(no subject)
Now i know how becka felt. This is really hard.
I'm so happy right now. PIR is going to STATE. Chelsee is going to STATE. Steph is going to STATE. They really make me so proud. i can't even put into words how excited i am for them. It's really amazing to see people's talents actually paying off. It took huntley a while but now its right there in front of our eyes. I love you all so much
I don't know if people realize how much i wanted it. I don't think i was as upset about not advancing as i thought i was going to be. it makes me more upset looking at the bigger picture. you work your ass off for 4 years always looking up toward that big dream and when your not successful you wonder what you wasted all your time for. i mean this is it. thats the end. there is no "there'll be next year." what if my life is like that? there is no "there'll be next life." i have a pretty huge dream. and i want it so bad. ill do anything. but, im starting to think im just setting myself up for disapointment which is exactly what i did for the past 4 years in speech.
last night was one of the most emotional things ive ever been through in my entire life. when steph got through i just started crying. and the same thing with chels and the same with the pir. i have never been this proud of anything in my entire life. i mean im pretty damn proud of my kids in murders but i don't know, this is just something different, ya know. its like something ive seen grow for four years and last night was the exact pinical point of it, yet no matter how happy or proud i am i will always have these gross feelings of bitterness because i didn't advance and i hate that more than anything. i want to stop being upset. i want to stop hurting and just focus on how great this is, but i can't get it out of my head. everyone kept saying last night "well you still have contest theatre. you'll just make it to state then" but its just so different. its not somehting ive been working toward for 4 years. its not something that ive but my entire heart and soul into. and i know you were all just trying to make it better but its just not the same.
i feel like i let so many people down. for starters, mr. george. he believes in me more than i do. everytime i talked to him he said "you're going to state this year, cath" but i just wasn't good enough. and i am so sorry. i tried my best, guys. i really am so sorry. it just wasn't meant to be. im just not at that level in my talent yet. and now i've run out of chances.
but hey, to look on the bright side, i still have my good looks! lol. and maybe even something pretty fun if i ever get the balls to say that i don't care what people think.
overall, it was a pretty fuckin fantastic weekend. the bus, the teddy ghrams, the candy, the oasis, the hotel, the hot tub, chuck norris, dancing like idiots in front a bunch of other speechies, power point presentations, cute pictures, more bus, culver's, sleeping, van ride home with sarah making fun of me the whole time, and today i got to go to the mall with my two bestest friends and get my ears peirced and get a really cute outfit from outfitters.
yeah, i'd call that i pretty good fucking weekend.
this is for last night. it just kind of explains everything to me.
spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there's always one reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
oh beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty
and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
so tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there's vultures and thieves at your back
and the storm keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lie
that you make up for all that you lack
it don't make no difference
escaping one last time
it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees
in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here
I'm so happy right now. PIR is going to STATE. Chelsee is going to STATE. Steph is going to STATE. They really make me so proud. i can't even put into words how excited i am for them. It's really amazing to see people's talents actually paying off. It took huntley a while but now its right there in front of our eyes. I love you all so much
I don't know if people realize how much i wanted it. I don't think i was as upset about not advancing as i thought i was going to be. it makes me more upset looking at the bigger picture. you work your ass off for 4 years always looking up toward that big dream and when your not successful you wonder what you wasted all your time for. i mean this is it. thats the end. there is no "there'll be next year." what if my life is like that? there is no "there'll be next life." i have a pretty huge dream. and i want it so bad. ill do anything. but, im starting to think im just setting myself up for disapointment which is exactly what i did for the past 4 years in speech.
last night was one of the most emotional things ive ever been through in my entire life. when steph got through i just started crying. and the same thing with chels and the same with the pir. i have never been this proud of anything in my entire life. i mean im pretty damn proud of my kids in murders but i don't know, this is just something different, ya know. its like something ive seen grow for four years and last night was the exact pinical point of it, yet no matter how happy or proud i am i will always have these gross feelings of bitterness because i didn't advance and i hate that more than anything. i want to stop being upset. i want to stop hurting and just focus on how great this is, but i can't get it out of my head. everyone kept saying last night "well you still have contest theatre. you'll just make it to state then" but its just so different. its not somehting ive been working toward for 4 years. its not something that ive but my entire heart and soul into. and i know you were all just trying to make it better but its just not the same.
i feel like i let so many people down. for starters, mr. george. he believes in me more than i do. everytime i talked to him he said "you're going to state this year, cath" but i just wasn't good enough. and i am so sorry. i tried my best, guys. i really am so sorry. it just wasn't meant to be. im just not at that level in my talent yet. and now i've run out of chances.
but hey, to look on the bright side, i still have my good looks! lol. and maybe even something pretty fun if i ever get the balls to say that i don't care what people think.
overall, it was a pretty fuckin fantastic weekend. the bus, the teddy ghrams, the candy, the oasis, the hotel, the hot tub, chuck norris, dancing like idiots in front a bunch of other speechies, power point presentations, cute pictures, more bus, culver's, sleeping, van ride home with sarah making fun of me the whole time, and today i got to go to the mall with my two bestest friends and get my ears peirced and get a really cute outfit from outfitters.
yeah, i'd call that i pretty good fucking weekend.
this is for last night. it just kind of explains everything to me.
spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there's always one reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
oh beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty
and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
so tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there's vultures and thieves at your back
and the storm keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lie
that you make up for all that you lack
it don't make no difference
escaping one last time
it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees
in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here