which had been focused on Gilbert, began to notice the things he normally would have noticed at first glance: his brother's tired appearance, the dark circles beginning to form under his eyes, the tension and the pressure, the sickness, the pain, and the paranoia. His eyebrow scrunched together softly as a soft frown set in. Turning slightly, he put his arms around Gilbert, tugging at him until the older was leaning back, head against his chest and his hands came up to lightly brush the dark hair away, and cradle Gilbert's head to his chest. Vincent leaned back slightly, his back against the headboard of the bed. It was surprisingly comfortable.

"You haven't been sleeping properly."

It wasn't a question. He wasn't leaving room for argument. After all, it was obvious. Anyone could tell. Vincent was just the last person you would want to know about such a thing. Gilbert probably wanted him to know less than most would. Even so, how could Vincent not worry? Especially not when it concerned his brother. Gilbert was all he had left. And he refused to watch Gilbert hurt himself like this. He wanted to help. And finally, this was one thing that he could help with. There was finally something he could do for his brother. If Gilbert refused to sleep, than Vincent would intervene. But he decided he'd give the older a chance to do it on his own.

But if it was really something like what Vincent suspected - nightmares, or something similar, plaguing Gilbert, then he would rather do it. At least if Yamane put him to sleep, it would be a deep, dreamless sleep, in which Gilbert would be safe from whatever it was that was bothering him, even if it was only for one night. He doubted Gilbert would ever ask for his help, but he'd be glad to help him fall asleep any time. But Gilbert was just so stubborn that he doubted it would please Gilbert, even if he did get a good night's sleep because of it.

Vincent didn't mind if Gilbert got mad at him for doing it then. It was in Gilbert's best interest after all.

[gunnedraven]

The movement was what first fully got his attention, golden eyes blinking a little when he then realized he was now in a position where his head was against his brother's chest. When..? Gilbert hesitated when he heard those words that were spoken, making him frown a bit as he looked away from the younger Nightray a second later. This was something he really hadn't wanted pulled to attention and by his brother of all people and yet here he was and it was unavoidable by now.

"...I know. That's not my fault."

With that, he moved to try and pull himself away from his brother, ignoring his body's protests as it had been at least semi-comfortable where his brother had put him. "You don't need to worry about it, Vincent." he stated it simply, frowning shortly as he glanced away from Vincent as he'd likely see more of that tiredness written so clearly on his face.

[needsnosanity]

His brother's senses were already greatly dulled. He could tell that Gilbert was struggling. Even so, he held Gilbert firmly, despite his attempts to break away. "I never said it was anyone's fault." Vincent said simply, closing his eyes for a moment. He truly didn't want to go against his brother's wishes, especially so soon after having upset the dark-haired man, however, this was for his health. Vincent couldn't always go easy on him. Sometimes he had to put his foot down as well. And he knew how to pick his battles. This was something he could quite easily win. And Gilbert would have little reason to be angry at him over it after he'd had a good night's rest. "Even so, what would possess you to do this to yourself?" He lightly strokes his older brother's hair, trying to calm him, and ease his anxiety.

Red and yellow eyes watched Gilbert as he stroked his hair, a soft, concerned look on his face. To look at him now, it was eerie. One would never know that moments before, he had been ready to force his eye out with his own hands if it weren't for the scratches on his face. His expression was calm and completely focused on his brother's issues, erasing the proof of his former moment of insanity.

"You can tell me about it." The younger blonde said softly. "Perhaps I can help." It was more than a perhaps. He had the ability to quickly ease his brother's pain. However, his concern forced him to wait. He wanted to know what it was that was plaguing his brother. Even if he couldn't do anything about it, he wanted - no, needed to know before he went any further.

[gunnedraven]

Lips parted and he nearly snapped something at his brother on how this was not his choice to do this to himself and was something he'd been struggling with on his own. Not by choice. Yet the words all died on his tongue when he saw the other's face from a glance. That.. concerned look on his face stopped him short and he couldn't bring himself to argue with Vincent when he wore a face like that.

Especially when said brother even asked him to 'tell' him about all of what bothered him. That was something he couldn't do.

"...It's not something that can be helped, Vincent. Me saying it isn't going to change a thing. Now.. let me go. This isn't going to do anything.." His voice was lower and more stubborn as his brows drew into a slight bit of annoyance. He didn't feel it right to just throw it all out there as it was complicated and even a little personal when it came to it, and to tell Vincent was a bit... well.. he wasn't ready for that.

Even though things had changed with him remembering his past memories, this was something different. Something involving an event which he preferred not to think about as it at this point in time.

[needsnosanity]

There really was no winning with Gilbert once he had his mind set on these things. Shaking his head softly, he did not let go, his hands firm, and his mind also set. Gilbert was his beloved brother. And as such, he would do anything for him - even go against Gilbert's own wishes. "...I see. Then you leave me no choice."

At the foot of the bed, the closed-eyed rat appeared, tail twitching slowly in broad motions. It's head turned towards Gilbert slowly, nose twitching slightly. It had no true expression, and yet, there was something about the rat that seemed to show just how enthusiastic it was to be of some assistance with Gilbert's "problem". Vincent's eyes drifted to the large rat, and he smiled gently. "I want to help you... I can't allow you to continue harming yourself like this."

[gunnedraven]

The second he heard those words, he had that unnerving sense of unease rise up, and with good reason. Golden eyes ticked down to where the end of the bed was and of course had to see none other than Yamane... who happened to be 'looking' in his direction.

That sent distinct shivers down his spine and he might have just paled a little bit before scoffing softly, closing his eyes and trying not to show how bothered he was by the idea that Vincent was resorting to using Yamane of all things to get his way.

"...I'm not doing any of this by choice. You don't need to do something like this..." Gil muttered softly, opening his eyes and gazing back to Vincent with a few emotions clearly evident on his features as he did so.

[needsnosanity]

A soft, almost sad expression crosses the golden haired man's features as he reaches up to lightly stroke your beautiful dark, curly hair, pressing your head to his chest. "I know, Gilbert... but your body needs to rest, whether you like it or not. You need that. Otherwise you'll completely wear yourself out and cause everyone to worry. If I can give you a peaceful night's sleep, then I will."

"...Please understand... I'm only doing this for you." He hates it when Gilbert looks at him like that. His eyes are so full of emotion. That beautiful golden color that Vincent wished matched both of his eyes was so gorgeous on Gilbert. Vincent could never get tired of looking into Gilbert's eyes. However, this time was a bit painful, and, their time was limited. Gilbert needed his sleep.

Despite Gilbert's attempts, Vincent could see just how bothered Gilbert was by this all. It was the only reason he didn't just do as he wanted and get it over with. He truly didn't want to go against his brother's wishes. However, there were times when it seemed necessary. And for Gilbert's health, it was. He just couldn't help wanting to make Gilbert see reason and admit that it was for the best.

Yamane hovered closer, inspecting Gilbert closely, with a calm, curious expression. He sensed his master's hesitation to give the actual order. Then again, when it came to Gilbert, Yamane was aware that many things about Vincent changed when the black haired man became involved. Human affairs confused him. Even so, he just waited and watched for his cue.

"Please let me help... I want to help you, if only a little."

[gunnedraven]

It's the hand that stroked his hair and the way he had pulled his head to his chest that startled him a little, opening his mouth to protest to that but was silenced a second later at his brother's words. To give him a peaceful night's sleep, huh?

Gilbert nearly stopped; hesitating at the part where Vincent says he's 'doing it for him' but he can't even find the words to really fight back now, even though he was a bit visibly bothered by the idea of being put to sleep when it wasn't voluntary. Sleep was fine, but he was still hesitant as there were things that had to be done and things that he saw when he was asleep that threatened to take him over and make him lose sense of who he was or hurt anyone close to him.

"...I know. I..." the words caught in his throat before he sighed and closed his eyes shortly, not making any move to push away from Vincent and where his head was pressed to his younger brother's chest. Gilbert was aware that the other man just wanted to help him with this but he feared he'd get too used to this and that he'd somehow become too reliant on his brother and not be able to be not only a good brother but a good servant for when Oz arrived.

"...I'm just... I know it's to help me... but in the end, i'll still have the same problem and I can't ask you to help me solve these things for me, Vincent."