Perspective
"I don't really want to hurt you. I hope you can understand that. I just want what you've got."
Her voice wasn't shaking, but the hand holding the knife was. And when The Veiled started laughing - just laughing like it was the funniest thing in the world - well, that didn't help her nerves at all.
Was he crazy? Chanya thought that the training was supposed to keep them from going nuts. They wouldn't send a crazy person into a roomful of kids would they? She could feel her face blush at that thought - here she was with a knife just a few doors down from those kids, and she was worrying about their safety. She really wasn't cut out for this business. Maybe The Veiled was laughing at her.
And then he just stopped, abruptly. It was spooky, and Chanya was already spooked. “So what’s it going to be? Stab me or go. I’ve got work to do here.”
“You don’t know what I’m going to do already?”
He snorted. “Think I farsee my life all the time? What’s the fun in that?”
She blinked and lowered the knife an inch or two. This was… unexpected. “I just thought…”
“Nah, you didn’t think much at all. What, you think you can just stick me with that thing and walk out of here? What’s all this about?”
“I just… well, maybe we can be civil about this. Promise you won’t call for your guard?”
“Fine. Don’t see as I need them right now anyway. You’re not going to cut my throat, are you?”
“No.” She felt a surge of relief when she said it, knowing it was true. She wasn’t a killer. She let the hand holding the knife fall to her side and let go of his arm. “I just want some of your blood, that’s all.” He turned around to face her, and for all that she knew he was blind, he seemed to be studying her. She felt a rush of jealousy, looking at his fancy clothes, at the tokens of his office, knowing that he was farseeing right then and there. She thought of her mom, no doubt drunk even at this early hour, in some nameless winesink. She thought of her dad, his voice harsh as he told her what needed to be done.
“You want to be civil? So sit.” He plunked himself down on one of the shoe benches lining the school hallway, hats and mittens dangling above his head and bright galoshes peeking out near his feet. She sat down opposite him, feeling suddenly worn out. This was a stupid plan, and she was stupid to have come here, to have risked it all. “You want to be Veiled, is that it?” he asked.
She nodded, then remembered his sightlessness and said softly “yes.” Once she’d found her voice again, it was easier to speak. “It’s what I’ve always wanted” she said, even while a tiny voice in her head disagreed, reminding her of other dreams, long neglected. “My dad says it’s got to be in the blood, that that’s part of what gets tested. He’s tried everything - he took me to a spring and had me soak there for a whole day, fed me all kinds of different herbs and medicines and -“
“Medicines? Huh. Medicines don’t make you sick. They cure you. Perspective is a disease, make no mistake.”
“I know what I’m doing! I understand the risks!” In her mind, her father’s voice echoed. You’ve got to be willing to risk it all if you want to win. You’re going to be our big winner.
He looked dubious. “Course you do. You’re what, fifteen? Sixteen? A time famed for its wisdom, that. It’s not so easy to understand losing your mind or your sight or both until you’ve seen it happen. Well, whatever.”
“I don’t think it will take much! The vials they sell, they’re tiny. Maybe even a few drops would be good enough. But I have to be sure it’s real, and this is the only way.”
“Who planned all this? This all your idea, your big chance?”
Chanya looked down at her knees. “My dad…”
“Him again?” He raised an eyebrow.
“He’s just… better with this kind of thing than I am. That’s all.” It sounded feeble, even to her ears. She could almost see her father’s scowl. She had to convince the Veiled, somehow. “It’s not just for him that I’m doing this! I want to help them! Dad had a run of bad luck, and…” she trailed off and then struggled to speak again. “We used to do all right, but now… I have to do this. It’s the only way out for us. Like I said, it’s all I’ve ever wanted, anyway. To be able to see the future or the past, to see all those things that you can see. I want that! I want it so bad.” And she did.
He sighed and ran a hand through his short, white hair. “You want to be blind?”
“Well, no. I mean, I’m prepared for that! I know that’s part of what happens. But I can’t say I want it.” She thought about the training she’d already done with her dad, blindfolded, walking through their flat and bumping into things, her mother’s laughter a beacon from the other room. She’d always found it terrifying. Still, once she had Perspective, she could see without sight. Beyond sight. Whatever. It would be ok. “You’re going to try to talk me out of this, aren’t you?” She sounded defeated already, even to her own ears. Her dad was right. She was too weak for this, too scared despite all her big talk.
“It does seem the thing to do. Don’t know that I will, don’t know that I won’t. I’m still thinking. You want to know why I laughed, when you jumped me like that?”
Chanya caught herself in the nod this time. “Yes.” She paused and then added “please.”
He smirked. “I laughed cause I’d seen today. First time I ever lifted the Veil on purpose, actually. Saw myself getting out of the carriage, saw myself leave here later on, taking a new group off to training. Never saw you lurking with a knife, though. It’s funny what you don’t see sometimes. What you don't think to look for.”
He sat forward on the bench and reached out, cupped his hands around hers where she was holding the knife. His hands were surprisingly warm on hers. “You think you want Perspective and life in the dark? You want to cut me, take some of my blood and see what it profits you? I won’t stop you. But there’s better things to be doing, girl. Go do them.”
He leaned over and pricked the tip of his index finger on the knife, squeezed out three drops of blood onto the flat of the blade. Then he stood up and walked away, leaving Chanya there on the bench, alone in the hall. She closed her eyes and looked at the darkness and all the little lights and squiggles that floated there. She opened her eyes and looked at her hands, at the light reflecting on the knife, at the blood. Very deliberately, she wiped it clean on her pants and stood up. She didn’t know yet what she’d tell her dad. Some lie or another, she was sure. But she was done looking for Perspective.
~~~
There's another side to this story, a companion piece written by everywordiwrite. Read it here.
Her voice wasn't shaking, but the hand holding the knife was. And when The Veiled started laughing - just laughing like it was the funniest thing in the world - well, that didn't help her nerves at all.
Was he crazy? Chanya thought that the training was supposed to keep them from going nuts. They wouldn't send a crazy person into a roomful of kids would they? She could feel her face blush at that thought - here she was with a knife just a few doors down from those kids, and she was worrying about their safety. She really wasn't cut out for this business. Maybe The Veiled was laughing at her.
And then he just stopped, abruptly. It was spooky, and Chanya was already spooked. “So what’s it going to be? Stab me or go. I’ve got work to do here.”
“You don’t know what I’m going to do already?”
He snorted. “Think I farsee my life all the time? What’s the fun in that?”
She blinked and lowered the knife an inch or two. This was… unexpected. “I just thought…”
“Nah, you didn’t think much at all. What, you think you can just stick me with that thing and walk out of here? What’s all this about?”
“I just… well, maybe we can be civil about this. Promise you won’t call for your guard?”
“Fine. Don’t see as I need them right now anyway. You’re not going to cut my throat, are you?”
“No.” She felt a surge of relief when she said it, knowing it was true. She wasn’t a killer. She let the hand holding the knife fall to her side and let go of his arm. “I just want some of your blood, that’s all.” He turned around to face her, and for all that she knew he was blind, he seemed to be studying her. She felt a rush of jealousy, looking at his fancy clothes, at the tokens of his office, knowing that he was farseeing right then and there. She thought of her mom, no doubt drunk even at this early hour, in some nameless winesink. She thought of her dad, his voice harsh as he told her what needed to be done.
“You want to be civil? So sit.” He plunked himself down on one of the shoe benches lining the school hallway, hats and mittens dangling above his head and bright galoshes peeking out near his feet. She sat down opposite him, feeling suddenly worn out. This was a stupid plan, and she was stupid to have come here, to have risked it all. “You want to be Veiled, is that it?” he asked.
She nodded, then remembered his sightlessness and said softly “yes.” Once she’d found her voice again, it was easier to speak. “It’s what I’ve always wanted” she said, even while a tiny voice in her head disagreed, reminding her of other dreams, long neglected. “My dad says it’s got to be in the blood, that that’s part of what gets tested. He’s tried everything - he took me to a spring and had me soak there for a whole day, fed me all kinds of different herbs and medicines and -“
“Medicines? Huh. Medicines don’t make you sick. They cure you. Perspective is a disease, make no mistake.”
“I know what I’m doing! I understand the risks!” In her mind, her father’s voice echoed. You’ve got to be willing to risk it all if you want to win. You’re going to be our big winner.
He looked dubious. “Course you do. You’re what, fifteen? Sixteen? A time famed for its wisdom, that. It’s not so easy to understand losing your mind or your sight or both until you’ve seen it happen. Well, whatever.”
“I don’t think it will take much! The vials they sell, they’re tiny. Maybe even a few drops would be good enough. But I have to be sure it’s real, and this is the only way.”
“Who planned all this? This all your idea, your big chance?”
Chanya looked down at her knees. “My dad…”
“Him again?” He raised an eyebrow.
“He’s just… better with this kind of thing than I am. That’s all.” It sounded feeble, even to her ears. She could almost see her father’s scowl. She had to convince the Veiled, somehow. “It’s not just for him that I’m doing this! I want to help them! Dad had a run of bad luck, and…” she trailed off and then struggled to speak again. “We used to do all right, but now… I have to do this. It’s the only way out for us. Like I said, it’s all I’ve ever wanted, anyway. To be able to see the future or the past, to see all those things that you can see. I want that! I want it so bad.” And she did.
He sighed and ran a hand through his short, white hair. “You want to be blind?”
“Well, no. I mean, I’m prepared for that! I know that’s part of what happens. But I can’t say I want it.” She thought about the training she’d already done with her dad, blindfolded, walking through their flat and bumping into things, her mother’s laughter a beacon from the other room. She’d always found it terrifying. Still, once she had Perspective, she could see without sight. Beyond sight. Whatever. It would be ok. “You’re going to try to talk me out of this, aren’t you?” She sounded defeated already, even to her own ears. Her dad was right. She was too weak for this, too scared despite all her big talk.
“It does seem the thing to do. Don’t know that I will, don’t know that I won’t. I’m still thinking. You want to know why I laughed, when you jumped me like that?”
Chanya caught herself in the nod this time. “Yes.” She paused and then added “please.”
He smirked. “I laughed cause I’d seen today. First time I ever lifted the Veil on purpose, actually. Saw myself getting out of the carriage, saw myself leave here later on, taking a new group off to training. Never saw you lurking with a knife, though. It’s funny what you don’t see sometimes. What you don't think to look for.”
He sat forward on the bench and reached out, cupped his hands around hers where she was holding the knife. His hands were surprisingly warm on hers. “You think you want Perspective and life in the dark? You want to cut me, take some of my blood and see what it profits you? I won’t stop you. But there’s better things to be doing, girl. Go do them.”
He leaned over and pricked the tip of his index finger on the knife, squeezed out three drops of blood onto the flat of the blade. Then he stood up and walked away, leaving Chanya there on the bench, alone in the hall. She closed her eyes and looked at the darkness and all the little lights and squiggles that floated there. She opened her eyes and looked at her hands, at the light reflecting on the knife, at the blood. Very deliberately, she wiped it clean on her pants and stood up. She didn’t know yet what she’d tell her dad. Some lie or another, she was sure. But she was done looking for Perspective.
~~~
There's another side to this story, a companion piece written by everywordiwrite. Read it here.