New Years Resolutions
Where do I go from here?
Number 1. TO RESPECT MY BODY
It is true when I state I am starting over with a fresh coat of paint. I have no job, no boyfriend, no real income, no home, nothing really substantial. I do have love, my dogs. I do have myself and my thoughts, my creativity, and my hope. Having nothing has actually been kind of liberating. From this point I can do anything. Move? Out of state? Out of country? Become an artist? Or a lesbian?
Things are never ending with me. That's okay, I won't feel sorry for myself afterall I deserved it, right?
Don't answer that.
I have a half dozen interviews to go to this week. wOOt! I wish I could just win the fucking lottery. Why was I the one to have a silver spoon? Okay, I'm off the pity pot now.
This post is so back and forth. You can feel the bi polar tones waving in and out. Such is life. :)
I am just desperate to become a better person, not for other people but for myself. Now where to start? First I've eliminated the obvious. No more alcohol. I always loose myself in the bottle. The next day I hate myself. I should never hate myself. It should be the exact opposite. Right? That is the way life is supposed to be? I wouldn't know. I've never loved myself. Ever. But I have time. Right now. Today. I love myself. I will jump in the shower and spend an extra 5 minutes for myself. I will do my hair and put some make up on. I will look through my closet and find the sexiest prettiest thing I can find. I will look my best. Not for anyone else but for myself. I will grab some coffee at Starbucks along with an application. I will visit my friends who will support me however possible. I will play with the innocent, little baby Amara. These things will make me feel whole. Loved. Happy. Alone. It will drive me to do the inevitable, grow up.
Number 1. TO RESPECT MY BODY
It is true when I state I am starting over with a fresh coat of paint. I have no job, no boyfriend, no real income, no home, nothing really substantial. I do have love, my dogs. I do have myself and my thoughts, my creativity, and my hope. Having nothing has actually been kind of liberating. From this point I can do anything. Move? Out of state? Out of country? Become an artist? Or a lesbian?
Things are never ending with me. That's okay, I won't feel sorry for myself afterall I deserved it, right?
Don't answer that.
I have a half dozen interviews to go to this week. wOOt! I wish I could just win the fucking lottery. Why was I the one to have a silver spoon? Okay, I'm off the pity pot now.
This post is so back and forth. You can feel the bi polar tones waving in and out. Such is life. :)
I am just desperate to become a better person, not for other people but for myself. Now where to start? First I've eliminated the obvious. No more alcohol. I always loose myself in the bottle. The next day I hate myself. I should never hate myself. It should be the exact opposite. Right? That is the way life is supposed to be? I wouldn't know. I've never loved myself. Ever. But I have time. Right now. Today. I love myself. I will jump in the shower and spend an extra 5 minutes for myself. I will do my hair and put some make up on. I will look through my closet and find the sexiest prettiest thing I can find. I will look my best. Not for anyone else but for myself. I will grab some coffee at Starbucks along with an application. I will visit my friends who will support me however possible. I will play with the innocent, little baby Amara. These things will make me feel whole. Loved. Happy. Alone. It will drive me to do the inevitable, grow up.