Weight off of my Shoulders
I think I'm gonna bleed in this entrie, however I'm fighting myself not to, what I may do in this entrie, but I'm sick of keeping it inside...I guess I really haven't got to into how I feel about Ashley...Both Of Them...
This Entrie is not meant to hurt or upset anyone and the Order of The Ashleys is does not mean anything either...
I'm gonna start with Ashley Smoak...A few days ago she informed me that She liked me...I asked for how long and she had told me for awhile now...It kinda sucked because That meant she liked me when I really liked and never told me that she did...I thought she did but she never told me...Yeah I still liked Ashley(H) but The closeness I felt with Ashley (S) was something I don't think I ever had with Ashley(H)...I really liked Ashley(S) alot, she is the only other girl after Ashley(H) That I would have gone out with...I think I regret not trying anything with her...It really hurt when She got back From Philly and she changed..It was like talking to a different person...That closeness I felt with her was gone, It turned out that She liked Brian Stanko alot again...I wonder If maybe I would have made a move or something if that would have happened..But Then I think it was for the best that nothing happened because the same thing would have happened...That is in the past now and I can't go back and change it and I'm not gonna dwell on it....I don't like her that anymore...I don't think I'll ever feel the same for her as I did before...Thats not a bad thing though and I'm glad she is my friend and I'm happy with that...I think thats all about her...
I better get comfortable....
Ashley Hope- Quite a history I have with her...I've never really gone into deep description about how I feel towards her...I just said that I still liked her...I like her alot now...I haven't always felt this way towards her...I was pretty mad and really hurt when the "Matt" thing happened...That was around the time me and Ashley(S) started to get close...I've talked to her more now and My feelings have grown again for her...I've always cared for her alot...wether it a Friend or More Than a friend, I just always have, I've never been able to explain my attraction for her....I tend to live in the past when it comes to her..thinking about what has happened between her and I...I would like to be with her again eventually, so mabye I need to talk to her about this and how I feel cause I don't want to go back into things with her and feel the way I do about what has happened..I need to let things go..But then again not every guy would even think about getting back with his ex if she did to them what she did to me. If I'm going to be with her again...I need to let it go...We both can't be the way we were the first time...I can't be the way I was before..I took things to seriously...Or thats how I see it..I guess I need her to be more sensative to how I feel about things and I promise to do the same..Wether it be not doing something because I don't like it or something...It bothers me when she talks about other guys..It probably shouldn't but it does....That is one thing that just buggs the shit out of me..Or the whole hitting thing that she did before..She'd say she was just kidding but thats not how I took it or they wouldn't be a reason and she's just hit me and then I'd ask why and she'd say"because I can" she said that about everything!!! I'd asker why she'd say something about another guy and she say"Because I can" but If I said something about another girl..I get hit..That whole"because I can" thing didn't apply to me and I asked why and she'd say"because i'm the girl" Everything that bugged her about me or something she didn't like or bothered her, I didn't do because I knew it bothered her or something but she couldn't do that for me....and Thinking back on it, I did alot of changing for her and there didn't seem to be a whole lot of compromising...The little things mean the most to me...The phone calls and such...I hate it when she says she'll call me at a certain time and then doesn't...I appreciate the call but if you think your not going to be able to call when you said you were gonna call...Call before...I'd rather not sit by the phone all day and wait for the call that is gonna come way after it was supposed to...If you forget to call, that really doesn't bother me all that much, but when you do it almost everytime you say your gonna call..I remember one time ashley was over and I wanted to play a Game I'd just got as an early gift for my birthday and she wouldn't let me...She thinks videogames are boring...So she tells me one time that she's gonna call me back and forgets..that really didn't bother me that much but she got so wrapped up in a video game that she forgot to call...If I said that, she would have been soo mad but since it was her doing it, it was ok....I hate that whole unfair thing...I've been writing over an hour now and I should go to sleep but i'm not...I need to end this
Ashley means alot to me...She is the first girl that I can honestly say that I thought I loved...and for that she will always hold a special part in me...that doesn't mean I'm always gonna want to be with her...but you always remember the first...I hope we get to hang out before she leaves for up north, considering I didn't get to see her before she left for kentucky....
Jessica is probably upset with me because I didn't go to her party today...I'm sorry, my mom invited my aunt and uncle over for dinner and they came over at about 3:30...I really wanted to go but there wasn't a whole lot I could do...
Now that all of is off my chest...I think I'm gonna go to bed now...I need sleep..Lately I haven't gotten alot of it...Good Night
This Entrie is not meant to hurt or upset anyone and the Order of The Ashleys is does not mean anything either...
I'm gonna start with Ashley Smoak...A few days ago she informed me that She liked me...I asked for how long and she had told me for awhile now...It kinda sucked because That meant she liked me when I really liked and never told me that she did...I thought she did but she never told me...Yeah I still liked Ashley(H) but The closeness I felt with Ashley (S) was something I don't think I ever had with Ashley(H)...I really liked Ashley(S) alot, she is the only other girl after Ashley(H) That I would have gone out with...I think I regret not trying anything with her...It really hurt when She got back From Philly and she changed..It was like talking to a different person...That closeness I felt with her was gone, It turned out that She liked Brian Stanko alot again...I wonder If maybe I would have made a move or something if that would have happened..But Then I think it was for the best that nothing happened because the same thing would have happened...That is in the past now and I can't go back and change it and I'm not gonna dwell on it....I don't like her that anymore...I don't think I'll ever feel the same for her as I did before...Thats not a bad thing though and I'm glad she is my friend and I'm happy with that...I think thats all about her...
I better get comfortable....
Ashley Hope- Quite a history I have with her...I've never really gone into deep description about how I feel towards her...I just said that I still liked her...I like her alot now...I haven't always felt this way towards her...I was pretty mad and really hurt when the "Matt" thing happened...That was around the time me and Ashley(S) started to get close...I've talked to her more now and My feelings have grown again for her...I've always cared for her alot...wether it a Friend or More Than a friend, I just always have, I've never been able to explain my attraction for her....I tend to live in the past when it comes to her..thinking about what has happened between her and I...I would like to be with her again eventually, so mabye I need to talk to her about this and how I feel cause I don't want to go back into things with her and feel the way I do about what has happened..I need to let things go..But then again not every guy would even think about getting back with his ex if she did to them what she did to me. If I'm going to be with her again...I need to let it go...We both can't be the way we were the first time...I can't be the way I was before..I took things to seriously...Or thats how I see it..I guess I need her to be more sensative to how I feel about things and I promise to do the same..Wether it be not doing something because I don't like it or something...It bothers me when she talks about other guys..It probably shouldn't but it does....That is one thing that just buggs the shit out of me..Or the whole hitting thing that she did before..She'd say she was just kidding but thats not how I took it or they wouldn't be a reason and she's just hit me and then I'd ask why and she'd say"because I can" she said that about everything!!! I'd asker why she'd say something about another guy and she say"Because I can" but If I said something about another girl..I get hit..That whole"because I can" thing didn't apply to me and I asked why and she'd say"because i'm the girl" Everything that bugged her about me or something she didn't like or bothered her, I didn't do because I knew it bothered her or something but she couldn't do that for me....and Thinking back on it, I did alot of changing for her and there didn't seem to be a whole lot of compromising...The little things mean the most to me...The phone calls and such...I hate it when she says she'll call me at a certain time and then doesn't...I appreciate the call but if you think your not going to be able to call when you said you were gonna call...Call before...I'd rather not sit by the phone all day and wait for the call that is gonna come way after it was supposed to...If you forget to call, that really doesn't bother me all that much, but when you do it almost everytime you say your gonna call..I remember one time ashley was over and I wanted to play a Game I'd just got as an early gift for my birthday and she wouldn't let me...She thinks videogames are boring...So she tells me one time that she's gonna call me back and forgets..that really didn't bother me that much but she got so wrapped up in a video game that she forgot to call...If I said that, she would have been soo mad but since it was her doing it, it was ok....I hate that whole unfair thing...I've been writing over an hour now and I should go to sleep but i'm not...I need to end this
Ashley means alot to me...She is the first girl that I can honestly say that I thought I loved...and for that she will always hold a special part in me...that doesn't mean I'm always gonna want to be with her...but you always remember the first...I hope we get to hang out before she leaves for up north, considering I didn't get to see her before she left for kentucky....
Jessica is probably upset with me because I didn't go to her party today...I'm sorry, my mom invited my aunt and uncle over for dinner and they came over at about 3:30...I really wanted to go but there wasn't a whole lot I could do...
Now that all of is off my chest...I think I'm gonna go to bed now...I need sleep..Lately I haven't gotten alot of it...Good Night