My thoughts
I have to try so hard to change the way I act around people sometimes. I know that I lash out at the people whom I've trusted the most over the past few years. I miss being the way I was and I hate the person that I have become as a result of it. I never used to be this way or act this way about anything. Sometimes I wish life were simpler. I feel hatred toward people that make a buck for a living and feel ashamed by myself for not being able to support myself like I was three years ago when I moved out on my own for the first time in my life. I don't know whom I am sometimes anymore since I gave up smoking weed. I used to be a fun loving guy that went out and saw my friends and got fucked up almost on a nightly basis. Now I've basically become the CM Punk of my friends and basically nearly became straight edge where I don't condone smoking weed and only drinking on occasion. (I know he doesn't drink either.) I feel like my friends deserve better than what I have been giving them. I don't need to lash out at them when I get frustrated over them not calling or beating me up in magic. Yes, whilst it may be frustrating to not be able to play a hand or do anything in a game that's no reason to go take it out on my friends for it because as another best friend of mine Efrain pointed out, it's just a game. I love all my friends to death and can't imagine where I would be without their help and support. I apologize to any of them that I have wronged since I gave up weed or even since I left my apartment. (Jay knows of what I speak) I want to make more of a conscientious effort to be on the path to good things and make this year one I will never ever forget. I hopefully look to get a job in the near future and further my career. Well, that's all I have to say for now. This is Jeffrey Scott Ornstein, signing off.