Who Said That I Wasn't Right?; I'm pouring my heart and soul out; game over.
It's funny how something as
big as death, can actually bring two people together.
It makes every issues that is going on
seem as if just a petty little arguement.
My friend Brandon, his uncle died.
And he's leaving tomorrow.
I don't know how to deal with death
even though my grandma died a couple of years ago
when I was in the fifth grade.
But I wasn't upset.
I think I was too young to really know what's going on.
It's funny how someone is just a blink of an eye can be gone.
Maybe that's why death is so scary.
And because some people don't know what to expect after death.
Is there life after death?
or are we just dead?
because I'm broken when I'm open and I don't want to feel right when you're gone away, you're gone away you don't feel me here anymore.
I've been thinking about a lot of things lately.
And how, last year seemed so much better than this year.
So much has changed this year
and I don't know if it's because I'm in highschool or what.
But things outside of school has changed as well.
My church life for instance.
The guy who was like my older 28 year old brother
(youth pastor) left for Alabama
I don't blame him.
He wanted to start his own church and everything
with his own youth group and stuff
and I think he'll be great doing that.
But I felt like he left us so unprepared.
I know a lot of you prob. don't go to church or even care.
But oh well.
We have a new youth pastor
and I don't know but I don't like this guy.
I mean I do, but he's just SOO different.
And it took me over a year to get used to having Davy around
I thought he was just some stupid Tenessee man
and he pretty much became more than that
and just some stupid youth pastor.
He was a friend.
And now he's gone.
And we have this new guy and it's just like UGH!
Don't know what to do.
=/
A year gone by. And I can't talk about it. The times were right. And I Couldn't Talk about it.
I don't know.
Sometimes I think I'm just really selfish when it comes to some things.
And I might of been selfish when I said that Davy left us so unprepared but I think it's true.
I think we are unprepared.
I think I'm unprepared.
I'm talking to my friend Brandon about it.
Both of our lives are screwed up.
I don't know what happened.
You know when something just seems to sneak up on you
and you wonder where you have been to let it get this far?
I want to know where was I.
I think there is just so much that I should let go of
that I haven't no matter how many entries I make
and how many people I talk to.
I haven't let ANYTHING go.
And I don't know why it's so hard to do that.
Brandon told me I should call Davy
and tell him exactly how I feel.
I might do that tomorrow night.
But If I do.
I know it won't be good.
I don't know if I understand
or if I hate him for leaving.
I know I'm taking this pretty hard.
But he was pretty much the person any of us could run to
with our problems.
And he would tell us straight out what we need to do.
Most of you guys won't understand.
But Davy is Davy.
And that is the only thing that I can say about him.
I am so high I can hear heaven. Oh but heaven, no heaven don't hear me. And they say that a hero can save us I'm not gonna stand here to wait I hold on to the wings of the eagles.
And I don't know.
The people who haven't known him long enough.
Makes me mad that they think that THEY can feel the same thing
that me, and brandon and some of the other students feel.
There weren't alot of us that were actually really close to Davy.
It was pretty much, me, brandon, maria, and Rachel.
and UGH.
I know I'm completely ranting now
but this whole situation has made me really upset.
*sigh*
Everything is just so stupid
and messed up.
And I just want to be like screw it
and go on about my life.
But I know that I can't.
Because I'm not that type of person.
=/.
I stayed up last night
for hours
because I had SO Much on my mind.
Not just about Davy
but just about everything.
About stupid things
about stupid people that shouldn't
even have the time of day to be thought about.
and then the important people that should.
and it's just UGH.
I'm glad I'm getting out of the house tomorrow.
And that I can talk to Jordan.
And tell her what's what.
And maybe she can help me
But I don't know.
It's just.
*sigh*
God bless Mother Nature,
God bless me.
Staring at the alter,
Down on my knees.
And I can't wait to crawl out of my shell.
Father can you help me,
With the choice I've made.
Cause you ain't gonna break me,
For living life this way.
And I can't wait to crawl,
I can't wait at all.
I can't wait to crawl.
I can't wait anymore.
Cause if I wait too long,
How am I gonna reach my destination?
I can't pretend that I'm okay,
When I'm stuck here, it's all so clear to me.
Good-bye Mother Nature,
Say a prayer for me.
I've never seen an angel,
But I'm dying to believe.
And I can't wait to crawl,
I can't wait at all.
I can't wait to crawl,
I can't wait anymore,
I can't wait anymore,
I can't wait anymore.
I love this kid.
me [10:59 P.M.]: i think im just gonna go crawl underneath a rock
brandon [11:00 P.M.]: any room for an arrogant ass who's still in love with a good friend whom he can't have??\
me [11:01 P.M.]: yup
Brandon [11:01 P.M.]: good...
Brandon [11:01 P.M.]: who gets the better part of the rock??
Me [11:01 P.M.]: u can have the better part of the rock
Brandon [11:01 P.M.]: aww
Me [11:02 P.M.]: lol
Brandon [11:02 P.M.]: thats so nice of you
Brandon [11:02 P.M.]: lol
Me [11:02 P.M.]: i know :)
Brandon [11:02 P.M.]: lol
Brandon [11:02 P.M.]: :-)
Me [11:03 P.M.]: yay
Me [11:03 P.M.]: *claps hands*