Short Fic
Hey, everyone. This little idea has been floating around my head and I decided to put it out as my shortest piece of fiction yet...perhaps a little longer than a drabble, so I'll just call it fast fiction. I hope you like!
Title: Intelligent Design
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Good Omens and all related characters therein do not belong to me. They belong to Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman. No copyright infringement is intended.
Summary: Know the Truth.
God is omniscient. From the movements of entire galaxies to the smallest molecule, He sees it all.
However, He will be the first to admit that despite His All-Seeing Eye, Lucifer’s mind and the paths it travels is a mystery even to Him. The best example of this which God will typically bring up--with an almost nervous defensiveness of the right of all first-creations to be somewhat…quirky--was when He was working on Creating the mortal universe.
He had already had the basic blueprints laid out, and a quaint little planet was taking formation in the dark quiet of space. While it was busy thinking about gathering rocks around its core, God was working on its accessories. He had already finished the structure of plants, and while they were an amazing array of various curiosities, they were slightly dull in the entertainment and conversational aspects of life, and He was eager to move on to animals.
While He would later be hailed as a great Designer, God is unfortunately somewhat limited in the imagination department when it comes to creating various bone structures and other parts. God is more a poet and painter than an innovator, as an eye is still an eye no matter how it is colored or how well it can see in the dark. So when God decided, somewhat hesitantly, to show his favorite and brightest star some of his sketches, Lucifer immediately lamented the lack of variety and pestered God to let him try.
Lucifer, when he was still in Heaven, was often pegged by the other angels as being horribly spoiled, as God had almost never denied Lucifer anything he wanted. Though there is some merit behind the idea, voicing the suspicion aloud would result in an Almighty Presence bearing down on the poor soul who would then be forced to listen to what equalled a several hour long lecture that Lucifer was actually just an annoying experiment who was appeased just so he would shut up. Following this logic, God handed Lucifer a metaphorical box of basic animal parts, showed him what each part would, or could, do, gave a few examples, and promised the Morningstar that whatever he made would be put into existence.
This wasn’t a gift at all, of course…just a distraction so that the Light-Bearer would stop tugging on His sleeve and whispering, “Psst!”
So Lucifer took the box and effectively left God alone for approximately fifteen minutes. God, being as close to startled as He ever would be, turned to see what Lucifer had been able to come up with so quickly….after all, the squirrel had taken days to get right. Lucifer, extremely proud of himself, held up his creation and caused God to stumble backwards against His work table and stare, wide-eyed, at the creature in an expression that could only be described through an ellipsis. Lucifer beamed.
“I call it a platypus!”
Many people have used the platypus as an example of God’s sense of humor. What they don’t realize is that the platypus was actually the result of Lucifer being a smartass.
THE END.
Title: Intelligent Design
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Good Omens and all related characters therein do not belong to me. They belong to Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman. No copyright infringement is intended.
Summary: Know the Truth.
God is omniscient. From the movements of entire galaxies to the smallest molecule, He sees it all.
However, He will be the first to admit that despite His All-Seeing Eye, Lucifer’s mind and the paths it travels is a mystery even to Him. The best example of this which God will typically bring up--with an almost nervous defensiveness of the right of all first-creations to be somewhat…quirky--was when He was working on Creating the mortal universe.
He had already had the basic blueprints laid out, and a quaint little planet was taking formation in the dark quiet of space. While it was busy thinking about gathering rocks around its core, God was working on its accessories. He had already finished the structure of plants, and while they were an amazing array of various curiosities, they were slightly dull in the entertainment and conversational aspects of life, and He was eager to move on to animals.
While He would later be hailed as a great Designer, God is unfortunately somewhat limited in the imagination department when it comes to creating various bone structures and other parts. God is more a poet and painter than an innovator, as an eye is still an eye no matter how it is colored or how well it can see in the dark. So when God decided, somewhat hesitantly, to show his favorite and brightest star some of his sketches, Lucifer immediately lamented the lack of variety and pestered God to let him try.
Lucifer, when he was still in Heaven, was often pegged by the other angels as being horribly spoiled, as God had almost never denied Lucifer anything he wanted. Though there is some merit behind the idea, voicing the suspicion aloud would result in an Almighty Presence bearing down on the poor soul who would then be forced to listen to what equalled a several hour long lecture that Lucifer was actually just an annoying experiment who was appeased just so he would shut up. Following this logic, God handed Lucifer a metaphorical box of basic animal parts, showed him what each part would, or could, do, gave a few examples, and promised the Morningstar that whatever he made would be put into existence.
This wasn’t a gift at all, of course…just a distraction so that the Light-Bearer would stop tugging on His sleeve and whispering, “Psst!”
So Lucifer took the box and effectively left God alone for approximately fifteen minutes. God, being as close to startled as He ever would be, turned to see what Lucifer had been able to come up with so quickly….after all, the squirrel had taken days to get right. Lucifer, extremely proud of himself, held up his creation and caused God to stumble backwards against His work table and stare, wide-eyed, at the creature in an expression that could only be described through an ellipsis. Lucifer beamed.
“I call it a platypus!”
Many people have used the platypus as an example of God’s sense of humor. What they don’t realize is that the platypus was actually the result of Lucifer being a smartass.
THE END.