Skeletons Coming Out Of The Closet [Open To Zack]

[silver_soldier]

"I...guess we've been keeping a lot of things from each other, huh?"Sephiroth shrugged slightly, feeling the movement shift his wing. It was his turn not to be able to meet Zack's eyes now, the first time in memory he could recall being ashamed enough about something to warrant such a tactic where his best friend was involved. "I suppose it depends

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[silver_soldier]

"But we're past all that now."

Sephiroth glanced over at Zack, momentarily forgetting his unease in his kneejerk astonishment. He was far too close to the matter to be objective, he knew that, and even if Zack had been as affected by all of this as Sephiroth was, his friend was naturally a more easygoing personality. And there was always the possibility that he was as uncomfortable discussing this as Sephiroth was, and was trying (somewhat tactlessly) to change the subject.

But having his entire life manipulated by the king he'd devoted that life to serving wasn't something he had gotten past yet; he wasn't sure it was possible to get past something of that magnitude at all. And for Zack, of all people, to apparently not just miss the significance of something it had taken all of Sephiroth's resolve to tell him but to tell him he was over it...

Sephiroth probably wouldn't have been offended even if he had felt less numb than he did at the moment; they had been apart for over a decade and apparently they had both changed distinctly, given that Zack obviously didn't know how to read him as well as he once had been able to, and Sephiroth could hardly hold that against his friend. But still...it wasn't as though he could possibly agree with that assessment, was it?

"Oh, really," he said, his voice neutral and his eyes, for a moment, closing off to reveal the impassive look he'd used to wear in the military when either giving or receiving news he hadn't liked. "Good to have that cleared up, then." It wasn't exactly an active rebuke, and there was no anger in it, but Zack couldn't miss the disapproval. Just because the naïve assumption hadn't actively pissed Sephiroth off didn't mean he'd let Zack get away with believing he'd been correct.

Fortunately, Sephiroth moved on to the second, almost as controversial (if for entirely different reasons) statement rather than dwelling on that. "I'm not sure that would be a good idea, at least for my own part. The only obstacle in your way is whether you can handle seeing the place again; for me, I was widely reviled as a traitor and deserter. Even if I chose to go back, there's no guarantee I'd be welcome there."

[twilight_dark]

Apparently that had been taken the completely wrong way. Sephiroth, judging by the way he reacted, seemed to think that he thought the situation was over with and didn't need to be thought about anymore. It wasn't that, though he could understand the miscommunication problem. He sighed and shook his head.

"That's not what I meant," he grunted, standing from the bed to go lean against the wall. It wasn't because he was upset, but he'd rather be in a position where he could make proper eye contact with his friend. "I mean that Ansem is gone now. He can't control us anymore. Sure, we've suffered because of him, but..." He sighed as he tried to think of the proper way to get the message across. "We're at least able to face what happened to some extent--we're not comfortable, but we're not denying it ever happened. And now, if we wanted, we could do our best to make sure that what happened to us doesn't happen to anyone else."

Maybe that was what he wanted now. And that's why... "That's why maybe I should suck it up and go back already. And Seph? Its been years. I think they're looking for all the help they can get and no one can deny that you're an amazing soldier." He flashed a sincere smile at the other man. "I'd be proud to serve under you again."

[silver_soldier]

"I'd be proud to serve under you again."

A relatively simple statement, but it was enough to wash away Sephiroth's annoyance so thoroughly it was as if it had never been there. Even after admitting that there was every chance he'd been given his position as General for reasons that had nothing to do with his qualifications for the job, even after telling Zack how thoroughly the darkness was a part of him...Zack wouldn't just be willing to work under his command again, he'd be proud to do so.

It meant a lot. So much so that Sephiroth had to look away, discomfited for entirely different reasons than before, as he tried to marshal his thoughts enough to say something coherent. In the end, he had to settle for something as simple as "Thank you, Zack."

In the end, he had to almost forcibly turn his thoughts to other matters. "The citizens of Hollow Bastion not necessarily wanting me to return is a pressing reason not to go back," he said eventually, "but it's not the only thing that's prevented me from returning. You know that wouldn't have kept me away if I'd truly wanted to be there."

[twilight_dark]

The hesitance Sephiroth went through this time was different than before. That much Zack could tell. He hadn't realized that admitting his loyalty would affect his friend so strongly, but the more he thought about it, the more he could understand. Their whole relationship as soldiers could have been through out of balance by everything Sephiroth had revealed, but Zack didn't see it that way.

Even if Sephiroth had been molded to fit the position of general, what they had gone through together as brothers-in-arms had been real. The circumstances had caused both of them to meet. It was a bit shaking, to think that there was a chance they never would have known each other if Ansem hadn't put so much interest into Sephiroth's life.

What, was he supposed to be thankful toward the former king for making sure they'd met?

Zack decided there was no point in thinking over it so much--it didn't matter how it happened, it simply mattered that it had happened. "You're welcome."

He frowned, not quite following. "What else, then?"

[silver_soldier]

Sephiroth ran a hand through his hair. "Probably the same reasons why you haven't gone back," he replied with a slight shrug. "After what I went through in Ansem's experiments, I just wanted to get as far away from Hollow Bastion as I possibly could. I didn't ever want to have to remember what happened. And with what I learned from Ansem's notes, it's not just the experiments that I want to forget...knowing that everything I've done, everything I've ever accomplished, is the product of the manipulations of a man who went on to destroy almost everything I ever cared about? It's not something I can ever stop thinking about, but at least when I'm not in Hollow Bastion I can think about it less." He sighed. "It's hard to explain, but you of all people should know what I mean."

[twilight_dark]

"Of course I know what you mean," Zack said quietly. It was a tone that wasn't often used--withdrawn and a little too introverted for someone like Zack. He gave a small shake of his head and heaved a sigh, leaning further into the wall. It felt nice on his back.

"There's a reason I haven't been back yet." Cloud had made it; so had Aerith. He and Sephiroth were one of the only ones that hadn't made the trip back. Then again, they had the heaviest baggage. "I'm still not sure if I'm ready to brave it, but..." He motioned to the room, but obviously seemed to be gesturing beyond it. "With the state of things now, the war isn't looking that great. Setting up some organization to inform refugees is nice enough, but I feel like I could be a much better help. I shouldn't be throwing my skills to waste, not when I could be helping to clean up the mess he made."

And no, he didn't need to specify who 'he' was.

[silver_soldier]

Sephiroth hated it when Zack was right like that. There were times, like now, when he suspected that Zack was a far better specimen of a human being than he was, and he wasn't sure whether he was resentful or jealous.

Whichever the case, the simple fact of the matter was that Sephiroth couldn't justify holding himself to a lower standard than what Zack held himself to. If Zack went back, so would he; his feelings about the matter might be complicated but that fact was simple enough.

"You're right," he said, repressing a sigh. "I justified all those years at the Coliseum to myself as my getting stronger, so that one day I could go back and take on Ansem. And then, when Ansem was gone and I found out more of what had happened on Hollow Bastion after I left, I distracted myself by searching for you. They were reasonable goals but I expect I was simply avoiding what I knew I should do...and not even admitting to myself that was what I was doing. I'm sure I could find a dozen other excuses not to go back, legitimate ones, but I don't think I could continue to justify it to myself even if I wanted to."

[twilight_dark]

What Zack truly loved was when he managed to get through to Sephiroth. Sometimes, as smart and capable as his friend was, he could be really thickheaded about things. Granted, he definitely had his reasons and probably could keep justifying staying away if he wanted to, but that wasn't the point.

Smiling, he pushed away from the wall and stepped back over to the bed, standing before Sephiroth as he clapped his hand on his shoulder. "Hey, I did the same thing. I focused on looking for you and Cloud and Aerith, ignoring the fact that some of you probably had gone back to Hollow Bastion, but now that I know you're all safe, what other excuse do I have?"

Spinning around, he sat back down next to Sephiroth. His arm twitched and he felt like he should place it around his friend's shoulders, but--probably not a good idea.

"We'll be fine if we go back together," he offered reassuringly. "We might even get cheered as we step inside." Grinning, he shrugged. It was a nice thought, if nothing else.

[silver_soldier]

"I wouldn't get your hopes up too high," Sephiroth warned his friend, but there was a hint of a wry smirk around his mouth that took some of the weight out of his words. "It's just as likely we'll be stoned." The former general rested his own hand on Zack's shoulder briefly in a return gesture - one that said a lot of things very quickly and much more eloquently than he could - as the wry grin went from hint to reality. "But at least we'll have company."

[twilight_dark]

"I'll just hide behind you. You're the big bad general. Stones would just deflect off of you, right?" Zack was grinning like a fool. It was hardly a joking matter, but in his twenty-six years he'd come to the realization that laughing one's way through hard times was usually the best way to deal with it. Things passed and got better - and in general, life wasn't something to mourn over.

"Company?" Cocking his head to the side, his mouth twitched into an unsure smile. "You mean each other?" Maybe they'd convince some others to come with. He wasn't sure if he'd want to drag both Cloud and Aerith along, but maybe one could come along?

He vaguely wondered if Leon would ever make the trip, though it wasn't exactly his business.

[silver_soldier]

"Who else?" Sephiroth let his hand drop again, still grinning slightly. "Of course, it sounds like you're taking me along more as a riot shield than as a companion..." He considered ruffling Zack's hair before deciding against it. His friend could be touchy about that sometimes.

It was strange. His situation hadn't exactly improved; if anything, it had gotten worse, given that he'd committed to returning to a place he didn't want to go where he was most likely not to be welcome. But he was currently in a better mood than he'd been in a long time. Quite a lot of that could probably be attributed to Zack, and to their comfortably familiar banter that always seemed to ease a bit of the stress, but Sephiroth also suspected that part of him - like an old warhorse - was genuinely eager to get back on the front lines of the war in some way or another.

And there was also the possibility that his conscience was finally starting to rest easier knowing that he was finally going to start doing everything he was capable of against the Heartless.

[twilight_dark]

Zack looked mock offended, placing a hand over his mouth as his eyes widened slightly. "What are you implying? I would never do anything like that!"

After a moment, he chuckled and shook his head. "Seriously, though. It'll be good to do it together. I don't think I could manage it otherwise." Maybe if he went with Cloud, considering he and the blond had escaped together. Though they had been split up at the end, when things had become truly chaotic. It was odd - even though that had taken place so many years ago, Zack could still remember it so clearly. He got the feeling things would be similar to the time he spent with Axel.

He'd never forget the way he'd stressed his name.

"So, what now?" he asked, stretching out his legs as he sighed.

[silver_soldier]

"Agreed," Sephiroth said with a nod. "I don't think anyone else would really understand why it's hard for us to go back, either...not many of Ansem's experiments actually survived the process, so there aren't many left who know what it was like."

He glanced over at his friend at the rather vague question. "I'm not sure," he replied with a slight shrug. "Do you mean in an immediate sense, or a more general sense?"

[twilight_dark]

"And some that did survive don't remember," Zack pointed out somewhat grimly. "We should set a date, you know," he suggested, swinging his legs as he tilted his head toward the ceiling. "Otherwise we'll keep putting it off." And he wanted this to happen. As uneasy as the idea made him feel, he knew he had to go through with it.

"I don't know," Zack responded with a look of contemplation. "I think for now, we should probably just get some rest. I've got to hang around here so that I can fix the roof with Dante tomorrow." Hopefully the guy showed up.

[silver_soldier]

Sephiroth nodded slightly. "I should probably earn some munny before we go, since Axel took all of mine with my coat and we may need some, but beyond that...we can leave fairly soon, if you want to. I have a ship we can use, if you don't have one." A stolen ship, granted, and the idea of Cid ever catching him with it made even the Great General Sephiroth more than a little nervous, but it would serve their purposes well enough.

"I don't really feel like resting." Sephiroth got to his feet, letting his hand rest briefly on Zack's shoulder again before he moved away, picking up the Masamune. "I may as well go gather some munny now; the Heartless always seem to drop a little. If you're going to be helping Dante, however, you should probably enjoy what peace you can get now." Sephiroth's opinion of the white-haired man hadn't changed for the better.

[twilight_dark]

"I could try to help out with that." Zack would feel pretty crappy if Sephiroth got together all the munny, after all. Where was the fairness in that? He had never wanted to feel like a freeloader, which is probably why he'd functioned so well as the man's second in command all those years ago. "You have a ship?" Zack asked, visibly surprised. "I had no idea. Well, that makes things a little easier. Once we have some munny, then, we can go." That was certainly good news.

Stiffening slightly at the shoulder touch, Zack had been about to place his hand over Sephiroth's, but it was moved away too quickly. He laughed at the silver-haired one's comment regarding Dante and nodded. "Its been a long day. I think if I went Heartless hunting with you right now I'd probably just pass out." He grinned wearily. "I'll see you later, Seph."