Minion Missives
from: "Doug D." dogsbody4eva@gmail.com
to: "Manda M." mandaminion@gmail.com
date: Sat, May 19, 2012 at 11:22 PM
subject: Quack quack?
I'm like 95% certain I saw you on the news tonight. But then I thought no, Mandy wouldn't be working for that stupid Doom Duck. I mean, is there a less terrifying villain in the world? Seriously. Please tell me that wasn't you.
Cheers,
~Doug
**************************************
Better to reign in Hell, then serve in Heav'n.
~ Satan, Paradise Lost
**************************************
--------
from: "Manda M." mandaminion@gmail.com
to: "Doug D." dogsbody4eva@gmail.com
date: Sun, May 20, 2012 at 6:26 PM
subject: Re: Quack quack?
Oh hi. So good to hear from you. Wait, no it isn't. Yes, that was me. We did a pretty major raid on that lab. You wouldn't believe what the boss is working on next. As for him not being terrifying, are you kidding me? You work for The Butler, unless I'm VERY MUCH MISTAKEN. You have absolutely no room to talk. What's he going to do, tidy things aggressively? Give me a break.
Anyway, here's some educational material for you to review. Enjoy!
http://youtu.be/cFK2Xq2RyiU
-Amanda-
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
"This little hamlet has too much boring and not enough burning... TORCH EVERYTHING!"
-Kefka, Final Fantasy VI
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
--------
from: "Doug D." dogsbody4eva@gmail.com
to: "Manda M." mandaminion@gmail.com
date: Sun, May 27, 2012 at 11:19 PM
subject: Same old Mandy, huh?
I see you're as shallow as ever. I'll have you know that there's more to choosing a boss than how fluffy his feathers are. Yeesh. The Butler is making serious philosophical statements about the oppression of classism. He's a master manipulator - anything your fine feathered friend does? Well really, The Butler did it, in the end. And yeah, he is kinda OCD about cleaning, but that just removes all the EVIDENCE. You know, so you don't get caught? Doofus Duck is molting all the damn time, I bet. Anyway, I've got to get to work. I've got this big money laundering thing I need to stay on top of.
Cheers,
~Doug
**************************************
Better to reign in Hell, then serve in Heav'n.
~ Satan, Paradise Lost
**************************************
--------
from: "Manda M." mandaminion@gmail.com
to: "Doug D." dogsbody4eva@gmail.com
date: Tues, May 29, 2012 at 7:17 PM
subject: Re: Same old Mandy, huh?
You're such a jerk! I can't believe you think you're morally superior working for a twerp in a suit. You call ME shallow? You don't know anything about me, OR Doom Duck. The cosmetics and animal testing industries made him. Seriously. Did you think he was just a dude dressing up in a duck suit, putting on fancy clothes for fun like your guy? He's a giant super-intelligent mutant duck who was experimented on mercilessly. If the wrong combination of perfume, lipstick, and conditioner can turn a perfectly innocent duck into a super villain like him, what might it do to us? You have fun playing with your dirty money and your little scrubbies over there. I've got real work to do. Watch for me on the news again, if you like. This one will be big.
-Amanda-
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
"This little hamlet has too much boring and not enough burning... TORCH EVERYTHING!"
-Kefka, Final Fantasy VI
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
--------
from: "Doug D." dogsbody4eva@gmail.com
to: "Manda M." mandaminion@gmail.com
date: Thurs, June 7, 2012 at 1:14 PM
subject: Truce?
Ok ok ok I admit it. I didn't know anything about Doom Duck's background. Seriously though he's really a giant duck? And you're ok with that? Seems kind of creepy to me, but then, I've seen this (don't watch that at work. Seriously, just don't).
Anyway, I'm pretty curious to know what you're going to do with all those birds. The simultaneous strike on all the bird sanctuaries and the zoo was actually pretty impressive, but unless you're planning to tweet someone to death I'm not really seeing the point yet. I'm finally off the money laundering thing, thank goodness. I was bored out of my skull doing that. Tonight we're going to do something awesome. You'll be hearing about it soon...
Cheers,
~Doug
**************************************
Better to reign in Hell, then serve in Heav'n.
~ Satan, Paradise Lost
**************************************
--------
from: "Manda M." mandaminion@gmail.com
to: "Doug D." dogsbody4eva@gmail.com
date: Fri, June 8, 2012 at 8:08 AM
subject: WHOA
OMFG you totally killed the mayor, didn't you?!?! The news is saying he was poisoned, stabbed, shot, and electrocuted. You didn't leave anything to chance! Seriously, though, why the overkill (ha ha see what I did there)?
Also, I don't know why you shared that link with me. I am seriously squicked now every time I look at the boss. Yick!
I can't tell you what we're going to do with all the birdies, of course. Just... well, you know we did that raid a while ago on the cosmetics lab? Do the math, man, do the math.
-Amanda-
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
"This little hamlet has too much boring and not enough burning... TORCH EVERYTHING!"
-Kefka, Final Fantasy VI
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
--------
from: "Doug D." dogsbody4eva@gmail.com
to: "Manda M." mandaminion@gmail.com
date: Sat, June 9, 2012 at 1:18 PM
subject: Re: WHOA
Haha, yeah, it was kind of overkill, wasn't it? To be honest, the robot infiltrator in the mayor's office kind of freaked out. The Butler is trying to clean up its code now and see where the bugs are, so we can hit the next target.
You're very welcome for the link. Just think about that the next time you put on one of those feathered capes. ;)
Good luck with your latest fowl adventure. I don't envy you having to deal with all those smelly birds. My grandma had a parakeet and that thing drove me crazy.
Cheers,
~Doug
**************************************
Better to reign in Hell, then serve in Heav'n.
~ Satan, Paradise Lost
**************************************
ps - want to get a drink sometime after work?
--------
from: "Doug D." dogsbody4eva@gmail.com
to: "Manda M." mandaminion@gmail.com
date: Tues, June 19, 2012 at 6:16 PM
subject: ARE YOU OK?
I just saw that the cops did a raid on The Roost, along with that asshole Justice Bro. Please please please send me a note.
Cheers,
~Doug
**************************************
Better to reign in Hell, then serve in Heav'n.
~ Satan, Paradise Lost
**************************************
--------
from: "Manda M." mandaminion@gmail.com
to: "Doug D." dogsbody4eva@gmail.com
date: Tues, June 19, 2012 at 8:57 PM
subject: Re: ARE YOU OK?
It was my turn to go pick up the pizzas. DD got out ok, and a few of the other minions did too. Trying to regroup now, but that was way too close. Watch yourself. I'll be in touch.
-Amanda-
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
"This little hamlet has too much boring and not enough burning... TORCH EVERYTHING!"
-Kefka, Final Fantasy VI
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
--------
from: "Doug D." dogsbody4eva@gmail.com
to: "Manda M." mandaminion@gmail.com
date: Sat, June 23, 2012 at 3:37 AM
subject: And here we were getting along so well!
WTF, Mandy! Since when does Doom Duck have anything against The Butler?! I know we talk smack, but seriously, an attack with an army of killer mutant cyborg birds? That's a bit extreme, don't you think? Well, the compound is a fucking mess now and the boss is pissed. We lost almost all of our robots, and there's bird crap everywhere. I've got to get back to work.
Cheers,
~Doug
**************************************
Better to reign in Hell, then serve in Heav'n.
~ Satan, Paradise Lost
**************************************
--------
from: "Manda M." mandaminion@gmail.com
to: "Doug D." dogsbody4eva@gmail.com
date: Sat, June 23, 2012 at 7:33 PM
subject: Re: And here we were getting along so well!
You are such a tool sometimes, Doug. Of COURSE DD didn't attack The Butler. Come on! Use your brain! Justice Bro seized all the birdies and almost all our equipment when The Roost was raided. That beer swilling so-called hero is trying to turn us against each other. My boss is still trying to regroup. He hasn't had time for plotting against anyone other than Justice Jerk. Speaking of which, is there any chance your guy would be interested in a joint venture?
-Amanda-
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
"This little hamlet has too much boring and not enough burning... TORCH EVERYTHING!"
-Kefka, Final Fantasy VI
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
--------
from: "Doug D." dogsbody4eva@gmail.com
to: "Manda M." mandaminion@gmail.com
date: Weds, June 27, 2012 at 5:18 PM
subject: Go team TidyQuack?
Hey! Yeah, the boss says he's in, and he'll set it all up with the Duck.
Cheers,
~Doug
**************************************
Better to reign in Hell, then serve in Heav'n.
~ Satan, Paradise Lost
**************************************
--------
from: "Manda M." mandaminion@gmail.com
to: "Doug D." dogsbody4eva@gmail.com
date: Weds, June 27, 2012 at 5:34 PM
subject: Re: Go team TidyQuack?
Awesome! Thanks so much. After the rendezvous, we will totally go out for that drink.
Also, we REALLY need a better team name than that!
-Amanda-
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
"This little hamlet has too much boring and not enough burning... TORCH EVERYTHING!"
-Kefka, Final Fantasy VI
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
--------
from: "Doug D." dogsbody4eva@gmail.com
to: "Manda M." mandaminion@gmail.com
date: Sat, June 30, 2012 at 4:24 PM
subject: DON'T GO!!!!!!!!!
DON'T GO! It's a trap! Seriously Mandy I just found out. The Butler has been working with Justice Bro this whole time! Even the bird attack - it was just supposed to test out the compound's defense systems. He forgot to log out on his terminal and I read his emails. Justice Bro and The Butler were in the same frat in college! I'm beginning to think he's not actually interested in subverting the dominant paradigm and defying rigid class structures after all. Just DON'T GO to the meeting!
Cheers,
~Doug
**************************************
Better to reign in Hell, then serve in Heav'n.
~ Satan, Paradise Lost
**************************************
--------
from: "Manda M." mandaminion@gmail.com
to: "Doug D." dogsbody4eva@gmail.com
date: Sat, June 30, 2012 at 10:29 PM
subject: Ugh
Wellllllll shit. I managed to ditch my feathers just in time, and Justice Jerk-off thought I was an innocent bystander. I got off with only a broken arm and a sleazy come-on. So, um, I'm kind of out of work now. Doom Duck didn't duck fast enough, and he's in a coma. They've got Dr. Defender tending to his wounds, so I'm not expecting him to wake up soon (or ever). This sucks. Thank you so much for the heads up. I'm really not sure what I'm going to do now. To be honest, the minion business has kind of lost its shine for me - maybe that's just the bruises and broken bones talking.
-Amanda-
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
"This little hamlet has too much boring and not enough burning... TORCH EVERYTHING!"
-Kefka, Final Fantasy VI
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
--------
from: "Doug D." dogsbody4eva@gmail.com
to: "Manda M." mandaminion@gmail.com
date: Sun, Jul 1, 2012 at 2:24 AM
subject: Re: Ugh
I hear you. I've ditched The Butler and I'm trying to figure out what to do with myself now. I'm really sorry about your arm (and the sleazy come-on. Gross). I hear that Townsville is nice this time of year...
Cheers,
~Doug
**************************************
Legends are best left as legends and attempts to make them real are rarely successful
~ Michael Moorcock
**************************************
--------
from: "Manda M." mandaminion@gmail.com
to: "Doug D." dogsbody4eva@gmail.com
date: Sun, Jul 1, 2012 at 10:38 AM
subject: A new start
Let's blow this popsicle stand. I'll be happy if I never see another duck or pressed suit again. Meet you at the train station!
-Amanda-
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
When danger reared its ugly head,
He bravely turned his tail and fled.
Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about
And gallantly he chickened out.
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
to: "Manda M." mandaminion@gmail.com
date: Sat, May 19, 2012 at 11:22 PM
subject: Quack quack?
I'm like 95% certain I saw you on the news tonight. But then I thought no, Mandy wouldn't be working for that stupid Doom Duck. I mean, is there a less terrifying villain in the world? Seriously. Please tell me that wasn't you.
Cheers,
~Doug
**************************************
Better to reign in Hell, then serve in Heav'n.
~ Satan, Paradise Lost
**************************************
--------
from: "Manda M." mandaminion@gmail.com
to: "Doug D." dogsbody4eva@gmail.com
date: Sun, May 20, 2012 at 6:26 PM
subject: Re: Quack quack?
Oh hi. So good to hear from you. Wait, no it isn't. Yes, that was me. We did a pretty major raid on that lab. You wouldn't believe what the boss is working on next. As for him not being terrifying, are you kidding me? You work for The Butler, unless I'm VERY MUCH MISTAKEN. You have absolutely no room to talk. What's he going to do, tidy things aggressively? Give me a break.
Anyway, here's some educational material for you to review. Enjoy!
http://youtu.be/cFK2Xq2RyiU
-Amanda-
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
"This little hamlet has too much boring and not enough burning... TORCH EVERYTHING!"
-Kefka, Final Fantasy VI
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
--------
from: "Doug D." dogsbody4eva@gmail.com
to: "Manda M." mandaminion@gmail.com
date: Sun, May 27, 2012 at 11:19 PM
subject: Same old Mandy, huh?
I see you're as shallow as ever. I'll have you know that there's more to choosing a boss than how fluffy his feathers are. Yeesh. The Butler is making serious philosophical statements about the oppression of classism. He's a master manipulator - anything your fine feathered friend does? Well really, The Butler did it, in the end. And yeah, he is kinda OCD about cleaning, but that just removes all the EVIDENCE. You know, so you don't get caught? Doofus Duck is molting all the damn time, I bet. Anyway, I've got to get to work. I've got this big money laundering thing I need to stay on top of.
Cheers,
~Doug
**************************************
Better to reign in Hell, then serve in Heav'n.
~ Satan, Paradise Lost
**************************************
--------
from: "Manda M." mandaminion@gmail.com
to: "Doug D." dogsbody4eva@gmail.com
date: Tues, May 29, 2012 at 7:17 PM
subject: Re: Same old Mandy, huh?
You're such a jerk! I can't believe you think you're morally superior working for a twerp in a suit. You call ME shallow? You don't know anything about me, OR Doom Duck. The cosmetics and animal testing industries made him. Seriously. Did you think he was just a dude dressing up in a duck suit, putting on fancy clothes for fun like your guy? He's a giant super-intelligent mutant duck who was experimented on mercilessly. If the wrong combination of perfume, lipstick, and conditioner can turn a perfectly innocent duck into a super villain like him, what might it do to us? You have fun playing with your dirty money and your little scrubbies over there. I've got real work to do. Watch for me on the news again, if you like. This one will be big.
-Amanda-
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
"This little hamlet has too much boring and not enough burning... TORCH EVERYTHING!"
-Kefka, Final Fantasy VI
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
--------
from: "Doug D." dogsbody4eva@gmail.com
to: "Manda M." mandaminion@gmail.com
date: Thurs, June 7, 2012 at 1:14 PM
subject: Truce?
Ok ok ok I admit it. I didn't know anything about Doom Duck's background. Seriously though he's really a giant duck? And you're ok with that? Seems kind of creepy to me, but then, I've seen this (don't watch that at work. Seriously, just don't).
Anyway, I'm pretty curious to know what you're going to do with all those birds. The simultaneous strike on all the bird sanctuaries and the zoo was actually pretty impressive, but unless you're planning to tweet someone to death I'm not really seeing the point yet. I'm finally off the money laundering thing, thank goodness. I was bored out of my skull doing that. Tonight we're going to do something awesome. You'll be hearing about it soon...
Cheers,
~Doug
**************************************
Better to reign in Hell, then serve in Heav'n.
~ Satan, Paradise Lost
**************************************
--------
from: "Manda M." mandaminion@gmail.com
to: "Doug D." dogsbody4eva@gmail.com
date: Fri, June 8, 2012 at 8:08 AM
subject: WHOA
OMFG you totally killed the mayor, didn't you?!?! The news is saying he was poisoned, stabbed, shot, and electrocuted. You didn't leave anything to chance! Seriously, though, why the overkill (ha ha see what I did there)?
Also, I don't know why you shared that link with me. I am seriously squicked now every time I look at the boss. Yick!
I can't tell you what we're going to do with all the birdies, of course. Just... well, you know we did that raid a while ago on the cosmetics lab? Do the math, man, do the math.
-Amanda-
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
"This little hamlet has too much boring and not enough burning... TORCH EVERYTHING!"
-Kefka, Final Fantasy VI
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
--------
from: "Doug D." dogsbody4eva@gmail.com
to: "Manda M." mandaminion@gmail.com
date: Sat, June 9, 2012 at 1:18 PM
subject: Re: WHOA
Haha, yeah, it was kind of overkill, wasn't it? To be honest, the robot infiltrator in the mayor's office kind of freaked out. The Butler is trying to clean up its code now and see where the bugs are, so we can hit the next target.
You're very welcome for the link. Just think about that the next time you put on one of those feathered capes. ;)
Good luck with your latest fowl adventure. I don't envy you having to deal with all those smelly birds. My grandma had a parakeet and that thing drove me crazy.
Cheers,
~Doug
**************************************
Better to reign in Hell, then serve in Heav'n.
~ Satan, Paradise Lost
**************************************
ps - want to get a drink sometime after work?
--------
from: "Doug D." dogsbody4eva@gmail.com
to: "Manda M." mandaminion@gmail.com
date: Tues, June 19, 2012 at 6:16 PM
subject: ARE YOU OK?
I just saw that the cops did a raid on The Roost, along with that asshole Justice Bro. Please please please send me a note.
Cheers,
~Doug
**************************************
Better to reign in Hell, then serve in Heav'n.
~ Satan, Paradise Lost
**************************************
--------
from: "Manda M." mandaminion@gmail.com
to: "Doug D." dogsbody4eva@gmail.com
date: Tues, June 19, 2012 at 8:57 PM
subject: Re: ARE YOU OK?
It was my turn to go pick up the pizzas. DD got out ok, and a few of the other minions did too. Trying to regroup now, but that was way too close. Watch yourself. I'll be in touch.
-Amanda-
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
"This little hamlet has too much boring and not enough burning... TORCH EVERYTHING!"
-Kefka, Final Fantasy VI
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
--------
from: "Doug D." dogsbody4eva@gmail.com
to: "Manda M." mandaminion@gmail.com
date: Sat, June 23, 2012 at 3:37 AM
subject: And here we were getting along so well!
WTF, Mandy! Since when does Doom Duck have anything against The Butler?! I know we talk smack, but seriously, an attack with an army of killer mutant cyborg birds? That's a bit extreme, don't you think? Well, the compound is a fucking mess now and the boss is pissed. We lost almost all of our robots, and there's bird crap everywhere. I've got to get back to work.
Cheers,
~Doug
**************************************
Better to reign in Hell, then serve in Heav'n.
~ Satan, Paradise Lost
**************************************
--------
from: "Manda M." mandaminion@gmail.com
to: "Doug D." dogsbody4eva@gmail.com
date: Sat, June 23, 2012 at 7:33 PM
subject: Re: And here we were getting along so well!
You are such a tool sometimes, Doug. Of COURSE DD didn't attack The Butler. Come on! Use your brain! Justice Bro seized all the birdies and almost all our equipment when The Roost was raided. That beer swilling so-called hero is trying to turn us against each other. My boss is still trying to regroup. He hasn't had time for plotting against anyone other than Justice Jerk. Speaking of which, is there any chance your guy would be interested in a joint venture?
-Amanda-
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
"This little hamlet has too much boring and not enough burning... TORCH EVERYTHING!"
-Kefka, Final Fantasy VI
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
--------
from: "Doug D." dogsbody4eva@gmail.com
to: "Manda M." mandaminion@gmail.com
date: Weds, June 27, 2012 at 5:18 PM
subject: Go team TidyQuack?
Hey! Yeah, the boss says he's in, and he'll set it all up with the Duck.
Cheers,
~Doug
**************************************
Better to reign in Hell, then serve in Heav'n.
~ Satan, Paradise Lost
**************************************
--------
from: "Manda M." mandaminion@gmail.com
to: "Doug D." dogsbody4eva@gmail.com
date: Weds, June 27, 2012 at 5:34 PM
subject: Re: Go team TidyQuack?
Awesome! Thanks so much. After the rendezvous, we will totally go out for that drink.
Also, we REALLY need a better team name than that!
-Amanda-
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
"This little hamlet has too much boring and not enough burning... TORCH EVERYTHING!"
-Kefka, Final Fantasy VI
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
--------
from: "Doug D." dogsbody4eva@gmail.com
to: "Manda M." mandaminion@gmail.com
date: Sat, June 30, 2012 at 4:24 PM
subject: DON'T GO!!!!!!!!!
DON'T GO! It's a trap! Seriously Mandy I just found out. The Butler has been working with Justice Bro this whole time! Even the bird attack - it was just supposed to test out the compound's defense systems. He forgot to log out on his terminal and I read his emails. Justice Bro and The Butler were in the same frat in college! I'm beginning to think he's not actually interested in subverting the dominant paradigm and defying rigid class structures after all. Just DON'T GO to the meeting!
Cheers,
~Doug
**************************************
Better to reign in Hell, then serve in Heav'n.
~ Satan, Paradise Lost
**************************************
--------
from: "Manda M." mandaminion@gmail.com
to: "Doug D." dogsbody4eva@gmail.com
date: Sat, June 30, 2012 at 10:29 PM
subject: Ugh
Wellllllll shit. I managed to ditch my feathers just in time, and Justice Jerk-off thought I was an innocent bystander. I got off with only a broken arm and a sleazy come-on. So, um, I'm kind of out of work now. Doom Duck didn't duck fast enough, and he's in a coma. They've got Dr. Defender tending to his wounds, so I'm not expecting him to wake up soon (or ever). This sucks. Thank you so much for the heads up. I'm really not sure what I'm going to do now. To be honest, the minion business has kind of lost its shine for me - maybe that's just the bruises and broken bones talking.
-Amanda-
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
"This little hamlet has too much boring and not enough burning... TORCH EVERYTHING!"
-Kefka, Final Fantasy VI
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
--------
from: "Doug D." dogsbody4eva@gmail.com
to: "Manda M." mandaminion@gmail.com
date: Sun, Jul 1, 2012 at 2:24 AM
subject: Re: Ugh
I hear you. I've ditched The Butler and I'm trying to figure out what to do with myself now. I'm really sorry about your arm (and the sleazy come-on. Gross). I hear that Townsville is nice this time of year...
Cheers,
~Doug
**************************************
Legends are best left as legends and attempts to make them real are rarely successful
~ Michael Moorcock
**************************************
--------
from: "Manda M." mandaminion@gmail.com
to: "Doug D." dogsbody4eva@gmail.com
date: Sun, Jul 1, 2012 at 10:38 AM
subject: A new start
Let's blow this popsicle stand. I'll be happy if I never see another duck or pressed suit again. Meet you at the train station!
-Amanda-
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
When danger reared its ugly head,
He bravely turned his tail and fled.
Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about
And gallantly he chickened out.
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*